Freddie First-Person POV
Monday, Freddie's Second Day of School-Detention
"Quack!"
" You followed me through the entire fencing class! Now this too? Please go away." I was completely spent from the hour of nonstop sparring, and it was exhausting to have to deal with Mandy as well.
"No can do, hopscotch."
"Even Sam has better nicknames than that. Anyways, why are you in the school's detention? You didn't even get in trouble!"
"I wanted to join you! So I chased the principal and offered him Fladoodles. He gave me a week of detention after the forty-sixth time he said he didn't want any."
"No speaking!" An ancient teacher croaked. "You can't socialize in detention!"
The teacher's eyelids drooped slightly as he looked around the rest of the room. All the punished students were sitting, bored, on stiff wooden chairs. The room was cramped, with only a small window at its highest corners that was behind thick glass. It looked a bit like a prison.
Mandy ignored him and continued the barrage of whispering. "You know, I'm starting to really like you again."
"Wait! No! Don't you love that band? Remember? I mean…you can't be obsessed with two things at once."
"Oh, I know. So I'll quit liking them and I'll start liking you!"
"Carly and Sam won't be happy…"
"Who cares about Carly and Sam? I'm obsessed with only Fredward Benson as of…" she checked her watch quickly, a yellow, feathered blob. "4:01! Congratulations!"
"No-but I-"
"I know, you're honored, Fredward."
"Don't call me Fredward! Only my mom calls me Fredward!"
"If you don't stop talking you'll get another detention!" The old man croaked.
"See what you did?"
"Did what, Fredward?"
"Don't call-oh, never mind. What are you doing at this school anyways?"
"I transferred here after my mom told me she thought I had a few things I needed to change personality-wise. Can't see what she means, can you?"
"Um-no. Not at all."
"All right, kiddo, you have detention for the next two days!" The cranky teacher smiled, showing a he only had a lone yellow tooth.
"A brushing a day keeps the decay away," I said under my breath.
"Make that three detentions. I like my tooth." The man's smile widened slightly.
Mandy's smile matched his. "We'll be together for another three days at least!" She whispered happily. "Isn't it great?"
"All right, my shift's up!" The old man walked out of the room and was replaced by a young female, who kept on giggling as she looked at us.
"Hi, I'm Ms. Machiavelli. Okay, sweeties, we are going to sit in a circle and tell each other why we're in detention. We can get inspired to not be stuck in this rathole anymore," she trilled. All of the students sighed and dragged their chairs around until they resembled a shaky oval.
"Let's start with you," she said, smiling at a hulking guy with a black earring.
"I said 'here' instead of 'present' at detention."
"That's not good, not good at all."
"Why would that be a problem?" I stuck in.
"Well! If you say 'here', you're showing disrespect to your teacher and to this whole grand establishment! Present is so much more dignified."
"Oh! My turn. I kind of…insulted the principal and then was forced to talk in the other detention." I glared at Mandy, who smiled.
"You're Freddie, I know. I watch iCarly all the time. That's all you did? Insulting the principal isn't as bad as, let's see, saying here instead of present. But how horrible-talking in detention. Next!"
"I threw Fladoodles at the principal," Mandy said loudly.
"I thought you said you asked him politely!" I hissed.
"Yes, but he didn't react, so in the end I just chucked them at him. Pretty good aim, I'd say," she said cheerfully.
The woman's eyes narrowed as she said, "I'll let you leave detention if you give me all your Fladoodles."
"No deal, chap. I like detention! I get to be with Fredward, it's quality time!"
"Oh, you two are a couple?" The teacher said sweetly.
"No! Not at all! No coupling for us!"
"Actually…" Mandy tilted her head. "I think that'd be a great idea! Every obsessive fangirl out there wants to date some stranger they like from TV, right? It's practically a law. And I'm sure you'd make a great boyfriend," she said, mulling it over. "It's done! I'm going to make you my boyfriend. We can go see birds together, and dress up as matching pineapples for Halloween. It'll be so romantic!"
"That's a really bad idea! Mandy, I'd make a bad boyfriend, believe me. I wouldn't buy you anything! Not even-um-Glitter Gloss!"
"Oh, it's all right. That store is too boring for me anyways. I like Wild Animals Co., so we're still perfect for each other."
"I don't want to be your boyfriend! Just leave me alone!"
"Oh, you'll come around, I'm sure of it." Mandy smiled toothily.
"Okay, kids, time's up, so you're free to go! Have fun dating!" Ms. Machiavelli called out.
"We're not dating," I muttered as we left the room.
"Oh, but you're going to," she said lightly. "Enjoy your day!"
Day Two-Detention
This time, we had to clean up the moldy cafeteria. I wondered if my mom still had the "Fungi Away Total Spray" she 'd bought online. Fries were scattered everywhere, and the heavy smell of grease and oil pervaded the room. I was assigned to sweeping near the dump area, surrounded by scraps of milk cartons.
Mandy followed me with a broom, poking me with it on the back and pegging me with Fladoodles. She carried a huge bag and tossed the food in clumps, but it didn't hurt. Only Sam could make food be truly painful. A smile twitched at the corners of my mouth when I remembered the many times she'd injured me using random snack bags.
"Don't you think you should save that for eating?" I asked Mandy resignedly.
"No, I like chucking them, it's fun. But I would share them with a boyfriend. I would do a lot of things with a boyfriend."
She glared at me, blaming me for my lack of cooperation in her grand plan of coupleness.
She started whistling shrilly. The noise pierced my ear and made it hard to do anything without screaming in annoyance. I tried to cover my ears and sweep at the same time, then lost my balance and fell right into Mandy.
She caught me and twisted me around slightly, crooning, "That's sweet. You've accepted our blossoming relationship. Now we can really start going out." She grinned and leaned down, getting scarily close to my face. And closer, and closer.
"Gaaaaah! Mandy, I really need to go now! Please finish sweeping!" I fled the room into the nearest bathroom, head reeling. Mandy had tried to kiss me. Mandy had tried to kiss me.
I shuddered and rinsed my mouth over and over again, bile rising in my throat whenever I remembered how near she'd gotten. Water wasn't enough-I put liquid soap in my mouth and swished for a few minutes. Then I did my best to avoid thinking about…that. I spent at least half an hour in the bathroom, smelling of liquid soap.
I headed back to the cafeteria. "Please, let me leave early!" I begged the monitor, the same one from yesterday.
"Why? You and Amanda are getting along so well together! I saw what just happened, it was so adorable! But I don't think you're supposed to run away like that," she whispered confidentially.
All right, so obviously this woman was clueless, and I needed to get out of here before Mandy tries again to…blocking it out. Blocking it out.
"Um-that was because… I wanted our first kiss to be truly romantic!" I improvised desperately. If it would get me away from Mandy and her-facial features-I'd say anything. "I didn't want our first kiss to be in the middle of a moldy café. But…er…if I have to be around Mandy I may have a hard time…waiting until tomorrow. Tomorrow I can make it really beautiful. So I think you should let me leave."
"Aww, what a sweetheart! I'll tell you what!" Her eyes glinted. "If you wear a suit tomorrow and bring her flowers, right before you two kiss, I'll let you skip detention for the next few days."
"I don't think that's a good idea, at all."
"If you don't, I'll have to tell you that leaving detention for half an hour like you did today, earns you a week more of detentions. Two weeks straight would go on your permanent record. So I'm afraid you'll have to do what I'm suggesting."
I've been getting A+'s for years already and I pride in having a squeaky-clean record. I wouldn't let this maniac ruin it for me. And another week's worth of detention would mean even more time with Mandy.
"Fine, I'll put on a monkey suit."
"Perfect! FYI, I think she likes sunflowers. Matches her duck getups," she winked.
"Yeah, I'll think about it. Bye!" I sped out of the room, avoiding Mandy's waves. I ran to my house and locked the door to my room. Fantastic. Now instead of kissing Mandy today, I'd do it tomorrow. In a tie. I sighed and began searching my closet.
I tried on a standard black suit with a yellow tie. Surprisingly enough, it looked great. I'd give Shane a run for his money, I thought, remembering the techie who Sam and Carly had been obsessed with.
I had a sudden urge to talk to Sam. I mean-Carly. Maybe they were online? I sat and quickly went to Skype. Sam-I-Ham and CarlyChic were both logged on.
"Hey, Sam. Hey, Carly." Of course they were together, sitting in the iCarly studio, each on a beanbag and a laptop.
"Hey, Freddie," Carly said happily.
"Freddiloser!" Sam screeched, breaking into a huge smile. "Hey, new nickname! Like it? Guess you don't. Oh well." She started bouncing on the spot, then seemed to remember she wasn't supposed to sound excited and sat back down.
"Hola! I need to show you something, be right back." I headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Bolivian bacon! I found a bag near the Canadian border. But you have to share with Carly," I shouted and headed back to my room.
"Bolivian bacon? Heaven on earth. You shouldn't have. But I'm going to eat it all of it anyways! Carly, you understand, right? Mama wants her snack." I heard Sam say in satisfaction. Then I walked into the room, a bit far away from the camera.
I immediately noticed that Sam started gaping, eyes huge, mouth forming a perfect O in shock.
"What are you wearing?" Her voice sounded strangled.
"Oh right." I'd forgotten I was still in the suit.
"The thing is, Mandy goes to the same school I do."
"Mandy?" Carly repeated. "Like, the insane one who stalked us?"
"I don't care about that!" Sam shouted. "Why are you in a… tux?"
"I'm getting there! So anyways, Mandy followed me around for the past few days and decided I was her new obsession. She wanted me to be her boyfriend."
"What a confused girl," Sam said, though she didn't sound the slightest bit amused.
"Then in detention she-"
"Hold on a sec. You, Fredward Benson, got detention?" Sam looked even more surprised than she had with the suit. "Like actual, stay after school detention? Congrats! I guess I taught you something."
"Yeah, okay. Anyways, in the third detention, she tried to..well..she tried to..."
"Spit it out." Sam said impatiently.
"Mandy tried to-to kiss me."
Now she looked absolutely furious. She picked up a metal crowbar we'd used in an iCarly skit a bit ago and slowly bent it, not noticing what she was doing. It ended up in a pretzel. She looked at her hands and said flatly, "Oops."
"So I ran away and washed my mouth out for half an hour. Then I asked Ms. Machiavelli-the teacher- to let me leave and made up some chizz about wanting the kiss to be more romantic."
Sam had visibly relaxed when I mentioned I'd ran away from the kiss. She was back to staring at me, still in disbelief over the suit. "Detention and lying! I've created a mini-me!" She said, sounding proud.
"She believed me, but said that if I didn't show up to school tomorrow with flowers and a tuxedo for Mandy, she'd put something on my permanent record."
"That's not good," Carly said, sounding worried.
"No, really?" Sam muttered.
"Wait, does your mom know you had so many detentions?"
"I told her I had fencing practice after classes. If I mentioned detention, she'd go after the school with a hockey stick and yell at the faculty to leave her perfect baby alone. But why are you two so surprised to see me in a suit?"
"Oh, we've seen you in one before. For the iCarly awards and whatnot. It's just that…" Carly trailed off.
"You look a bit…" Sam didn't finish either. Then they both noticed I was smirking at their reactions.
"I should call you FreddieBigHead from now on." Sam mumbled, her cheeks red.
"That was pretty conceited," Carly commented. She didn't look half as embarrassed as Sam.
"Yeah, yeah. The fencing classes must be paying off." I explained. I glanced at Sam quickly. She was still glaring at the ground embarrassedly.
"We need to go rehearse for iCarly with Brad," Sam mumbled.
"Oh right. How's Brad doing?"
"He's nubbier than you ever were," Sam told me, quickly regaining her confidence.
"He wanted us to do math problems on the show. It's so stupid it's not even funny," Carly shuddered. "But he's the only guy we have!" She said, turning to Sam. "You can't just yell at him to chizz off! You need to apologize when he comes over."
"I don't do apologies, ever, you know that. And he should be apologizing to us! Really? Random math problems? You need to tell him to just shut up for the show." Sam countered.
I smiled. It was nice to know I hadn't been completely replaced.
"Well, caio chicas!"
"See ya, Fredfurd. Have fun with Mandy." Sam snickered.
In-I checked my watch-exactly 15 hours, I would be forced to kiss Mandy Valdez. This'd be a long day.
A/N
Thank you so much to all the reviewers! Alex02, tomboy22, tonytone, 22 random ninja 22, lyshaluvsSeddie, Julefor, burning forest, and seddieconnection for the reviews! They made me really happy
I hope you like the chapter…it was kind of rambling, but oh well. Tell me what you think, and criticize!
I've been happy all week because of iCan't Take It-before I thought Sam and Freddie would break up at the end of the iOMG arc but Sam practically said she loved him. They can't break up after that! EEEEEEEEEEEE
REVIEW! And Story alert. Pretty please.