Disclaimer: If I were SMeyer, the characters of Twilight would have shown ordinary people doing extraordinary things, not perfect, flawless characters that only serve to raise the expectations of Twilight's overall public, leading to even more self-image issues. So, no, I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 20—Bella PoV

Bella had been utterly confused and, to an extent, hurt, when Edward admitted to having gone to her house. She felt as if he had breached her trust, going to the one place she never wanted him to learn about. Why had he gone? How had he found out where she lived? Why did he even care?

She bit her lip; that light pain kept her grounded and allowed her to focus on what Edward was telling her. Suddenly, she realized that Alice was sitting next to them, capable of following the conversation if she wanted. Bella stiffened and turned to look at her quickly, hoping to find her looking elsewhere; she wanted as few people to know about her as possible, she didn't want them to treat her differently because she was not a Hale, because she wasn't as rich, because she was Edward's hateful teacher's daughter.

Lucky for her, Alice seemed to be too busy staring at Jasper. That was another possible problem; what if Alice assumed that, since she was so close to Jasper without being his sister, they were together? Would she be angry? Jealous? Hurt? All those awful thoughts and situations danced through Bella's head, threatening to bring on a headache or, worse, an anxiety attack. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down, and then she had told Edward the most basic truth of her story.

She knew Edward could tell she was keeping things from him, but she could not bring herself to care; better he wonder than he be disgusted by the truth she had never even dared to tell Jasper. Her thoughts now dwelled on the topic; the memories almost taking over. She pushed them back by asking about Edward, and he had not disappointed, throwing her a curve ball with his claims about friendships. She had been hurt, at first, thinking he considered her merely "circumstantial," but he had quickly told her that she was a true friend, and she felt so much better for it.

At this point, however, Jasper had finally disentangled himself from Rosalie and he came over, taking Edward's attention away from her and, suddenly, the memories came back. The onslaught of emotion was overwhelming, and Bella found herself unable to concentrate on Rosalie and Alice's words as they chatted about the latest movie they had seen. She stayed with them for a while, nodding where she thought it was expected of her, but, as soon as it was politely allowed, she excused herself to go fix something for lunch; she needed some time for herself. First off, though, she wanted to shower; the gooey eggs were gross all over her skin and clothes.

The moment she went into the shower, Bella leaned against a wall and let herself slide down until she was sitting on the bottom of the tub, her face hidden between her knees and her arms enclosing her entire being in an attempt to keep her from falling to pieces as the cold water rained upon her. She took three deep breaths, she closed her eyes, she tried to relax her muscles. Nothing worked, however, and the memories came back in full force.

Flashback

Bella was 12; school had been fun that day and she had gone to Jasper's to play with him after school, so she was happy. In her English class, they were working on a project about their families, and they had to bring in pictures of their relatives. The teacher, Mrs. Sate, had told Bella she did not have to bring any pictures of her mother if she did not want to, but she truly did. So, when she got home, she put her bag away and then climbed down to the basement, to look for a picture of her mother.

The basement was dark and cold, with water stains on the ceiling and walls. The floor was plain cement and the windows did not have any curtains. They used it only as a storage space and it scared Bella a little. But she squared her shoulders and went to a box labeled "Pictures." She took it down from its shelf, sat down on the cold floor, and began to sort through the pictures. There weren't very many pictures of her mother besides those in the wedding album, Bella noticed sadly, but, from the ones there were, she could tell she was a beautiful woman.

After a while, Bella found the most astonishing picture. In it, her mother looked so beautiful, so happy…so perfect. In the picture, she was leaning on a man, looking up at him over her shoulder. The man was leaning down to kiss her lips, his arms wrapped around her very pregnant belly. Bella wondered who the man was. Having always been fond of fantastic stories, she began to come up with a story about the situation. She was so immersed in doing so that she did not hear when the front door opened and closed. Or when her father, James, made his way down the stairs to the basement.

"Isabella? What are you doing here?" he asked, sounding somewhat annoyed. Bella shrugged, not tearing her eyes away from the picture. Her mother just looked so…happy. Happier than she had been in any of the other pictures.

James came over to stand above her. When he saw the picture in her hands, his eyes widened with anger. He shoved her to the side and ripped the picture from her hands. Bella looked at him, confused, hurt. He closed his fist around the picture, turning to glare at her. Bella's eyes were trained on the picture, now wrinkled and battered.

"So now you fucking know. Do you see now why you're so mediocre? It's because your fucking mother was a whore. A whore who found herself a boy toy to fuck around with, and she was stupid enough to let herself get knocked up. And to top it all off, she fucking goes and dies, leaving me with her fucking bastard. You ruined us. It's your fault she died; she wouldn't have run if not for you. And you're just like her; a fucking whore whom nobody will ever look at twice. You're pathetic."

Bella stared at James in surprise and fear, her bottom lip quivering. He couldn't mean what he was saying. Her mother was good. She loved her! And she did not die because of her. She couldn't have. The tears, however, began to fall. She had killed her mother. It was her fault. So lost was she in her thoughts that she didn't notice when James threw the crumpled picture at her before climbing up the stairs. He turned around, a smirk on his face.

"You'll sleep down here tonight. If you're good, I'll let you out tomorrow."

With that, he turned off the light and closed the door. Bella tried to open the door, but it was locked. She sat down, curled up in a ball, and cried herself to sleep. James did not let her out the next day for school, and by the time he let her out that evening she was practically frozen. That was the first time he did anything to her, but definitely not the last. He did not hit her—too easy to prove, he said—, but his verbal abuse, coupled with the periodic times he locked her up in the basement, were more than enough. She kept it secret for years, until, one day, unable to hold it in for a minute longer, she told Jasper. He had been her hero, even if he did not know the truth; that she was a bastard and that she had killed her mother.

End Flashback

Bella refused to cry; she had shed too many tears over a man who did not deserve them. She bit her tongue to redirect the pain and forced herself to get it back together. She showered, dressed, and went back downstairs, to check if Alice or Edward had anything they wouldn't eat. She then headed to kitchen and pulled all the necessary ingredients to make some quesadillas out of the fridge and cabinets; they were simple to make and easy to eat, a perfect lunch item for such a lazy day. Knowing Emmett would not take long to show—he hated to be far from Rosalie—, she made one for him as well.

After putting them in the oven, she made herself a cup of chamomile tea and sat to drink it, relaxing. When there were only a few minutes until the quesadillas were ready, she got up and started to gather the ingredients to make a salad. She was just finishing it up when the oven's timer went off. She hurried over to take the quesadillas out, but she tripped. She began to fall backwards, her eyes wide as she realized she was going to get burnt; she did not want another trip to the Emergency Room. However, out of nowhere, a hand on her back stabilized her, and a firm hand wrapped around her forearm stopped the impending burn from happening. Bella looked over her shoulder and saw that it was not her regular savior, Jasper, but rather the object of her thoughts of late, Edward.

Bella gasped but was unable to pull away. Edward's eyes were so green, so expressive…and so caring. He looked truly concerned for her. She relaxed into his hold, staring into his eyes, as a light blush took over her cheeks. Edward's concerned look soon turned into one of awkwardness, and he looked away. Bella did the same, embarrassed now, and she pulled away. She had let herself think of what wasn't possible and now Edward felt awkward. What if he started acting differently now? She didn't want to lose a friend and, something inside her told her, he was more valuable than just a mere friend. She pushed that thought down.

The awkwardness lasted for a few seconds, as they insistently apologized to each other. Bella sighed, defeated, and turned to arrange the quesadillas on the plates. Right then, she really just needed Jasper. He would hug her and tell her everything would be alright, and she would forget about James for a while longer.

She was considering just going out and asking to talk to him for a second, when she saw Edward had extended a hand out to her. Hesitantly, somewhat confused, Bella took it. Much to her surprise, as if he had read her mind, Edward pulled her into a hug. At first she returned it awkwardly, unsure. However, she found that Edward's embrace was just as comforting as Jasper's had ever been and that, even without saying it, he was silently promising her that everything would be, in fact, alright. She relaxed into it, letting the negative thoughts hide back in the recesses of her mind.

Emmett got there, and they had their lunch. Bella felt much more comfortable around Edward now, touching him with more ease; she would touch his hand as she handed something to him, yank playfully at his hair if she walked past him. Edward reciprocated, not hesitating at all to stabilize her or help her up when she tripped, tucking her hair behind her ear when it got on her face. This new development, however, brought some awkwardness as well. Neither knew how much the other was comfortable with or if they were overstepping any boundaries. Much to Bella's disappointment, that new stage of their friendship was laced with awkward glances as much as with the excitement of a flourishing possibility for "more."

As time passed, and the days became weeks, Bella began to feel more and more comfortable and confident with Alice and Edward. She did not hesitate to call or IM them, to tell them about her day, or to make plans for the weekend. She had told Alice about her family arrangements, but only as much as she had told Edward. Neither knew of the anger, the alcohol, or the hatred.

Bella had always refused to allow that to take over her life and she had decided that she would not let it taint her new friendship at all. She never let Edward see the bad anymore. If she was down, she hid it. If she was exhausted from a sleepless night of screaming, she doubled her efforts to seem happy and energetic. Something in her, a force she had never experienced before, wanted her to make Edward happy at any cost. When he was happy, she felt as if a wave of warmth and happiness enveloped her. She did not understand it, but she followed it religiously.

Unfortunately, the acting was catching up to her, the tiredness and sadness creeping up on her. Jasper confronted her about it.

"Bella, we need to talk," he said as they walked to the lunch room one day. Bella turned to him, confused by his serious tone.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked, worried, her tired mind trying its best to remember if something was happening in Jasper's life that would require such a serious tone. She could not remember anything but, considering that she was having trouble remembering even what she had had for breakfast that day, that was unsurprising.

"Yes, Bella. It's you. You've been all wrong lately."

Bella stopped cold on her tracks. Jasper took a second to realize and he kept walking for a few steps, so that he was a few feet ahead of her when he finally realized that she wasn't with him anymore. He turned to look at her and found her with a look of utter hurt and confusion on her face. Within seconds, however, it was gone and, despite how guilty he felt about it, Jasper groaned and pointed at her.

"That's exactly what I mean! Goddamn it, Bella, you have emotions, just like the rest of us. Freaking show them!"

Bella winced and a small crowd gathered around them. They were, after all, fighting in the middle of one of the most crowded hallways during lunchtime, and everyone in the school knew Jasper and Bella as the quintessential best friends. A fight between them was unheard of.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Bella answered with a small voice, her eyes flickering between the faces around them, "but if you want to talk, we should do it at home. Jazzy, it's Friday, can we just wait until the end of the school day, and then you'll have all weekend to scream?"

Jasper shook his head, his eyes angry but his stance resigned. Bella relaxes slightly, thinking he would heed her advice. The crowd began to part as they all headed into the cafeteria. Bella stepped towards him, smiling widely, ready to hug him. However, when she was about to do so, his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her. He looked into her eyes as she tried feebly to pull away.

"Bella, you're exhausted and unhappy. Why are you hiding it? What the hell do you think you win by putting on this fucking mask?"

His voice was barely a whisper—he did not want to put on a show for the entire school—but his words hit Bella just as harshly as if he'd screamed them.

"I'm fine, Jasper. I know what I'm doing."

"Really?" he asked angrily, because I saw you almost fall asleep in art, and when we talk you're so moody and look so down, yet you are walking around chatting a thousand miles a minute with that ridiculous fake smile on your face." He took a deep breath, relaxing his grip on her arm as his face took on a worried look. "Look, Bella...does that asshole have something to do with this?" he motioned with his head towards the library, where James taught, "Has he done something and you aren't telling me? Please, tell me hasn't tried anything."

Jasper's voice was strained, so worried, and Bella wanted nothing more than to hug him and make it all better. She hadn't realized she was worrying him that much. She brought a hand up to his face and rested it on his cheek comfortingly.

"He hasn't done anything, Jasper. Nothing you don't know about, at least. It's just…" her eyes quickly scanned the hallway to make sure nobody was around, listening. "This is going to sound ridiculous. It's just that I'm not that. I'm not the bitchy girl, or the emo one, or the pathetic one that falls asleep in class. That's not me, but James makes me seem like it. And I don't want Edward to think that's me. I don't want him to think I'm just some obnoxious poser girl, I just want him to be happy and to like me."

Jasper stared at her as if she had grown a third head. He shook his head.

"That is the most fuckingly stupid idea I've heard in my entire life. What the hell, Bella? Edward knows that's not you. He's your friend, he sees past the bad days. We all have them, we're teens. And you're just making yourself sick faking you don't. You don't have to prove anything to him, Bells. Or to anybody. Just…just be yourself, both the good and the bad. That's who you are, not the constantly happy façade."

Bella met Jasper's eyes and neither said anything for a while. Suddenly, Bella began to cry, all the pent-up emotions and exhaustion of the past few weeks catching up to her. Jasper hugged her, rubbing her back soothingly. They stayed like that for a while before finally heading into the cafeteria.

They took their seats, Jasper next to Alice and Bella on his other side, across from Edward. When they finally came in, Edward looked at Bella worriedly. He leaned over the table to take her hand and squeeze it comfortingly. Bella smiled shakily at him.

Are you OK? he asked, his eyes worried.

I don't know, Bella answered sincerely, it's all so confusing.

Well, I'm glad you're back to being…you. The constant happiness was beginning to scare me. His expression changed, a look of concern overtaking his face, was something wrong? Anything I could help with?

Bella laughed sheepishly. He had seen right through her. She should have expected it, really. And, in a way, it made her feel warm inside to know he watched her closely enough to notice such changes in her personality.

I'm alright now. But thank you.

Edward did not look completely sure, but he accepted her dismissal of the topic. They began to eat and, as they ate, Edward playfully kicked her under the table. Bella smiled and returned the kick. Soon, they were immersed in a game of footsie. Alice and Jasper looked at them, then back at each other, and rolled their eyes, both seeing easily what Edward and Bella seemed so blind to.

Author's Note—OK, as promised, more story! And I'm already working on the next chapter. If you're luck and I finish my homework (I have to read the entirety of Virgina Woolf's "A Room of One's Own" for tomorrow), I'll try and post that tonight. If not, expect it tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed the clarification of it all; what Bella considers her "deep dark secret." And, of course, the blooming relationship. I figured after 78,000 words and 20 chapters, I better start getting them together! Hopefully that will come soon. I'm afraid I disregarded the sacred "show don't tell" a bit for this chapter, but I just wanted to get it all down and moving on. Did it work nicely, at least? I hope so!

Thanks to:

Sweetiedolphin

PrettiaLydia—please, do bug me on Twitter. That's part of the purpose; you guys can access me at any time. =]

Bellaleigh2009

Incredibelle

Ceara1888

Bb1028

Emmettismyteddybear19—thank you! As for this being my first story, it is in a way. I have written before, of course, but I have never gotten past two or three chapters and I preferred not to publish it. This is the first time I have undertaken such a large challenge, and I'm glad you like it so much!

Reborn-fire-bird

Mrs. Dom Masbolle

Bemyescape32

AvaAnne

Special Thanks To:

Silver Fire Vampyre—Yay! I hope this finally cleared things up. There is only one important piece of the puzzle missing now, and I'm going to hold it hostage for a bit longer; it plays a big role later on, but it's important that I use it at exactly the right point. Is there anything else that I've made remarkably cryptic that you'd like me to clear up? Since I know exactly what everything means, I sometimes don't realize how confusing some things can seem. Thanks and I'm looking forward to your comments on this chapter!