Chapter Sixteen

Confess

My three guests readied themselves to leave, and as Helena helped Ms.

Gordon down the steps, Dinah turned around, walked back in the house, closed the door behind her, and walked up to the chair I sat in (the same chair I was in the night before). To rid myself of bad memories before they came to me, I quickly stood up and faced her. We just stood there, staring at eachother and not speaking. The silence made me uncomfortable, but Dinah seemed almost used to it, as if she'd just learned to stay silent like this for long periods of time. Her eyes almost mirrored my own; sadness and grief was evident there. It was as if she tried so hard to hide her thoughts, for they were fainter than the other thoughts I heard that day. Still, I heard from her, 'I almost don't know you. I've never seen you like this... so sad.

You're so beautiful when you smile.' My chest felt heavy at that. After another moment or so, Dinah asked "Are we ever going to talk?" I shrugged.

"What more is there to say?" 'I'm sorry.' Dinah suggested in her mind, and I shrugged again.

"I understand now what my mother went through ten years ago when she gave me up. She didn't want to give me to the Redmonds, but to protect me from those who wanted to hurt her in the worst way possible, she did what she thought was best. And I... Gabby, I hated her. I cursed her every single time I was forced to stay in that closet until I lied and told them that what I saw wasn't real." I said nothing as I saw flashes of her memories with the Redmonds, almost as if she was giving them to me on purpose, a visual to go along with the story. I felt myself get angry at the cruelty they showed Dinah at such a young age, and it made me wonder why she hadn't turned out as dangerous as Kelly thought she was at first. "Last night,"

Dinah continued, making me look at her and pay attention the her story, "as you know, a woman Helena trusted had caused the damage you helped clean up today. She took over the Clocktower when Wade was there. He and Barbara were dating, and things were getting serious, but for the longest time, he didn't have a clue about who Barbara really was until a few nights ago... when I was at that fashion show. Then, with him knowing everything, Barbara was so happy. I mean, those emerald eyes made jewelry jealous..." Dinah's face seemed far away as if savoring the memory of a happy Ms. Gordon as if she will never see that sight ever again, but then her face hardened, and I felt the anger and pain before she started to speak again, "until Harley came, and Wade was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. She- She kissed him while he was under hypnosis- the power she had stolen. That had to be the only way Wade would betray Barbara or even want to gravitate towards that bitch. She kissed him- tainted him... and then she stabbed him, gloating about it later to my guardian and friend." I watched as one tear, then two and three fell from her cheeks. "She loved him, Gabby. Barbara loved Wade so much, and I-" 'love YOU so much...'

I couldn't breathe, yet still I asked, stunned, "You- you love me?" My mind heart, and body all felt ready to do cartwheels. Dinah looked shocked. I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be one of those secrets she meant to take with her to the grave. She was still and silent for a few seconds, then she nodded, stiffly almost.

"You're the only person who ever seemed to give a damn about me without me being forced upon you. You came to me, forced yourself into my life instead of the other way around. You made me want to see you out of school." She stopped talking and I heard, 'She can't know about this. What am I doing?

This goes against what I'd done last night.' I understood all too well what it all meant. Regardless of whether or not I felt the same (and I did! I did, damn it!), she wouldn't let anything come of it. She was afraid that I'd share the same fate as Mr. Brixton. Understandable. Comepletely, but my heart didn't seem to think so as I felt it rattle my rib cage. I also knew that no matter what did or didn't happen, that even if we went back to being friends, that friendship would never be the same. "So yes, Gabby," she said, snapping me out of my thoughts after a few seconds of silence, "I do love you. A lot more than I should. But I can't." I nodded, and looked at the floor.

"So where do we stand?" I finally asked. I heard a sigh.

"I honestly don't know," she said. "I want to be your friend. Hell, I want to be more than that, but it was the mistake that got Wade killed, and I can't- I won't do that to you."

"I want to stay friends with you Dinah," I said to her. "I just don't think our friendship will ever be the same. Not just because we're both metahuman and don't have to hide from eachother, but also because of what you just told me. I'd rather have that awkwardness added than to not have that friendship at all." I watched her as she took it in, and I felt a question from her. 'Does she feel the same?' I heard. I debated on whether I should tell her. Would it make any difference in her decision to stay with me or leave? Had she known last night, would it have? I felt hope a little while later. 'I don't want to lose her. She's too precious to me.' She didn't realize I could hear everything, but I didn't say anything to her.

"Then I guess I'll see you around then?" she asked me. "At school?"

"Or before then, if you'd like. I have no clue when our school's going to re-open, but because the biggest damage was just the broken windows, I don't see why it won't open before the new year." Dinah nodded.

"Definately," She looked back at the door, and faintly, I heard, 'What the hell is keeing her so long?' from an impatient Helena, and 'Please work something out. I know you don't want to lose her.' from Barbara, and it was hard to tell who that was directed to, me or her. I smiled.

"It sounds as if Helena's getting impatient out there," I told her. "We're getting together sometime soon, at least to exchange gifts. Call me," I said, letting her know without saying that this shouldn't keep us from at least trying to go back to normal, that I still wanted to see her around even though she had given me space to back out.

"I will. See you, Gabby." She turned and walked out the door, and I followed her. As she walked down the steps, I watched her blonde hair gently swish side to side. 'For the record, Dinah,' I thought to her, feeling my whole body get shaky, but feeling as if I must say this to her, if only with my mind, 'I love you, too.' At this, Dinah seemed almost as weak in the knees as I felt as I held on to the door for support. I watched her get into the Hummer and the three women drove away. My eyes were filled with longing, as were Dinah's when she looked back at me. I stood there, possibly looking like a fool, and waited for the shaky feeling to stop. I clung to the door as if it was my lifeline. Had I let go, I would have fallen to the floor like a heap of Gabby that would have to have been scooped up with a shovel.

It took me longer than I had hoped to recover. I wondered why this was. Was it because my body still felt weak at the mere thought that Dinah felt the same? Was it because the thought I had sent was filled with so much emotion it took a lot from me? I don't know why the last couple of times I had sent out messeges it made me so weak, when it hardly seemed to phase me when I sent one to my father. I was on my bed then, so I don't know. Maybe I didn't feel it as much because I was already lying down and my body had recovered before I had to move again. I just don't know.

Even with the weakness in my body, I still felt like doing cartwheels and jumping around, bouncing off the walls like Daffy Duck screaming 'whoohoo!'

until I had no voice and wouldn't be able to talk for days. Finally, I sat down at the table again, too tired to make it to the couch or my own bed. I was unsure now what to do. My parents were still gone, and I was starting to feel that fear I felt the night before when there was a knock at my door and thought it might be police. Uncle Leonard's phone was out, and I needed to get a hold of him somehow. Maybe he knew where my parents had gone. He lived on the other side of the city, but the subway was down. 'Hadn't I once summoned a phone call from Dinah? Maybe I could try to get my uncle to call me.' I thought to myself. I lay my head down on the table and imagined Leonard waking up from last night, even though it was nearing four in the afternoon. 'Uncle Leonard, please call me and let me know if you're alright.' I felt so dizzy after that. No exploding headaches, but there was the lightheaded feeling. I was glad I was sitting down. Maybe using telepathy on two people in a short amount of time was a bad idea, but if my uncle were to respond, it would have been worth it.