A/N:

Hey, just putting the word out there that this is a tag-along piece to Demented Inu's Totally Awesome Blog (Which England DOES NOT READ. Really. He doesn't. At all. … though apparently France does… Hunh.), so if you haven't read that, you should. Or you might end up confused.

-October Second, 2009-

Hello and good day to all.

England here, though I'm not actually supposed to be online at all right now - my Boss will be taking away my computer and other work related items shortly as he apparently doesn't trust me not to try to work while sick. I'm really not that sick at all. Honest.

I'm told I might even be able to drink water by the end of the day, so I don't see what all the fuss is about.

On to the point though eh?

I'm going to kill America. I'm not joshing you, I'm going to bloody kill him.

…. As soon as I'm allowed to leave the house that is.

For now I'll settle for setting some things straight.

Everything he has said (according to an overzealous Frenchman who may or may not be missing a few teeth, which reminds me, I need to clean my front hall rug) about noises and biting my wrist? Is a lie. A blatant lie. Anyone who attempts this will receive the same treatment as France.

So, America, if you are reading this, I am formally requesting that you remove all evidence of this tall tale from all public places at once. Before you are no longer able to.

Also, I would request that you stop making up such stories, it's really quite childish of you.

And that you stop coming over with food that you know full well I'm not going to eat. You'll only get the door slammed in your face. I'm not sick and I don't need you making a big deal out of it. I'm well old enough to take care of myself, thank you very much.

Also, there are no mutant alien embryos living inside of you. Do you want to know why this is? Because Alien's do not exist.

Stop blaming them for your problems and take care of them yourself.

Until I am allowed to return to my normal duties (not to criticize my boss, but I think he is being a tad paranoid about this),

Rule Britannia,

England