Chapter 3: Well, That's Just Depressing

"All is right with the world? I thought you wanted them together," said Sirius skeptically, arching an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, but them snogging at this early stage is just wrong," I said, thinking it was obvious. "They're still in the denial stage. Lily is, at least."

"Well, what do we do, Mistress of Mischief?"

"Don't call me that, Sirius," I told him, rolling my eyes. "We are going to spy."

"And if we get caught?"

"We tell them we were coming to warn them about the Killer Couples," I said, thinking quickly.

"Shut up and hide, Godrey," he hissed at me, and I scrambled behind a bush.

"Potter! Can't you do anything right?"

"Well, I'm sorry, Evans, but I thought we were trying to catch fish, not have a fashion show!"

"It was not a fashion show!"

"Evans, if you're making fish go round and round in circles trying to decide on the best one, it's a fashion show."

"Well, excuse me for trying to pick fish that look edible!"

"Why do you have to yell all the time?" he asked, lowering his voice.

"I don't get it," I whispered to Sirius. "What did James do wrong?"

"I have no idea."

"Why does she have to yell at him all the time?"

"You said it yourself; they're in the denial stage."

"Well, let's do something about that," I said determinedly.

"Wait—no—Ally!"

But it was too late. I jumped out from behind the bush and strode towards the two. "Lily! James! Fancy meeting you here!"

"Well, this is where you sent us, so—"

"Lovely day, isn't it?" I interrupted.

Lily looked up at the sky, which was dark grey, then looked back at me. "No…?"

"So, what're you two doing here?" asked James, coming up behind Lily with two fish in his hands.

"Oh! We came to warn you about the Killer Couples," I announced brightly.

"The what?" asked Lily politely.

"Killer Couples," I repeated. "They look like kissing couple, but if you get too close, we're pretty sure you'll combust."

"Or be sent to a swirling vortex of doom," added Sirius.

"Yes." I gave Sirius my best you're-really-stupid look. "Or that."

They stared at us. "Are you two okay?"

"Absolutely not," I answered. I turned to the fish in James's hands. "It's been an hour. You two are a witch and a wizard. That's seriously all you caught?"

"We'd have more, but Evans here—"

"First name basis," I ground out.

"Fine. Lily here was taking her sweet time picking out the fish we were going to eat."

"I was trying to pick something edible!" Lily cut in.

I stared at her. "First of all, that's the worst excuse for an argument I've ever heard. If you're going to make us listen to you yell at each other ten feet apart, at least choose a good reason. Second of all, Lily, it doesn't matter how good the fish looks! We'll put a charm on it to get rid of any foul tastes or smells! We have magic, you two!"

"Well, it's just—"

"You see, we—"

"We're going to go that-a-way," said Sirius, pointing in the opposite direction. "Yeah, we'll see you…soon."

As soon as they were out of earshot, I said, "What the hell is with them?"

"I don't know."

"Why can't they just realize they love each other?"

"I don't know."

"Why can't they admit they'll get married and have a son named Harry who will be a Quidditch Seeker, a Defense Against the Dark Arts genius, and will ultimately end up defeating Voldemort?"

"I don't know. Nice touch with the Voldy-shorts, by the way."

"Thank you."

"Did you really just make that up?"

"Was it that bad?"

"Sounds a little unbelievable."

"We'll add a red-head. He'll marry a red-head and have three kids."

"Perfect!" He grinned and gave me a high-five. "Potters always marry red-heads!"

"How many Potters do you know besides James and his dad?"

"Let's look for monsters, shall we?"

I laughed into my sleeve. "Sure, Sirius. Whatever floats your boat."

When we finally made it back to camp half an hour later, we had found nothing monster-like. We'd spent most of the time coming up with romantic ideas. At first, I wondered how Sirius could be so good at this, when I realized that he'd set the record for Most Girls Dated.

"How about a romantic dinner?" Sirius suggested on the edge of the clearing.

"We'd need three things for that to be possible," I said, shaking my head. "A safe environment, romantic accessories, and edible food."

"Damn."

"Ally! Sirius!" Lily came running up. "We got a ton of good stuff! Come and eat!"

Sirius flashed me a smile. "You were saying about the edible food?"

"Do you trust Lily and James together attempting to do something productive?"

"Sure."

"Then the brilliance on the outside definitely didn't make it into the brain."

"Are you calling me handsome?" He stopped and turned to face me.

"Well, I'd assume so, with the number of girls you've dated."

"You assume I'm handsome? Ally, I've been right next to you all day!"

"Well, I don't know, Sirius, because I can't see past all those falsehoods of—" I stopped as I came to a horrible realization. "Oh my God, Sirius, we're turning into Lily and James!"

"What does that mean?" asked Sirius, looking angry.

"It means, you and I are going to stop this right now." I stalked off.

In my frustration at myself, I didn't even see Lily and James watching us.

Lily and James snuck away from the bushes, staring at each other. "What did she mean?" whispered James when they were safely out of earshot.

"It means, Potter, that your friend is hitting on Ally," Lily snapped. "Get him away from her. I'm not letting her get corrupted by your idiocy."

"I meant, what did she mean when she said that she and Sirius were acting like you and me?"

"I don't know," admitted Lily. "There's something going on with them. I think she meant that they were bickering need—" She looked down. "—lessly."

"Oh."

"Maybe we have been over-reacting a bit."

"Yeah," said James. "Should we at least…maybe try to be friends?"

Lily bit her lip. "Maybe. But I want to find out what she meant exactly. Should we follow them?"

James flashed her a grin that made her stupidly weak in the knees. "Would we do anything else?"

"Come on, let's go to dinner," said Lily, shoving him.

The next day, Lily and James followed Ally and Sirius out of the clearing. They were silent; James and Lily'd put Disillusionment charms on each other.

"So…" began Sirius. "Are we going to spy on James and Lily today?"

Lily and James stared at each other in disbelief.

"No," snapped Ally.

"You're in a bad mood," commented Sirius.

"Really? What was your first clue?"

"Well, why?"

"Why, Sirius?" She swung around and faced him. Lily grinned a little. "I know you're hitting on me. You're not exactly being subtle about it. Good God, you're almost as bad as James. But at least Lily and James have something—"

Lily and James opened their mouths in silent protest.

"We have nothing. So what if you like me now?" Ally said disdainfully. "Can you honestly tell me you'll still like me a month or two from now? I like long-term relationships, Sirius. Two snogging sessions in a broom closet and a date in Zonko's is not a long-term relationship."

"Well, at least she knows what she wants," said Lily quietly.

"Look," Ally finished, "I know that Lily and James belong together, all right? They can go off and have Harry and be lovely and happy, but I don't really care about what happens to you. We're stuck here together, and when we find our way out, we'll never speak again. And maybe one day you'll find some girl who's just as slutty as you. But I am not going to be some girl you cast aside, and oh my God, I sound like Lily, and—you know what?" She paused and took a breath. "She doesn't have the right to. James is great. He's funny, and smart, and handsome, and she is so lucky that he's been in love with her for all these years. Because if he weren't so goddamn in love with Lily, he could have any girl he wanted in this school. Apart from me, maybe. But at least he'd be willing to make the long haul. You blow off a girl as soon as she's not interesting anymore. And I'm not going to be one of those girls you can brag about."

Sirius looked completely taken aback.

"I will work with you because I have to, Black. I want to get out of this horrible forest."

She stalked off around the corner and Sirius walked uncomfortably after her.

Lily turned to James. "I—I—Well, that was interesting."

He fixed her with a piercing stare.

"It's just—just—okay, fine! Ally's right. You are all of those things. But, James—it can't just be like this. We can't just kiss in the middle of nowhere. We became friends last night, for God's sake! I—I need to go back to camp."

She ran off, James looking after her.

A/N: Oh my God! The impossible happened! I updated! *Gasp!*

Okay, that's enough.

Anyway…DRAMA! And HUMOR! But mostly drama.

It'll all work out in the end, I promise you.

See ya next time.

Oh, P.S. Ally doesn't have a crush on James or anything. She's just comparing the two and she's finding herself angry at the fact that Sirius starts flirting with her out of nowhere.

By and by, she does make some pretty valid points about Sirius. But this is not Sirius-bashing. And they do end up together!