Chapter 3- "Broken"
When the train slides to a stop I'm all but withering in my seat- shaking and my teeth chattering. I understood now why Hope had bundled herself up with that jacket upon entering, and then later through the long ride she wound a pretty, purplish scarf around her neck. The temperature seemed to drop dramaticly the further we went- the train going breathtakingly fast.
While I tried not to look out the surrounding windows (where as I'd feel like I'd vomit if I do) I rubbed my arms for warmth. Watching Hope snuggle around herself in her own seat- eyes cast wistfully out the windows.
Was it winter in District 8?
The thought never struck me. And I was packed to go to hot and muggy District 11... not some below thirty, turn your lips blue- District 8.
She seemed at ease the longer it went, she stopped avoiding my gaze- as if everything was forgotten, as if I were forgiven and I always have ridden this train before. Was she just becoming more comfortable the closer she got to home? Was she going to hide from me the whole time I'm there?
Will I step out and then turn straight back- catch a train or bus to District 11? Would Noah even let me stay? … though something told me she would let me. The problem is I don't know where she lives...
But I'm sure Hope does.
I don't want to ask her though. It would be embarrassing. She would say yes, I know, because that is just Hope. But... underneath what is she really thinking?
I've begun to wonder if there was more to Hope. Much, much more then I had ever previously thought..
She was up in seconds- before the train even came to a full stop. I stood too, not as gracefully- but stumbling and scrambling to pull my bag over my shoulder. She looked up at me then- her eyes are calm though and she gives me a closed lip smile.
I fumble to return it.
Then she is walking towards the open doors. Other people of the ten that are on with us head for it too-and when I slip in front of them I hiss in a breath through my teeth as a icy wind brushes over my face.
I'm half pushed out onto the platform, and as my eyes sweep left and right- the first thought that form in my head is, Hope was right.
It is gray.
It's beyond gray. It's washed out, it's ugly- the airs filthy.
I look to Hope, she's already heading away from the train and down the platform steps. Her scarfs been yanked up to cover her mouth. My eyes lift from her back to the District laying out in front of us.
I was betting we are in low town. By the crumbling cement buildings surrounding the station. All the surfaces were paved, there were no gaps between the transition from building, sidewalk, and street. No little patches of grass like in my home. I followed behind her, for a little of the ways, my head looking around in wonder. In between the buildings were shadowy alleys, as I continued down the street my shoes slipped through a thin layer of sludge like ice and snow.
It was blackened, by the pollution that still hung in the air- from both the war and the decades of factory smog. With the sunset sinking across the distant horizon, it tinged the lifeless looking district with a deep orange, fading yellow, and a tinge of blood red.
The smell in the air lingered in the back of my throat- sharp and acidic.
This was the place my Hope lived? This dump?
I ran to catch up with her, nearly slipping in the muck. But when I skidded to a halt at her walking side- she looked up at me, hesitantly.
"Yes?" She murmurs, her voice muffled by the scarf.
I shift my gaze from her to the passing buildings. Most were factories- boarded up and windows shattered. I was distracted from answering when I took in a vandalized wall, with crude language and the black smudges around the factories window- indicated the sign of a fire.
"Sad isn't it?" Hope whispers, her voice was clearer. I look up to see her hands holding away the scarf, her eyes are looking up and down the building in almost a nostalgic way.
"Yeah." My voice was hoarse, so I cleared my throat and tried again. "It's really terrible. What happened?"
She pursed her lips before sighing. "Angry parents, old workers- they like to rally their children to do bad things. They don't like the memory of those places." Even my district isn't that bad... I didn't say it out loud- but I watched her closely as her head turned about the whole street her face set into grim lines. Then she adds, even more quietly. "I'm sorry you have to see it."
My gut twisted at the sound of shame in her voice and then I ask."Have you ever been to any other districts?"
She shakes her head- her curls dance against shafts of the sunsets daze. I found myself staring shamelessly.
How could someone so beautiful? Only see these sort of sights? I craved to show her the oceans wild beauty. The cliffs that you can see, out bobbing in the tide.. the dazzling sun shimmering across the endless blue.
But she replaced her scarf now, her shoulders hunched together against the bitter wind- while her hand hiked the bag higher up her shoulder. She walked faster, nearly leaving me behind in the dust.
"Wait." I say, jogging to match her half run, why was she in such a hurry? Does she hate me yet? "I need directions- to Noah's. I've never been here before.. I don't to get lost.. it's almost night."
She only paused to think about it for a minute before she shrugs and nods her head down a side street. I followed her- but I felt myself curious as to where Hope lived. Were we going in the opposite direction? Did she live in a one bedroom filthy house? Or did she manage a town house? And Noah.. I could see we were heading towards some sort of square- leaving the dank streets behind.
Though It was hardly better up here, the buildings were still pretty old- the squares paving stones seemed loose. Hope stood out among it, the suns last rays silhouette he form across the ground- it shined in mine and her face, but I felt like it sent her hazel eyes to glittering.
I felt bad that she was walking me somewhere, and it wasn't me walking her home. What if I was making her go out of her way? What if it is long passed dark before she makes it to her own house?
I couldn't stand the thought of her walking alone passed dark, she just seemed to weak and frail. I tried not to talk at first- to avoid the awkwardness that hung in the air around us, but I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
"Where do you live?" I ask, softly and she stiffens her shoulders for a minute- other then that there is no reaction.
"In a house, I suppose." Is her muffled reply.
Har, Har, Har. I never knew what the comedian she was..
"No, really. I don't want you having to walk extra.."
She sighs. "Damien... I'm going to lead you to Noah's- and then I'm going home, before I cause a heart attack. Now please, stop with the questions- just.. hold your breath or something. I'm exhausted."
And when she lifts her eyes to me, I feel like a mask has fallen away- because she suddenly did look exhausted. Her eyes seemed to be darker, her forehead was wrinkled slight with that expression she was making- of half pleading and pain. I caused that expression.. because I was the first person to push her so much.
Not really with my pathetic attempts of her liking me, or me talking to her- but with Noah. I can't say how much Noah had pushed this girl and then with my ploys.. and that question that did her in... was I really the first person to knock her off her high horse?
Or had something else happened yesterday? Was she really sick- or was that another excuse? Was my pestering only so effective because something else had hit her, something bigger, something that's left her this exhausted and sensitive?
I couldn't believe this hadn't even hit me before. If she was lying to me before- then why not even before that? Was Hope a compulsive liar? Does anyone ever hear truth from this girl..?
She begins walking again, after that short pause and I move to follow but not without muttering. "You confuse me." It was enough to falter her walk.
"I'm easy to get." She whispers.
I shake my head though, the chilly air was starting to get to me- pinching my cheek with the cold. "No you're not. Everyone thinks theirs something-"
"There isn't!" She suddenly insists, her voice still whispering and soft.
"I don't believe you." I say- and it's true. I don't trust a thing this girl says, not anymore. I watch the side of her face with narrowed eyes. She keeps hers on the road ahead. But I can see she is falling to pieces- she's hardly holding on under my questions.
How had I never noticed just how broken Hope was?
Why, why was she so..
I didn't know how to put it. I felt like there were too many answers- too much to say. So much I felt bad for doing it, for exposing her weaknesses. It was like someone shattered my idolization for her- actually it just felt like there were two different Hopes. The one who's perfect, who I've always felt below- and then there is this one, who stumbles in her walk, whose expression looks as if in a second it could twist into anguish, who looked around her district as if it was one big tragedy- who was ashamed of someone seeing this place.
The same one I craved to help. I felt a strange urge to clutch her to my chest and never let her go. It wasn't like all those other times- when I wanted to because I thought it would be amazing to withhold the love of someone so wonderful. Now it was a nurturing thing- I wanted her to be okay again, I didn't like seeing her nearly falling a part.
The mystery of Hope now.. was not why she's so perfect.. but why she is so broken, damaged...
It was more concerning to me this way and on the rest of the walk, I couldn't look away from her. I was waiting for her to look back at me- she didn't. I was waiting for her to ask what I wanted- she wouldn't. I was waiting for something to hit me, for something to tell me I'm wrong- it never came.
We stopped in front of a fairly decent house- something similar to mine. It was only a few years old, it was not well painted, but kindly built. The lights were on inside, curtains drawn and there was no yard just a small paved stone path melded into the concrete that led to the front door.
"This is it." Hope says.
"Thank you." I walk up towards the door, suddenly nervous- would I be turned away? I paused though half way there, looking to Hope who stood staring at me. "Are you going home?" I ask, not really wanting her there to watch this unfortunate seen to unfold.
She nods curtly, but her eyes are glued on mine- and I can't find it in myself to turn away first. Her expression remained undisguised and exhausted. It was such a long awkward silence- I swear I heard voices from inside the house behind me.
But finally she says something, in only a soft voice.
"Don't bother, Damien." I stiffened at her emotionless tone. "It's not worth it. Trust me, you don't like me- you think you do. Everyone does, just..." Her eyes break contact, looking to the left towards the ground- her voice because sad. "Just forget it. It hardly matters. You and Noah are wrong.."
The wind picked up, I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise- I shivered jerkily. But her scarf and hair caught in the current, swirling around her face. The sun had sunken beyond the tall buildings, and there was only a mist, grayness around us.
"I want to help you." I say, not really knowing what I meant.
And she shakes her head sadly. "With what?" She quips. "There is nothing the matter. I'm just.."
"Just what?" I demand, when she doesn't continue.
She shrugs, not meeting my gaze. Then she turns and starts to walk away, she's heading back the way we came- I frown because I don't know much of the town or short cuts, but I'm rather sure that it leads back to low town.
She was half way around the next corner when I shout after her. "Will you come see me tomorrow?"
The words echo back at me, in the empty street- but her head lifts slightly, her stubborn chin turns to look over her shoulders and I swear I saw a nod...
But I couldn't be sure and once it passed she was gone around that corner. I was left to turn towards Noah's house, take a deep breath- and pray for a place to stay..
A/N: Completely UNEDITED! Leave it alone- I'll fix it later, I'm going to bed. Sorry it's short. I hope to see reviews when I wake up! Thank you for other reviewers. -Taryn(: