Author's Note: New update...got more time to write because I am stuck at home being sick.
Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to get some writing in. Ahh, the joys of being ill.
At least I don't have to go to school today.
Anyways, please enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: I'm pretty sure that I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Square Enix...
Chapter 4: Stupid Girl
(Namine's POV)
Floor one.
Floor two.
Floor three.
Floor four.
You move so rapidly through the castle. Pretty soon you'll be in the same room as me. I'm not ready for this. I'm not sure I can face you knowing that I have deceived you in the worst possible way. How could I stare into your shining blue eyes knowing that I've tricked you? How could I possibly look at your smiling face when I know that I have hurt you? I just can't do it. You are innocent and I am corrupt. I am embarrassed of myself, how could I let this happen?
I can try to ignore the way I feel. I can try to cover up my motivations. I can even try to tell myself that I'm not a bad person. But, it would all just be a lie. I'm in denial and I know it.
I can't help but want to be near you. The attraction between us is too powerful to overcome. My selfishness is getting the best of me. I need you; it's as simple as that. I am at war with myself, greed and hesitation. I want to do the right thing but I think I forgot how. I used to be good until you came along. Now I don't know what to do with myself.
I feel trapped. I want you to find me but I don't want you to find me, I'm so unsure of myself. It's sure to be a lose-lose situation either way. A catch-22. There's no way out now. Eventually, I have to face you and it scares me. I don't know what you are going to think of me when you find out that this was all just a sick twisted game. You will probably hate me and I can't accept that. I don't want you to hate me. I want forgiveness, but it probably won't work out that way.
I couldn't blame you if you did despise me, I deserve your apathy. I really screwed things up this time. I'm a moron for ever thinking that I stood a chance, I'm no Kairi. Nor, will I ever be. I should have known from the start that I was just wasting my time. What power do I have over fate?
None.
Stupid girl.