Chapter Seven

Vixen

The next morning, Dinah called my cell phone and told me she would be late and not to wait up for her before school, so I felt weird because I was alone in the morning. I saw Kelly, and she saw me, met my gaze, then looked down. I shook my head and continued on my way to my first class. I went to lab class later that day still unsure of why Dinah was late, but just before the bell rang, in came the devil herself. She looked good. Not at all like the Dinah I knew, but some evil twin who looked really, REALLY good in that shirt. Of course, had I been a Tex Avery cartoon (my favorite cartoon, not because of the shows themselves, but the name was what made me start watching them... it just sounded like a cool name), my tongue would have rolled out like her red carpet, my eyes would have grown ten times their normal size and shaped into red hearts, and my lips would have curled into an 'o' shape while hanging six inches from my face as I whistled and howled.

That didn't happen, but that doesn't mean that wasn't how I felt. Lust almost completely filled me, and I felt just as dumbstruck as Matt (as well as half of the rest of the guys in that class) looked. She glanced my way as she flipped her hair over her shoulder (something I have never seen her do before), and I did my best to smile an encouraging smile. I watched as she continued towards Matt, the lucky bastard, and they started to talk. She had paper in her hands, and showed them to Matt, who seemed excited. Something else was said, and by the way she looked back at me in this 'did you hear that' manner, I assumed he asked her about the dance. I winked at her, hoping it didn't look as suggestive as it felt.

"Is it her?" A voice to my right made me snap out of my thoughts and look toward the speaker, who was Gina. She gave a small nod in the direction I was staring. "It's not Matt or any other guy you like. It's her, isn't it?"

I just stared at her.

"No," I lied. Well, it was not really a lie. It wasn't her I liked... I think... I think it was her I loved. Gina only smiled.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to say anything. Besides, its not like people don't already know."

"Know what?" I asked, somewhat worried.

"Well, they don't know, but to them, anyone who hasn't dated in such and such amount of time is either a) really ugly, b) snobby, or c) gay. Seeing as you're not ugly, and I've never seen you act snobby towards anyone, I assumed you were the last one. So, am I right?" I sighed, feeling slightly embaressed, but I gave the tiniest of nods.

"Screw what they say." I said.

"How long have you liked her?

"I don't know, a week? A month ago when I first met her? I just wanted to get to know her. The more I found out about her, the more I wanted to know still." I told her. 'And now I 'm stuck watching her be happy with someone else.' I thought.

"You know, I've seen you two together this last month. You're such a good friend to her, yelling at those who still call her 'Zipper Girl' and making sure she's not walking alont most of the day. Not even my best friends of ten years have done that for me. Maybe she'll see how good you are to her and want more than friendship from you."

"Man, that's a wonderful thought, Gina, but there are a couple of flaws to that theory: we're both female and she's straight." Gina smiled.

"It's the age of experimentation. You never know, she might start questioning..."

"Are you always this optimistic?" I asked.

"Yep!" She smiled, genuinly happy, and I saw a small glint in her eye. I wished I could go back to being like that.

"So what about you?" I asked, trying to take the heat away from me.

"What do you mean?"

"You're never seen with anyone as far as I know, you're definately not ugly or snobby, so can I consider you option c?" I asked.

"I am what many would call 'really confused'." I couldn't help the laugh that came from me after that statement. We then got to work using our text book to go over our answers from the dissection the day before. We'd gotten all but one question right, and the two of us worked well together as we talked about her love of Charmed and my love of Xena reruns all because of the shared names.

One thing that bothered me was the fact that my now second biggest secret was being kept from Dinah, yet Gina, a girl I had just gotten to know, knew about it. How was I to get to know more about my best friend and be there for her when I myself was holding back? I wanted to come out to her, but the timing was never right. Sometimes, it was because when we spoke, it was at school and I didn't want to be overheard. Sometimes it would be that we would be in the middle of such a good conversation that I would forget.

Everytime, though it was because I was too afraid of her then taking that information that I'm gay and figuring out my true feeling for her. Though the fact that I'm a lesbian might not phase her, the fact that I was in love with her almost certainly will. The timing might have been right then, though. Her mind was busy with Matt and the dance. Maybe in between slow songs when Matt and Dinah would be returing to the sidelines, I can explain to her why I wasn't dancing with anyone. I'd tell her then as soon as I got her away from the groups for a minute. Who knows, if she takes the fact that I'm a lesbian well, I will think about possibly telling her about the last few weeks truthfully.

As it turned out, nothing happened the way I'd hoped it would. Dinah had changed out of her vixen outfit, as I had come to call it, and looked more like my best friend and love interest. I smiled as I waited for her at our usual spot at the flagpole, and together we walked inside. The first thing I saw upon getting inside was a banmer that said 'Big Dance Tonight'. Looking around, the second thing I saw was Matt. "Guess who's headed our way." I said in almost a teasing tone. Then, I pushed her towards him. I stood and watched as she spoke to him, and something happened that I didn't expect:

Matt's face turned from his usual casual look to upset. What did Dinah say?

Suddenly, he walked up to me.

"How you doing?" he asked. I just didn't know what to say. I wanted to ask what she said to him, but I wanted to hear it from Dinah.

"Pretty good," I replied on autopilot.

"Want to go dance?"

"Sure." As soon as that confused word left my mouth, I regretted it. Matt lead me to the dance hall, and I try to convay the messege to Dinah that I didn't know what was going on by shaking my head. Dinah shrugged, hurt, and I felt as if my heart would rip apart my entire chest. I hurt her. I never meant to hurt her. I should have tried to give some sort of excuse, like I was waiting for someone, but the whole thing caught me completely off guard.

'Now I'm about to lose her over a guy I can hardly tolerate longer than I have to.' That wasn't really true. Clueless as he was, Matt was a sweet guy, and not bad as a dancer. If I wasn't craving to be in Dinah's arms as the slower pop beat of some boyband played, I might have enjoyed the dance on friendly terms. It was all mere jealousy that made me think the things I had, and though I felt bad, at times I knew I wouldn't take them back, and I didn't care if that made me a bad person. It was easy to see why he had a lot of the girls in my class drooling over him, though. When the song was over, Matt and I moved apart, and as a new song started, we still stood there, still. "Thanks for the dance," I said after a moment.

"No problem. I just hope my dancing with you doesn't mess with your friendship with Dinah. I know you're close, even though she just got here.

Look, I needed to ask you something, but didn't know how to word it, so I used that dance as time to find the right way to ask... Gabby, do you ever feel static electricity when you're with Dinah?" My mind immediately went to the night the humming had started. Since then the static I've felt hadn't lessened, and had, in fact, increased at the movie theater.

"No," I lied, and Matt nodded.

"Oh," He sounded disappointed. "Well, thanks Gabby," he said. "I kinda miss having you as a lab partner." I smiled.

"Only 'cause I gave you the answers." At that, Matt chuckled.

"That wasn't the only reason... but it helped." I laughed almost without any humor in it. "See you around."

"Bye Matt."

That night, I couldn't sleep. 'What if she hates me now? What if she doesn't want to speak to me ever again?' I almost dreaded going to school the next morning. As it turned out, I needn't have worried. She waited for me at the flagpole and she looked like she too, hadn't slept the night before. She stood up from the bench next to the flagpole as I slowly, tentatively approached her. She said nothing as she entered my personal space, and I braced myself for her anger, for the slap in the face I felt I deserved. Instead, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. "I'm so glad you're my best friend."

I felt relief, not only from me, but from Dinah as well. If anything, she felt it more than I did. 'Poor Helena,' I heard in my mind. It felt as if Helena had lost her best friend, which made Dinah think heavily about our friendship, just as hearing about Dinah's flawed relationship with her mother made me appretiate my relationship with mine... that is, before I overheard about the Institute. "I'm glad you're my best friend, too. Are we okay? When you didn't call me last night, I was sure you'd never speak to me agian." We broke apart and started walking into the building. It was silent between us until we started walking down the hall.

"Yeah... We're definately okay, Gabby. I would never stop being friends with someone over some guy." I felt better now that I knew she didn't hate me. I brushed past a couple of girls who were talking about the dance.

"So did you hear what happened at the dance last night? Apperently, there was a fight or something." I never heard about that. I went home right after the dance with Matt when I couldn't find Dinah. I had just heard this from the girls I almost bumped into, and was using that as a way to start a conversation that wasn't completey about Matt.

"Oh yeah. You know, I heard a couple of the staff got a little over beveraged and, uh, went berserk or something." I felt guilt. She was lying to me. The thought of Mr. Brixton, the councelor, and Mr. Garret, the drama teacher, getting shit-faced and duking it out was funny to me, though.

"Oh god," I said with a slight laugh.

"So what happened with you and Matt last night?" I shook my head, wishing with everything that she hadn't brought it up.

"Nothing. We danced. I don't even know why he asked me."

"It's pretty obvious. He must like you."

"Okay, well, don't stress 'cause the feeling's definately not mutual. He's sweet, he's just... not my type." 'You are,' my head screamed, but I didn't move a muscle to indicate that I was thinking anything like that. It seemed as though Dinah would have believed that the sky was brick red instead of what I had just told her.

"Gabby. He's cool, sensitive, extremely easy on the eyes... He's everyone's type." It was then that the oppratunity to come out to Dinah fell at my feet, and I struggled to find a good way to tell her. I stopped walking as I thought of what to say.

"Dinah... you know when I agreed to switch lab partners?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't do it just for you." It was sort of a lie, but at the same time, I hadn't done it just so she can lust after Matt close up. I needed a good grade. Dinah seemed slightly confused, with good reason.

"Yeah, but my lab partner was that girl, Gina." I didn't say anything, but it was enough for Dinah to catch my drift after I just stared at her for a second. "Oh," she said, to my surprise, with a smile. It wasn't exactly the truth. She knew by then that I was a lesbian, but it wasn't Gina I liked. I was content to let Dinah think so, though.

"She rocks," I winked at her and walked away before she could form any sort of reaction, bad or good, and I sat next to Gina. It was a small lie, the fact that I liked her as more than friendship material, but not about the fact that she rocks.

"Hey Gabby." She must have seen my face, with some relief and some fear still upon it. "You okay?" I shook my head.

"I told her." I said, and she looked a little surprised.

"You did?" I nodded. "What'd she say?"

"Well, I told her I'm you-know-what," I explained. In whispers, I told Gina the way I'd told Dinah. "So, I hope you don't mind. I only implied that I have a crush on you, not that it could go anywhere."

"I'm honored to play your love interest, but Gabby, you've got to tell her sometime." I nodded, not saying anything more.