A soft hand landed on my shoulder.
"Hey."
I didn't need to look up to see who it was so I just continued to stare out of the window. The person behind me sighed and pulled up a chair beside me. For a few minutes we just sat there in silence, his hand resting gently on my shoulder, than he began to speak again.
"Everyone's worried about you Kaito." I felt myself stiffen a little, but relaxed again knowing that the detective would not force him to go anywhere if I didn't want to, "Do you want to come out or stay in here?"
I felt a tug at my heart and looked down at the floor swallowing thickly, "I…I don't…know if I can."
Shinichi's hand tightened on my shoulder and I covered it with my own as tears began filling my eyes. "I understand." He slowly got up and made his way to the door.
"Have you ever," I still hadn't turned around, "have you ever…killed anyone?" just saying the words made me feel sick. Shinichi didn't say anything and for a second I thought he had left the room, but then I heard a whisper so quiet that if I had been breathing to loudly I would have missed it.
"Once."
Turning around in my chair a looked imploringly at Shinichi, "Do you ever forget their face? When you close your eyes, do you every not relive that moment again and again as though it were on an eternal loop?" Shinichi's eyes gazed sadly at me. He walked over and knelt in front of me taking my hands in his and looking me straight in the eye.
"I can't promise that you won't ever think about what happened again no matter how much time passes. It is a powerful thing to take someone's life and you have to reconcile that with yourself before anything else, but I can promise you that, if you let, it will get easier to deal with."
As he spoke, the tears that I had been holding back all day started streaming down my face. Shinichi reached up and gently brushed them away before pulling me off the chair and into his arms.