[A/N: I don't want to call this the final chapter, so I'll say it's the end of Part One. Don't fear, dear readers, there is more to come. I just don't know what it is now, since I will be co-writing with my Gibbs person. And as always, thanks for the reviews.]

She got out of town
On a railway New York bound
Took all except my name
Another alien on Broadway

Dear Jethro,

It'll be late by the time you get this and I'll be hundreds of miles away. And I promise you, I'm okay. But I know you'll worry anyway. Please don't. i know you'll be angry with me, too. You have every right to be. I've done this to you twice now. There's no point in apologizing because you won't accept it, but I am sorry it has to be this way. This is the only way I can even begin to survive.

It's early Wednesday morning, a week after she reached that marker on her path to healing, and Jen lounges drowsily under the blankets of Gibbs' bed. He's readying for what he thinks is a normal day. She's cataloging and memorizing and remembering every detail. She read the studies on memory loss with ALS and she doesn't want to forget even a second of this. This-these past seven mornings-have been some of the best moments of her life. And there's very little she would change about them.

There's some things in this world
You just can't change
Some things you can't see
Until it gets too late

I caught a train to New York. I need to start my life over again-to be me again-for however long I have. I don't expect you to follow me. In fact, I expect this to be the final chapter for you and me. I know I wouldn't take me back a third time. And I wish I could make you understand, Jethro, but you, better than anyone, know that there are some things you just have to do because your gut tells you so.

Every so often, he gets distracted and stops in his routine to just look at her as she lays there. She's trying to stay awake until he leaves, but she's in and out. But she catches him watching her. She doesn't say anything, just smiles at him. He's looking at her the same way he did when they were in Paris together, like this is the first time he's realizing he loves her. He doesn't say anything either, just returns her smile and goes back to his routine. She's stored up enough of those memories to keep her going for a few years. That's all she needs, a few years worth.

When he finishes, he comes over to stand against the side of the bed. She pulls her arm from over her head and holds her hand out to him. She doesn't want the moment to end, but it has to. He laces their fingers together and bends down to kiss her. It has so much more value for her than it does for him at the moment. Tonight, it'll have a different tone to it. He says he'll see her later and she says she loves him.

Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I'm up against out in this world
and Maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something
That's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around
And come on home

I want to spare you, Jethro, having to sit by and watch as I fall down stairs and trip over curbs. I want to save you from having to watch me fall apart and I don't care if you'd do it over and over again. It's about my dignity and how, by the end, I won't have any. I don't want you to remember me like that. I want you to remember me as I was this morning, when my entire world was you and your sawdust and your home.

After he leaves, she takes her time getting out of bed. There's no hurry; she has all day. She starts her day with coffee like she would any other day. But that's all that's the same. As she digs a small carry-on bag out of the bedroom closet, she notices her heart hurts, but it's not anything she can take a pill for. It's in her mind as much as it is her heart. Jen puts the bag on the bed and stares at it for a moment, biting her lower lip. Just because it's her decision to leave doesn't mean she has to like it. And it doesn't mean she can't cry.

She grabs the button down shirt that's given her so much trouble and the sweatpants with NIS down the leg. He won't miss them, but she's certain she will. She's wearing the jeans he bought for her and the shirt that has snaps down the front. Tears start to well in her eyes as she smiles slightly, thinking about how she didn't even have to ask him to buy things for her.

With a swipe at her eyes, she grabs the few other things she's accumulated-toothbrush, hairbrush, the important things-and packs them in the bag. She feels like she's moving through a void, sucking all the sound and all the air from the room. She draws in a breath and looks around the space that they shared for over a month. But as she stands there, she's convinced this is what needs to happen. She's drowning here.

I got a hole in me now
Yeah, I got a scar I can talk about
She keeps a picture of me
In her apartment in the city
Some things in this world
Man, they don't make sense
Some things you don't need
Until they leave you
then they're things that you miss, you say

There won't be a day that goes by where I don't think about you. And I hope, with time, you'll be able to forgive me for this. I'll understand if you can't. By now, you're too angry for any of this to make sense to you. But for what it's worth, Jethro, it's because of you I'm still breathing despite knowing what's in store for me. We're survivors and just as I'm starting over, so will you.

With her bag packed, Jen sits down at the kitchen table with pen and paper, hoping her fingers work well enough to get her through the letter. The tears won't stop as she works through her feelings on paper. They blur her vision and she has to stop again and again to swipe at her eyes with the heel of her hand. How can something feel like the right thing and the wrong thing both together?

Let that city take you in
Let that city spit you out
Let that city take you down
For God's sake turn around

All that's left to say is this: Je t'aimerai jusqu'à ce que le jour où je mourrai.

-Jenny

She signs the letter simly enough and stands it up against the coffee pot. It's the first place he'll look when he realizes she's not there. She pulls up the handle on the little rolling bag and with her heart in her throat and her stomach in knots, she starts the trip to Penn Station.