Hey sam if youre free would you mind coming over?
Sam had not seen Kurt in over a week, so his sudden text message had spurred Sam's curiosity and dread. He could not help but find Kurt's text a little ominous, so seeing what was up with Kurt was his top priority as he tried to get to Kurt's house quickly, swearing every time he caught a yellow light.
Although he tried not to feel like he was entitled to spend time with Kurt, Sam still felt a little lonely after more than a week going by without the two of them spending any time together. With a sudden shiver, Sam rolled up his window. A cold front was coming in, and even though it was the middle of July, it was perilously close to being chilly with the wind. What was this? Ohio weather. Sam felt an old ache for Tennessee. This weird weather somehow found a way to remind him of the home he had left. Sam had come to stop begrudging his new town, though; finding camaraderie with Kurt in a friendship whose confusing feelings had helped Sam start to discover himself certainly let him be grateful for Lima and the boy he was on his way to see.
Upon pulling up in front of Kurt's place, Sam hopped out of his car and walked briskly up to the door. He had to wait so long after ringing the doorbell that his hand was on its way back to it to ring again when Kurt finally opened the door. Sam could not read Kurt's expression at all. It was blank but definitely artificially so.
"Kurt, what's up? You never responded to me when I texted you back."
"Oh, yeah, I know, sorry about that. I just didn't know who else to get a hold of," Kurt said with a voice that made it very clear to Sam that something was up.
"What's the matter? Something happened, I can tell. Are you okay?"
Kurt just looked at Sam like he was thinking hard about something for a couple seconds. "Sam, come inside and sit down." Sam came through the door and followed Kurt over to the living room and sat down without breaking his gaze with the other boy.
"Kurt."
"I know. I'm sorry; I know I asked you to come." Kurt was poised on an armchair looking into space with the pursed lips and introspective expression Sam had come to know belied a strong emotion in him. "Blaine and I had a fight."
"…A fight?"
"It sounds stupid, I know. I didn't mean to call you over here for something stupid. I just—it was a big fight. And I have lots of thoughts and feelings going through my head about the fight and about Blaine and about everything. And I'm sorry, I just…well I guess I just needed a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. But I'm not about to cry, I promise."
"Don't apologize for that. That's what I'm here for!" Sam could hardly believe his ears. Kurt wanted to open up about his feelings and he was apologizing for it. "So are you okay?"
"I don't know. I mean, yes. I'm okay. But I don't know what to do about this."
"About Blaine?"
"Yes." Kurt began absentmindedly fiddling with his laptop he had left sitting open on the coffee table. Sam could tell he probably felt uncomfortable sharing this with him. But Sam suspected, or hoped maybe, that Kurt really did want to share.
"Well…what was the fight about?" Sam asked cautiously.
"I don't know that what it was about is really important, you know? It was a big one though. I think probably because it was long overdue. Bottom line is he's mad at me. But I don't know if I—," he stopped short as his phone started ringing. "That's his ringtone…I'm sorry I have to answer him. Here, stave off boredom while I deal with life," he added while scooting his laptop toward Sam.
Sam just sat for a few seconds listening to Kurt pick up and start talking to his boyfriend. Sam nearly thought ex-boyfriend, but he stopped himself and pushed that wishful thinking away. Sighing, he grabbed the computer and made to go check Facebook or something else equally inane, but soon lost all pretense of using the computer as he listened to Kurt's phone call. He kept his eyes on the computer screen but Kurt's voice had his attention one hundred percent. He felt just a little bit guilty eavesdropping, but Kurt had not even gotten up from his seat, so Sam decided he could hardly be blamed for listening.
"Blaine, no—no, I did not do anything!...No….You're being ridicul—," Kurt paused and sighed heavily as Blaine interrupted him, and Sam could just hear his voice on the other end nearly shouting into the receiver from the sounds of it.
"No…no, for the last time no!...No, I already explained….What? No, I'm not alone….Oh, you would think that….Jesus, I cannot believe you! You are so full of yourself!" Kurt paused with the phone pressed hard against his ear with a defiant look on his face. "Ha, why shouldn't I say what's the truth?" Sam's eyes widened as the argument got really heated. He had to admire Kurt's ability to hold his own. He wanted to know what had triggered the fight in the first place so badly, though. Sam sat there listening to Kurt argue with his boyfriend through the entire phone call, which lasted over half an hour. For the most part, Sam could only hear Kurt's half of the argument, so he could not make much sense of what the two were fighting about. But he could tell Kurt was getting more upset as it wore on. It had already been a little late when Kurt had texted Sam, and by the time Kurt hung up it was nearly eight at night.
When he heard Kurt say his closing remarks and hang up, Sam looked over. Kurt was sitting stony-faced with his phone in one hand, staring up at the ceiling. Sam could tell he was willing himself not to cry. This boy needed to know that he was there for him and that he did not need to be afraid to have feelings in front of him. Sam closed the laptop he had not paid any attention to and set it aside.
"Kurt. Come here." He presented the space next to him with one arm.
Kurt glanced at the space Sam had indicated and then, after hesitating, came over and sat against him, leaning into the embrace that Sam had waiting for him. Sam just wrapped his arms around Kurt and squeezed gently to communicate what he thought words would not be able to get across. He felt him shudder with a silent sob in his arms. Sam never felt more cheated than right then that he could not make everything perfect for Kurt, that he could not just lean his face in and kiss him. He sat there holding Kurt for a couple of minutes, knowing Kurt just needed someone there so that he could feel something and not be alone. Kurt did not seem to be fully crying, but judging from the wetness he could feel where Kurt had rested his face against his shirt, Sam knew there were tears Kurt was getting out of his system. It was all Sam could do not to cry himself.
With a shaky sigh to regain his control of himself, Kurt wiped his eyes and sat up to look at Sam. Sam smiled encouragingly and gave him another squeeze. "I guess it didn't go so well then?"
Kurt laughed with a sniffle and turned away to wipe his eyes again. "I can't believe you're here."
"What do you mean?"
"You're not running for the hills. I'm acting a mess. You just invited me to come cry into you. Blaine certainly wouldn't do that," Kurt said with all the markings of disgust on his face. "I appreciate it, Sam," he said confidently and without any embarrassment.
"I know you do." Sam paused, and the two of them just sat and looked at each other for a few seconds. "So…do you wanna talk through this?" Sam suggested.
Kurt leaned his head against Sam's shoulder and let out an exhausted sigh. "Actually, do you wanna take me somewhere?" Sam looked down at Kurt and gave him a questioning look. "Anywhere. I wanna get out of here. I wanna go somewhere to take my mind off this. Or maybe to process it better. I don't know. But I wanna go somewhere. I'd actually hoped you would when I first texted you. Would you?"
Sam smiled at Kurt. "Of course I will. Just consider me your own personal therapy for the night."
As they stood up together and headed toward the door, Kurt said quietly but strongly, "I don't know what I would do without you, Sam."
"Ditto, Kurt. You have no idea." Kurt just laughed and sniffled again.
Other than reassuring Sam that he just wanted to go somewhere when asked where they should go, Kurt did not say a word the whole car ride. Sam chalked it up to his obvious need at the moment to just process his emotions. He thought he heard Kurt sniffling a lot at one point and wondered whether he was crying again but did not turn his head to investigate.
Kurt was finally roused from his reverie when Sam pulled into a parking lot. He looked round at the darkening twilit trees jutting into the orange and purple sky then the deserted gravel parking lot.
"Where are we?"
Sam put his car in park then shut off the engine before turning to Kurt with a shy half-smile. "I guess you really were in your own little world for the past few minutes. This is some park a couple miles outside of town."
Kurt looked around outside again, then turned and raised an eyebrow at Sam and got out of the car. Sam followed suit. "My outfit is hardly excited about this adventure."
Sam leaned up against the car and looked down, kicking at the gravel. "Sorry, this is just where I ended up." Kurt just stared at him. Sam glanced up at Kurt and continued a little hesitantly, "Actually, I come here sometimes. When I wanna be alone or clear my head or just think about things. You said you wanted to do that, so I just thought…I don't know. We can go somewhere else."
Sam looked up and saw Kurt was still staring at him. After a moment, Kurt's face changed almost imperceptibly and he shook his head slightly. "No. Now that I think about it, this is fine. I did tell you just to take me anywhere, and this is anywhere. Besides, this place works for you."
"Great," Sam said with a smile and then walked around the car to where Kurt was, taking off his letterman and holding it out to Kurt. "Here, though. I know your clothes are worth a lot more than mine, so I don't want you to be worried about nature stuff gettin' on them. And a jacket might help right now," he added as a slight breeze picking up reminded them of the unseasonal temperature.
"Oh. Well, you don't want it?"
"No, I'm fine. You take it."
"Okay, if you want." Kurt let Sam slip the jacket over his shoulders. He gave Sam a sad smile as thanks and then looked around at the parking lot. "So are we just hanging out here?"
"No, of course not. Here, follow me." Sam smiled softly at Kurt and before he could protest grabbed Kurt's hand and led him away toward the trees.
Kurt almost pulled his hand away but could not bring himself to. The touch of Sam's hand comforted him, and he could tell Sam was taking him somewhere he had never gone to with anyone else. "Sam!"
"Don't worry! There's a trail here, see?" And indeed Kurt could make out a break in the trees Sam was leading him into. "I know it's getting dark, but we're not going far."
"I trust you." Sam looked back at Kurt, and they locked eyes for a few seconds while they walked. Kurt gave Sam's hand a squeeze. Sam turned back around. Kurt had to wonder at Sam's behavior. He was being so supportive, and though Kurt was touched, he did not know how to take it.
"Here, through here." There was a fence about fifty feet into the trees. They both stopped, and Sam withdrew his hand to stand off to the side and motion Kurt through. Kurt just stared at the opening in the fence.
"Are we allowed through here?"
"Don't worry, I don't think anyone's paid attention to this fence for years. It's broken and in the middle of the woods. Come on, go on through! It's worth it."
"There's barbed wire…"
"Don't worry, you can get through," Sam said and then saw Kurt looking down at his clothes. "Oh…here, I'll widen it so you don't catch your clothes." He reached over and gingerly worked his fingers over the wire until he had a good grip on barb-less spots and pulled.
"Oh! Sam! Honestly." Kurt tried to stop Sam from going to the trouble, but the other boy had already pulled one side of the gap in the fence back so that Kurt could get through with room to spare. "You don't have to go out of your way," he muttered as he slipped through the gap in the fence. Sam released the fence and rubbed his hands on his pants, shaking his head and grinning at Kurt's protestations as he slipped through the fence after him.
The two boys walked out into an open, natural field at the top of a hill bound by the tall trees of the woods on three sides. It extended down the side of the hill, and from their vantage point they had a wonderful view of the outskirts of Lima.
"Isn't it pretty?" Sam walked out into the middle of the clearing with his hands clasped behind his head. Kurt stood watching him. He could tell Sam had come here many times before.
"You come here often?" Sam turned around at Kurt's question to look at him. He shrugged.
"Not often. Not really, anyway. I used to come more than I have lately." He turned back around and faced the lights starting to blink on in the distance. He stood for a second more and then dropped his hands and walked a short distance farther and sat down. Kurt could not see where he had sat through the tall grass, so he finally walked out into the clearing after Sam. After carefully placing his footsteps to avoid the gnarlier weeds, Kurt looked up and saw he had made his way over to Sam, who he could see was sitting on a smooth rock jutting out from the side of the hill. Sam looked up at him as Kurt came over and sat down by his side. The rock, warmed under the sun all day, was comfortable in the cool breeze.
Sam cleared his throat and added a moment later, "Actually, I can thank you for that."
"For what?" Kurt leaned forward and locked his arms around his knees, looking over at Sam, who was still looking out at the distant lights.
Sam ran a hand through his hair and leaned back on his hands. He looked at Kurt. "For me not coming here so much, I guess. You've been such a great friend to me, and since you started helping me out at the motel and especially since we've been hanging out more this summer, I've just been…happier. I don't get overwhelmed and run off to this place to think about everything so much anymore."
Kurt looked back at Sam and just took him in for a few seconds. "Well that makes me happy. I don't want you to get overwhelmed. I think that's small repayment on my part for what you do for me. You came over to my place with no explanation and have put up with my angst all night. You go out of your way to make sure I'm okay and get cheered up whenever I have problems with Blaine. Who are you kidding? You're the great friend, Sam."
Sam smiled at Kurt in a way that told him Sam did not really believe him and then looked down. Kurt turned and looked back out at the edge of the city. Almost all the buildings he could see had their lights on. He thought about why he had had Sam take him out here and sighed.
"…I think we're through."
"What?" Sam said sharply.
"Me and Blaine."
"Oh! Really?" Sam sounded relieved.
Kurt smiled and turned to face him. "I didn't mean us." He almost laughed at Sam's momentary horror, but then his face fell again. "But yeah. Being with him, I haven't been satisfied for a while. And after today, it's just not worth maintaining anymore. I don't think it has been for a while now." He could feel himself tearing up, and he turned pointedly back toward the view below them to avoid Sam's gaze.
"I assume you've thought about this. I hope you didn't decide that sitting here just now."
"When I went to see him today, I wanted to tell him I thought we should reevaluate our relationship." Kurt rested his chin on his knees and looked at Sam. "Don't worry. I've been having these thoughts for some time."
Sam huffed air out and blew his bangs out of his face. "Wow. Tough break." Kurt smiled at his reaction. "So…how are you? Are you okay?"
"I'll be okay. I got my tears out. Being here with you seems to make it all easier." They both sat there in silence for a few minutes.
After a short time, Sam lowered himself back until he was lying down flat on the rock and stared up into the sky. Kurt turned at the sound his shifting and watched him lie down. Sam in turn watched the last of the scarlet clouds turn dark as they drifted past under the deep purple sky and saw the first stars begin to come out. "Do you ever look up at the sky? Like, really look?"
"You know, I can't say I have. It's just sorta always there." Kurt glanced up then started when he felt Sam's hand on his shoulder.
"Will you look with me?" Kurt remembered the last time he'd been around Sam when he had playfully pulled Kurt down onto the bed. This was not like that. Sam's touch was gentle and did not force him at all. Kurt took the invitation and lay back onto the rock, and Sam put his hand back at his side. Closing his eyes, Kurt inhaled deeply. He could feel the warmth of the stone even through the jacket Sam had let him use. "See 'em? The stars?"
Kurt opened his eyes. "What few there are, yes. I can't say I really know what I'm looking at, though."
Sam laughed softly at Kurt's comment. "Like I do? There'll be more though." He lay there quiet for a minute. Kurt thought about how meaningful this outing and this moment was to both of them and felt his breathing hitch in his chest at the romance of it all and how naïve he was for even thinking about it that way. Together they watched more of the evening sky fill with stars, sometimes obscured by passing clouds.
"Kurt?"
"Mm?"
Sam paused for a while again before speaking. "When I come out here—or used to come out here, I guess—I'd just lie here like this sometimes and stare at the sky. Not only here, but this place is far enough from town that I get to be alone for a long time and I get a good view of the stars." Kurt turned his head and watched Sam as he spoke. "It fascinates me. It always has, ever since I was a little boy. Space, I mean: 'the final frontier.' I think about all there is out there. All the stars, all the planets. All the mountains I'll never climb, all the massive thunderstorms I'll never weather, all the nebulae I'll never behold."
Sam turned and looked at Kurt so that they were looking at each other. "I think that's why I love science fiction, Star Wars and everything, I mean. I try to keep my geekiness on the DL most of the time, but I know you won't give me crap for it." He glanced back up at the stars then looked at Kurt again. "There's just so much out there, so much that no one will ever experience."
Sam turned back to the open sky, and Kurt spoke. "I've never thought about it that way, to be honest. But, you know, Sam, there's so much right here and now too. There's so much right here left for you to see and experience. So much you can experience."
"I know." Sam turned and propped his head up on one elbow so that he was facing Kurt. "I know that. That's why I think about it. The universe…everything…it's so vast. I don't have a choice but to feel like my life and my problems are small and insignificant and manageable. You have no idea how calming that's been to me in the past several months. But it's not only that now. Lying here in this spot with you, looking up at the same spot in the sky I've looked up at a dozen times before, it makes me realize that. There is so much here. This is my own little patch of the vastness of everything, and I have to make the most of it. I can't let anything hold me back from seeing what I want to see, doing what I want to do, and experiencing what I want to experience." Sam stopped for a moment and gave Kurt an intense, searching look. "Do you know what I'm trying to say, Kurt?"
"I'm not sure I do…" Kurt was confused and tried to shake his growing suspicions from his mind. "What do you mean? Is there something you're trying to tell me?"
Sam sighed. "Yes." Kurt watched him closely as Sam slumped onto his back again and returned to staring at the sky, silent. He would be disappointed if Sam stayed silent, but Kurt did not want to push him to anything if he was not ready, especially if what the crazy, fantasy-prone part of his brain was screaming at him was true.
"Kurt…" Kurt was still watching him, but Sam was determined to look anywhere but at Kurt when he spoke. "I hope you really are through with Blaine, because it kills me to see you with him. You deserve better than him. You deserve someone who knows they're lucky to have you. And you deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are and doesn't expect you to change for them."
Kurt felt like he was going to die. This was far too similar to fantastic thoughts he had had and far too similar to the dream he had not been able to shake for over a week.
"Sam—,"
"Hold on. Please?" Kurt assented by staying quiet. "Remember when we met? Remember when you were so sure you had me figured out?" Kurt was silent still. "That was so long ago, it seems now. But you were right. You did have me figured out. You had me figured out more than I had myself figured out. I'm not even sure I have myself figured out now." Sam gave a nervous laugh and chanced a look at Kurt before looking away again.
"So…so…you do dye your hair?" Kurt was playing dumb. He could not believe this was happening. He had to be misinterpreting Sam's words.
Sam finally made eye contact with Kurt and simply stared. "Kurt. You have to know that's not what I'm talking about." He maneuvered himself so that he was back on one elbow and turned toward Kurt and sighed to steel himself for the plunge. "Meeting you triggered something in me. You didn't change me, but you opened my eyes. It took a while. It wasn't until you were at Dalton that I realized it. And then Blaine entered the picture, and my heart broke. Kurt, I care about you. I care about you like I have never cared for anyone else."
Kurt could have died in that moment. Surely this was what cardiac arrest felt like? But it felt so wonderful. He could not believe he had just heard Sam Evans speak those words to him. "You care about me? As in, you wish we were more than just friends?"
"I've wanted to be more than your friend for longer than even I've known."
"I can't believe this is happening." Kurt gave a nervous giggle and then beamed at Sam. "You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear those words." And with that he saw Sam break into the biggest and most genuine smile Kurt had seen him have since moving to Lima.
"Serious?" Sam could not contain his happiness and suddenly did not know what to say next. "Is this the part where I kiss you—," But his question was cut off as Kurt threw himself at Sam and pushed him back onto the stone so fiercely Sam knocked his head and saw stars behind his eyelids, but all he could feel was the pressure of Kurt against his lips. They stayed locked in that kiss for what felt to Sam like a lifetime but what could not have been more than a few seconds. Kurt pushed himself up and looked down at Sam from on top of him with a smile and tears pooling in his eyes. Sam felt his heart flutter and he exhaled shakily.
"You okay?" Kurt asked happily.
"I think I'll be okay," Sam answered with a sheepish half-smile. "What about you? Are you crying?"
"Not quite. Teary, though. I'm just so happy, and there's so many feelings," Kurt said as he lay back down next to Sam.
"Tonight's been an emotional night." Kurt responded by moving his hand over and taking Sam's in his. They lay together holding hands for a few minutes more, and then Sam pointed up into the sky. "Look! I think that's Mars!"
"Is it the reddish one?"
"I think so. Let's just say it is," Sam said with a freeing laugh then added, "I used to think Mars was the god of love. Quinn had to correct me. Apparently it's Venus."
"Well, you know what they say. Girls go to Venus, boys go to Mars." Kurt said smiling lazily up at the sky.
"It all makes sense now."
Sam lay next to Kurt thinking about how this had to be a dream he would awake from in the morning. It was too good to be true. But here Kurt Hummel was, lying next to him on a rock in the middle of a clearing in the woods, holding his hand. They stayed there together just drinking in each other's company for several minutes before Sam broke the silence with a sudden thought.
"You'll probably think this is stupid, but you know everyone's couple names?"
"Oh, goodness. Like Pizes and Finchel?"
"Yeah. I just thought…if we had one, it could be Hevans," Sam said as he blushed. "It seems kind of perfect, considering where we are." He motioned toward the sky.
Kurt squeezed Sam's hand. "That is so romantic it almost put me in a coma."
Sam laughed then released Kurt's hand and stood up. "I think it's late enough for us to go. We're probably here illegally since this place closes at nine." He reached out a hand and pulled Kurt to his feet.
"Well then I guess it is time to tell this rock goodbye." Kurt squatted down and gave the rock they'd spent the past hour on a pat. "If rocks could talk."
"This one wouldn't have much of a story."
"It's a story that means a lot to me," Kurt said as he stood up. Sam put his arm around Kurt and they started off toward the car.
As they got in, Kurt remembered he never shared details about the fight that had brought them here. "I never told you what started my fight with Blaine."
"Yeah?"
"I told him I slept with you and had a sex dream about you," Kurt said with a coy grin and sat in the car while Sam just stared at him open-mouthed. Sam thought he could get used to this.