Gardens in the Rain, chapter 4
Kirk rose from his seat and wandered over to stand behind Spock. Intent on his research, Spock apparently didn't even realize at first that he was no longer alone. Kirk waited patiently for his friend to turn around. The bridge was unusually quiet; although he and Spock were the only members of the Enterprise crew who understood the significance of their route toward Epsilon Triana, everyone seemed to sense the undercurrent of anticipation. Finally, Spock looked up and acknowledged his presence.
Kirk moved close and murmured, "Have you found any more irregular flight patterns?"
"No," replied Spock. "Only the three. This reinforces my opinion that the Klingons' target is not Epsilon Triana, but something else in that area. They have gone to great lengths to misdirect our attention, and it is likely that they established additional safeguards in case we detected their interest. If their true destination were something between their origin and Epsilon Triana, this would effectively disguise it. Indeed, it almost worked. The deviation from a direct path was so slight that it could easily have been missed."
"I agree. I talked to Captain Ames, and he wants to see what you found. We're expected on the Lexington in fifteen minutes."
"Very well. I will prepare a report."
Nodding, Kirk returned to his chair.
...
Spock stepped down from the transporter pad and immediately fell into step with Commander Lenox and Admiral Kirk.
"Captain Ames asked me to bring you to conference room two," said Lenox. "Am I to assume that you found something new?"
"Yes," replied Spock. "In my study of the surveillance logs, I found three fascinating discrepancies. I will describe these discrepancies in detail during our briefing."
"Excellent."
They lapsed into silence as they walked, and Spock considered his discovery. Of all the Klingon forays into the neutral zone, only three had deviated from a precisely straight line. The deviation was so subtle that it had been omitted from the transcribed data upon which he, Lenox, and Nyota had based their studies; it was only when he went back to the original data that he detected the difference. Those three flights had all followed the same route, a line that would have been straight if not for a slight "bump" in the middle of each.
A throaty laugh interrupted his thoughts, and he raised his head sharply at the sound. There was no mistaking the source of such distinctive laughter. Nyota obviously awaited them just ahead. They must be nearing the conference room. Rounding the bend in the corridor, he saw that she was talking to a man wearing the blue smock of medical services.
As he watched she laughed again, nodding with animation, her eyes sparkling. Spock had always been intrigued by her laugh—full yet feminine—and before he was able to suppress the thought, he experienced a quick surge of regret that he could not join her in such an unabashed expression of enjoyment of life. The man, however, appeared to have no difficulty in expressing himself.
She looked up as they approached. "Good morning, gentlemen! Captain Ames just called to say that he's on his way. Here, let me introduce you. Admiral Kirk, Commander Spock, this is Lieutenant Ravi Srikanta. Ravi, this is Admiral James Kirk and Commander Spock."
The man in the blue smock shook Kirk's hand. "I'm so pleased to meet you. Commander Uhura has told me much about both of you."
"The pleasure's all mine, Lieutenant," said Kirk.
Nodding politely, Spock said, "Commander Uhura tells me that you are quite an accomplished poker player."
Srikanta chuckled. "She is being polite. The truth of the matter is that she takes my money every week."
Nyota laughed and patted him on the arm. "Ravi exaggerates. I don't think I'm quite ready to hit the professional circuit yet."
They all turned as a new voice joined the conversation. "I hope not! I'd hate to lose the best communications officer in the fleet to the siren call of poker."
"Captain Ames, you know I'd never abandon you." Nyota smiled one last time at Srikanta. "See you later, Lieutenant."
"Hopefully not too much later, Commander."
Srikanta winked, and Spock frowned at the sight. The man's behavior was decidedly unprofessional. Evidently the medical department on the Lexington put no more emphasis on proper military decorum than did the medical department on the Enterprise.
"You're incorrigible," said Nyota.
Already walking away, Srikanta replied, "Only with you, Commander."
Still frowning, Spock looked at Nyota for a moment, then watched the man's retreating back. The remainder of the group had already started into the conference room, however, so he quickly followed.
Ames immediately threw himself into a chair and said, "All right, Mr. Spock. Show us what you have."
"Yes, sir."
Inserting a data wafer into the computer, Spock strode to the front of the conference room and began to speak.
...
Uhura sat at the conference room table and allowed her thoughts to wander as the meeting wound to a close. She couldn't believe that Spock had discovered something in those surveillance logs, and so quickly, too! She felt a swelling in her chest as she thought about how he had managed to pry the few crucial little pieces of data out of a huge mass of seemingly meaningless statistics. What an incredible man—so intelligent, so creative, so attractive...
She watched as he walked closer to the table, his attention on the discussion between Ames and Lenox. The two men had been debating this same point for the last five minutes, and she was impressed that Spock could behave as if he were still interested. Hmmm... This table was every bit as high as the one on the Enterprise. Maybe even higher. Would he be too tall if she were sitting on the table? It was close. Maybe if he bent his knees just a little bit...
Glancing up, she saw that he had turned toward her. Oh, heavens. She tried to act as if she hadn't been gauging the height of his groin in relation to the tabletop, but realization dawned across his face almost immediately. He took a hasty step backwards to distance himself from the table, and she had to clamp her lips together to keep from laughing guiltily as the heat rose to her cheeks.
Thankfully, Kirk stood and ended the argument between Ames and Lenox, drawing everyone's attention.
"Spock, how long until we're able to scan the area where you found the alteration in the Klingons' flight paths?"
"Long-distance scanners will be in range within approximately twenty-two point six hours. I must point out, however, that the area is quite far from the point where the Lexington has customarily reversed course. If we emulate the established pattern, we will be forced to turn around after only two point one hours of scanning time."
"Which leaves us only a little more than four hours to look for whatever's out there," said Kirk. "I'm not ready yet to reveal the fact that we're suspicious. We'll just have to make those four hours count."
Ames looked back up at the viewscreen. "This gets more and more interesting."
Grinning, Kirk said, "It certainly does, and not a moment too soon as far as I'm concerned." He turned toward Spock. "After that milk run to Paklet Prime, I'm ready for a little excitement. Maybe tomorrow we'll finally start getting answers to some of our questions. Dismissed."
Uhura looked up sharply at Spock as Ames and Lenox moved toward the door. Paklet Prime? A milk run? Spock had canceled their trip to the Mozart Festival for a milk run? Busy at the computer, he was unaware of her dismay, and before she could catch his attention, Captain Ames stopped in the doorway.
"Commander Uhura? Let's go review those efficiency reports now. We'll be too busy tomorrow, and I really don't want to make them wait."
"Yes, sir."
She glanced once more in Spock's direction, but he was already in deep discussion with Kirk. She turned and followed Ames out of the room.
...
Spock speared a bite of salad and surreptitiously watched Nyota. She was uncharacteristically subdued this evening, and he could not fathom why. She had obviously taken great care over the preparation of their meal, and he was appropriately appreciative. Their day had been productive, and he knew that she was satisfied with their progress. He assumed that her sleep had been sufficiently restorative last night, so he did not think that she was tired.
Reaching for his water, he met her eyes. She smiled wanly but said nothing. Most curious. She did not appear to be angry. Indeed, she had never been shy about expressing her anger in the past, and he saw no reason why that would have changed. Was she sad? He reviewed the events of the day and could find no cause for sadness. What other emotional state could this be? Perhaps she was tired.
He would not pry. If she wished to discuss the reason for her behavior, he would allow her to volunteer the information. It could be something that she would rather not discuss. It was even possible that he had misread her mood, and nothing was wrong. If she was merely tired, she might be offended by his assumption that her emotional state was less than optimum.
Looking over again to find that she was staring blankly at the center of the table, he finally could not tolerate the silence any longer. He had been subjected to various forms of interrogation in the past and had never broken under the pressure, but it occurred to him as he put his fork on his plate that he had failed this test, whatever it might be.
"Nyota."
She met his eyes, her expression clear and guileless. "Yes?"
"You appear distracted tonight. Is there a problem?"
Biting her lip, she carefully put down her fork. "Actually, I'm not sure if there's a problem or not. I've just been thinking about something Admiral Kirk said today, and I'm not sure what it means."
He waited expectantly, but she did not elaborate. "Do you wish to discuss it?" he prompted. "It is acceptable if you do not, but I know that humans often prefer to—"
"Spock." Taking a deep breath, she held up her hand to stop him. "I'd hoped to sort out my feelings before I said anything, but I guess I need some explanation from you before I can even begin to understand."
He frowned. "Exactly what did Admiral Kirk say?"
"He said that your mission to Pakled Prime was a milk run."
"Ah." He glanced away for a moment. "I see."
Although her voice remained calm, she leaned forward to emphasize her words. "If it was a milk run, why did you cancel our trip? I looked up the details of that mission this afternoon, and it was a botanical survey. Botanical! Not even an area of expertise for you. There are several people on the Enterprise who would have been every bit as qualified for something like that."
Sitting very still, he studied her expression. Was she angry? Disappointed? Merely seeking an answer? He could not tell.
"Nyota," he said hesitantly, "except for my year with Saavik, I have taken almost as much leave in the eleven months since you left the Enterprise as in my entire previous Starfleet career. Perhaps the Pakled Prime assignment was not a crucial one, but that does not change the fact that it was my duty."
"But there's always an assignment around the corner. Sometimes you have to make a choice." She reached across the table and grasped his forearm. "A relationship is like a garden. It may be healthy and beautiful, but if you don't water it, it will die. Do you realize that except for our visit with Saavik, I'm the one who has always made the effort to get us together? I didn't even figure it out until today, but think about it. I asked you to go to London with me. The trip to the beach with Saavik was my idea, and I organized it. Why, I even reserved the hotel room when we met at Starbase Fourteen."
"It was my opinion that you made these arrangements willingly."
"I did, but that's beside the point. It just seems like I'm trying harder than you."
He studied her hand for a moment, then looked up and said, "Nyota, have you considered the possibility that my requirements are different than yours? It is not unusual for Vulcan couples to be separated. Physical proximity is not the same thing as intimacy. You and I share the flame. You are with me even when we are apart."
Searching his eyes, she said, "You told me yourself that the flame wasn't enough. On Gamma Cygnus, when we made love out in that field."
"That was... a regrettably imprecise statement. I am Vulcan. We share the flame. That is sufficient."
Her eyes grew big, and although he knew too well that his words had caused pain, it could not be helped. On Gamma Cygnus, he had committed an error that he must now correct. His statement of that night had betrayed his heritage, and although he did not want to hurt her, it was necessary that he speak the truth.
The truth? Whose truth? The truth of your forefathers, or your own?
The small, bothersome voice reminded him that he had spoken no untruth that night, but he silenced it mercilessly. He was Vulcan. She was in a relationship with a Vulcan. The flame was the cornerstone of a solid relationship. Anything less, and the relationship was defective. Therefore, the flame must be sufficient for them. That was the Vulcan way, and she must be made to understand the Vulcan way. Suddenly, he realized that this was the moment for more truth.
Tell her.
Her gaze intense, she whispered, "When you said that the flame wasn't enough, you meant it. Why is it sufficient now, if it wasn't then?"
Tell her.
She gripped his arm even more tightly. "Spock, why?"
Tell her now.
When he did not answer, her grip on his arm became tentative, and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. She was wounded; he had wounded her. As a human, she desired certain things from him that he could not provide. As a Vulcan, he would demand certain things from her that she might find distasteful, things that could even cause her physical harm.
She must know. If she is to be with you, she must know about pon farr.
She pulled her hand away and retreated to her side of the table. Not meeting his eyes, she said, "All right. Maybe it's not fair of me to force you to conform to my human expectations. Just remember that it's a two-way street, Spock. I've tried my best to understand the Vulcan rituals, and in doing so found real joy. If you try to understand the nuances of a human relationship, maybe you can learn to appreciate what I need. This is very important to me."
He gazed at her. Had he neglected her needs? He did not think that he had, but he was unsure. Had he? If so, how could he selfishly tell her now of more needs on his part?
"I understand. I did not realize that my efforts were inadequate. I will strive to improve."
She sighed. "That's not what I said, Spock. Your efforts were never 'inadequate.' My point is that we have a good relationship, but we can't take it for granted if we want it to thrive. We have to nurture it, and part of nurturing it is making the extra effort to be together."
He nodded and picked up his fork again. The moment for truth had passed.
End chapter 4