So, you guys probably hate me and think I have forgotten about you. Trust me, I haven't! It has probably been killing me as much as it has been killing you that I haven't posted anything in about a month! I had this chapter half written for a couple of weeks now, I just haven't had the time to finish it whatsoever. I decided this morning that i was going to post something no matter what. Even if it killed me. Thankfully I did:)

11

I woke up that next morning while Peeta was still asleep. I looked around the room, remembering how peaceful sleep was with him near me. I crawled out of the bed, careful not to wake him up. I went downstairs, and thought about Haymitch. Would he have information about whether or not the Capitol would let me go? Did I want to know, after such a perfect night? Nights aren't always going to be like that, I told myself. I needed to remember that I was doing this for everybody. Forgetting all selfishness, these people were still better off not seeing my face anymore.

I left my house and walked towards Haymitch's. I walked slowly, trying not to think about Peeta lying in my bed. The cool air felt good on my face. I could see the town in the distance from where I was standing. There were some old faces mixed with new ones. Hazel and her children never came back. Maybe they went to District 2 also? I wasn't sure. I was relieved by this stroke of luck. I don't think I would be able to hold myself together if I were to see Gale's family. They would all remind me of him, and no matter what I did, there was no way I could shake the thought about the bomb. Was it his bomb?

I then pushed all thoughts about the bombs and Gale out of my mind. There was no way to change it, so there was no reason to think about it. It only brought sobs and tears. I reached Haymitch's and let myself in. I was surprised to see that he wasn't in the kitchen. "Haymitch?" I yelled. I have never been past his kitchen. I never had a need to. Usually he was always so drunk that he stayed here, and would use the connecting bathroom.

Haymitch didn't answer, so I tried calling again. Again he didn't answer. At this point, something caught my eye. It was a note, tacked to the refrigerator. I pulled it off and read:

Ran out of liquor, and there won't be another shipment for a month. Didn't like the sober deal, so I went to find some entertainment. Looking for geese. Be back in a bit.

Haymitch

I laughed to myself. Haymitch was actually going to try to take care of geese. I thought about going back to my house instead of waiting for Haymitch, but I didn't know when I would get the opportunity to see Haymitch alone again. Peeta will start asking questions, because, as Haymitch did prove, I basically only visited him when I needed him for something. Peeta will pick it up soon enough and try to find out what we are up to, and I sure didn't want him to find out.

I sat there and made myself breakfast while I waited. Finally when I was just about to give up waiting for Haymitch and walk home, I heard the door open. I heard Haymitch's heavy footsteps come nears to the kitchen. A couple of seconds later he entered the room. He faintly smelled of the woods, which brought tears to my eyes. I haven't been hunting since I tried to that one day so many months ago. I don't know why, but it seemed to lose its glimmer now. I pushed back the memories, and swiped away the wetness in my eyes. I try to be inconspicuous, but I knew Haymitch noticed. I silently thanked him for not bringing it up.

"So," I said, trying to break to tension that was growing in the room. "Did you find any geese?"

He nodded. We then stared at each other for a long time. I wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came to my mind. I even almost forgot the reason why I came to Haymitch's in the first place. There was just something about his piercing stare, like he was using some sort of x-ray vision on me, like he was reading my most inner thoughts and feelings. I wanted to shut my brain completely down. A shiver ran up my spine, and I almost left then and there, but Haymitch said something that made me stay.

"One month."

My insides turned into mush. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I could see myself nod nonchalantly. I knew what he was saying. They were going to bring me to my mother in one month. It was a lot longer than I expected, but I was glad that the Capitol agreed at all. Besides, this will give me enough time to say goodbye to Peeta in my own way.

Neither of us said anything else, and I eventually got up and went back to my house. I couldn't process anything. I felt like I even lost my ability to think. I walked into my house and thankfully saw that Peeta was not up, yet. I didn't think I had the mental capability to think up some excuse as to where I was at the moment. I just climbed back into the bed, curled into his warmth, and fell back asleep.

The next month was hard. I tried to quietly say goodbye to my house. I packed only the necessities and hid everything so Peeta wouldn't find anything. Haymitch kept on telling me that I should tell Peeta about me leaving District 12. "Or better yet," he would say, "why don't you drop this entire, stupid idea and stay." I kept on telling him that I shouldn't. I didn't want to stay, and I didn't want to tell Peeta that I was leaving. I didn't want him to give me some reason to stay. I didn't think I would be able to resist him if he wanted me to stay, but I also couldn't torture myself by staying. I couldn't go through each day, being in love with my best friend without him ever knowing, and I definitely couldn't tell him. I had no choice.

Peeta continued to stay with me. He practically lived in my house. Every night, after the nightmares would wake me up, his arms are open and ready to soothe me. He would whisper in my ear and let me cry on his shoulder, until I was calm enough to fall back asleep. He knew when to just let me cry or when I needed him to talk to me. He knew everything about me, and he might have even known me better than I knew myself. He was my best friend and everything I could ask for. I was selfish these moments, holding on to him tighter, hoping he would never let go, though I knew he would eventually.

The Capitol had one condition for letting me leave, though. I had to continue talking to Dr. Aurelius until he officially declared me sane, or what was considered sane. I didn't plan on not talking to him anymore, so I happily complied with their request. One day, about two weeks away from the day I supposed to be leaving, I was talking with him.

"Katniss, has anything interesting happened today?" he asked me in that soft voice of his.

This is always hoe we started our conversations. I would tell him about the high points of my day, and he would somehow creepily psychoanalyze my life though my statements. I didn't really get it, nor did I really care. All I knew is that I was getting better. I felt more whole now, and I don't burst out into tears at the smallest things. I was starting to realize that most of the deaths that I blamed myself for, for so long, I couldn't have prevented. I was healing, and even though the nightmares haven't gone away, and probably won't, I was starting to feel like I going to be ok for once in my life.

"I don't know. Nothing really," I told him. It wasn't a fully true statement, because today my father has been on my mind throughout the entire day, but I wasn't going to share that.

"Oh. Well, there was something interesting I saw today," he replied.

I was confused. We usually only talk about me and my life. Never once in all our conversations has he ever told me something that has happened to him.

"I saw a program on the television," he then continued once he realized I wasn't going to say anything.

"It was about you and Peeta. It was kind of a documentary about you two."

My face instantly turned into a frown. I knew without further description he was talking about the same show Peeta and I watched only two weeks ago.

"I think I have seen the same program," I replied, not trying at all to mask my annoyance of the topic.

Dr. Aurelius then said, "I see that irks you. Why do you think that is?"

I found this a stupid question. Why else would this annoy me? "Well, if your entire life was open to the world and you didn't have a second of privacy in it, maybe you would understand," I snapped.

"Does it bother you how they portray you and Peeta?" he then continued to ask.

I still haven't talked about Peeta that much. He was still too personal of a topic. There was just too much that went with him. I didn't answer him.

Dr Aurelius then continued, "Because you aren't very open about you and Peeta's relationship, at least the real relationship between you guys. So I am assuming, and I am pretty sure my assumptions are correct because I believe I know you pretty well, that you love Peeta a lot. Whether or not you are in love with him only you can say, but I do believe you do care for him. So, seeing that would probably not please you too much. Maybe because you are not sure about your feelings for him. Maybe that scares you. Maybe that's why you are running away."

"You're wrong!" I practically shouted, cutting him off. I continued screaming at him, not caring about what I said. I thanked my lucky stars later, though, that Peeta left to buy some food, so I could be alone with the psychiatrist. "I am not running away, just because I am unsure! In fact, he is the only thing I am sure of anymore! And my feelings for Peeta are none of your business anyways, so why does it even matter!"

He was unfazed by my screaming. He just replied, in his too-calm voice, "It matters, because you need to figure out that running away isn't going to solve your problems for you. It's just going to make them worse."

Neither of us said anything after that. There was silence between us for five minutes. Then I slowly put the phone back on the receiver, ending our call. He didn't call back, thankfully. I sat there and stared at the wall for a couple more minutes, contemplating what the shrink said. Would this make my problems worse? Did I have any real problems I was trying to solve? I was just trying to let Peeta and I move on with our lives, without all the baggage knowing each other brought. Was I running away for the wrong reasons?

As always, tell me what you think;)