It's not that I don't care, it's just I'm scared...it's terrifying.
It was two weeks after Ademir had almost destroyed her family. Emily was standing frozen in the foyer, unable to take her eyes off the spot where she had almost died. The panic clawed its way up her throat and tried to strangle her, but she took some deep breaths and swallowed it back down. Barely.
She did not sleep well. She cried at times for no reason. She jumped at surprising noises or motions.
She was pretty sure she had PTSD from this on top of the trauma of her childhood.
Lee had encouraged her to talk to Keely or someone about it, but she refused. She did not want anyone to know what had happened because she did not want anyone deeming them unsafe to have custody of Teddy and Jenna. Teddy had no idea what had happened. Lee had June keep him for the weekend while Barney and the team cleaned the house up to be spotless. Jenna seemed okay, but she did tend to want to be in Lee's arms more often than not, and Emily would hear Lee promising her he was okay and that he wasn't leaving her when she got a bit upset after he put her down.
Emily was struggling with work and being intimate with him, which she was actually avoiding being alone with him most of the time. She just felt like she couldn't breathe at times and was on high alert. She knew she needed to do something about it. That part of her inside that wanted to be safe, it was screaming at her to cut and run, and the desire to act on that urge was very strong at times. She could see Lee looking at her every so often with fear in his eyes, as though he knew exactly what she was thinking.
"Emily?"
She looked at him now after flinching, having not heard him approach her. "Yes?"
"I got Brenda to watch the kids tonight. I thought maybe we could just get out and do something to take your mind off of things."
"Okay."
He looked worried, so she forced a smile.
"I'm alright," she said, knowing it wasn't entirely true.
"I know you're not," he said softly. "And I wish you'd talk to me."
"What is there to say?"
"Lots of things."
She disagreed. There wasn't anything to say. They'd endured a horrific event together that he'd just brushed off like nothing, and she was left wanting to sleep with a gun under her pillow.
Well, maybe there was something to say.
It was ironic since she'd given him shit for keeping a gun under the table in the living room. She understood why he'd done it, but he should have picked a better spot. She did understand that if it hadn't been there, they might have been killed, and that made her feel conflicted inside.
Brenda arrived after supper, and Emily went along with this outing just to prove she was fine.
...
Lee knew Emily was far from fine. If she thought she was hiding that from him, she was kidding herself. He knew she was not used to violent things like that happening whereas he'd experienced them multiple times before. He didn't know how to help her through it, especially if she wouldn't talk to him about it.
Their relationship was suffering because of it. She didn't want to go out of the house except for work, and she made sure she was always busy if they were alone. It scared him.
He parked the car and looked at her.
"What are we doing here?" she asked.
"I dunno. Go for a walk maybe?"
"And have someone else jump out at me and try to kill me? I don't think so," she replied.
"Em, we have to talk about this."
"What is there to say? Other than I am now terrified to do anything," she said roughly.
"And that's not good..."
"No shit!"
"Please let me help you," he begged. "Yell at me or something...I don't care, just...do something. Anything."
"I can't," she answered, starting to tear up. She pressed her face into her hands next. Lee felt terrible. He wished he'd been able to prevent any of this from happening to her. He wished he had been more on top of things.
"Em..."
"I am frozen," she managed to say, removing her hands and looking at him finally. "I can't stop seeing it all happening and feeling that terror inside. I can barely walk through the foyer without passing out from anxiety. And Jenna..." She choked up a little bit. "I...I can't stop seeing her scared face and confusion or thinking about what he could have done to her...to Teddy..."
Lee's jaw was clenched tight to prevent his own emotion overwhelming him. He knew exactly what she was talking about in regards to Jenna. He saw it too. He reached to rest a hand on her shoulder, and she flinched. That cut him deep inside. He took his hand back as if burned.
"Tell me what I can do," he said after a moment. She wiped at her eyes and face, leaning her head back against the head rest.
"There's nothing you can do," she replied.
"There has to be something..."
"There's nothing you can do!" she shouted, balling her fists on her legs. She was breathing a bit hard as she looked at him again.
"Okay," he conceded. He looked at his hands resting on the wheel. He didn't know what else to do or say.
"Please just take me back home," she whispered. He started the car without a sound, having a sinking feeling in his stomach all the way home that got worse and worse.
"Oh, you're back early," Brenda commented when they went inside. Emily walked past her without a word, going up the stairs to her room. Lee tried not to look like anything major was happening. The neighbors did not know anything had happened. No one had been home (or paying attention if they'd been home) to hear the gunshot Emily fired or see Barney and everyone else traipsing through the house and yard, which had been very lucky.
"Thanks, Brenda," Lee said, not even bothering to try and hand her cash she was going to resist.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yea. She's just not feeling well."
"Oh dear."
"It's okay. I'll look after her," Lee promised, feeling like a failure in this department because he was very clearly not able to look after her right now.
"If she ever needs to talk about anything, I'm here."
"Thanks, Brenda."
Lee sank onto the couch when she was gone, tipping his head back and reaching to pinch the bridge of his nose while trying to breathe evenly.
...
Emily cried herself out on her bed. She felt empty and lost. She wanted Monica. Thinking about the fact she and Charlie were both murdered was somehow so much worse than just having them die in a tragic accident. Someone had intentionally taken them out of this world. She suddenly wanted to kill Ademir herself even though he was already dead. His leering face haunted her nightmares more often than not.
"Auntie Em?"
She lifted her head, having not even heard the door open. Teddy was standing there in his pajamas.
"What's wrong, love?" she asked.
"I heard you crying," he answered. "Are you okay?"
"I'm just...having a moment," she answered, wiping at her eyes. "I'm okay." Teddy came in and climbed onto the bed with her, cuddling against her. She held him back, wanting to cry for his effort to help her.
"Are you mad at Uncle Lee?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"You don't smile at him anymore, and if he walks into a room, you leave it."
Damn it. Apparently it was noticeable.
"I'm not mad. I'm just feeling down lately, and when I feel down, it's hard to be around people."
"Oh."
"You know I love you guys, right?" she asked, feeling worried.
"Yea."
"Good."
"We love you too," Teddy said to her.
"Glad to hear it," she replied, kissing the side of his head. She let him cuddle with her for a bit longer before getting him back to his own bed. She didn't want him to worry about her, and she felt bad that he'd heard her cry. She went back to her room, not wanting to see Lee's sad face or have him try to help her again. She just wanted to be alone.
A Few Days Later
"I think she hates me, Barney," Lee said. He was sitting in the garage. Both kids were in bed, and Emily was hiding in her room again. She either worked really late, hid in the office, or hid in her room.
"Why's that?"
"She won't look at me, talk to me, or be in the same room as me."
"Ouch."
"I don't know what to do. She won't let me help her. She won't talk to me or anyone else. She's just shut down completely. I...I think I'm going to lose her."
"You think she'll take her own life?!"
"No...well now I don't know," Lee said, feeling more anguish. "No. She wouldn't do that. I definitely think she is going to end our relationship, though."
"I'm sorry," Barney said, sounding genuine.
"I don't know what to do. I've never felt so helpless."
"Maybe you have to be in her face a bit to get something out of her. Maybe leaving her alone is making things worse. We both know how much our head gets too into shit when we are by ourselves."
"Yea..."
"So go talk to her about anything. Don't make it about what happened."
"I'll try."
"Better than doing nothing."
"Thanks," Lee said.
"Everything still looks good. No one else is coming after any of us," Barney promised.
"For now," Lee sighed.
"Way to be optimistic."
"Goodbye, Barney." He hung up and put his phone away. He went up the stairs and knocked softly on Emily's door. When she didn't answer, he felt slightly panicked and pushed it open. He found her sitting on her bed with her back to him.
"Em?" he said.
"What?"
He went around to stand in front of her instead of answering. He looked at her, and she looked up at him. She looked numb.
"How was your day?" he asked. She looked slightly taken aback, but then the shadow was back across her face.
"It was fine," she answered.
"Jenna has learned to blow kisses," he advised, sinking down next to her and keeping his hands folded in his lap. He was very careful to not touch her in any way.
"That's cute."
"Very. She is quite dramatic with her hand," he added, chuckling.
"Our business tanked," Emily said a moment later, and he turned to look at her, shocked.
"What?!"
"We lost it," she confirmed. "I officially have no more magazine."
"Emily..."
"We just couldn't get the investors to dig in, and I...I saw no way out."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you bailing me out."
"Well, I could have, though..."
"It's fine," she said curtly, cutting him off. "My heart's not into it anymore anyway." She started to cry, and he dared to gently pull her into him. For once, she did not pull away. Her nails dug into him as she gripped him tightly and cried. Lee didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He just held her. Having physical contact with her again was like a breath of fresh air, but he felt bad for the reason behind it. When she was all cried out, she pulled away from him again.
"I don't know what to do with my life now," she stated, wiping her eyes. "I have no purpose. I don't even see a point in anything right now."
His skin tingled in alarm, Barney's words echoing in his head.
"Em, you...you're not thinking about...about ending...?" He couldn't even finish the sentence, and she was giving him a look that was making him not want to finish the sentence.
"How could you even ask me that?" she countered. "Do you not know me at all?"
"I do. I just...got worried," he finished.
"I'm not going to off myself, Lee," she said, her tone sounding almost irritated. "I just meant that I don't see a purpose for me right now or ever. I have nothing to offer this world."
"It feels that way right now, but it will change."
"I doubt it."
"And it's not true," he insisted. "You have a lot to offer, Em. Maybe not to the workforce but to us you do."
"Keep telling yourself that."
Lee tried not to feel frustrated with how helpless he felt and how much she was sinking right in front of him. He just held her gaze, wishing she'd believe him when he said she was worth so much. Then, she moved in and kissed him, taking him entirely off guard.
"What're you doing?" he asked when she pulled back and reached to tug off his shirt. He caught her hands to stop her.
"This is what you want, right?"
"No..."
"It's what all guys want," she carried on. "Who cares about anything else?"
"That is not me at all, and you know that," he said, aggravated.
"Sure it isn't," she replied sarcastically. He stood up now, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Emily, I love you, and I respect you. I am not the kind of guy to take advantage of you or simply use you for sex. You damn well know that, so stop trying to piss me off and push me away by saying ridiculous shit," he ordered.
"So you don't want me," she said. He growled.
"Stop trying to trap me into saying something to give you a reason to be mad at me," he retorted. "I know what you're doing."
"So leave," she directed.
"I don't know what to do, Emily," he said to her. "You won't let me help you, and you keep pushing me away for some reason that I don't understand."
"Take the hint," she shot at him.
"Now you're just being mean," he advised. "I don't have to listen to this. When you want to talk properly, come find me." He walked out of there, feeling angry and confused. It was like she was self-destructing, and he didn't know how to stop it. He felt like he was surrounded by land mines.
She stayed upstairs all night, and he didn't bother to try talking to her again.
The Next Day
Emily was waiting for the right moment. She said goodbye to Teddy, who was going to Becky's house again for the weekend. Brenda had agreed to take Jenna for the night, so she'd hugged and kissed the girl before she was taken away. It was all set.
She quietly went down the stairs with her bag and suitcase behind her (she'd come for the rest at a later date or have Andy do it). She'd come to the conclusion that she did not belong in this family, that she was a mess, and they were better off without her. She also couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if she lost Lee. It was why she'd pushed him away the last while. It was why she'd distanced from him in almost everything. If she didn't have him to lose, it wouldn't hurt. If she wasn't there to influence the kids with her mess, then they'd have a way better shot at life. Who was Monica kidding? She was not cut out for this job. She loved them, but she wasn't going to hurt them with her mess. She loved them enough to leave and spare them that.
She almost made it to the door when Lee caught her. In her haste, she hadn't heard him stop hammering downstairs and come up the steps.
"Emily," he said, sounding anguished. "What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving," she answered.
"Why?"
"I can't do this, Lee. I'm not mother material, and I'm clearly not wife material. I'm nothing and nobody, and I'm going to leave so you can find the perfect person to raise this family with."
"No," he said strongly, moving in front of her to stop her. "I won't let you just walk out of here. You can't do that."
"I'm going to."
"Emily, stop," he ordered. "I know you love those kids. I know you love me."
"I can't love you!" Emily cried, moving away from him. She was feeling so much inner conflict and turmoil, and she didn't know how to handle it. Her negative self-talk was bellowing at her that she was right, and then there was a small voice that kept saying she was wrong. Lee wouldn't let her past him to the door, though.
"Why not?" he asked. "What is so unlovable about me?"
"It's not that," she started.
"Then what is it?! I don't understand," he cut her off. "I care about you a lot, Em. I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. I fell in love with you."
"You shouldn't have," she said, her voice shaking.
"Emily," Lee said, sounding frustrated. "Why the hell not?"
"Because you love me now, but then you'll find something better and leave...or you'll get killed by some maniac and I'll be left alone suffocating and wishing I was dead," she answered, starting to break down as her inner thoughts spiraled out of her mouth. "Everything I love gets taken away from me. My parents. My work. Monica and Charlie. I keep waiting for the kids to get taken away; I live in fear of that a lot and not just because of what almost happened with Ademir. I've always had that fear...that they'll tell me I'm an unfit caregiver regardless of how hard I tried. And what I just can't deal with is losing you, so if I never have you...any of you, then I can't lose you." She trailed off as he stepped closer.
"Emily, that's insane," he said. His hands caught hers and pulled her closer. She didn't know why she let him. She didn't know why she let him touch her cheek and hold her against him. She didn't know why she held him back, desperate to keep him there and yet scared to all the same.
"Is that what is really going on?" he asked. "You almost lost me...us, so you think you will?"
"Lee," she said, her voice almost a whimper. "I can't do this. I can't do us."
"You didn't think you could do parenthood either, and yet you can," he insisted. He was cradling her face with his hand now, making her look at him. "Please don't be scared of me, of us. You know this will work. I promise it will."
"And what do I do when I lose you?" she asked, her fingers gripping his shirt tightly now.
"You won't," he promised. "Not if I can help it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm in this...all the way." She was trying to think and breathe, and she was trying to stop from crying. She felt confused, and yet in his arms, she'd never felt more alive or safe.
"But I almost did lose you," she insisted.
"That was a one off. I'm done, remember? No going back to that life. No more threats or people coming after me. I swear."
"You promise?" she asked. She searched his eyes...she saw the love there.
"I promise," he answered. She moved her hand to hold his jaw, pressing her face against his. She felt like she was crazy for having these fears, but they were there all the same.
She kissed him softly, tentatively. With her lips grazing his after, she looked into his eyes and saw the longing and emotion there. She felt his hands shift to both hold her waist. Her heart started beating faster, and her breathing was heavy. He kissed her this time. She pulled him against her tightly with both hands gripping his shirt now, letting out a soft groan as he nudged her mouth open gently to kiss her deeper. She clung to him, not wanting to let him go for fear he disappeared. But he could disappear. That had been proven very recently. She'd almost lost him and the kids, and losing them was too painful to face. She gasped for air when they pulled apart moments later.
"I can't do this," she said. The fear and negative voice won. She couldn't stop it, no matter how hard she tried.
"Emily..."
"I'm sorry, Lee." She picked up her bag and suitcase and went for the door.
"Emily!"
She cried as she hurried down the steps and towards the waiting cab. She heard Lee running after her and practically threw her things into the backseat of the cab before hurling herself into it.
"Emily, stop!" he shouted, catching the door before she could close it. "Think about what you're doing to the kids!"
"I will only ruin them if I stay. They deserve someone so much better than me," she said. "And so do you. I'm so sorry. Goodbye, Lee."
"Please don't run," he pleaded. "Em, I know you. I know you're scared right now, but please, skip the running away part this time. Get to the part where you know and understand that you actually do belong in this family!"
"I can't get there," she sobbed.
"Yes, you can!"
"I just need some space, Lee. Please."
"Okay," he said. "Space I can give, but promise me you're coming back."
"I can't promise that..."
"Yes you can," he repeated.
"I'm right," she insisted. "I'm a bad influence. I will wreck those kids' lives...wreck yours..."
"How can I get you to see that you're not and you won't?"
"You can't."
"Em..."
"I'm sorry. I...I gotta go," she said. "Just let me go."
"Em!"
She pulled the door shut and turned her face away as the cab started to move. She didn't have to look back to know that he was standing in the middle of the road wearing a broken expression.
...
Lee sat at the bottom of the stairs with his arms hanging over his knees. He stared into space. The clock ticking was almost deafening in the silence around him.
Emily was gone.
His breaths kept becoming short and panicked until he worked them out slowly. He was left here with Teddy and Jenna all by himself. Emily had fled and left them behind. He still couldn't believe it. How could she believe that they were better off without her? That she was a bad influence and would wreck everything? All that time alone had impacted her too greatly. She'd let her negative thoughts drown her and convince her of madness.
He didn't know what to do with himself. It was all he had to not go out looking for Emily and bring her back. He felt like a failure for not being able to get her to stay. He felt bad for not making her talk more or reassuring her that he wasn't going anywhere, that she was a fine parent and partner. He understood her fear, but it saddened him that it made her bolt.
And the person he really wanted to talk to about it wasn't there.
He pressed a hand to his face. Charlie would have known what to say. He would have agreed with Lee that Emily would come to her senses and come back. He knew he could call Barney, but he wasn't up for the "What did you do?" part of that conversation. He'd done nothing, which was probably worse. He'd let her push him away until she'd isolated herself and made herself believe things that never would have come true.
In the end, he went out for a run because he couldn't just stay there alone with his thoughts all night. In a way, he was glad that the kids weren't home. They wouldn't see him struggling to hold himself together.
...
Emily knocked on her old apartment door, and a young woman opened it looking sleepy.
"Yea?" she asked.
"Hi, I'm the person who's subletting you this place," Emily said. "Do you mind if I just nip in and grab a set of keys I left here?"
"I guess," the woman said, stepping back to let her in.
"Thanks." Emily went to the cupboard she'd stored them in and pulled open the door, revealing a hook with keys on them. She took them and stuffed them into her pocket.
"Oh, you've got some mail," the woman said then. She walked over to the counter and grabbed a stack that was banded together. "I didn't want to throw it out, but I didn't know how to find you."
"Oh, thank you," Emily said, taking it. It was mostly unimportant mail by the look of it. She stuffed it into her bag and smiled.
"You don't want this place back, do you?" the woman asked, sounding nervous.
"Erm, not yet. I'm just trying to figure things out," Emily replied.
"Okay."
Emily left and got back into the cab. She directed it to drop her off at a storage location, grateful the driver did not comment. She walked inside and found her number, sliding the key inside and lifting the door up. She went inside, turned on the light, and shut the door and latched it. She looked around at the boxes and felt nostalgic. These were the things she hadn't brought to her apartment and didn't have the heart to throw away. Most of it was from her childhood that relatives had held onto until she was older. She always found it a little bit disturbing that they looked after her parents' things and not her, that no one had wanted her...that they'd left her to rot in a home with horrid adults who messed her up and made her into this fearful person.
She sat on the dusty couch and pulled an afghan out of a box and curled up on it. She would hang out here for a bit until she figured out her next steps. She just needed some time to clear her head, to get back on track. She ached with missing the kids already. And Lee.
She'd really hurt him.
She started to cry a little bit, seeing his face as she'd walked away from him. Even if she did go back, there was no coming back from that. He'd never trust her again. It was over, and she'd wrecked it. All because she was afraid.
She really wished she could stop being so damn afraid.
The Next Day
Lee was working hard to distract himself with Jenna after Brenda dropped her off. Thankfully, she didn't ask where Emily was. When June dropped off Teddy in the afternoon, however, it was the boy's first question out of his mouth.
"Where's Auntie Em?" he asked, looking around.
"She had to go away for a bit for work," Lee lied. He was not telling Teddy that Emily had left, not when he just knew in his heart that she would come back, that she would be stronger than that damn fear inside of her and realize she belonged here. He'd barely slept the night before for tossing and turning and thinking about it all, but he'd come to that conclusion before sunrise.
She was going to come back.
"Oh, okay," Teddy said. "I'll miss her."
"Me too," Lee agreed. Teddy went to put his things away in his room, and Lee picked up Jenna to toss her around playfully. The girl squealed and batted at him to make him stop without actually wanting him to stop. He knew her well.
He set her down in her high chair after a while and strapped her bib on. She stuck her fingers in her mouth, grinning at him as she tipped her head to the left. He smiled at her.
"You are gonna be a real heartbreaker someday, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yes!" she said loudly, making him laugh.
"Yea, you are," he agreed. He was putting a bowl in front of her and a plate at Teddy's spot when he joined them.
"Are you sure Auntie Em is coming back?" he asked, sounding worried.
"Yes. Why?" Lee tried to sound confident that she was coming back.
"I can't explain it. I just feel like she's not coming back."
Lee chewed on the inside of his lower lip lightly as he looked at Teddy. He moved to kneel next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Everything is gonna be alright," he told him. "I promise." It was his way of being honest and not at the same time.
"Okay."
"Skeddi!" Jenna called. Lee was most definitely going to tease her on her wedding day about what she used to call spaghetti.
"Alright, alright," he said, getting up and going over to the pot. "I'm working on it."
Knocking on the door made him frown, and he went to answer it. His heart suddenly leaped in thinking that it was Emily, but why wouldn't she just come in? He looked and saw the car, so he knew who it was.
"Hey," Claire said when he opened it. "I know it's late notice, but can I join you?"
"Is Ma okay?" he asked, worried.
"She's fine," Claire said dismissively. "I just had this feeling that you needed your sister tonight."
Lee almost laughed. Growing up, they had this connection with each other and could tell when the other was down and out. They weren't even twins, which was what made it weirder.
"Come on," he said, letting her in.
"Where's Emily?" she asked as they walked to the table.
"Work thing," he answered, lying again. He'd tell her later. Or not. He wasn't sure yet. He didn't want people to hate Emily.
"She doing okay after that whole thing with you know who?" Claire asked after greeting the kids and taking a seat.
"Oh yea," Lee answered, lying again for the sake of their audience. "Just fine."
"Good."
He had to admit that it was nice to have her there. It helped him not feel the big hole left by Emily. Claire hammed it up with Teddy at times, making the boy burst out laughing so much he almost had milk come out his nose at one point. Lee had missed hanging out with his sister, more than he realized.
"Okay," Claire said once the kids were in bed and it was just the two of them. They were doing dishes together. "Spill. Where is Emily really?"
"Work," he tried again.
"I know you're lying," Claire advised. "Just talk to me, brother. What's going on?"
"She panicked and left," he admitted.
"Oh dear."
"She never had a real family, not after her parents died," Lee explained. "Anyone she did care about got taken away from her, and I think she got scared that would happen again."
"So she left first to avoid getting hurt," Claire finished for him. "Poor girl. You know where she is?"
"No."
"Want me to find her?"
"It's okay. I know she'll be back."
"Yea? Why's that?"
"Because in her heart of hearts, she loves those kids," he said, leaving their relationship out of it.
"And you," Claire said, figuring it out anyway. "Don't deny it, Lee. I've seen how she looks at you and how you look when you talk about her. Did you two start something up?"
"Yea," he confessed.
"Give her time," Claire advised after a moment. "I think you're right. She'll be back. She has to work through this...whatever it is...and face her fear, and then she'll be alright."
"I just really hope she doesn't get hurt in the meantime," he said with a sigh.
"Well, all we can do is pray," Claire replied. She put a hand on his shoulder fondly and went to put the plate away in the cupboard that she'd been drying. Lee was glad when she started talking about something else. That was the thing with his sister: She always knew what to say and how to change the subject to distract.
It was one of his favorite things about her.
...
Emily took in some breaths. She didn't even know why she was here. She just needed to know for sure that this option would never work. She walked down the familiar halls, knowing what waited at the end. She counted on the workaholicism that coursed through this building's veins to still be alive and well as she headed for the closed door at the end. She stopped, taking in some breaths. Then she knocked.
"Come in?" It was more of a question than a statement. Emily knew she was pushing her luck with just showing up at this time of night.
She pushed open the door and saw Miranda Priestly sitting at her desk with her glasses in her hand, the one arm in her mouth. She frowned at the sight of Emily.
"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly.
"I was wondering if you were hiring anyone lately," Emily said, standing in front of her. She tried to appear more confident than she felt. It was a real slap in the face to come back here, especially after leaving and claiming she wasn't respected.
"Do you really think I'd give you a job here again? Foolish girl," Miranda scoffed, shaking her head. "You walked out on me, remember? You told me I was the Dragon Lady and ruined your life."
"I do apologize for that..." Emily started. It had been her first attempt at having a voice, at not taking someone's shit anymore. She hadn't handled it very well clearly.
"But that's not enough," Miranda cut her off. "You then started your own magazine to compete with mine."
"Not entirely..."
"And it failed miserably," Miranda finished, smirking now. "I watched it get sucked down a drain. My dear, you can't expect me to hire someone who just failed so spectacularly like that, do you?"
Emily's throat was tight. Why she even thought this was a good idea was beyond her. What did she honestly expect would come out of this for her? Nothing good.
"Well, no harm in trying," she said. "I know you like it when people are bold, and I don't know how much bolder someone could get."
"There's bold and there's stupid," Miranda corrected. "I think we both know which one you are."
Emily blinked and regulated her breathing. She forced a smile on her lips.
"Well, then I guess I'll be on my way," she said. "If anyone is looking for a dedicated, hard worker, you let me know."
Miranda let out a bark of laughter as Emily walked out of her office. She made it to the elevator before completely falling apart. What was wrong with her? Why did she do this to herself? She hugged herself tightly, wiping away at her tears. She really was stupid.
She went back to her storage unit, knowing she really had to go to a hotel room. She sat on her dusty couch and put her head into her hands. What was she doing? Why was she running? Why couldn't she just accept that she wanted her family and go back home to them?
Because you'll lose them and be nothing, a voice whispered in her head. They're better off without you anyway, loser. Remember?
And she listened to it. Every single time.