Chapter Eight: Letter

The girl was beautiful. Ever since Lacus had first been saved by the Strike and went on board the Archangel, the first thought she had when she saw Fllay Allstar was that she was an amazingly pretty girl. Her hair was a dark shade of crimson, well-kept, combed and swept back, and she had the most stunning eyes which were blue-ish silver, unlike her azure blue/grey ones. Her face was gentle, although perhaps full of fear, but Lacus had often imagined a carefree, smiling Fllay that had lived before the terrors of the war had consumed her life. And she truly grieved for the girl then, not knowing anything about what Fllay had really done to Kira. Lacus had cried for her death, as she usually did whenever she heard anyone's death, but she had met the girl and she had wanted to be a friend, only to be pushed away due to fear and terror. But Fllay had been a friend of Kira's, and had lived in the neutral colony of Heliopolis. So there was no doubt that before the war, Fllay never bore any real grudge towards Coordinators.

The letter came one sunny afternoon, and Lacus had found it odd because it wasn't postmarked. The letter only had one name scrawled neatly on top, "Kira Yamato", and that was it. She found it in the mailbox, and had brought it to Kira, only to find him napping once again in her study. The curiosity was nearly too much for Lacus, but she forced herself to refrain from reading the letter even though a dark feeling clenched her chest, somehow warning her that the letter would cause pain to the brown-haired Coordinator that she had learned to love so much.

Lacus left the letter by the side table, kissed Kira gently on the forehead, and left to allow the Coordinator to sleep.

An hour later, Lacus passed the door to the study, her arms full of the clothes that were freshly laundered and folded, and she was about to head to the children's rooms to store them neatly into their wardrobes. But she halted when she heard the familiar sound that had always sent a chill to her heart: Kira, broken and crying, his voice holding too much pain for such a gentle soul. Rather irresponsibly, Lacus placed the clothes on the nearest chair and ran towards the study, flinging the door open to see Kira on his knees on the floor, hugging himself with tears streaming down his face, his right hand clutching the letter. She had been right. Then again, she usually was.

"Kira!" Lacus cried out worriedly, rushing to his side immediately and taking him by the shoulders. "Kira!"

The brown-haired Coordinator raised his violet eyes to her, seemingly unfocused. "Fllay…" he whispered, and Lacus froze, wondering if he was seeing the red-haired girl in her, but she shook the thought away. Lacus pulled him into her arms, hushing him, then taking the letter from his hands which she then began to read.

Kira…

You're dead… right? You're truly dead… right? They say you've been taken down by the Aegis, your friend… But… If you're dead, then why am I sad? Why am I crying?

I tried so hard to hate you, Kira. When you failed to protect Father, I wanted you to fight until you die, because that's the only way I can forgive you for what you've done. But you always cried when you couldn't save anyone, and it became harder to hate you, the harder I tried. Why? Why is it so hard to hate you, Kira? Why did you never hate me? You knew what I was doing… I know you knew. Kira is too clever to not know. But the more you protected me, even when you knew I was using you, the more I felt the pain. And now you're dead. Now, I hate you for dying.

I'm sorry, Kira… I want to protect you properly…

I tried so hard to hate you.

Fllay Allstar.

Lacus lowered her eyes, pressing the side of her cheek into Kira's hair as the wave of emotions came over her. Sorrow… sadness… and, almost surprisingly, anger. She dropped the letter, embracing Kira tightly as he continued to sob into her shoulder, crying out in pain that continued to tear his heart. A tear escaped from Lacus's eye, and she wanted to hate herself for finding another strong emotion developing towards the red-haired girl: hate. She understood now why Kira sometimes flinched away from her touch, especially when she woke him every single day. She understood now why Kira found himself so hard to love, keeping himself locked away in his own emotions. The girl had used him. And though part of her sympathised for what the war had done to such a gentle soul, she couldn't bring herself to not hate Fllay for what she had done to Kira.

"I tried… Lacus, I tried…" Kira sobbed, and Lacus's eyes softened to hear him say her name.

"It's alright, Kira…" Lacus whispered quietly. "You saved her soul…"

That night, Lacus hovered at the balcony at the end of the orphanage where Kira and Athrun's room was located. She sang softly to herself, listening to Kira crying out in his sleep, haunted by nightmares again, and then the silence and soft murmurs as Athrun came to comfort the broken Coordinator.

Lacus wasn't as all-kind as she was always portrayed to be. She, too, could harbour feelings of hatred, and she did have them for that beautiful girl with blue-ish silver eyes. But what made her sad, more than anything, was knowing the fact that Fllay hadn't been able to hate Kira, no matter what she had done to him. Her soul was gentle after all. Lacus hated many things. She hated sadness. She hated wars. She hated what wars led people to do. She hated deaths. She hated Kira's pain. She hated Fllay Allstar, but only for what the girl had done. What she hated most of all was her inability to hate Fllay completely. She felt a deeper sorrow for the terrified girl. War did that to people, Lacus learned.

She wondered if Kira could learn to love again. But, for sure, Lacus promised herself that she would be here for him… whether he could learn to love her or not, as he had probably done with Fllay, she would be here and protect him…

Author's Note: I know there are many Fllay-haters out there, but I have to say, I actually liked Fllay, and I really felt for her when she died. She was a rather believable, realistic character, and admittedly played a large role in Kira's life, unfortunately. Anyway, thanks to IoriKonaN and San17 for your awesome reviews! :D