Title: Questioning Beliefs

Author: Maqeurious

Game: Dragon Age 2

Characters: F!Hawke/Sebastian

Months after the terrible events at Kirkwall, and the destruction of the Chantry and the Circle; Hawke disappeared. Disgusted at herself for killing Anders and on a path of destruction of her own, her only hope for death lies in the hands of her former companion, Sebastian. But Sebastian is a changed man too. With his faith in the Maker shaken and his life in the Chantry over, he is given the chance he has longed for since losing all he had.

Hawke wants death, and it's up to him to deliver.

The truth comes out, but can Sebastian live up to his side of the bargain? Even Hawke has shifting emotions, but can her tie to her lost love ever be broken?

An emotional second part to their quiet interlude, before faiths are tested.

Once again, comments are greatly appreciated.

Accepting Sin

The lips on hers were soft and warm. They pressed against her with a light, feathered touch – almost hesitant. For a brief moment she wanted to immerse herself in the heat she felt, let it envelop her and keep her hidden within it's grasp. But as she delved headlong into the warm void, she found herself wrapped up in a sense of urgent need and want that somehow she knew wasn't coming from her.

There was a hand now, cradling her head lovingly. Long, cool fingers were twirling the stands of her blonde hair into loosely coiled knots. There was also the sensation of a large hand stroking her back, sending ripples of warmth and passion through her fevered body. Every time the hand moved, grazing calloused fingers across her moist skin, the hair on the back of her neck would prickle and cause her to erupt in satisfying goose flesh.

The mouth on hers moved, and she wanted to whimper at the loss. The change in position brought a rush of cold air around her, and she wanted nothing more then to crush the invisible warmth against her again. She was overcome with disappointment. Why did it move? Did it not like kissing her? Was she too cold? Where did my kiss go? Kiss. Kiss? Yes, those lips on hers were kissing her. Kissing her like... like... a lover! No! That was not allowed!

Her eyes flew open.

Sapphire blue orbs met hers in a surprised glare. They were wide and glistening, and yet something about them seemed so familiar. She could feel the warm wisps of his breath on her face, making her realize just how close they were. If she lifted her head up a little bit more she could bump noses with him

As she stared into those sapphirine eyes, a flood of memories washed over her. A child's tears. The sound of clanging metal. A menacing face hovering above her. Pain. So much pain. Then a voice, a desperate and forlorn voice that tried to soothe her with words of comfort, and the feeling of being clasped in someones arms tightly just as she was right now. The fog in her mind cleared and his name came upon her lips. Sebastian. Sebastian was... kissing her!

WHAT!

He looked mortified. Like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or a puppy caught peeing on the rug. Her brow creased as anger started to rise in her, when he finally found his voice.

"Oh... balls," he managed to say in a whisper, his once soothing touches frozen in shock. "This... this isn't how it looks!"

She ground her teeth, biting back the scathing words forming in her head. She searched his face for any hint of deceit. She remembered clearly now the attack by the raider, both the physical beating and his attempt to violate her. At her side, her hand fumbled in the muted candlelight for her daggers, or something she could use to defend herself with if she needed to, huffing with frustration when she didn't find them or anything else.

"Hawke, please... listen to me. I didn't do anything improper, I swear to you." He was tripping over his words, the look of horror he wore turning earnest. She was still staring him down but he never let his gaze go, as if he wanted her to see the truth in his eyes.

"I wouldn't take advantage of-.."

She didn't want to hear it. "I never knew unconscious women were your thing, Vael. Does it make it easier for you or is it purely a dominance thing? Please, don't let the fact I have my wits about me now distract you from your good time." Out of breath, she fought internally at the sting of tears in her eyes. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry again.

"I'd never do anything like that!" he said desperately, "I'd never take advantage of you like that, or in any way. I'd never.. hurt you Hawke. You have to believe me. Please.." She saw his eyes dull over and he finally averted his gaze, his face clouded with hurt.

Her anger immediately started to ebb when she looked at him, and she actually wished she had phrased her onslaught better then how she did. She knew him better then that. He was a man of the cloth after all. It still didn't explain what he was doing though. Did he even realize that as he spoke his pretty speech, he was still holding her against his chest?

With his head turned and his gaze fixed firmly on the floor, she could take in his profile. He had such a sharp, noble look about him. A regal look, and she was reminded of the day, many years ago, that she first met him. She'd been enamored by his looks straight away. His gold colored skin and large blue eyes that shimmered like sunlight dancing on the ocean. Even the prominent Starkhaven nose and angular jaw had only added to his beauty. But it was his honesty and dedication that had really attracted her, as futile as that endeavor was. She'd even tried flirting with him once and the bashful response she got in return only excited her. But, she knew it would never be. They were very different when it came to piety, and it would only have hurt her in the end. Then she'd been charmed by the mage and her attraction to Sebastian had been pushed aside.

She sighed. She knew he was being straight with her. Even after all this time, he wouldn't lie to her. Not about this. Give him the benefit of the doubt, Hawke!

"Fine," she said, "I believe you. I'm... sorry about what I said."

They sat in silence for a moment, and it gave her another chance to really look at him. He looked worn and tired. Faint dark circles marked his eyes, and even in the dim light she could see how pale he was. She leaned forward a little and wrinkled her nose as she inhaled, sniffing at the crook of his neck. He smelled of sweat and lavender.

"You stink Sebastian, and you can let me go now too."

He whipped his head around so quickly, his nose knocked into hers, causing their lips to brush against each other. He pulled back, a look of shock on his face. Then, as she was admonishing herself for blushing, Sebastian smiled and began to shudder with laughter. The sound was like music to her ears, and she couldn't help but smile with him.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, his laughter subsiding, "I've been so preoccupied attending to your wounds I haven't had the chance to clean myself up. Even Rin is still filthy." He dipped his head towards the sleeping girl. Hawke could just make her out amidst the blankets. "I'll take care of her in the morning though. It's you I'm worried about for the time being. Your injuries were pretty severe. They still are." His hold on her relaxed and she was able to move and escape his encroaching aroma. As she leaned back, a sharp pang of biting pain shot through her. Her hand clutched at her chest as she rode the waves of spasms.

"That'll be your ribs," Sebastian explained, "the potion I gave you should help with the pain soon. You can count yourself lucky they weren't broken, only bruised."

"Potion?"

He nodded, "I concocted an elfroot potion for you, that's why I was uh... you know." A rush of color blazed across his cheeks. "It was the only way I could give it to you. When I tried with just the cup it dribbled out everywhere and made a big mess. It was hardly attractive." Sebastian grinned, hoping his little jab was met with the jest that was intended. She only gave him an unamused glare, though he was sure she wanted to give him the finger instead.

He helped her lie back against the cot, watching her delicate features twitch in pain. Already the bruises on her face were starting to fade thanks to the ambrosia salve. It seemed her cheek bone wasn't shattered after all. Once the potion took effect, her ribs should settle and any other internal injuries would start to heal. He sighed in relief and smiled.

It was nice to have her awake though, as barbarous as she could be sometimes. At least he had someone to talk to. He even missed their weird, awkward silences.

"Uh... Sebastian?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you mind explaining to me why in the Makers name I am completely naked under this blanket?"

He could actually feel a drip of sweat run down the side of his brow. And things were going so good too...

o.O.o

The first of the dawns rays were peeking over the mountains when Sebastian finally let his eyes close and much needed sleep took possession of him. He'd narrowly escaped a sound thrashing from Hawke when he tried to explain how he'd cleaned and treated her. If it hadn't of been for her sore ribs, he might not have gotten away with just a verbal barrage, though her words could sting just as much as anything physical. But he'd managed to calm her down though, and after she applied a second coating of salve and drank more of the potion, she finally drifted back into sleep, leaving him alone again to watch her. He wasn't sure how long he lasted, but when he heard the first chirps of the dawn birds, he come to realize that he'd been awake for almost a full day. So it didn't matter to him he had no blanket to keep warm, or anything soft and comfortable to lie down on. As soon as his eyes slid shut, he felt his lethargic body give in and he was swept away into a deep dreamless sleep.

He was roused hours later by the sounds of laughter and barking. He was also surprised to find he was now covered by Hawke's blanket. It still smelled like rose and lavender. He inhaled the sweet scent and the image of her came to mind. She'd really lodged herself deep into his thoughts lately. He couldn't remember the last time a woman had ever done so. It didn't give him any peace of mind at all. Maybe once, before all the craziness at Kirkwall, they could have had something. They'd both been fueled with a passion for the cause, even though they were at odds most of the time. She sided with the mages at every turn, even when those mages would turn on her. But most of that was because of his influence.

Anders!

Sebastian felt his gut clench. The mere thought of the man caused the anger in him to stir. Anders was always there to steer Hawke in the mages direction, using his plight and pretty words of love to sway her. He constantly watched them from afar. Their stolen glances and hurried kisses when they thought no one was looking. The way he fell in behind her when they battled, or demanded all of her attention when they had free time. It wasn't lost on him how much Anders had fallen for the beautiful rouge, and her in kind. Because of that love she did everything and anything to help him. Anything. That had been her downfall. What was that saying? Love is blind? That was certainly true. Anders had betrayed them all, but Hawke most of all. And as they watched the Chantry explode before their very eyes, he felt something change in her. When he watched her take Anders's life, he felt her soul darken.

He had forced the feeling out of his mind then. He couldn't afford to get caught up in melodramatics when the city was crumbling around them. She switched sides at that very moment, and as they fought their way to the gallows, she killed every mage they came upon. She was different. Cold. Every strike she made, every throat she slit; it was like she'd become an unfeeling monster. When she took down Orsino, the darkness in her eyes had made him shudder. She refused to speak to anyone, preferring to keep to herself with her head hanging low and blades clutched madly at her sides. Then after Meredith's demise and the remaining templars bowing their allegiances, when he turned back – she was gone. That was the last time he saw her, until Chiglas. No one saw her leave or knew where she'd gone. She had just disappeared.

That was when his obsession to find her had started. He needed answers. Why did she leave? Where did she go? Why didn't she take me with her?

Sebastian pulled the blanket from his face and opened his sleepy eyes. He felt incredibly stupid. After all this time, was it as simple as that? That the hate he felt, wasn't hate at all? She'd been led astray and betrayed, just like he had. She'd lost someone she cared about, just like he had. But he'd sworn his loyalty to her, and she had left him behind. That, he realized, had been what hurt him the most. He wanted to remain with her and stay by her side, but she'd... abandoned him.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Sebastian snorted a bemused laugh. So it all came down to a mere abandonment issue. How very... un-prince like.

As he took in his surroundings he noticed both Hawke and Rin weren't in their beds, then remembered the sounds from earlier. Pulling himself groggily to his feet, he headed outside. The sun was high in sky now and he guessed it was early afternoon. Across the clearing and down by the rivers edge he found the source of the noise. Rin was playfully sloshing in the water with Merc yipping happily at her side, and looking on from the bank was Hawke.

He leaned against the doorway and felt a smile come over him as he watched her. She was wearing her spare casual finery, a simple black singlet with matching shorts, and was sitting cross-legged on the embankment. A rush of feelings from last night came back to him. Why did he feel this way? He felt so calm now as he watched her. The way she smiled tugged at his heart. He saw no hint of the Hawke from that fateful day now. He'd even noticed a slight change in her over the last few days. She seemed more... alive.

The mabaris shrill barking shook him from his thoughts. Rin was splashing the hound, trying to take his attention away from the heavily chewed stick she held behind her back.

After stretching out his cramped limbs, he followed the small worn path along the decline and moved to Hawkes side.

"Why are you out of bed?" he asked, sitting beside her, "you should be resting."

"It's hard to rest in that small shack when the walls are shaking so fiercely thanks to your incessant snoring."

"What?" Sebastian raised his brow at her and she gave him a lop sided grin in return. "Quit lying," he grinned, "I'm a prince Hawke. Princes don't snore."

"Yeah well, tell that to my poor eardrums."

She turned away from him and made her way towards the rivers edge, testing the temperature of the water with the tip of her foot before wading in up to her knees. She took Rin by her shoulders and turned her around so she could wash the dirt and grime from her face. Rin giggled and struggled, but eventually relented, allowing Hawke to properly clean her. Once finished, she let the young girl return to teasing Merc and headed back towards the bank. When he saw her step falter, he thought she must have tripped on a rock or branch. But when her hand came up to her chest and she stumbled forward, Sebastian was on his feet quickly and there to catch her.

"What did I tell you," he growled, "you still need to -"

"I'm... fine." she said, climbing to her feet. "It doesn't hurt as much as it used to. The suddenness of the pangs just... sneak up on me sometimes."

Sebastian shook his head in disbelief. She was so stubborn sometimes.

"I'd rest a lot easier knowing you were taking better care of yourself. I really should take you to bed."

"Oh, is that so?" she replied, giving him a sidewards glance. "I reckon you've had me in bed enough for one night, don't you think, prince?"

He drew back slightly at her latest barb. "I explained all of that. I thought you understood?"

"Yeah yeah," she waved him off, "just... help me out would you."

Shifting his weight, he put his arm around her and led her up the slope and carefully lowered her back onto the grass.

"Lie down, let me see how those bruises are doing."

"That's OK, they're -"

"I'm not going to argue with you Marian. Please, just let me help. Why does everything have to be a fight with you?"

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Hawke fell back against the ground. Sebastian pushed up her singlet to study the now fading bruises. They'd dulled to a pale purple/yellow mix, even the cuts and scrapes had softened. He ran a finger over the now closed scratch marks and smiled. They were healed, but would probably leave a few faint scars. He was happy with that though, it could have been much worse.

Letting his hands slide up her torso, he applied pressure around her sides with his fingers, testing for any pained reaction. Satisfied when she didn't respond, he applied the same pressure to her abdomen and then higher up around her ribcage. He was quite proud of himself. The potion and salve had done a spectacular job.

Then as he looked up to check the bruises on her face, his breath caught thickly in his throat. She too, was looking up and watching him with soft green eyes. Her delicate pink lips were slightly parted as she breathed, her chest rising and falling in time with his massaging hands. There was something in her eyes that confused him. He'd seen it before, but he couldn't place where.

His hand swept across her midsection, and she drew in a quivered breath, her eyes fluttering shut just for a second before meeting his gaze again. Sebastian felt his body come alive. The same surge of fire that had betrayed him last night took a hold of him again. He felt his heart beat quicken as he explored her supple skin. He tried to look away, but the pull of her languid gaze had ensnared him. Then he felt it, as unmistakable as the rising sun. He wanted to kiss her. He knew that now.

NO! Stop it Sebastian! Don't go down this road!

As if reading his mind, Hawke broke their contact and sat up so she could pull her shirt back down. He leaned back on his knees to give her some space, his body screaming at him for the lost opportunity.

"Th...thanks," she muttered under her breath, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"Uh yeah, no problem."

"I think I will go and lie down for a bit longer," she said hurriedly, climbing to her feet. "another couple of hours rest will do me some good before we leave."

Hawke got halfway to the shack before he realized what she'd said. "Leave? We can't leave yet. You haven't fully recovered." He followed behind and caught her by the arm so he could turn her towards him. "You need to rest at least until tomorrow."

"I told you, I'm fine." Hawke growled, shaking him off. "Tantervale is only half a days ride from here. I need some new armor and Rin needs some new clothes. You can't expect the poor girl to travel to Cumberland in that tattered dress."

"But-" He tried to reach out to her again, but she shied away, almost as if his touch was poison.

"No! I have to get out of here! I need to get to Cumberland. I'm... worried about Isabela."

He could tell by her body language that that wasn't the only thing she was worried about. She had quickly become very agitated, and she said something that brought the reality of their situation back into focus.

"The sooner we get there, the sooner we get to Redcliffe and sort out this... mess. After that, you and I can finally have our duel."

The duel! He'd completely forgotten about that. He had promised to help them in their quest and in return he got the chance to take up arms against her. How could he forget that? It was what brought them together after all. But..

"I can't.. do that now. I can't face you in battle Hawke."

The anger shot through her so fast and thick, Sebastian almost saw it manifest into a physical being. "What? NO! You promised me, Vael! You promised!" She grabbed him then, clutching at his dirty shirt with white-knuckled fists. "Why?"

"I..don't.."

"We had a deal!" she continued to scream, her voice getting louder. "You promised! It's what I deserve!"

The statement almost broke his heart. "Look Hawke, I've been thinking a lot about... what happened. I realize now that I was blaming you when I shouldn't have. I know now that it wasn't your -"

"NO!" Her sudden high pitched scream made him take a step back. Her hands flew to the side of her head and she covered her ears firmly. "I don't what to hear that! I do not!"

Sebastian was dazed. What was happening here? She was... loosing it!.

"Hey, calm-"

"It WAS my fault! I know that! Don't say it wasn't! You don't know anything! YOU DON'T!"

He was actually scared now. Behind him he heard Rin call out, asking what was happening. He turned to her and cautioned her to stay away. Where did this all come from? She was fine not two minutes ago? He took a step towards her, and she recoiled, her back hitting into the door of the shack.

"Hawke, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. But I can't fight you now."

"You must!" she cried, "I need you to! I've been waiting-"

"I won't do it, damn it!"

"But...but..."

He had to calm her down before she got too out of control. He reached out and caught her arms, tearing them away from her ears. She fought as much as she could. He'd forgotten how strong she actually was, but he managed to get the upper hand. He pinned her arms against her chest and pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her to try and quell her struggling.

"Calm down Marian! Please. I'm.. sorry. I'm very sorry.."

Her futile efforts at escape started to cease, and after a few minutes she finally went slack in his arms. He squeezed her tightly, burying his face in the tangled mess of her hair, shushing in her ear softly until her breathing came under control.

"Why?" she whimpered, sniffing back the tears.

Why? It was a good question, with a not so simple answer. He'd come to realize a few things lately. It wasn't her fault that the mages in Kirkwall rebelled. It wasn't her fault that the circles in Thedas were in disarray, and the templars even more so. But mostly, it wasn't her fault that Anders had killed the grand cleric and destroyed the chantry. For that accusation, he'd work a lifetime to make it up to her.

The main thing he came to realize though, was that he'd missed her these past eight months. He was angry that she'd left him behind, but he was more angry with himself that he'd not been there by her side when she needed it the most. And... he was angry with himself because he didn't know, after all of these years, how he really felt about her.

"Why Sebastian? Why..why...why..."

He couldn't bring himself to say any of that though. He couldn't tell her how he felt, because he hadn't truly figured that out for himself yet. So instead, he just held her, stroking the length of her hair while she cried on his shoulder, asking him over and over... why.

o.O.o

Hawke felt ragged. Every fiber in her body burned with a mixture of embarrassment and indignation. She chided herself over her earlier outburst, finally falling into a depressed sleep when her red-rimmed eyes plainly refused to stay open. She slept the rest of the afternoon and late into the night, when she was awoken suddenly by a dream she couldn't remember. Sweat drenched her forehead and made the hair framing her face stick in thickly matted wads over her eyes.

Brushing them aside, she sat up, swinging her legs around so she could dangle them lazily off her beaten cot. Sebastian lay sleeping at her feet, sprawled out like a cat basking in the sunlight. His face was hidden by shadows, but she could hear his soft breathing clearly.

Again, she felt embarrassment come over her. The hatred she had for herself and tried so hard to contain had been pushed past the tipping point, spilling forth like a fetid miasma. And in front of him of all people!

Hawke wrapped her arms around herself to fight both the chill in the air and her erratic heartbeat. She was such a fool.

He deserved an explanation. He'd been very patient with her since their reunion and even took it upon himself to take care of her after the raiders attack. She hadn't even thanked him properly for that. The hair at the back of her neck bristled. She didn't want to explain it though. To explain meant to acknowledge, and she didn't know if her heart could take much more pain. She closed her eyes and wished away the dull ache in her chest. She did owe him though. She knew she was going to have to face what she did one day. Isabela told her as such many times.

She sighed, a small smile playing on her lips. She really missed her busty friend, as annoying and vulgar as she was. The two of them were very similar in some ways. She wasn't lying when she said she was worried about her. Reaching Cumberland had played on her mind since they parted ways. She was her one and only true friend after all.

But deep down she knew that wasn't the only reason why she wanted out of this village. And not just the village, but this whole situation. Being around Sebastian was becoming too hard. She constantly felt herself slip when he was near her, and it not only scared her to death, but made her feel dirty inside. Like she was betraying him. Her heart only belonged to one man, and since his death she'd surrounded her heart with an impenetrable wall. But every time Sebastian touched her, or looked at her with those sea blue eyes, she could feel that wall start to crumble, and that just wouldn't do. The longer she stayed around him, the worse it would get.

She padded barefoot past the sleeping prince and gathered her belongings, packed her bag and then retrieved her twin blades from under the cot before stepping outside.

It was an almost pitch black night, the darkness only softened by a sliver of moonlight breaking through the dense cloud cover. Pockets of stars dotted the night sky and as she took in their brilliance, she was reminded of that night eight months ago. The sky had been full of brilliant milky stars then too.

Reluctantly, she tore her gaze from the sky and in the darkness found her stallion. It pleased her to see the animal again. She threaded her fingers through his silky mane affectionately as she tested the saddle restraints and affixed her belongings. She felt like a thief in the night sneaking out like this, but it was the only way. If Sebastian was so adamant not to face her, then she had no reason to travel with him anymore. Besides, the further she got from him, the better it would be. Still, she couldn't help but recognize the stab of guilt she felt.

"Are you going somewhere?" There was an urgency in Sebastian's voice that made her turn around against her better judgment. He was barely awake, rubbing sleep and exhaustion from his eyes. He took a lazy step forward, "Why are you leaving?"

"Go back to bed Sebastian and forget you saw this. It's better this way." Returning her attention to her horse, she slipped her foot into the stirrup and hoisted herself up.

Warm hands caught her around her waist before she could mount, and held her in place. She froze under his touch, that same rush of damnable feelings flowing through her. For a split second she wanted to kick herself free and ride off as fast as she could. But her body would not obey her.

He pulled her back to the ground, but he didn't remove his hands or turn her towards him. Instead, he stood behind her, looming over her like a dark shadow. He was so close to her that she could feel the radiant heat of him envelop her, oozing over her like warm liquid honey. Then his hands moved, reaching around her and in one motion, pulled her hard up against him. Thrust backwards, Hawke squealed in surprise. The firmness of his chest and warmth of his breath on her neck almost made her knees buckle.

"Don't... leave me behind again," he whispered, the grip on her tightening.

Hawke could feel the sting of tears in her eyes, more out of frustration then anything else. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid. She didn't want to feel this pull she had every time he touched her, even though it calmed her in so many ways. She had to stay strong. It was now or never, whether she or he, liked it or not.

"Fight me Sebastian. Right now."

"No! I cannot," he said, pain lacing his words, "I cannot hurt you."

She felt a darkness come over her then, and looking to the sky for courage, she finally let it all out.

"When I left that night, after Meredith was killed, I went back... for Anders." She felt his grip tense at the mention of the mages name, but he remained silent all the same. "He was still where I'd left him, lying in a pool of his own sticky blood. Cold. Lifeless. And as I stared down at him all I could feel was anger. Raw, unbridled anger. But it wasn't just for him, it was for myself too."

"Do you think I struck down all of those mages because of the threat they could pose? Blood magic. Necromancy. None of that mattered to me then. Do you think I sided with the templars because I finally saw their cause as just? I did not."

"And, do you think I killed Anders because of his attack on the chantry and the deaths of all those innocent people? For the death of the grand cleric?" She shook her head slowly, "I'm sorry, but I am not that noble. My reason was much more selfish then that. I loved Anders with my whole heart, but I killed him without hesitation because he betrayed me. Not us. ME. It wasn't for some valiant cause or noble ideals. I killed him because he lied to me and used me. I murdered him. You see now? He and I were alike in the end after all. Everything that came after, I did without thinking really, because that's what I do Sebastian. I kill people. Even those I love."

She could feel him begin to tremble behind her. "I didn't do it for you. I didn't do it for Elthina." She turned in his arms so she could look up into his eyes. "I did it for myself and what he did to me. None of you even entered my thoughts."

"I took his body and left Kirkwall. I wanted to give him a proper burial and I knew none of you would understand that, so I went alone. Imagine my surprise when Isabela was waiting for me with a cart. We took him high into the Vimmark Mountains and I laid him to rest."

"That was a nicety he did not deserve," Sebastian said, his tone hard and cold.

"So says you Sebastian, but I couldn't care less what any of you thought. Why do you think I went alone?"

"But he-"

She waved away his coming words, "I'm well aware of what he did, and I claim those sins as my own. I did help him achieve his goal after all. But, carrying this burden was too hard bare. I wanted to be released from it. Isabela tried to talk me out of it, but not even her begging could change my mind."

"Why! Why would you willingly throw your life away like that? For him?"

Hawke nodded. "I hated him for what he did. And I hated myself for what I did. But, I still loved him and I wanted to be with him."

"So why me then? Why give me this.. honor.. of sending you to him?"

"Because you wanted revenge for Elthina. She was important to you and I used that anger to spur you on. I want you to have your vengeance, for both of our sakes. We need closure."

"Closure?" Sebastian began to laugh, bitterly. "But how can I do this Hawke? How can I try to kill you now that I..." he grabbed her by the shoulders, his fingers digging into her pliant flesh desperately. "I cannot do it Marian, because.. I.. because I -"

The feel of cold steel against his throat cut his words short. The blade shimmered in the sparse moonlight, casting a glare of muted light across her face. "Don't say it Sebastian. I can't allow myself to think of you in any other way then the man I want to take my life." She twirled the offending blades twin in her other hand and held it out to him, hilt first. "Take up this dagger and face me. If you do not, I will leave this place and you will never see me again."

"And there.. is.. nothing I can say to change your mind?" he asked, hesitant to take the blade.

Hawke shook her head. A feeling of sadness welled within her. It was time to end this. It was what she wanted after all, wasn't it? She couldn't let her growing affection for him get in the way. The crumbling wall around her heart must stay intact.

"Very well... Hawke." Sebastian took the handle of the dagger and slid it from her grip. "If this what you truly desire, then I will...do it." His words were thick and tasteless in his mouth. "But I won't go easy on you."

Despite all of her trying, Hawke felt her heart break once again. "Neither will I."

She took a deep breath. This was right. This was how it should be. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't show weakness. She'd become quite good at masking how she really felt after all, especially to herself.