Chapter 8: Stillness

August 8th, a little after 7 AM.

(Takeru's Room)

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Ugh… Catching faint threads of light through the sheets, I turn around and squeeze the damp pillow. Wiping my face off the sweat as the blur leaves my sight, I simply dive back under the sheets. Soon after, the knocking resumes in full force, in a rhythm. It ceases for a sec, letting me get half a sigh out before a slow creak of the door announces it has been opened anyways.

"…Takeru, are you awake already?"

"No."

"Hmm, if you can joke then you're awake enough," Mom asserts, removing what shielded my head, staring down with slightly tense features. "Come on, breakfast's ready."

"…Maybe later," again I turn around, coiling into a ball.

"Sigh… Look, I won't tell you how to feel about whatever happened in the meetup, but you can't stay holed up in your room all day. To say nothing on how tense you were that night."

"I'm fine, mom. I just need some time… to think about some stuff."

"And that's fine and all, but it's no excuse to miss breakfast, young man. Come on down, now," she says, slowly pacing to the end of the bed, pushing the curtains open then I hear another sigh. Looking up, she's again giving me one of those small, tense gazes. "Even Haruna-san asked if you were alright. You know what that means, right?"

"…Sorry."

An edge of her lips purse for a sec, arms fold tight and she quickly shakes her head. "Don't be like this. Come on down, get out of your room, go do your jogging or something, alright?" she asks, not lifting her stare off me until I nod. And with slow steps, she leaves.

Shrugging as I stretch my arms up into the incoming sun, yawning and screaming in sync I look up at nowhere. It ain't as if I were trying to make you all worry, I can't risk getting closer as things stand. But, yeah, I've no more excuses to remain hidden here, already went through all of my material from college. Getting out of bed, the corner of my eye seeks the other window, whose curtains were also closed. Sigh…

At the least nothing odd seems to be going on with me, save for the nightmares worsening. Mom and Dad didn't seem to lose any memories during our interactions, and still seem to be free of any such lapses. But if I recall correctly, the others weren't affected immediately either during my return. It was a sudden wave of emptiness what made them forget, and according to Yuuko physical closeness to me and strong emotions were the cause of those erasures.

Staying away until noticing if they don't recall a small detail is all I can do, sadly. Well, unless my parents don't actually like me that much, so they ain't affected as badly as Meiya and Sumika were back then. I mean, they did technically leave me alone with Meiya over a trip to the globe. If she had been someone as insane as Yuuko, I would have been dead on the spot in exchange of a luxury vacation.

Well, anyways, remaining vigilant is all I can do for now. So, uh, in case today's when they forget me… I need to make sure I'm fully ready for that outcome.

Peeking from the window, there's the usual slowness in the street. Not many people walking about, but the windows of Sumika's house are open, as they should at this hour. If shit goes wrong, they'll hear any freakouts my parents would have if and when they get their memories of me erased…

Moving to the center of my room, rolling my arms and elongating, a slow shiver runs through me as cracks and stiffness raises to the morning routine. I need to be fresh and ready, I'll have to quickly knock them out in that case.

Bending an elbow back, holding it in place, stomach and back grow heavy. Mom is probably busy finishing breakfast or cleaning dad's plates, so he'll interact with me first… And any of our usual jokes may as well start the erasure.

Gulping slowly, the iron shackles inside do not let loose. All the contrary, they keep on choking every little drop out of the firmness of the routine. Gasping once as I stand on one leg, grabbing the other as it meets my lower back, I stare at the jet poster, running through possible scenarios.

Knocking him down fast ain't the issue, not hurting him gravely is. If… If they do forget me, will they still recall my face to possibly file charges? No, what if only one of them forgets at first? Dad freaking out at the 'burglar', Mom trying to calm him down, maybe I could try and escape then…

Even after that, where do I go? Without money, I'll starve. Don't have Sensei's number, so I will have to grab some money to buy food and find someplace to crash at. Maybe the tree by the hill?

Sighing, wiping the faint sweat off my face and bending forward while reaching my fingertips to my toes, the iron teeth inside keep on that pike and slash. And again, my chest hurts and shrinks as I come back upright and look around.

Because, even if I were to leave before anything happened, what about this room? Looking around, at the poster, my closet, my books, the pictures of me and them as we went on vacations and junk… What will they think of all this if and when they forget? Will it end sprawled on the floor like Sumika's diaries? Burnt and broken, disposed as garbage? And again, what if only one forgets at first?

But if it gets to that point… the next thing that happened to Sumika afterwards was-

"Takeru!" her yell shakes up through the stairs and into my knees, feet almost slipping mid-elongation. "What's taking you so long?!"

"I-I'm going! Sigh… Don't rush me, dammit."

…If it gets to the point of no return, then the integration of data will be unavoidable, I suppose. And just like Sumika back then, they'll… share the same fate of my parents of that world, who I assume ended up dead in a horrible manner like my counterpart of that timeline. Guess I do have a reason to get my shit in order and gather intel on the state of their memories. And hope that the dice doesn't roll me a one again.

Slumping to the closet, slower I open it and grab at one of my shirts. Janking off my pajamas and throwing them over my shoulder to the bed, for a sec I stare out the window. I guess I can only wait and see how you're holding up, too.

Well, at least I can have comfy clothes now as opposed to the tank top from the base. The only thing I miss are the boots Mikoto recommended me, those were a work of-

"Mmgh… What the-"

Pressure, choking me as my hair can't raise through the hole. Further strangling clams over as my elbows get stuck, arms unable to raise, tied up and constricted, frozen. Pulling down, forcing up, bouncing sideways doesn't allow me to squeeze myself through, the momentary blindness lasts too long as the shirt remains stuck and my arms entangled at an odd angle. What the fuck is going on here? These always fit me just fine! Why can't I-

Riiiiiiip!

"Ah… Oh shit."

Suddenly, the sunlight meets my eyes directly.

Threads and webs lay down rendered apart as if I had assaulted them as I did to the Red Zone.

From the neck and down, and on one of the armpits too.

Rags that you'd find on some desolate village in an RPG, that's what the remains on my hands resemble as I take them off me.

"My… My blue shirt… W-Why the hell did- Ah!"

The gripping on the threads reveals something to me, a curve in my arms. Toned muscles, where before there were none. Again running my fingertips over my shoulders and abdomen, I find my usual. But my 'usual' is not what I used to have here. Ever since I started exercising my shirts fit me maybe just a bit tighter than before. But the firmness in my arms and abs, they're back to how they were on the other side. Exactly the same, unlike the almost perfect reflection of how I was after the Valgern-On tournament.

Which means I… I lost my favorite shirt to the resurfacing of my old soldier build. My… My trusty blue partner, lost to the ripples of causality, to the extra size I apparently gained in my sleep, back to my old physique.

How can- What am I- Why did it have to be this shirt?! Of all the shirts I have! It has to be my jet blue the one that doesn't fit me anymore! Why-y-y-yyyyyyy?! Why did it have to be you?!

A sudden noise, the door getting slammed open, is followed by a faint rumble of burning.

"Alright, you better not have gone back to sleep because- What are you doing, kneeling on the floor like that?" Mom asks, slow.

"Sniff… Mourning the loss of a dear comrade."

"What? Wait, are you crying? Takeru, what- What happened to your shirt?!"

Standing in slow motion while cradling its remains on my arms, I simply shake my head and sigh. "It broke, I tried putting it on but… Well, guess it didn't fit me anymore. Siiigh…"

And I've had my lucky shirt ever since I enrolled in Hakuryo, too, since I studied with Sumika to pass the grades needed to enter. Studying with it on ensured I got a good score, all the damn time. Even now that I'm in college. To say nothing on the win-streaks I rolled up in the arcade with it. Sniff… You won't ever be forgotten, my beloved jet blue shirt.

Mom raises and narrows both brows, eyes squinting hard while she sighs loud. "And this is why I insist we buy new clothes every year. And anyways, how could it not fit you anymore? You've barely even… even- W-What?"

"Hm? Mom?"

"Oh… Is that- But, wait. Are you…" eyes and mouth gradually widening, also going down, she blinks in quick succession. And then remains silent, slightly tilting her head as she looks my way, brows and expression furrowing more per second.

"Um, mom? Is something wrong?" I ask, she meets my eyes but doesn't say anything, just stares.

Wait, is she- Could she be forgetting about me? Otherwise, why the slack-jawed and disoriented expression? Gulp… Wait, what do I do now? If she forgets everything about me and starts screaming then-

Should I knock her down immediately?

No, I'm too strong to actually strike her and not risk an injury.

Do I have… to choke her then despite the possible lasting damage? If- If she ends up forgetting me entirely then I can't-

"Could I ask you something?" she slowly says, taking a step closer and meeting my gaze, in the full poker of a new moon night.

"Y-Yes?"

"…Since when do you have such a marked physique, Takeru?" she asks, a single finger giving a sharp pointing to my chest as her eyes sharpen further.

"Wait, what? Why is that what you're asking?" Sigh… Don't scare me like that, dammit.

Meeting my eye again, stepping closer. "I do not recall you having, well, such a toned six-pack," she slightly looks down, arms folding. "Any explanations?" she asks, a brow raising just as the smoke within her eyes.

"I, uh, well… Training?" Technically not a lie? "Is something wrong?" I mean, if she isn't forgetting, why the strong look?

Lips shrug, brows too, as she takes a sharp step forward, aiming up and-

"Ouch! W-What are you doing?! Don't pull my ear!"

Short of complying, she twists it even more, raw fire in her eyes as she inhales sharply and looks straight into me. "You wouldn't have been taking any odd supplements, would you young man?"

"I didn't! These muscles are natural. And it took me months to build them. Months!"

Or was it years? I mean, did I have this lean a build in my first loops? I can't recall… Is it a result of the fusion of all my experiences into a single thing? With how all the lives worth of loops should be in effect within me according to Sensei's words, it honestly would be more akin to-

"And why are we going silent, hmm?"

"O-Ouch! I-I'm not lying, come on, let me go!" I move away, smacking the hand off my ear.

"Kya!" staggering back from the arm swipe, for a second there is tense bracing as if in walking against rain. It lasts a second, the pyres in those eyes only grow back to hunt. "Takeru, when and how did you suddenly get those muscles? If you're not taking any pills, how?"

"I told you, I-"

"No lies, young man! I helped you get ready for your tournament, and you weren't in such shape then!" she asserts, waving the finger and blazes at me.

"…You simply didn't notice, cuz I had clothes on. I mean, you didn't notice until today, after all… And I'm not taking any pills, for real," I say, slow, while I give a small bow. "Sorry for worrying you, but this is all natural, mom. No meds nor pills are involved, there's nothing you should concern yourself with."

"Hmm…" the groaning extends like a hungry kitty staring down a mouse, enough to make me look away and sigh. "Fine, I guess I can believe it. But to think you'd get so buff…"

"C-Can you stop staring? It ain't that special, anyone can get like this with enough training."

Mom gives me a sideglance, lips pursing a bit. "Yeah, maybe if they went to the military. But normal folk just don't grow a six-pack overnight without serious dedication, Takeru. Sigh… Just don't exert yourself and end up hurt, okay?" she says, softening the light frown, the fire regressing but not vanishing. "Anyways, find a shirt that still fits you and come on down. The food is going to get cold," she reminds, again throwing daggers with the finger. I nod and walk to the closet as she leaves. "See, I knew we had to get him new clothes…"

…Well, if she's got the spunk to complain it means she ain't forgetting any recent stuff. Damn it, mom. Don't scare me like that, for a sec there I thought the blue shirt had made her recall old stuff, and immediately had those memories erased. For now, it seems she's unaffected by any quantum BS.

Grabbing the knob, the initial pull fails to open my closet again. Stalling my breaths, the knob begins to shake under the grasp. I guess… I really don't have it in me to hurt them, if it comes down to that. Siiigh… Some soldier I am, heh. A coward through and through, despite everything I've lived.

On one hand, though, it looks like she didn't forget anything yet. If she still recalls how I was before the tournament and my refusal to get more shirts, and didn't forget it all about me as she remembered, it equals mom's memories are safe for the time being.

Unlike my shirt. I'm gonna miss you, buddy.

That being said though, didn't think of covering up my new body. Luckily I don't have any scars, so I can talk my way outta it. But, for example, Sumika will notice too. And if she thinks too much on it, if she approaches me wondering why do I suddenly look like a soldier, then the same outcome of last time may repeat itself.

Sigh… For the moment, I need food to think clearly, and see if mom and dad truly remember me without any risks. But still…

"It had to be my lucky shirt, dammit. Fuck you, causality."

Quickly testing a few shirts, this time carefully trying to get in them, it looks like I only have a few left to use. The newest ones I've been using fit kinda fine, but the rest constrict over me worse than the fortified suit used to. Thank God I won the prize money, because I need new clothes to accommodate my old body.

Going down the stairs, the noise from the TV reaches me, and a slow grumble too.

"Aw, again?" Dad says, throwing the newspaper on the table. "I can't believe we lost another match," he protests, looking at the baseball results showcased.

Well, if that's your biggest worry, guess you're still living large as always, Dad.

"Hey, good morning," I salute, going to my usual chair.

"Oh, good morning, Ta- What the hell is wrong with your shirt?" he asks, flinching a bit.

"It's nothing, they just don't fit me well enough anymore," I look up and away, scratching the back of my neck.

"Sigh, you couldn't find anything better?" Mom complains, again in the same pouty expression as before, leaving a toast, some rice and an egg on the table. "That also looks like it's going to rip off any second now."

"What happened? Hit the gym too hard?" he jokes, clenching a fist and lifting an invisible weight.

"Quite literally, actually," she comments, giving me a side glance as I bite onto the toast. "Apparently, he somehow managed to grow a six-pack with his training. His old blue shirt broke as he tried putting it on just now, and as you can see even the others aren't doing that well," she finishes, shrugging.

"Wow, that's neat."

"Him breaking his clothes and growing muscles overnight isn't what I'd call neat, Kage."

"So I guess Takeru got more ripped than his shirt, eh?" he chuckles, waving a hand down as Mom fumes a bit.

"Kage, his shirt broke in half! I told you we had to buy new clothes sooner."

"Come on, now. Don't go on a tear at breakfast, honey."

"This is serious, really. Look at him," she points at me, still blazing as I simply shrug back while observing, "the shirts barely fit him anymore. He can't go to his classes like that."

"Miho, it's gonna be fine. Don't split your head in half or anything, he just needs to go buy new things. No need to rip his ear over it."

"Kage…" one of her brows twitches, the smoke raises again.

"Ahaha. It's a shame, yeah, but that's just how things are. We can't fault him for getting in shape. Right, Takeru?" he asks, waving both brows up and down.

"Eh? Ah, well, yeah. I guess it is. I will miss my shirt, though," nodding, I grab a glass and slowly empty it in one gulp. Thank God, neither seem to have any delay in their words. They're not forgetting. "I know you were shocked, but I'd like to ask you to thread a bit more carefully next time you barge into my room, mom," I say, bowing slightly.

"Oh yes, you two keep going with your puns," she shakes her head, sighing low.

"What?" Puns? I wasn't even trying to make a joke, though.

"Again, we can't fault him. Takeru is at the stage where yarning for such things is common," he chuckles again, mom groans while glaring at both of us. "In any case, Miho is right," he nods, taking a sip. "You're gonna need some new shirts, at least."

"I suppose… Sorry, should have told you I wasn't that comfortable in them before," giving another bow by reflex, I go back to the soft rice and look at the TV.

He tilts his head for a sec, but gives out a nod and a chuckle. "See, Miho? There's nothing to worry about."

"Sigh… Fine, I'll let is slide," she shakes her head, going back to the kitchen for her plate.

"Anyways, did you really get a six-pack?" dad asks, I nod, he whistles. "Wow, that's quite the hard work you must've put yourself through. Maybe if our players were as fit as you we'd have a shot at winning a single match," he complains as he takes a long sip, back to the TV where the overall positions of the baseball league are displayed.

"Yeah, guess this season's a wash for us, huh."

"A wash? That's an odd word coming from you," he stabs, smiling a bit.

"Really? Well…" Guess it kinda stuck from the other side, huh. "Just felt appropriate."

"You're not wrong, though. But back to you," he says, raising a brow. "Who's the one?"

"What?"

"You know, the one behind this super training. You don't expect me to believe my lazy son gained the resolve to grow a six-pack out of thin air, right? So, are you trying to impress someone, eh?" he asks, waving both brows up and down, smirking expanding wild.

"Sigh… No, it ain't like that. It just kinda happened, is all."

And to be honest, I was equally as shocked back in my first loops when I realized how strong I had actually become. 'So this is what's being a Super Shayan feels like!', is what I thought when I saw the muscles I had sowed. And then Kei wrapped me into a ball and threw me to the stratosphere during practice once I got cocky. Heh, I was so stupid back then.

"At least you don't seem to be straining yourself," he nod slow, resting back on the chair. "But I do understand how Miho feels about this. You really aren't taking-"

"No, there's no pills nor meds involved."

"Well, so long as you know your limits then. It is a surprise, who would have thought that little lazy thing would end up like this?" softening his gaze as he goes for a sip, Dad again nods.

"…Come on, it ain't that special." It really isn't, when we were on equal footing I never could overcome Meiya or Kei after all.

"Have you even looked at yourself?" Mom repines as she sits, half a rice spoon stalling its ascent. "And speaking of looks, when are you going to cut your hair?"

"What? Come on, my hair is fine the way it is," I say, scratching my head, seeing I can curl some strands over a finger now as Mom groans while she eats.

Dad simply rests his mug, nodding slowly with a smile. "Honestly, I can't believe I didn't notice sooner. You do look way more lean than I remember. And I do approve of the longer hair," he says, giving a thumbs up.

"Kage, what are the teachers in college going to say about it?"

"Let him enjoy it! Once he starts working he'll have to take the formal cut anyways," he pouts, pointing to his cleanly cut hairstyle, the basic and customary haircut of basically all of the workforce.

"Sigh… I still disagree, it's getting to the point that it's not a hairstyle, more of a jumbled up mess. He should cut the edges at the least."

"Fine, fine, I get it," I say, nodding back, yet neither seem to lack any luster or lose any speed in their talks. "I had enough with losing my shirt, let's not argue at the table."

"Yes, you're indeed right," Dad nods slowly, raising a brow at Mom. "My, it is so uncharacteristic of you, dear, to make such a ruckus while we eat."

"Oh, so now I'm the evil one, huh?" she lightly fumes, smacking his arm and causing both to chuckle.

…You know, for how annoying it always was to have them losing themselves in their own world like that all the time, now I can say that I'm a bit envious of this closeness.

"Well, but anyways, it is nice to hear your exercises did bear fruit," Dad nods again, smirking my way as he goes for a sip. "But did you really break your shirt that badly?"

"Yeah…"

"Wow. Guess it was time to buy more clothes, huh. You've had that shirt since…" words slow down, expression shrinks and grows stiff. "Hmm, it has been a long time, right? When did we buy you that shirt again?" he asks, grasping his chin and looking up.

"…Come on, don't you remember? We made a bet when you bought it," I assert, halting the spoon and locking onto his eyes.

Dad grumbles, tapping his chin as if testing a guitar. After a second, his eyes shoot wide open and he smiles. "Oh, right! No wonder it doesn't fit you anymore, didn't we buy that one when you wanted to enroll in Hakuryo?"

"Yes, he's had it since then," mom notes, nodding. "And refused to part ways with it despite how tattered it was, something about it being a lucky charm."

"Well, we boys can't help but to get attached to certain clothes, you know?" he softly says, palming his chest as he finishes his toast. "I still have the baseball cap and all of my old school team, even though it doesn't fit me anymore. But it is a surprise," he sighs, nodding my way with a small smile, "I guess time sure does fly. Can't believe that lazy thing grew into the you in front of me now. Remember when he was scrambling all over the encyclopedias to pass the math section of the entrance exams?" he asks while nudging mom's sides, chuckling back at me.

"Haha, yes, I do. 'Sleep is for the weak', he said. Almost didn't make it to the test for oversleeping!" she cheers, both start laughing as they retell Sumika's desperate attempts to wake up my slow ass.

Sigh… Thank God. They're not forgetting about me. If they can remember such distant and personal things without memories starting to grow dull, then… Sigh. At the very least, they are unaffected by any leaks. Perhaps because I didn't interact with them over there, perhaps because there's no sharing of data between worlds to the degree it was at the time when I ran away. In any case…

"…Yeah, guess that shirt really was a lucky charm since I could wake up against all odds back then. And I got a better grade than expected," I puff my chest, smiling at the memory of me and Sumika barely willing to watch the scores from afar.

"Yes, that was surely a surprise," Dad nods slowly, taking a slow sip. "Goes to show even you can excel when you put your mind to something."

"That's not true, I'm always doing my best. Also, rude."

"He's right, Kage," mom chains in, giving dad a soft smile and a sideglance.

Dad coughs, looking away while scratching his head. "W-Well, sorry. Anyways, I guess you must have really put your all into this routine you do, if that shirt finally doesn't fit you anymore. Guess you're gonna be quite the love magnet when you go back to college, eh?" again smiling, he waves both brows up and down.

"It's- It's not like that at all, dad…"

"Then, how is it? I mean, you were very quiet about what happened on that meetup you went to. And looking like you do now, I don't doubt you must have gotten a few invitations to, well, you know," he chuckles, making a slow gesture between his thumb and the other fingers, tightening a ring.

"Kage, give him some space. If he doesn't feel comfortable speaking of it, we shouldn't poke our noses," she sighs, biting into the toast.

"Yet you were the one asking when was he gonna bring a girl home soon," he smirks again, receiving a light slap on the arm which causes more chuckling. "But, seriously, there's no one in your mind? Not even a small thing?"

"Look, I'd be lying if I said I don't but it's… Sigh. It's complicated, okay?" I shake my head, placing the egg on top of the rice before carrying it all into the spoon.

"Pfft… Ahahaha! Look at you, saying that now, haha," he laughs and chuckles, soon turning into mild coughing. He pats his stomach as me and mom share a look and shrug with a smile. "Oh dear, this is hilarious. Who's the weird adult now, huh?"

"…Heh, guess you sniped the mark, huh." More than you think, dad. More than you think. "Anyways, shouldn't we change this back to the main news?" I ask, going for the remote. Dad shrugs, so I flick the thing back to the main news channel as we eat.

Nothing seems to be out of order, there's no hurried debate over anything as it would happen should anything serious have occurred, like a parallel to the other world. Sensei did say that me being here would make some of that world's events to filter into our reality, but as things stand I've no idea what to look out for.

Before I was still a conductor so quick changes of those around me was the simplest tell, but if there is any anomaly with me returning to this timeline I don't know if or how it'll manifest. And I don't have a way to contact Sensei, if I wanted to play to that scenario even if forcing clarity on my memories could bring with them a leaking of causality. Ugh, there's so many unknowns… And I've no idea what to actually do.

Staying glued to the TV on the lookout for any accidents on Kashgar or anything seems counterproductive though. I can interact with people and see if there is any risk at play far more quickly. Plus, if it gets to the point where any parallels are appearing that are severe enough to make it to the news, then it's too late already. I mean, what can I do in this world if something goes wrong in Kashgar or Athabasca? Thank God we don't have any bases on the Moon in this world. That are known publicly, of course. And if anything serious comes up in the news, I know either mom or dad will bring the matter up during dinner or something. I can only hope to get enough time to reach out to Yuuko and see if there's anything that can be done if things spiral down that route.

"Well," dad says, rummaging through the newspaper before closing it as he takes one final spoonful of rice, "I'll be going out. How much do you need for some new shirts?"

"Huh? Oh, no, it's fine. I can save up and-"

"Come on, now. Miho, make sure he grabs enough to-"

"You don't need to tell me," she says, giving me a small glare, as she hands him his briefcase then kisses his cheek. "Have a nice day."

He returns the kindness, then waves back as he goes to the door. "Yeah, you too. And good luck with finding good shirts, Takeru. Make sure you don't rip them apart in the store!" with one giant grin, he waves a goodbye.

And for a moment, I simply eat in silence. Neither is forgetting, and despite us talking of old stuff even. For now… For now everything seems fine.

"Well, I'm going to get ready for work too," Mom says, walking back to the table and grabbing dad's cup and dish. "Takeru, how many shirts can you still use?"

"About three."

"Sigh… Well, at least go and get two more just in case. Is everything else, well, fitting fine?" she asks, slowly giving me a once over.

"I'll have to try things out later. Maybe we should leave this for when I know what to buy, to not make two trips?" I ask, giving half a bow. Leaving this hanging will work as another test, to see if she eventually forgets like Meiya did before losing all her memories of me. Long term memory was fine for her until I forced her to recall, short term memory is what would disappear first if there is an anomaly still in place.

She holds my gaze, hands on her hips as she groans. "…Fine. Tomorrow then. Make sure you check your clothes well during the day."

"Yes, got it. Anything else?"

"Well," she coughs, walking closer. A hand raises, but quickly retracts as she folds both arms around her stomach. "Can't you tell me what happened during the tournament?"

"…Nothing much, really."

"Sigh… Did she not show up at all?"

"It's… not that."

"Oh. So she did go? Does that mean that-"

"Can we not? Please? Just…" I shake my head, gripping my pants.

Softly, a repeated pat tends to my shoulder. "It's fine, Takeru. You'll find someone else one day. Was the rest of the tournament nice?"

"Yeah… We won the thing, actually."

"What? Wait, really?! Why didn't you say anything?!"

"I was… down, okay? It's nothing you should-"

Slowly, she pats my head. "Takeru," looking up, the prior balloons for eyes now squint, "if you kept quiet about winning the tournament of your favorite game, I can't just not worry. Come on, what happened?"

"…Again, don't worry about it. It's my problem, can't exactly burden you with my own issues, after all."

Remember that advice well, don't you dare to start looking for pity again. Keep it in and steel yourself like the soldier you're supposed to-

"Excuse me, what? Since when asking for a little help is a burden?" she asks, arms folding as tight as her expression is blazing.

Scratching my head, I look up and away. "Well, you know, if I try and unload all my issues on you that ain't fair, right? I mean, this is my problem and I should be the one to deal with it instead of complaining about stuff. Thanks for worrying, really, but it's fine. I'm-"

"No, it's not," she scolds, again waving the finger through small embers. "I don't know who told you that, but I won't look the other way after all the prep you did and how you're acting. It's clear as day something went very wrong that day," she asserts, yet I again look away. "Sigh… Come on, it's okay to tell me. Did she reject you?"

"Gulp…It was… the other way around, actually."

"…Huh? What? You called her and- But after all the prepwork you did, why?"

"Look," pushing up my hair, tilting the chair back and swaying as if atop water, I stare at the ceiling as I again sigh. "Um, what would you do in my place?" barely letting out the whisper, I close my eyes. "Being near her will only bring her problems, problems I can't do anything to solve or help with. Sure, I'd like to see her," and the others, "to maybe be able to be closer again," as we were once before in that other world, "but I know that if I do try for that, well… Things will spiral out of control," just as they did when I caved in and ran like a fucking coward, and Marimo-chan and Sumika paid the price of my weakness. "I honestly just don't know what would be the best thing to do, knowing I have to stay at a distance but," but also wanting to see them again. And yet again I sigh, halting the swaying and hunching over as another cold ant march runs through my back.

And being afraid I'd lose it as I did in front of Marimo-chan, that these little chains that pike at me will break loose and release all the mess I'm holding in. That it might only hasten the process of their erasure, bringing those explosions from my dreams into this world. None of them deserve that accursed fate falling outta nowhere onto their shoulders. I've an obligation to be alert, because if there is something wrong then I will need to infiltrate that nuclear reactor again… And I might not have the luck to have it operational for me at my own convenience again.

"Hey, Takeru?" again patting my shoulder, stronger with every repetition. "I won't tell you how to feel about this but, did you told this to her face to face?" she asks, I look away as I shake my head. "Sigh… If this is how you truly feel then it's not my place to say anything. But don't make such a decision based on these fears, okay?"

"…How can I not? If I'm careless about this then-"

"Come on, don't claw at your knees," she scolds, tapping my hands with a finger. "So this is why you've been hibernating in your room, huh. Not that I can blame you but… you already knew all this when you invited her, right?"

"Yeah, but… things are different. It's not-"

"Takeru," she asks, placing both hands on my shoulders, "what do you want?"

"Huh? I… What?"

"What is it that you want? You want to help that Mitsurugi girl? To support her or something more? Then," she smiles, nodding and raising a small fist, "that is what you should be working towards."

"It's not that easy, mom," sighing through my teeth, I shake my head. Why am I even trying to explain this to her? She'd never understand.

"Of course it's not, that's why you have to work towards it, silly," she eyes me sideways, twisting an edge of her lips. "Instead of acting on whatever scared you that day, why not try and work towards what you truly want? At the least it will make you feel better at the outcome than staying holed up in your room all day. You're just gonna be hoarding negativity that way."

But with what's at stake here, I don't get the luxury of carelessness, mom. Sigh…

"…Look, I won't ask you to tell me what happened if you really don't want to talk about it, but at least try to get your head clear again. Go jog for a while, or play some games, or anything. It's clear this is taking its toll on you, and you need to get yourself together again. All I'm saying is, make sure you don't let this rest if you're not fully sure of your decision, okay?" she says, patting my shoulder a few times. I nod, she smiles once and leaves towards her room.

Leaning back onto the chair and scratching my head, my discussion with Tsukuyomi-san loops back. "…To play to my outs and work for my goal regardless of the fear, huh. Heh, guess my resolve still ain't nothing to boast about."

I don't know if I'll be able to keep myself in check when in front of the others, much less Meiya after I had to shoot the cannon on her. But mulling over this so apprehensively isn't doing me any favors. Better to focus on what I could do if shit hits the fan, and on how I'm gonna handle going back to college if I run into any of them there.

…Wasn't there something Sensei said about this? Yeah, something about how focusing too strongly on certain things will only draw them to you, and will only help to lock you in negative trails of thought. In a way, if I keep thinking everyone is gonna lose their memories that might just end up happening, if there is the smallest link between worlds in place.

But, well, it's true that I need a change of pace and some fresh air. Better to not stay still for too long or I'll only start overworrying all over again.

Washing the plates and cups once mom leaves for work, I take a second of pause to think on what to do. Between sorting my books, watching TV, playing games or something, I think I rather go for a jog. Going back to my room, messing through my clothes until I find stuff that still fits me well, I go to the mirror in the bath and see that, indeed, the shirt looks as tight as it feels.

"Guess I better do some inventory once I come back huh. Mom's gonna drag my corpse to the shopping if I don't. Well, no ill thoughts for now," circling my neck, I pace to the front door, opening it and stepping outside.

What greets me once I'm out is the usual sight. No fallen Gekishin, no ruins or clouds of dust lingering in the air. There's only the warm cloak of sunshine falling squarely and rebounding off everything.

And for some moments I stay like that, gazing up at the clear skies before walking out to my usual jogging route.

A/N: Just saw the guest asking for the story to jump back to the point it was in before I deleted Reversal. As such, I'll clarify something.

Ripples to Waves is meant to be the origin nexus of the other fics I'll write. What were Reversal and its flashbacks will instead be two separate stories, to avoid the convoluted mix that killed the pacing of the plot. Haven't decided if I'll post it all together like before or if it's better to split the arcs in individual fics, but the two branches should come out eventually, here and in AO3.

Anyways, would you prefer the story to "jump" to where it was and get posted all at once? May take me longer to revise all chaps before posting, but idk I guess retreading old ground is a bit tedious for me, must also be for readers.

In any case, thanks for reading thus far. Stay safe.

Zuoriel