Flashback
I walked home from school on a cloudy dreary day. My mother's car was in the driveway and I trembled as I opened the door to the house. I didn't want to go inside and face her like I did everyday. It had been a
year since the first incident with my mother and she still continued to freak out every single day. Wherever she went, the Vodka bottle was by her side. Some people are fun and silly when they are drunk, but
my mom was a violent monster. I hadn't seen her smile in over a year. The door creaked loudly as I opened it.
"MASSIE!" I cringed as she yelled my name. She walked into the room, wearing her pajamas, holding the Vodka bottle in her hand.
"Yes Mom?" I asked her. She had on an angry face, staring straight through me.
"Go to your room. I don't want to see you right now." I followed her command, not wanting to cause a conflict. When I disobey her she normally throws something or screams. My dad wasn't home, but he was.
A month before, I had heard him talking on the phone with a woman and I found out that he had been having an affair for about a year. My mom knew about it, but refused to believe it. If she believed it, then it
became reality. The vodka gave her a new reality, the reality she wanted, not the one she lived in. I lived in my room and my only friend was my journal, I wrote down everything that had happened and how I
felt. I didn't have any friends to talk to, I avoided them all. I liked to be alone, away from people, because the only people who I had ever trusted were the ones who had hated me. I did all
of my homework and fell into a dreamless sleep.
I woke up to a strong heat on my face and pain all over my body and when I opened my eyes I saw my room covered in scarlet fire. I got up from my bed, trying to avoid the roaring flames. Looking around my
room and I noticed that all of my possessions had already been burned away, and if I didn't hurry, I would be next. The door was blocked and so I ran to the window. I jumped out as quickly as
possible, catching a tree branch and slowly climbing down the twenty feet. When I looked at my hands I saw that they were covered in scrapes, bleeding from the ride down the tree. I saw flashing
lights and firemen outside the burning house and I walked towards them as my vision began to slowly fade.
"Were you in the house?" One of the firemen asked me. He was a man around 40 with an aged face. His peppered hair was matted down beneath the hat. His grey eyes squinted as the looked at me for an a
reply. I nodded, cringing from the pain of the burns that covered my body. The man looked slightly confused for a moment.
"That woman said nobody was in there, but her," He explained, then pointed out my mother as he walked me towards the ambulance.
End Flashback
"Massie!" I heard Cam whisper, "Are you okay? You been zoned out for like 5 minutes."
I snap out of it and remember that I am at Cam's birthday dinner. I came to dinner today, the 3rd day of winter break, because it is Cam's birthday. The Fishers are really good about giving me space,
so I normally eat my meals in my room. I don't enjoy sitting down for the normal happy family conversation that I have been deprived of for so long. We sat at a large dark wooden table with beautiful
carvings around the corner. Cam was sitting next to me, and Derrick across from me. My eyes locked with Derricks for a split second, but I quickly looked away, focusing my attention on the table. I
could still feel his stare. He hates me, I hate him and I want to be left alone.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little out of it." I told him. That memory was one of my worst and I have a 2 inch scar on my left side that serves as a painful reminder of the horrible night where any remnants of
my old happy life were burned away. Mrs. Fisher was a wonderful cook, she made roasted chicken, and a nice chocolate birthday cake sat waiting for dinner to be finished.
"Okay, I'm just worried about you..." He whispered back. Cam was really sweet, he is the brother that I had never had. I wish I could tell him everything, I really wish I could, but I can't. I will not let
anyone know anything about me, my past or the scars on my wrists. When we finish dinner, I tell Cam "Happy Birthday" again and hurry to my room, avoiding conversation. I sat on my bed and stared
at the blank white wall. I heard a knock on the door and went to open it, thinking it was Cam, but it wasn't. Derrick walked into my room, wearing dark jeans and a grey henley and sat in a chair, facing
me with his cocky smile.
"What do you want?" I asked him with disgust.
"I want to know whats up with you." He told me.
"What so you mean?" I asked him, playing innocent.
Why are you acting so weirdly? You used to smile all the time and sing." He said, a weird look crossing over his face.
" That was years ago Derrick. And if I remember correctly, we never talked then, so why should we talk now? Get out."
"I just wanted to talk Massie," He said with a sad look.
"I don't want to talk to anybody." I told him as I plugged in my iPod and blasted music. He looked at me for a second and then softly closed the door.
4th day of Winter Break
Mr. and Mrs. Fisher were going out to an opera now and Cam is going to have a party. I locked myself in my room with my headphones and my guitar. These people have such privileged lives, and yet
they don't even appreciate what they have. A chance at normalcy. I don't want to see their happy drunk faces dancing to the beat of the loud music. I don't want to see Alicia and the "Pretty
Committee" so they can theorize more reasons why I'm here.
It is a few hours into the party, and I hope Cam is having fun. He asked me to come out and enjoy the party, but I told him that I didn't want to. He wanted me to have fun too, but I don't even know
what fun is anymore. I have stayed in my room all night, and the occasional drunk couple tries to come in, for the use of the bed, but they quickly leave and go to the guest room. Love is a hoax, it
doesn't exist. When I was little, I would dream about becoming a princess by falling in love with a prince, but there is no prince or love. Because all love falls apart, no one is truly happy forever. I know
this because, if love did exist, how could my life have ended up like this? My thought process is interrupted by voices outside my door that sound like they are arguing.
"Get. Off. Me." I hear a deep male voice growl. I hear a girl giggling and something slam into the corner. Can't people just be quiet? What on the hell is going on? I decided to break my own rule after
hearing the raucous continue and open the door to my room. I walked into the hallways and saw two figures, very close together.
"Seriously, Alicia, get off me!" Derrick said. Alicia was clinging to him drunkly, trying to kiss him and push him into the guest room. She was wearing a bikini top and short shorts, even though it was
December. He was trying to get away but she had him cornered. She giggled and pounced again, her dark hair shining in the light.
"You have a boyfriend! I don't like you." He protested. She went in to kiss him again and he pulled away, keeping his face hidden from hers.
"Boyfriends are bullshit, and Josh can't give me what I want. What I want is YOU!" She said and giggled some more. Derrick spotted me and looked at me with pleading eyes, silently asking me for
help. I really didn't want to help him, but Alicia is so annoying, I would hate to be in his position. I walked over to Alicia and tapped her on her shoulder. She turned around and I saw her eye darken
as she looked a me.
"What do you want you fucking whore?" She asked me with disgust. Derrick tried to protest to this, but I spoke first.
"Josh is looking for you," I lied, trying to get her away from Derrick. She laughed, but this wasn't a giggle, it was a mocking laugh, one that sounded very familiar to me.
"Screw Josh!" She said harshly," You know what I heard Massie?The Fishers are just taking pity on you. You are here because your parents didn't want you. You are worthless. Your parents didn't
want you because you ruined their lives by being alive. Nobody wants you!" She said with a cruel laugh, " You are just a stupid little waste of space," She glared at me, turned her back and walked
away, her raven colored hair bouncing with her. I stood frozen like a deer in the headlight. What she had said was completely correct. I am a waste of space. Her words were identical to my mother
cruel words, that she had told me every day, year after year. I sunk down onto the floor closed my eyes and let the thoughts take over. I held my hands over my head, trying to get it all to stop, to
erase all of the horrible memories, but nothing could. When I opened my eyes Derrick was gone.
I had been sitting there, frozen, for about two hours, the party just cleared out of the house, finally giving me some silence. A tall figure appeared above me and I looked up to see Derrick.
"Massie.." Derick said gently, as if I were an antique glass that could shatter at any moment, " Don't worry about it, Alicia doesn't know what she is talking about. She is insane and jealous. She
shouldn't be making things up about you."
He went to touch my shoulder lightly and I snapped. Glaring at him, I ran to my room shaking.
"Massie, are you okay?" Derrick called to me, concerned.
"Just stop! You have no idea what your talking about!" I yelled with anger in my voice, trying to hide my longing to have anyone understand. He called my name, but I ignored him and shut the door to
my room. My shaking hands grabbed my only source of comfort, my blade.
Worthless. Stupid. Bitch. Waste of life. Waste of space. Ruined my life.I hear my mother voice in my head, shouting the words at me. I open my wrist and slowly cut, but the memories wouldn't stop, so I
cut another line, parallel to the previous one. Little spots of red blossom out, and the memories and voices are starting the dulls. The pain numbs me, gives me an escape. I stare at the red blood, a
thing so many people fear, yet I need it. People fear pain, but it is my escape. I guess I am nothing more than my mother, creating my own reality, but its the only way to get through the days. Just as
I reach for a towel to clean my bleeding arm, I hear the door creaked open and look up to see shaggy blonde hair and chocolate eyes.
"Massie, I-" He said and then stopped mid sentence, staring at me with wide eyes.
HI! Sorry for not updating in a while, school has been absolutely insane, and I haven't had any spare time! But I will be updating more frequently now :)
So...I'm sorry if you don't like the cutting because it can be disturbing, but thats a part of Massies character. Sadly, its a thing that alot of people do :(
BUT Derrick just walked in on her! What do you think will happen? Ahhhhhhhh. Suspense.
Thanks for reading so far! Review please :)