a/n: one day. one day. ONE DAY! This is so exciting.

I feel bad for anyone who reads these author notes expecting to get stuff about the story. Although I doubt by this point they would.

Thanks to mrs. graciecriss4eva for being epic and to anyone who reveiwed. You guys are all epic!

disclaimer: just wait... let me check... no. I still don't own Glee. The show. Because I do own the emotion. If anyone can own an emotion...

What do you mean? Who did you kiss?

He was in his dorm room, putting his school work away a few minutes later when he got a call from Kurt.

"Hi, Kurt," he said, faking happy. He needed a distraction from Dave, again.

"Blaine, I-," there was a shuddering gasp down the phone line of someone in tears.

"Kurt," he heard the first syllable and was standing. There was something wrong; he heard it in his voice. And Kurt was crying. This was bad. This was really bad. He could see images of Kurt, beading and beaten, collapsed somewhere alone. But he was ok enough to call him so he shook that image from his mind.

"Kurt, are you physical injured?"

Another shuddering outward breath. "No."

"Where are you? Kurt I'm on my way but I need to know where you are." It was true. He'd ignored Wes's shouts about after lunch classes and dashed to his car. He was making his way to Lima, to Kurt, as fast as he could.

"I—I'm at school. I'm in my c-car." His speech was split by little gasps as his sobbed. Blaine could picture him, face ashen, gripping his phone to his ear with one hand and the steering wheel with the other, both so tightly that his knuckles were bloodless.

"Can you drive?" He was keeping the fear out of his voice; if he stayed calm, collected, focused on simple physical practicalities then it was easier to stop his emotions; to keep the fear from eating him, to push away the images that were flashing through his mind so fast, he didn't have time to explain why they couldn't have happened, but each staying there long enough to hurt. And to not go chasing who ever made Kurt like this, hurt him this badly. Because later he could do that. Right now, Kurt needed him.

"Ye—yes, I think so."

"Ok. Put the phone on speaker so you have you hands then carefully drive home." Because home was safe. And more than that, Kurt felt that home was safe.

"Ok. Ok I'm going, but you'll – you'll come?"

"Of course I will." He paused, trying to think of a way to ask, a way to ease him back. But he couldn't, so tried to sound as sympathetic and comforting as he could.

"What happened, Kurt? What did they do to get you this… this afraid?"

Kurt started talking, speeding up as he went, "I—I was at my locker, and he, Karofsky, pushed me again. And I snapped. I chased after him, I called out. And when I caught him I just shouted at him. I felt like for the first time in ages I had my voice back around him. I felt brave," Blaine flinched, remembering 'courage' and, for the first time, regretting it.

"And I was shouting, and he kept hitting the lockers and telling me not to 'push him' and I thought he was going to punch me and I DIDN'T CARE," those two words were almost shouted and he broke down again, sobbing, before he resumed his story.

"And – and," he was back to full on crying again now.

"Shhh, shhh. Hey, hey, calm down. Jus-just calm down. You should be almost home by now. I'm almost there so it's ok. Breath a bit," he knew he sounded weird but Kurt seemed to be responding, quieting down. He heard a car door slam and continued on with his soothing mutterings until Kurt seemed to be fine.

"What's wrong?"

"I—I just feel so—so dirty. And – and," he seemed lost for words and was working himself up again.

"Stop, Kurt. Breath, like I said. What happened?"

"He—he kissed me."

He couldn't stop his gasp and knew that Kurt heard it and had taken it the wrong way, but he was so shocked, this was so unexpected, that he was lost for words. He'd always thought that he could help Kurt because he'd been through similar bullying. Similar discrimination. But this. This went so far beyond that he didn't know what to say.

"I—it wasn't my fault, he was suddenly there and I was shocked and then he tried to kiss me again and I pushed him away and he left and I—I don't know what I should have done but it wasn't my-" Blaine cut him off.

"Of course it wasn't your fault. As if anyone could say it was, he forced that on you Kurt," his shock at Kurt's words had over powered his shock at the ones before them and he realised now why this was such a big deal.

"Kurt, I'm out front now, ok? I have to hang up and text David to tell him I'm missing school and to cover for me, ok? I'll be inside in a minute."

"Ok."

He left a message for David and was halfway up the drive when he noticed Dave's last message. I kissed him. And it was like he was joining the dots. And he knew what the picture would make now, he probably had since he noticed Kurt's call. Dave. Karofsky. Two names, but not two people. And when he got Dave's reply that evening, he knew he had got it right.

Right. Yeah. I kissed the openly gay guy at my school.

He finally answered back. I pushed him and then he responded. He hasn't done that since the first week. And he was shouting and pale and he said "you're not my type" and he didn't know so he didn't realise that that hurt. And suddenly the two parts of me finally agreed on something: to kiss him. There was a part of me that just really wanted it, to know what it felt like, but then there was part that hates him. It really does. And I didn't realise until I thought through why I do this and there it was. He stared out as a symbol of hope, with only a grain of jealousy. But over time it grew until I feel like telling him what a huge hypocrite he is, walking around talking about standing up for the underdog and the guy whose worse off than you when he's got a great family and strength and confidence and is safe in that fact he won't remain some small town looser. And I hate him for it. And this bitter part of me was saying "get back at him. Hurt him back."And it knew it would hurt him. And the rest of me did too.

But I did it. And the shock and fear and disgust of his face when I left, I hated myself for a moment. I felt like a monster.

But I can't apologise. I can't. How would I even begin to do that? "Hey, I'm really sorry I kissed you against your will." As if. So what can I do? And what if he outs me? I wouldn't expect anything else. It would be the best way to punish me really.

So I know we're messed up right now but I don't know what to do. I need your help.

Dave.

a/n: I forgot but I've gone back and changed the format-ish-ness if the spacing between time frames in preveios chapters and it will stay like that. The way I had it worked on word but not this... so now you get:

°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°

to diferenciate between what's a change of time frame and what's an eLetter.