By mid-January, Ellie had determined, she had already lost her mind and had gone completely insane.

She was as mindless as a clicker, she thought, as devoid of real consciousness as someone whose ability to reason had been consumed by a Cordyceps infection and whose body had been subsumed by armor and sheets of fungi. Ellie sat up in the bed in the upstairs bedroom of the farmhouse one early morning, knowing it was the eighteenth of January, and she stared out the window at how it was fluttering snow in the gray first light of dawn.

Joel would have to get up soon, she thought, to feed and water the horses and much their stalls, to either hand walk them or lunge them to give them a little exercise in the cold. He'd have to clean the indoor pens where the sheep were sheltering, then give them warmed water in their troughs using Mr. Roscoe's old hoses, and he'd have to scatter plenty of alfalfa hay. He'd have to do a quick check of the farm to make sure none of the buildings or fencing were broken or damaged.

And he'd have to do all of that completely on his own, at the age of sixty, because Ellie was about twenty-six weeks along now and still on bedrest, completely useless to him and just hoping to be able to deliver a baby soon enough. She'd pleaded with him to get help from someone in town, a strapping teenage boy or one of the strong young women or somebody, but Joel had stubbornly resisted and said that he was perfectly capable of handling it all on his own. He'd gotten all the work done, day in and day out; as far as Ellie knew, lamb made it to the diner, wool made it to be traded, and no ewes died unnecessarily. Hell, even though Domino the escape artist had run off again one time, Joel had chased him on horseback and had wrangled him expertly back onto the ranch in time, having climbed bareback onto his bay gelding and galloped after the ram with the agility of a much younger man.

But at night, Joel would collapse into bed with heaving sighs and low, quiet complaints of sore joints and an aching back, of sheer exhaustion and mind-numbing fatigue. He would thread his fingers through Ellie's and talk softly to her for just a few minutes, and then he would quickly fall asleep, lost briskly to the sweeping abyss of much-needed slumber. And he would sleep like a rock, unmoving and silent, lying on his back with his chest slowly heaving.

Right now, Ellie sat propped up a little on her pillows and felt like she was completely insane. Every single day felt exactly the same, she thought. FEDRA school had felt a bit like this. It had felt crushingly routine. But at least Ellie had moved there; she'd run laps and listened to music and she'd had friends that she'd laughed with during the day. She'd had Riley. She'd had school, for what that had been worth. There had been callisthenics and basic combat training. It had been dull, in a way, but it hadn't been quite as narcotic as this. This, waking up and just sitting here in this bed, staring at a fireplace, sometimes flipping through the same twenty-five-year-old magazines and unfamiliar comics, eating food from the diner, hearing Joel be gruff about just how tired he was, and then eventually fall asleep beside him while cradling her ever-growing belly. It was stifling, the routine, the habit, the rhythm, the boredom.

Ellie could scarcely take it anymore. Even now, sitting here on the bed in the cold gray light of the mid-January dawn, Ellie pressed a palm to her swollen belly and shook her head a little, wondering how exactly she was supposed to make it through today without letting out a frustrated, feral scream because of how the monotonous tedium had eaten away at her mind.

To her left, Joel squirmed on the bed, writhing a little where he lay on his back like he was a little uncomfortable. Ellie could see that the quilts were tented awkwardly around his pelvis, and she rolled her eyes. She wasn't surprised by that anymore; she'd learned ages ago that most men, even men Joel's age, woke in the morning with what Joel had informed her was affectionately referred to as "morning wood." So he was hard right now, she knew. He was at least half the time in the morning. Some of the time, Ellie knew, he just waited for it to subside before even climbing out of bed, or he got ready for the day while the erection diminished. Occasionally, he'd disappear into the bathroom for a few minutes, and Ellie would frustratedly assume he was attending to it without her. Once or twice, he'd kissed her feverishly until he'd come between their hands in the morning, seemingly unable to ignore his morning arousal at all until he caressed Ellie's skin and touched his lips to hers and spilled himself onto the sheets.

But right now, he was still very obviously asleep, and Ellie realized maybe this wasn't exactly "morning wood," but was something a little less conscious. In his sleep, Joel's head drove back against his pillow, and his hips seemed to circle a little, and she heard him whisper in a crackle,

"Ellie…"

She froze then, unsure of whether or not he was actually sleeping. She stared down at him and studied him, trying to figure out whether she should touch him or speak to him. Joel genuinely did not seem awake, though, and Ellie actually scooted away from him a little, interested to see exactly what he was going to do. She was surprised when he bucked his hips a little, like he was fucking the air above his pelvis with a smooth, rolling motion, and when he hissed softly through clenched teeth and seethed,

"Jesus, Ellie…"

"Joel." She couldn't help but whisper his name then, because the sight of him like that, thrashing and whining with want, was entirely too much. Ellie felt herself flush hot and wet between her own legs, felt a desperate sense of aching need take her over, and she gulped hard as she realized that within a few moments, Joel was going to make a sticky mess under the quilts and was going to be a panting, satisfied puddle of a man in her bed. She scowled; this had happened before a few times. Wet dreams, Joel had grumbled then with serious embarrassment. They didn't usually happen to 'old fucks like him,' he'd informed Ellie, but all men got them occasionally. Sex dreams where things just… finished themselves off while the guy was sleeping.

Well, Ellie thought with a deep frown, she wasn't about to let Joel just… finish it off in his sleep. Not while she was sitting right here, next to him, profoundly bored.

"Joel," she said, her voice just a little too sharp. When he didn't rouse or answer her, she reached to stroke her fingers from his bare shoulder over his pectoral muscle and down toward his stomach, and she said in a lower, more seductive, more teasing voice, "Joel…"

"Hmm…" His back arched a little, and his hips bucked a bit again, and then his eyes blinked open a few times. He turned his face a little to her, looking mildly surprised, like he'd been jarred straight out of an odd situation. Ellie pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows, dragging her fingers around his stomach, and she taunted him,

"Did I interrupt something?"

"N-No!" Joel shook his head and cleared his throat roughly. His voice was hoarse then, and he sounded deeply confused. "Hmm-mmm. Is it… morning? Uh… gotta go… horses. Sheep."

"Mmm." Ellie just kept stroking at Joel's stomach, and she felt him shiver, watched him fall flat back onto the bed and lick his lips. She smiled a little, feeling very satisfied with herself as she informed him, "You were saying my name, you know."

Joel's eyes fluttered shut, and his calloused fingers cinched on the cream-colored bed sheets as he whispered, "Yeah? I don't… remember exactly what I was… I'm sure it was you, though… oh, Jesus, Ellie."

"Yeah. That's exactly what you said," she smirked. "Jesus, Ellie."

Joel's throat bobbed very visibly then as he gulped, the fingers of his left hand tightening on the sheets as his right hand plunged under the quilts, and he hummed out, "I'm gonna fucking come."

"Nuh-uh," Ellie protested. She reached impulsively under the blankets and pried Joel's fingers off of his cock, forcing him to release the member she knew was seconds away from bursting. She could feel his shaft throbbing even with the little dusting of contact she made, and he whined a little as she pulled their hands out from under the quilts. But she insisted to Joel,

"Just for a few minutes."

Joel growled, low and under his breath, sounding irritated enough for the both of them, and huffed,

"Trust me, Ellie, I would if I could. It isn't safe. If you finished, the contractions could induce… Dr. Emerson said absolutely not. None at all. Not until six weeks after delivery. Sorry."

"Grrr. I can't wait that long!" Ellie felt a surge of frustration, but Joel laughed a little and pulled himself up to sit, cradling her jaws in his rough hands and crushing her mouth aggressively with hers, tasting of sleep in a way that Ellie suddenly didn't mind at all. He pulled back and murmured,

"I get it, kiddo. You're bored and you're horny. Mmm. I'll make it very worth your while when I can… I'll make you come over and over again, okay? It's my own fault; I gave you a little taste of everything, and now you're a hungry little gremlin."

"I'm not a fucking gremlin," Ellie pouted, but Joel kissed her hard again and teased her again her mouth,

"You're a horny little gremlin, and you want my dick, and you want to come, but that's okay. It's terrifyingly cute."

She giggled at that, and she felt Joel pushing her back just a little against the pillows where she'd been reclining. He seemed to be willing to appease her just enough to attack her neck with vigorous kisses, which Ellie appreciated greatly. She groaned and held his head tightly as he burrowed his face between her head and her shoulder, burying his mouth onto her skin and nipping at her with his teeth just hard enough to elicit small noises from her. She tingled all over and felt flushed hot and aching with a craving for him she knew he couldn't meet, not today. But she nestled her fingers in his thick, graying hair, and she whispered frantically,

"Oh, my God… I love you."

He grunted on her neck at that, and she felt his left hand go to her swollen belly and stroke there affectionately for a moment as he kissed her neck, as if he were making sure she knew he loved all over, including the parts he'd knocked up. After a long moment, though, Joel flopped over onto his back on the bed beside Ellie and mumbled helplessly,

"I can't, baby girl…"

He reached to wriggle his flannel pajama pants down over his hips and freed his cock for good, and he wrapped the fingers of his right hand around the shaft. Ellie was going to reach over to help him, but there honestly wasn't any time. He'd really been on the brink, she realized; within a moment of him starting to stroke at himself, he was finishing, his seed leaping out of the tip of his cock in creamy streams that landed in obscene milky puddles on his abdomen. Joel breathed heavily for a long moment as he seemed to recover, and after a very long moment, he mumbled the same thing he'd said a few times already this morning.

"Jesus, Ellie."

She laughed, viscerally and genuinely, and tossed her hands up. "Well?" she asked, "are you pissed at me?"

He let his head flop over to the side and raised his eyebrows curiously. "Uh. For what?"

"For waking you up instead of letting you just… finish it off… in your sleep."

"Ha. Yeah, no. Not pissed at you about that, kiddo." Joel settled his head back against the pillow and shut his eyes, and Ellie couldn't help but watch the way his cock started to soften and then fall, to settle heavily onto his thigh in a way that made her breath catch in her throat. She was still worked up herself, and the sight of him lying there mostly naked, covered in puddles of his own ejaculate, still breathing heavily in the wake of his climax, was not helping to ease her situation. She gulped hard and dragged her fingertips down his bicep, toned hard from farm work, and she felt him shiver at her touch as she murmured to him,

"I'll go get you a wet rag and stuff."

"You're supposed to be on bed rest," Joel reminded her. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"I have to get up every now and then to use the bathroom myself and change my own clothes and stuff, Joel. I can get you a wet rag to clean off your stomach." Ellie slowly hauled herself out of the bed, and when she did, she felt Joel reach for her fingers. She glanced back at him, and he cocked up an eyebrow at her and reminded her in a cheeky little voice,

"Hey. Baby shower this afternoon."

Ellie choked out a little noise and shook her head. "Yeah. You guys are so weird. I still don't quite understand the whole idea, but I'll go with it."

She climbed out of bed and made her way out of the bedroom, and as she went into the bathroom to fetch Joel a rag, she heard him call after her,

"I promise you'll like it!"

"No. No fucking way." Ellie shook her head vigorously at what Joel was holding up beside the bed. She held her hands up defensively and snarled, somewhat viciously, "I do not do fucking dresses, Joel."

He gave her a helpless expression and shrugged. "Well, yeah. I know that, Ellie. I've known you since you were a kid. But Hazel Mason was very nice to trade for this outfit for you just especially for this baby shower, and I think it would be really ungrateful of you to -"

"Psh." Ellie crossed her arms over her belly and tossed her head. "Hazel Mason is an uppity snit; what the fuck would she know about fashion?"

Joel shot Ellie a very meaningful look, shifting on his feet, and cleared his throat before he said, "It's the thought that counts, Ellie. Hazel was maybe ten, twelve when the Outbreak happened? I think she remembers having cute clothes. People giving her nice stuff to wear for parties. She thought it would be a nice gesture. Maybe she doesn't know your style too well. Fine. But she traded for this so you could wear it to your baby shower, and if you don't, I think that would be very, very rude, Ellie."

Ellie glared at him and jabbed a finger at what he was holding up. "That is a fucking gown, Joel Miller. Am I Cinderella?"

Joel sighed heavily. There was a long silence in which he stared at the long-sleeved black gown he was still holding up, which had an empire waist to accommodate a pregnant belly, a sequined and beaded bodice with a scooped neckline, and velvet sleeves. It was a strangely formal dress the likes of which Ellie had never seen in person, much less actually worn. Finally, Joel said quietly,

"Ellie, these people put their own lives on the line when people from Wyoming came after us because of a murder I committed and kidnapped you. Charlie Roscoe is dead because of us. They're coming here today to give us gifts for our baby. I think the very least you can do is wear the fucking dress Hazel Mason traded for as a present for you, okay? Grin and bear it, will you?"

His dark eyes had not a hint of amusement then as he turned to Ellie, and finally she just tipped her head and shrugged, nodding. He helped her out of bed and then assisted her in stripping off her sweatpants and her t-shirt and hoodie, exchanging the casual clothes for the absurd black gown from Hazel. It was much too long on Ellie's tiny frame, but that wouldn't matter, because she was on bed rest and therefore would be relegated to sitting throughout this event. Ellie pulled her hair into a tight bun on the back of her head and washed her face clean, and when she turned to face the bathroom door, she was surprised to see Joel looking much more put together than usual. She raised her eyebrows, her mouth falling open a little, and she demanded,

"Where's you get all of that?"

He glanced down and shrugged. "Hazel Mason isn't the only one who knows how to trade. Good shit still exists."

"Yeah, I guess so," Ellie said softly. She approached him slowly, feeling awed, because she had never seen him dressed in anything resembling what he was wearing now. She let her fingertips dance over him, from his collar down across his chest, and she heard him choke out a little sound as he murmured,

"Not so bad, huh?"

"No," Ellie mumbled. She flicked her eyes up to him and shook her head, unable to hit him with a snarky one-liner right now. Joel had put on a collared white dress shirt and a burgundy tie, and over those he wore a dark gray wool cardigan that was buttoned shut and fit perfectly over his form. Ellie couldn't breathe suddenly; she felt like touching him everywhere. She liked the sight of him in his Carhartt work coat and in his cotton shirts that got soaked with sweat in the summer. She liked him bare-chested. She liked him any way at all. But this Joel, this foreign Joel who looked like he was from an oddly sophisticated world, set her pulse racing in a way she hadn't known was possible. Ellie reached up for his face and realized he'd trimmed his beard a few hours earlier, when he'd finished his chores, and she let out an involuntary little noise and then whispered,

"Oh, fuck."

Joel smirked and tipped his head, and then he broke her entirely, because he slowly dragged his tongue very slowly along his bottom lip and said in a low, seductive sort of drawl that reeked of Texas,

"Gotta get you downstairs for the party, kiddo. Guest of honor can't be late. Now, come on; I'll carry you, baby girl."

"Joel." Ellie shook her head, utterly breathless, and reached desperately for the edge of the sink. She leaned onto it a little, and Joel seemed to realize he'd taken his teasing much too far, and Ellie felt his arms thread around her, felt his lips beside her ear, and he asked in a serious, concerned voice,

"You okay?"

"Hmm." Ellie tossed her head back toward him a little and huffed. She shut her eyes and tipped her pelvis back against him a little and informed him in a grave tone, "I'm not fucking around, Joel; I'm gonna lose it."

"Ellie." His hands were steadying her hips then, dragging up the sides of her torso, lightly squeezing her small breasts, and then caressing her cheeks as he kissed her jaw and murmured gently, "I promise you… I swear it… I'm gonna take such good fucking care of you the minute I can. I promise you, Ellie. Okay?"

"Yeah," Ellie panted, nodding. "Okay. Yes. Fine. Okay."

A few minutes later, Joel had done as he'd promised and had carried Ellie carefully down the flight of stairs in the farmhouse. It had been an odd sensation to have him do that, because it had brought back two strange and vivid memories - a flashback to the time when he'd rushed her upstairs when she'd gone into preterm labor, and what he'd told her had happened when he'd taken her out of the hospital in Salt Lake City. He'd carried her out in his arms. That was what he'd admitted to her, eventually. So now, having him haul her into the larger living room in the farmhouse cradled in his arms was a strange sensation. He set Ellie gently onto the sage green upholstered sofa and lit the oil lanterns and the candles and built up a large fire in the room so the space would be illuminated when the sun went down.

"So… um… how does this work again?" Ellie asked tentatively, pulling one of the homespun quilts from the living room around her legs for warmth and arranging herself into the corner of the sofa. Joel just smirked and her and shrugged.

"Maybe I'll let the ladies surprise you."

Ellie scowled. "Rude."

"You're lucky I'm here at all," Joel informed her. "Used to be that the fathers weren't welcome at these things. Women only."

Ellie glared. "I'm sorry; what the fuck? You helped make the thing!"

Joel guffawed. "Yeah. Tell that to the guys who wound up in family court…"

Ellie felt deep confusion, and she opened her mouth to ask what the hell Joel was talking about, but before she could, there was knocking on the farmhouse door. Guests started arriving in droves then, and Joel welcomed them all in his typical awkward way, bringing them inside and showing them where the coffee and tea and hot apple cider was. Ellie just quietly waved and said hello to people and thanked them for coming, though she still wasn't exactly sure what they had come for. People appeared to have brought food and gifts, and Joel directed them to set food on the antique buffet table along one wall and gifts on the floor near the fireplace.

Ellie felt very awkward then as people sat down with plates full of the snack mix of dried cherries and pine nuts that Rhea Campbell had brought, and the garlic beef jerky Bryce Crane had brought, and the homemade potato chips Willa had made up in the diner. People sipped on their drinks and chatted happily, and every once in a while a little burst of laughter would explode out of nowhere, a small detonation of merriment filling the room.

Ellie took the time to thank Hazel Mason for trading for the oddly formal black gown, which Hazel gushed over, insisting to Ellie that she looked absolutely gorgeous and that she was glowing and that she looked was positively radiant. Ellie just smiled a bit awkwardly and said thanks again, and then Hazel went off in search of some snacks. Rhea Campbell and her mother came over, and Rhea gently asked Ellie how she was feeling, telling Ellie quietly that all of this waiting would be worth it in the end as long as it meant holding a healthy baby. She leaned down and put her hand on Ellie's shoulder and said softly,

"Don't ignore Joel through all of this, and don't let him ignore you. If you know what I mean. I've been through exactly what you're going through, so I know what the limits are, but don't let distance come between the two of you. You'd regret that."

Ellie thought back to this morning, to the way she'd awakened Joel, and she felt her face go very hot. Rhea stood up and gave Ellie a meaningful look, but she seemed to read the scarlet humiliation on Ellie's face, and then Rhea laughed a little and shook her head and said,

"Nevermind. You're obviously just fine. Come on, Mama. Let's give the girl some peace. Congratulations, Ellie."

"Rhea." Ellie reached for Rhea's elbow, and when Rhea turned back to face her, looking down again, Ellie looked up and said very seriously, "It was you that day. When I was taken out into the woods. Joel told me it was you who gathered up the riders, the horses… you were the one who brought everyone out into the woods. If it wasn't for you, Rhea, I'd be dead. Joel would be dead. Our baby would be dead. So… thank you."

Rhea just shrugged a little, but her eyes looked wet. She gave a sad little smile and said simply, "It was the only thing to be done, my dear. Now you keep that baby cooking a while longer yet, okay?"

Ellie just nodded numbly. She said hello to Bryce, who had come in such a good mood that Ellie had to practically pin her down to figure out what had put her in such a state. Then Bryce had shown her the dull pewter ring on her left hand that Jude had traded for from someone with connections in the Denver QZ. It was an engagement ring, Bryce had said very proudly. Apparently, Jude had done it the old-fashioned way; he'd gone down on one knee and he'd begged Bryce to be his wife, and in a couple of months, once Bryce could trade for a white dress from before the Outbreak and everything, there would be a real wedding.

"You'll come, won't you?" Bryce asked in a hush, clutching Ellie's hands urgently. "We'll wait to have the wedding until after the baby comes. You can bring the baby. But you have to come - you and Joel and the baby. And Joel can play guitar for us. Please, please say you'll come!"

Ellie laughed a little and shrugged. "Uh. Yeah, sure. I've never been to a real wedding. Sounds… fun. I mean, um. Congratulations. I'm happy for you guys."

Bryce's face had broken into a broad, angelic grin then, and she'd dashed off like she needed to inform absolutely everyone at the baby shower about her news. Willa came over and sat on the sofa beside Ellie, sipping on some hot apple cider, and she smirked.

"Babies. Weddings. My God, what is happening to this podunk, sleepy-ass little place?"

Ellie giggled a little and tossed her hands up helplessly. But Willa just looked around a bit wistfully and then gestured to where Joel stood talking to Hazel Mason, Audrey Oaks, and Rhea Campbell in a small group. He was speaking enthusiastically about something, a little smile on his face, and Willa noted,

"He seems happy. Your man."

Ellie curled up half her mouth and let her hand rest on her belly, shrugging a little. "I dunno. I hope so. I think maybe he used to be happy… you know, in the life he had a long, long time ago."

She pinched her lips and cleared her throat, and she flicked her eyes to Willa, who just nodded meaningfully before sipping her cider and saying,

"When I was twelve, living in Santa Fe, I had an Appaloosa horse named Coyote. That horse and me… we were the best damn friends. Used to trail ride, go horse camping. Man. I was so, so happy. And then…" Willa held up her right hand and snapped her fingers. "September. Just like that. It was all gone. My mom tossed me in the back of her car and we made a break for it. We left Coyote behind; I don't know what the fuck happened to him. Around Durango, we were carjacked and my mom got killed. I made it out and I've been on my own since then. Haven't really been happy ever since. It's been a long time."

Willa sniffed lightly. Ellie just nodded. She turned her gaze back to Joel, studying the way he'd managed to obtain a smart-looking gray cardigan with a clean white shirt and a tie underneath, and she smirked as she asked Willa,

"Doesn't he look handsome?"

Willa grinned and said, "You gonna slap me if I say, Hell, yes, that man looks mighty fine? Girl, your man looks mighty fine. You're so damn lucky."

"I know." Ellie put both of her hands somewhat protectively onto her abdomen then, and right on cue, as if he could sense they were talking about him, Joel turned away from the conversation he'd been having with Hazel, Audrey, and Rhea. He locked eyes with Ellie, and for a long moment, she couldn't think straight, because his coal-black eyes burned like fire, and she felt dizzy at the sight of his fixed stare boring into her. But finally, she gasped a little and adjusted the way she was sitting, and as he stalked toward her across the living room, Ellie managed to nervously smile at him a little, and to listen as closely as she could as Willa said somewhat loudly,

"Thank you all so much for coming. As the elder members of this group might know, baby showers from the old days might have involved weird, lame games like putting candy bars into diapers and guessing what was inside, or -"

"What?" Ellie recoiled in horror, and a few of the older women cackled with unabashed amusement. Bryce looked confused, as did Audrey Oaks, but Willa held her hands up and stifled a laugh as she continued,

"But since we don't have any of those materials to play those bizarre games. So the best I could come up with was charades. Everyone knows the basic rules, right?"

Even Ellie knew how to play charades; the kids at FEDRA school had often played since it didn't involve any real materials. Ellie watched as Willa divided the party guests into two equally sized teams; Ellie and Joel got split up, which seemed to amuse Joel greatly. He winked at Ellie as he leaned back onto a dining room chair on the other side of the room and crossed one leg over the other. She pursed her lips and glanced back, surprised to see that Willa had a bowl full of little paper slips upon which she'd written words with a charcoal pencil.

Bryce pulled a piece of paper out and excitedly got up to the front of the living room, standing before the fireplace, and because she was on Ellie's team, she began excitedly making a rectangle shape in front of her body. Then she rubbed her fingertips together in a strange way, like she was feeling something, and someone yelled out,

"It's a scrap of cloth!"

Bryce clapped her hands together and nodded vigorously, and Ellie scowled. She had absolutely no idea what Bryce was referencing, but Mrs. Wilson yelled out,

"Cloth diapers!"

A rousing cheer went up at once, and Willa exclaimed,

"She got it almost right away! Woo!"

Ellie supposed she ought to feel glad, because her team had gotten a point, but instead she was just baffled that everyone else seemed to know something about babies that she didn't. She tightened her fingers on her belly, and suddenly she realized she had never changed a diaper in her life. She swallowed hard and felt panic strike her through.

She felt numb as she watched Hazel Mason go up to the front of the room and giggle a bit at the prompt she'd been given. She started to rub at her own arms and legs as if she were soaping herself off in a shower, and Rhea Campbell guessed,

"Baby shampoo?"

"Where would we get any damn baby shampoo, Rhea?" someone cackled, and people laughed under their breath as Hazel shook her head and grinned. Hazel made a round gesture around her belly as if to accentuate the fact that the object in question was indeed for babies, and Ellie felt an eyebrow skeptically quirk up. Hazel rubbed slickly at her skin again, and finally, Joel called out,

"Ah. I got it. Baby oil!"
"Yes!" Hazel jumped up and down, and the rest of their team clapped in approval at Joel getting the answer right. Ellie frowned again; how had he known that. She felt very irritated then and demanded rather sharply,

"What the hell is baby oil? Why the hell would babies need their own oil?"

The room went a little quiet then, and a few of the women looked at one another before Willa said in a gentle voice,

"Baby oil is just the term used for, like, the oil you use on babies to moisturize their skin and stuff like that. There used to be special brands of it."

"Johnson's was the big one," said Hazel rather unhelpfully from where she stood at the front of the living room. She shrugged. "My older sister used it to remove her mascara."

Joel slapped his knees rather loudly and cleared his throat. "Okay. Well. I think we call that game a fun tie, huh, Willa? Thank you for that. Ellie, you wanna open your gifts?"

"I guess so," Ellie said in a grumpy voice, but he shot her an icy glare, and she fixed her face and painted a little smile on her lips and ameliorated, "Sure. Sounds great."

Ellie's attitude improved significantly when she realized just how much time, energy, effort, and probably material goods had gone into obtaining the gifts people had brought to this "Baby Shower." She had tears streaming down her face by the time she'd opened a brown paper parcel from Mrs. Wilson that had twenty-five rectangular cloth diapers in it that the older woman had hand-sewn from scavenged cloth, along with found pins. Suddenly, it didn't seem so silly that Mrs. Wilson had yelled out about diapers during the game of charades.

Ellie could hardly find the words to thank Audrey Oaks, who had worked in Yampa's child care, for the dozen frayed and worn out board books Audrey had brought. Goodnight, Moon. The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Where The Wild Things Are. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Book after book that Ellie knew she would treasure. Her fingers shook around the covers, and her vision blurred as she pried the board books open and examined the slightly warped pages. She raised her eyes to Audrey and nodded, choking out her thanks and then moving onto the next gift.

It was from Hazel Mason, whose fashion sense Ellie had derided sharply earlier when she'd said she didn't want to wear the dress Hazel had traded for. It seemed Hazel had traded for much more than just Ellie's formal black gown. Hazel had brought a bundle of baby clothes in various sizes, including warm pajamas and sweaters and little things people kept calling "onesies." They were all in shades of gray and yellow and green, which Hazel had said she'd done on purpose since they didn't know yet if the baby was a boy or a girl. There were little hats, too, and Rhea Campbell told Ellie that even though the baby was coming in the spring, they would still need a hat. Ellie just nodded, feeling completely overwhelmed. She examined the baby clothes carefully, feeling compelled for some reason to bring them to her nose and breathe in. They smelled like lavender, and Hazel said proudly,

"Oh, I washed them all twice when I brought them back from Fort Collins. Don't worry."

"Thank you." Ellie felt queasy then for a reason she couldn't quite pin down. She just sniffled a little and let Willa take the bundle away, over to Joel, who was carefully stacking everything on the dining room table.

Willa gave Ellie a plastic bathtub for the baby that she had found in a house in Yampa and had thoroughly cleaned up, and she told her to just put it inside the shower bath so the baby would be safe until they could sit on their own. She also gave Ellie a basket full of scavenged and cleaned-up baby toys, including some rattles, teething rings, stacking cups, and a shape sorter. Bryce Crane proudly gave Ellie a sling carrier she'd made herself using six yards of army green sturdy cotton she'd traded for and some brass rings. It would hold up nicely for work on the farm, she assured Ellie.

Then Rhea Campbell passed over a basket, a large soft wicker creation with handles lined with soft cream linen and a pad on the inside. Ellie was confused as the living room went hush, as the other guests of the Baby Shower descended into a reverent silence, and then Rhea said quietly,

"When my daughter Violet came home from the hospital, she was very small. My mother made her this Moses basket while she was getting ready to come home, and then Violet slept in it for almost five months… right next to my bedside."

Ellie's mouth fell open, and she just stared at Rhea, who looked drawn and weary all of a sudden. She shut her eyes and seemed to be remembering something as she said simply,

"It was one of the only things I brought to Yampa. Now it's yours."

Ellie shook her head frantically. "Rhea, I couldn't -"

But Rhea reached for Ellie's hand, lacing her fingers through hers. She opened her eyes and said in a firm voice,

"You are so strong. It's going to be fine, Ellie."

Ellie just nodded then, unsure of what to say. She just bent down and picked up the Moses basket, and she tried to thank Rhea, but when she mouthed the words, her voice didn't come out quite right.

She heard Joel thanking everyone for the gifts, telling them to get home safely, warning them that it was icy out past the main barn and not to slip. He was thanking them all one by one, she could hear… telling Mrs. Wilson it was ridiculous that she'd come all the way out to the ranch, that she'd handmade diapers, laughing with her that, yeah, he damn sure wished they had Huggies, too. He was telling Willa he was gonna need her to make him a big batch of his own potato chips soon, please and thanks; he was promising Bryce that, sure, he'd play guitar for her wedding to Jude, if she insisted. Eventually, everyone was gone, and he shut the front door of the farmhouse and let out a loud huff, and he came stalking back into the living room and built up the fire again, and he put his hands on his hips and asked,

"See? Not so bad, kiddo, huh?"

"No," she mumbled dazedly. "Not so bad. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting."

Joel came to sit beside Ellie on the sofa and rubbed at her knee, staring at her for a long moment before he said carefully,

"We'll figure it all out."

"You already know what you're doing," Ellie said thickly, but Joel scoffed,

"Not in this world I don't. I know how to feed a baby a bottle full of formula, and how to throw away a garbage bag full of disposable diapers, and how to get antibiotics for a baby's ear infection, and how to drop a baby off at daycare while I go to work on a construction site. So."

Ellie smirked. "Okay. Yeah. It's a little different now, I guess."

Joel nodded, but then he jerked his chin to the dining room table where he'd taken all the gifts. "Not everything's different. I remember a lot. A told B and B told C, I'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree. 'Whee!' said D to E, F, G. I'll beat you to the top of the coconut tree."

"Joel, what the fuck?" Ellie laughed hard then, but Joel just put his hand on her swollen belly, giving her a very serious look. He sat up ramrod straight and gave her a look that meant business, and he asked in a low, ominous sort of voice,

"Chicka chicka boom boom! Will there be enough room? Here comes H up the coconut tree! And I and J, and tag-along K, all on their way up the coconut tree."

Ellie was laughing so hard now she was wheezing, tears streaming unbidden down her cheeks. She felt Joel take her jaws in his rough, calloused palms, and then suddenly his lips were on hers, his breath warm on her mouth as he murmured, much more gently than Ellie would have anticipated,

"It's gonna be fine. You're gonna be great, and it's gonna be fine."

Ellie nodded against him, and when he pushed his mouth onto hers again, she whimpered a little, wanting him so desperately she could scream. She reached up between them and yanked at the tie he'd traded for, feeling her pulse pick up as she loosened it. Joel grunted a bit into their kiss at the feel of her dragging his tie open, but Ellie just smirked, remembering what Rhea had told her about not letting any distance come between herself and Joel throughout all of this. She'd felt frustrated earlier because he couldn't attend to her properly for medical reasons. Well, fine, she thought. That didn't mean she couldn't keep on playing with him. She yanked his tie over his head, and as she pulled her fingers up the inside of his thigh, she whispered against his lips,

"You carried me down here."

"Mmm-hmm." Joel sounded hungry then, and Ellie teased him with a few light kisses before squeezing the inside of his thigh and asking,

"Well, if you don't mind, Mr. Weirdly Formally-Dressed Shepherd Man, I'd like you to carry me back upstairs now."

She'd been swept off the sofa and into Joel's arms before she could provoke him any further.

Author's Note: Hello, readers. I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter uploaded. As some of you are aware from seeing previous comments, I had a very serious and unforeseen health incident that hindered the writing and uploading of this chapter. I'm doing okay now. I appreciate the messages of concern. Thanks, all! ?

I also want to apologize that this chapter was a bit on the lengthy side; it got away from me a little! Whoops! However, I do hope you enjoyed it. As always, I am grateful for you reading and would absolutely love to hear your thoughts.