Resilience

Sunlight blazes down upon Konoha, casting a golden glow over the leafy streets as Sakura walks towards the Senju Counseling offices at the heart of the city center. Her heart weighs heavy with thoughts of Sasuke, the love that had blossomed within her like a delicate flower and wide roots. She felt like she was caught in a dream, where nothing was quite what it seemed, and everything was painted in the most beautiful shades of pink, lavender, and dark eyes breaking out of their glass cage.

Summer creeps away from Sakura, a soft September deadline looming upon her in five weeks' time. On her desk, she keeps her golden ticket: a year-long appointment contract from Dr. Tsunade Senju herself.

'This is it. This is what I've been waiting and working for.'

A decade Sakura filled with school, work, research, failed friendships, dropping the rope of all "would-have-been" romances, making a name for herself, chasing fame, and transforming beyond her imagination.

'So why am I hesitating again?'

Her contract lays in the depths of her office desk, unsigned. Her mind fills with that familiar haze, a beautiful distraction, at the thought of signing some kind of momentary permanence. Sakura can feel luxurious threads of cotton, pressed dark turtlenecks, and cords of overworked muscles hidden away from all eyes except hers. That's what makes her wait: the delicateness of this thing she has with Sasuke. All the things she wants to know, all the questions she needs answers to, all the indentations and crevices that still need to be filled in her mind; they're all obfuscated by the overwhelming shade of rolling fog. In her mind, Sakura can't see anything beyond the falling, falling motions she's taking with Sasuke. His hands, his chest, his warmth, his unpracticed laugh: all of the moments tint her present, blurring her future.

For the first time, Sakura does not know what to do. Her way forward is no longer a straight path, habitual in the decision-making. Moving onto the future is now an active choice Sakura has to make. She knows that the real decision will be a year down the line, but does she even want to consider making that choice? Sakura can feel the overwhelming future she and Sasuke are meant to have together just beyond the year-long contract, but she also knows that her dreams of becoming a world-renowned psychology researcher could take her far away from Konoha and the slow getting-to-know-Sasuke of it all.

Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart in two directions - towards Sasuke, the love that made her feel whole and would need a long, long time to shed how delicate it felt, and towards her dream job, the passion that filled her with purpose for over a decade. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving Sasuke behind, but she also couldn't give up on her dreams. It was like being lost in a thick fog, where nothing was clear, and every step was uncertain. It made her feel sick to her stomach, all the way down to the deepest place in her soul where Sasuke had rooted himself in her psyche.

After weeks of fumbling around in the thick smog, learning the feel of his hands and the curve of his tongue on her felt restricted. Sasuke was well-practiced in this part of their relationship; he knows the ways of showing physical affection. But there are pieces of real relationships that go beyond carnal gratification. Could Sakura bring herself to ask for those hidden truths from Sasuke?

Their shared lunch in hand, the counseling center looms before her, a towering structure of crystal-clear glass that seems to sparkle in the sunlight. Sakura took a deep breath and walked inside, her heart racing with anticipation. She knows that she will see Sasuke today, and she can't wait to be near him again.

As she walks down the hallway towards Sasuke's office, she hears the sound of shared laughter and chatter coming from inside. Her heart sinks – Sakura knows that Sasuke has a new intern, Ino, who is always hanging around him even past their regular supervision time. Ino graduated from her own master's in counseling program earlier this summer, making her a natural supervision replacement for Sakura. Sakura couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy every time she saw Ino with Sasuke. It was like seeing her own short love story replaying in front of her eyes.

But today, something felt different. As she pushed open the door to Sasuke's office, she saw him standing with Ino. Ino's wide smile and easy demeanor makes it looks like she and Sasuke are old friends, falling at ease faster than Sakura did when she was under Sasuke's clinical supervision. It was like a punch to the gut, a cold shock that ran through her body. Sakura felt like she was watching the love of her life slip away from her. Love slipping away into a simple moment in time, a simple summer romance hidden behind office doors.

Sakura takes a step back, her heart racing with confusion and hurt. It was like the thick fog that had surrounded her for so long was finally lifting, revealing a possible truth: that this is just how Sasuke operated. That the reason he isn't getting close to her is because Sakura was never meant to go beyond the surface. That Sasuke will never love her, or love Ino, or love the next skirt under his supervision to fall into bed with him.

Two pairs of eyes turn to look at her blank expression. Her normally upbeat attitude has been squandered by a spotlight, highlighting every insecurity hidden behind her mask. Sasuke must understand the thoughts racing in Sakura's mind as he begins the conversation:

"Ino, this is –"

"Doctor Haruno! Hi!" Sakura finds herself shaking Ino's hands before she continues, "I heard you're our psychologist."

"Potential psychologist," Sasuke emphasizes, making tentative eye contact with Sakura. "We don't want to pressure her one way or another."

"Of course we want to pressure her, Sasuke-kun! Dr. Haruno probably knows more about our work than the entire office combined."

Somewhere amongst the diffident parts of her mind, Sakura makes eye contact with Sasuke. Something within the glass cage of his glasses is pleading with her. There is some cue that Sakura could have caught, if her self-conscious thoughts could just let her see beyond this moment. She's read Sasuke like an open book before. But her lack of self-esteem makes it impossible right now.

"Just call me 'Sakura.' No one calls me Dr. Haruno."

"Oh? But Sasuke-kun- "

Sasuke interjects: "Has a lunch meeting I'm already late for. If you don't mind, Ino, I'll see you next week for supervision."

Curt. Polite. Punctual. That's Sasuke as he pulls the bag of takeout from Sakura's hand, eases Ino out of his office and starts setting their lunch down on his desk.

Sasuke is fine with the silence pouring out of Sakura right now. He doesn't prompt her to begin the habitual chatter of their privately-romantic lunch dates. He is tense; Sakura can see the tension creeping up his shoulders, the jitter of his feet, and the tight line of his lips. Something unnamed happened just now, and they both know they're going to have to talk about it. It would be such a shame if there was a lack of communication between the two therapists.

"'Sasuke-kun,' eh?" Sakura tries to lighten the air.

Sasuke rolls his eyes as he hands Sakura her lunch. "Don't start with that."

"You never let me show any signs of affection when you were supervising me." She tries meeting his eyes, hoping to get more of that nonverbal communication that she missed.

"Because you actually listen to my boundaries."

'Oh.'

Sakura begins shaking her salad to spread the dressing evenly and the pieces in her mind reframe the encounter with Ino.

"You were pretending to like Ino."

"Hn."

"You don't want to fuck her."

Sasuke maintains the lack of eye contact between them, pursing his lips as his only form of communication. He pretends as if his lunch is the most visually important thing, as if his heart isn't beating out of his chest trying to reach back out to Sakura.

"Well, how was I supposed to know that? Both of you seemed like you were having a great time here."

"I'm sorry. I'll do better next time," Sasuke responds. The slightest amount of hurt seeps into his words and both of them recognize it. Sasuke is hurt that Sakura would think of him as some kind of womanizer. He's also embarrassed that his actions or non-actions led her to make that assumption.

And Sakura is so sorry.

Sakura knows she has to make a choice - between Sasuke and her dreams, between love and ambition. She couldn't have both, and the thought of losing either one was too much to bear. It was like walking through the labyrinth in her mind, where every path led to a dead end. One ends of self-castigation. Another in paralysis. Yet another in fear. One wrong move landed her in a deep pool of self-conscious messes.

The cloud cover of falling in love dissipates, revealing the clear image in front of her: loving Sasuke was going to take hard work and consistent communication, but he was willing to be uncomfortable to grow together with her.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of her unsigned contract bearing down upon her. Sakura knows what she has to do - she can't give up on her dreams, but she also can't let go of Sasuke and their chance at being something truly magnificent beyond the lingering traumas of their differing pasts. Sakura can let this be an office romance, quick to fizzle before she moves on to her next job. Or she can tend to their garden and make loving Sasuke last for a lifetime.

"I decided I'm signing the contract."

Sasuke's eyes betray the shock he is stilling in the rest of his face and his voice tilts upwards in its tone, disbelief brimming in every word.

"So, you're staying here?"

"Yes, Sasuke. I'm staying here."

"With me?"

"With you."

END OF CHAPTER TEN.