Chapter 4: The Stupidity Is Catching

"Ahem. Ally? Are you in there?" I looked up from the inside of our tent, relief secretly welling up inside my stomach at hearing Lily's voice. Of course, I wasn't going to tell her that. I had stomped off to the tent after leaving Sirius and had been waiting nearly five minutes for her to show up! Five minutes! She was not getting off easy for this unacceptable disgression.

"Uh-huh."

"Are you okay?"

"Peachy."

"Are you lying?"

"How could you have possibly guessed?"

Lily sighed, groaned, and walked in the door. "I'm going to let that slide because I realize you're upset, but really, Ally, this is not the time for a joke."

I ignored her. "Right. And I'm not upset, I'm depressed. It happens to the best people, you know."

"Oh, shut up, Ally." She sat down next to me, playing with her fingers nervously. "I heard what you said. And I think you might be right."

"I really don't—wait a second, you heard me and Sirius—Merlin, you think I might be right?" I paused for a second. "…About what?" I added suspiciously. Let's ignore the fact that Lily thinking I'm right is a momentous occasion, so it didn't really matter what I was right about.

"James."

I gaped at her. "H—what?" Was she trying to make me feel better?

"Everything you said…it was true. I mean, he is arrogant, but—"

"So are you?" I tried.

"Ally!"

"Erm, sorry."

"I am not arrogant!"

"I think you'll find that you are. In a good sort of way," I added hastily as I saw Lily give me her 'Evil Eye.'

"Anyway…now I think I've blown it," she said dolefully.

"Lily, he's been chasing after you for three years. He's not going to give up when he's this"—I showed her how close by putting my fingers about an inch apart—"close. Don't you think you're being a bit overdramatic?"

"You're not really one to talk," said Lily, putting her hands on her hips. It was an incredible feat, considering she was sitting. "Black hasn't hit on you at all. While I admit you are acting a bit like James and I—"

I yelped. "Do you know what that means, Lily? Do you?"

"Obviously not."

"It means we're going to get married and have little Harrys!"

"….What the hell are you on about?"

I stared at her. "Oh—heh…um, that is…nothing," I finished lamely.

Lily gave me an odd look, but plowed on anyway, "—you should probably go apologize because you flew off the handle at him. I mean, maybe he's a playboy, but he's funny and I think you two would be good together—dear God, I'm trying to set you up with him, aren't I?" I nodded. "Then apologize and become a nun."

"What? Nun? Where did that come from?"

"Well, I refuse to be even partly responsible for a new generation of Blacks going to Hogwarts, so you're only choice now is to become celibate because I…" She paused here thoughtfully. "Ithinkhereallylikesyou."

"Was I supposed to divine some meaning from that?"

Lily hung her head. "I'm going to hell for this…but I think he really likes you."

"No!" I cried. "I cannot have just sent my only chance for a boyfriend down the drain. Argh, I hate my life."

After giving me one of her famous don't-be-such-a-moron looks, Lily got up and walked out of the tent. I was extremely offended, because she usually saved these looks for James, Sirius, and (on occasion) Peter.

"Wait!" I followed her out. "But wasn't I right? I mean, how likely is it that our relationship will last? He'll probably find some Ravenclaw that he likes and will start snogging her instead."

"I think," said Lily, with that ever-growing brain of hers, "that Black has absolutely no idea what he wants, Ally. He goes around snogging girls and being an idiot because he's trying to figure out what he wants. And I think, Ally, that you beginning to show him what he wants, even without trying to do so. So don't take that away from him. Please. Because if you do, I don't think the school will be left standing by the end of the year."

It was at that moment that I realized why Lily Evans was my best friend. It was because I had no idea what I'd do without her. I might be a year younger, but she was always there, helping me, even as I argued with her. And I was there for her too, on every single one of her wild goose chases and during every one of her shrieked rants of annoyance.

"And Ally," said Lily, "Maybe Black isn't the best at being a boyfriend, but none of those other girls are real. Not like you. They chatter away, they're easy and they're free, and with them, there aren't any strings attached. I don't think he knows how to be loyal to girl—not yet, anyway. But," she added seriously, "I'd snog Amos Diggory before Black betrayed Potter, Lupin, or Pettigrew, so I think that he can be extremely loyal and you just have to bring that out."

I smiled, silently thanking her. Then I realized something. "Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"We're supposed to be on a first name basis."

"Argh, Ally!"

Twenty minutes later, Remus and Peter came back, their arms full of mushrooms and roots and (surprisingly enough) apples. "Apples?" I said questioningly. "Where the hell did you find apples?"

"A tree," replied Peter earnestly. I resisted the urge to smack him.

"Well, Lily and James got fish, and Sirius and I didn't see anything dangerous around here, so I guess we can light a fire and cook something," I said, trying to sound more like a leader and less like the nervous, trapped-in-a-dangerous-forest, sixteen-year-old girl I was. Where are those two idiots, anyway?"

"I don't know," said Remus, frowning, as I lit the fire and conjured up a pan from a rock. "I thought they'd've been with you two."

"No, I stomped off on Sirius," I said sheepishly, dumping the mushrooms in the pan. "Peter, gut these, will you?"

Remus grinned. "There's a shocker. What'd he do?"

"Erm, actually, this time it was kind of my fault," I replied. "No, Peter, with the wand," I exclaimed, turing back to Peter, who had transfigured a branch to a knife and was trying to gut the fish manually. It was highly unsuccessful.

"I ran away from James," said Lily calmly to Remus, who looked annoyingly unsurprised. "I suppose he met up with Sirius, we were all in the same area…"

I summed up everyone's thoughts quite nicely. "Well, crap."

"Where could they have gone?" squeaked Peter nervously. "We're not in Hogwarts anymore!"

"Knowing James, probably to hang himself," muttered Lily darkly.

"Drama Queen," I hissed in her ear.

"Shut up," she hissed back.

"And Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Erm, I don't know," I said guiltily. "Uh, Remus—what does Sirius do when a girl rejects him?"

Remus looked thoughtful. "I don't know. The last time it happened was third year, and he asked out a fifth year. Of course, it was also a dare, so I don't think he cared either. Why?" He looked startled. "He didn't—he didn't ask you out did he?"

I laughed nervously. "Define 'asked out.'"

"Sorry, Ally, I thought he had at least enough tact to know not to ask a girl out in the middle of a forest."

"He didn't ask her out," said Lily, jumping off the awkward train and pulling the two of us with her. "She just rejected him anyhow."

"You did?" asked Remus.

"Heh. Hehehe…heh. Yeah."

"Howdy!" cried a voice I knew well. Sirius.

"How-what?" said Lily.

Remus sighed. "He's been reading those American cowboy novels again. I keep on telling him to shut up because nobody cares, but he keeps on using that stupid 'howdy.'"

"Sirius? James?" cried Peter.

"Wormtail!" yelled Sirius happily, bounding into the clearing, carrying…bags?

James followed close behind, his arms also full of bags. Where on earth had they gotten bags? Bags of what? Of food? I didn't think there was a grocery market in the Forbidden Forest.

"Um, guys?" said Lily, obviously trying to keep her temper. "Where did you get the bags?"

James grinned. "Hogsmeade, Lily-flower!"

Silence.

"Hogsmeade?" Now it was my turn. I stood up and glared at them. "You went to Hogsmeade?"

"Yep!"

"And you got food?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't think of coming back to get us so we could get out of this place?"

"Well, what does Hogsmeade do for us? I mean, we still wouldn't be at Hogwarts."

"Yes, but we know how to get to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade, don't we?"

"Oh." I saw something like a Merlin-I'm-so-stupid look dawn on James's face. "…Yes."

"But that would mean the adventure was over!" cried Sirius with a hurt expression. "The adventure can't be over!"

"It's not an adventure!" I shrieked at them. "We're trapped!"

"Well, maybe we can go back—" said Sirius desperately.

Lupin, who had gotten up and walked over to the edge of the clearing while I was cross-interrogating the James and Sirius, came over and sat down. "Too late," he said crossly. "The forest has shifted again."

If I'd ever thought Lily was going to explode before, it was nothing compared to how she was now.

"Fine," I snapped, grabbing the bags. "What did you get?"

I looked in the bags and nearly fainted. They'd bought three loaves of bread, a load of sweets from Honeydukes, and even more products from Zonko's.

And that was when I realized. We were screwed. So, completely, screwed.

I also realized something else. When we got back to Hogwarts (note the clever use of the 'when,' not 'if'), Sirius was losing his entire collection of American novels.

"Dear Merlin," whispered Lily, horrified, as she looked over my shoulder. "Their stupidity is catching. I can't bring myself to be surprised."

A/N: Heh…heh…yeah.

Well….

Um….

…Sorry?

I had really bad depression this summer, which is why I haven't been updating lately.

Yup.

...Sorry.