Sorry guys, but this is just a filler chapter. We need to get Jane's perspective on things. It also means that I would still enjoy your input on things. I know some of you are waiting on Maura's reasoning for cheating. But...I don't plan on putting that in here for a while, because I have something else planned for the next couple of updates. Sorry, please don't hate me. ): Meanwhile, to those who reviewed...merci! :D As always, don't feel obligated to reply back, this is just me giving thanks were it's deserved. (:
iglowindark-I really wish I glowed in the dark. You make me jealous. ;P I wasn't too sure if I should keep the Jo comparisons in there, but I dunno, I love animals. I'm glad you liked what I did. I hope you keep enjoying my story! (:
flint198-Thank you! :D And as long as my muse is inspired I'll keep posting. (:
to the person with no name-I don't plan on making Jane stay in a long term relationship with someone that's not Maura, but she MIGHT have a one night stand. Haven't decided yet. XD
Sydney-I love angst too! So you might be in for a good ride if you enjoy it as much as I do. It was nice to see that you're still reading it. (: Thank you!
fanofthearts- I like your name! (: At first you confused me, but then I saw you posted two reviews and I was like, "Yay! She does like it!" , thanks for the review!
NT- Thank you! (: I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.
TheNinjaDriver- Okay, I really hope you didn't change your name because of me. _ If so, I do apologize. Yeah, I was sick of Jane always being the bad guy in every story (mainly because she's my favorite character haha) so I decided to see how I could pull Maura off as being the "bad guy". Thank you! (:
AliasSpyCrazy- I wanna make Jane hate Maura in this story, but I just...can't. She's too adorable and oh so innocent, even when she does do something wrong. (x Thank you for the review! (:
Bfp- I'm glad you're enjoying the fic even though it's not about perfect couples and ice cream sundaes in the park haha. I wanted to make something realistic, but that doesn't mean I won't add some fluff in some parts of this story. Because when the ending comes, it will add ammo just to make it that more depressing. Yesh, I'm terrible like that. (X I'm sorry it feels a little OoC. _ I was kinda anxious to post this story because of that reason. I promise I'll get to Maura's reasoning. I just don't feel it's time yet for that. Thank you though, your review has been extremely helpful! :D I hope you continue enjoying this and just hang in for a bit to where I finally explain the "why"s.
Disclaimer- Zip, zero, nada, none of these characters belong to me. The song down below, yeah, that? Doesn't belong to me either. Sorry to get your hopes up, I totally would have at least shared.
Wanted It All
"If I got down on my knees and said I was yours forever/ Would you get down on yours too and take my hand/ Would we get that old time feeling/ Would we laugh and talk for hours/ The way we did when our love first began/ Would you tell me that you've missed me too/ And that you've been so lonely/ And you've waited for the day that I returned/ And we'd live and love forever/ And that I'm you're one and only/ Or would you say the tables finally turned?" –I Told You So (Carrie Underwood)
Jane tumbled to her feet from leaning up against the door, because at that moment in time it was the only thing keeping her up. So ready to collapse, whether into a crumbling heap of tears or a just an exhausted pile of clothes and skin she didn't know. Walking over to her still whimpering dog, the exhausted woman pulled the trembling animal into her arms. Soothing Jo's desperate whines Jane padded into her room, the remnants of Maura's perfume still lingering in the air. It had only been five minutes since the honey blonde left, but the Italian felt like that door was closed a lifetime ago. Scarred hands deposited the now calm fuzz ball onto the bed, Jane wiped at a few awry tears as she herself crawled into bed. Curled around Maura's pillow with Jo Friday snuggled up to her back; dog and woman fell into a fitful sleep. Birthdays are overrated anyway, no point in celebrating them if you don't have anyone to celebrate them with…you might as well not even exist.
Not being on call, sloe eyes stayed closed for the remainder of the evening as long limbs tossed and turned while time itself seemed to slowly pass as a reprieve for the breaking woman tangled up in scented sheets. A gasp permeated the silent room though and bedsprings groaned as Jane swiftly sat up; wild-eyed and panting. Pillows were flung off the bed, followed by a silver comforter and stormy sky colored sheets. In the middle of the bare mattress Jane Rizzoli felt the sting of her heart being slit by a butter knife over and over. For the headstrong detective there were no breaks in life. Her nightmares were a brief echo of pain compared to the reality surrounding her. But that didn't make them any less heart-wrenching. For Jane, there was no escape anymore.
She couldn't run into warm arms, and just comfort in the feeling of being held. No one to talk to about whom died this time and how. There weren't any warm kisses trailing their way up her quivering body to erase the memory pains. Nothing but a dog and an empty bed in an even emptier apartment filled with residual memories of a lifetime lost, she wanted it all back. She wanted a damn map with a big fuckin' "X" to mark where she could find this treasure pot of happiness. Because she had it before, found at the end of a rainbow in the shape of an Irish woman with golden hair and bright eyes. Surely she could seek it out again, do it right this time. Mostly though, she wanted to climb out of her skin and fade away until this emotional affliction left as well.
Sighing, gangly legs threw themselves over the side of the bed as aching hands wound their way through knotty, chestnut hair. Resting her elbows on her still jean clad legs Jane started to even out her breathing. She pushed herself off the naked bed and began drudging into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and some Ibuprofen to relieve her pressing headache. Jo circled her legs, doggy speak for, "I need to pee!" the brunette figured. The floorboards beneath her bare feet made the detective shiver as she found her way into the kitchen; she spotted an object on her counter. As she drew closer Jane realized it was a birthday cake. Jane choked on a sob and willed it to go away.
Breathing in greedily, coffee creamed eyes scanned across a tasteful birthday card with a picture of two women lying against a tree in the park, it looked to be about fall as leaves surrounded the women and a couple seemed to be in the process of floating down off their branches. It was in black and white and as Jane pulled the image closer to her she realized it was a picture of her and Maura on their third month anniversary. Tears were streaming down her cheeks before she even knew they were there. Stubbornly wiping them away the Italian threw the card in the trash without even reading the inside and then just stared blankly at the cake. Not wanting to waste food, or that was her excuse anyway, Jane figured she'd drop it off at some homeless shelter in the morning or bring it to Frost and Korsak tomorrow. Maybe Frankie would want some too. Is the homeless shelter open this late? She looked at the time above the stove, 11:17. Shit, no way. At least, I don't think a cake would be appreciated at this time.
Grabbing a cup, Jane opened up a bottle of water and poured some into the cup. She glanced at the bottle, then the cup, back at the bottle and chuckled darkly. Fuckin' Maura, she even influences my action when she's not here. Feeling rebellious and pissy the detective lets the glass drop to the ground and takes a swig from her bottle, as if it were beer and not just Fuji water. Ha! Take that Maura! Looking at the ground though, Jane realized she had just made a mess. At least she had something to occupy her time now. Cringing because she knew she would have to walk across glass now Jane stepped precariously around the larger pieces and chanced her feet with the smaller ones on her way to grabbing the broom, dustpan, and a rag to gather the meager amount of water.
After sweeping up the mess that was comparable to her life Jane picked up Jo Friday, grabbed her gun and holster, wrapped the pink leash, stupid Maura, around her white pinpointed hand and exited the apartment. Silently walking down the hallway with a yippy dog Jane arrived at the front of the building and waited as Jo did her business, shivering in the winter breeze. It just turned December two weeks ago and Boston was well on its way to unleashing snow storms in January. Fuck me, its freezing! Damn dogs, why can't they just pick a consistent spot to piss in? "C'mon Jo, hurry up or we're going to freeze here and you'll never get to pee." Jane tugged on the leash and the little pup created a puddle right next to the fire hydrant. "Typical, it took you all that time to decide you wanted to pee on a fire hydrant? Real cute Jo, real cute." The amused woman laughed as she picked her dog back up and headed into the confines of her warm room.
Sorry for the extremely boring stream of consciousness. But it was necessary, Jane would agree. Even she has semi-break downs. Even though she likes to pretend she's invincible. Review and in the next chapter we'll see just how mortal she really is. ;D Also, to make up for this boring chapter, I'll probably update tomorrow as well considering it's a three day weekend. (: