(Sodapop's POV)
Pony had been struggling ever since Johnny and Dally died, but I couldn't blame him. None of us could. Besides me, Johnny was the only one that Ponyboy could talk to about anything. Johnny was Pony's best friend, and he was gone, along with another one of our buddies.
The weeks after everything happened last fall were the worst. Pony's nightmares got real bad again and he'd wake up a few times every night, screaming and sweating. I'd wake up instantly and Darry would run into the room, ready to fight off anything and anyone he could, only neither of us could fight Pony's nightmares. All we could do was be there for our kid brother.
Pony either couldn't remember or didn't want to tell anyone what haunted him in his dreams. I wanted to ask him, but Darry and the doctor that visited the house a few times in the fall told him to give him time and let him tell me when he was ready. It was nearly impossible to let my brother suffer without gripping his shoulders and asking him to tell me everything, but I managed to bite my tongue and just comfort him.
After a while, Pony stopped screaming in the middle of the night, but he still was shaking and muttering in his sleep, and only half of the time he would wake up on his own. The other times, I would shake him awake before the nightmare caused him to get even more worked up. At one point, he apologized for waking me up at night and said that I should go back to my old room so I could get some sleep, but I sternly told him that there was no way I was going to do that. He seemed like he wanted to argue, but at two o'clock in the morning, he seemed too exhausted, and maybe grateful, to say anything else, so he nodded and fell back into a restless sleep.
Something that was maybe even more heartbreaking than seeing Ponyboy struggle with constant nightmares was that even when he was awake, there would be times that Pony didn't seem like he was really there. Sure, he always daydreamed and thought about things during the day, but sometimes his eyes would glaze over and he was in his own world. When it happened, it took a couple times of saying his name to get through to him, but then he would suddenly blink and his grey-green eyes would return to how the normally looked. Darry used to worry about Ponyboy daydreaming, but now it was for an entirely different reason.
Darry and I were real worried about Ponyboy, even if Darry kept telling me our brother would be okay. I knew that my big brother was trying to keep me calm almost as much as he was trying to convince himself that he was telling the truth. I had to hand it to Darry, he kept his cool almost all the time ever since I took off that one night and the three of us brothers had a true heart-to-heart. Ever since then, I could see my brothers make an effort to understand each other and talk things out instead of shouting, and I appreciated it. Darry's new understanding of Pony also seemed to allow him to know that something was bugging our kid brother even more one particular day.
I was standing next to Darry as he stood by the grill, putting the rest of the freshly cooked hotdogs on a plate. Both of us were looking towards our front yard, and even though Steve and Two-Bit were throwing the football around, I knew neither of us were watching them. Instead, we were keeping an eye our brother. Ponyboy was sitting on the curb, and even though he had a hotdog to eat, he was sitting like he was a statue. His back was to us, but I could tell his was
"I'm worried about him, Dar," I said without taking my eyes off of Pony.
I heard him sigh. "Me too, little buddy. Has he told you anything about what's going through his head?" I could tell Darry wished that he knew how to help Pony, but unless it was something that Darry could physically do or if it was someone that he could pummel, he was at a loss.
Pony had always come to me for comfort, that is, until now. It hurt to know that he was struggling, but I was in the dark and didn't know what to do. I shook my head. "No." But I wish he would.
"I think I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow," Darry said. There was a pause, like he expected me to say something or maybe even argue, but when I didn't respond, he continued. "He's not sleeping and he's starting to look sick. I want us to find a way to help him before his grades slip, or… or he gets even worse." That sent a shiver down my spine. I knew Darry was talking about how Pony was after our parents died.
After the accident that killed Mom and Dad, I was a bawling mess for a long time, but once I cried myself out of tears and I had to focus on helping my brothers, I realized that Ponyboy was struggling just as much as I was, but he was trying to be tough and keep everything in, just like Darry. Only, Ponyboy wasn't Darry; he felt things intensely, and unless he talked to someone about his emotions, they would tear him to pieces. I was ashamed that I had been so consumed by my own feelings that I didn't realize that Ponyboy had fallen into a dark place in his mind, but the guys and I eventually helped him out of that. Unfortunately, Johnny had helped almost more than anyone, and now he was gone.
"I think talking to the doctor is a good idea," I said, drawing myself out of the awful memories from the previous year. "I wish he'd talk to us though."
"So do I," Darry replied sadly. "I know I'm not his favorite person or anything-"
"It's not like that anymore, Darry," I said, turning my attention briefly to my older brother. It looked like it pained him to admit that he and Pony spent a few months arguing and hardly getting along. "And he hasn't said anything to anyone, including Steve and Two-Bit."
We had asked our friends to keep an eye on Pony during school, but we didn't even need to. They'd always look after Pony, even if he and Steve used to get on each other's nerves. Two-Bit and Steve had told us they'd seen the same things Darry and I saw at home– Pony had some good days, some rough days, and some bad days that he would stare into space and act like he wasn't even there. Unfortunately, it seemed to be getting more common for Pony to have his bad days.
I decided I couldn't let my kid brother get overwhelmed by his mind anymore. I walked across the grass and sat down next to him. His eyes were looking in the direction of Two-Bit and Steve, but I couldn't tell if he was actually watching them. The hotdog in his hand had a couple bites taken out of it, but it seemed like he had forgotten about it.
"Hey Pony, you gonna finish that?" I asked, nodding my head towards the hotdog. Unsurprisingly, he didn't respond. I elbowed him, trying to get him attention. "Pony? You with me?"
Pony shook his head, and after he blinked, he immediately returned to the present. His eyes didn't have that glazed or far-away appearance anymore.
Darry appeared next to us, apparently having followed me. He put a hand on Ponyboy's shoulder. "Pone?" After waiting a moment, he sat down on the other side of Ponyboy. "You alright, kiddo?"
"Yeah, sorry. I just…" Pony trailed off.
"We know," I said with my best attempt of a grin.
"I'm fine," Pony said. "Really."
Pony took a bite of his hotdog, which made me feel slightly better than a minute before. While he was distracted, Darry and I shared a worried glance. He's not fine. He's going to break one of these days.