Chapter 7

"Anders?" Shaye called out. It was early morning and he had not yet opened his clinic. She waited. She heard the click of the lock being turned, and a very sleepy looking Anders opened the door.

"I brought breakfast" Shaye said cheerfully as she sailed passed him. "And word from Bethany!"

She was so happy, Anders did not have the heart to turn her away, which had certainly been his first inclination. She placed the still warm oatmeal on the table and began cutting up some sweet strawberries.

"All right Hawke. Your cheerfulness is killing me. Tell me about Bethany."

"Well, she has completed her training at Vigils Keep. And apparently she met some of your old companions there too. And why did you never tell me that it was Queen Tess who gave you that silly cat you always talk about! "

Anders smiled. " Mmm – Ser-Pounce- A- Lot and Tess" he mused. "She was a good friend."

"Anyway." Shaye continued. "Here is what she says about you."

Well, Anders was right. The ritual was horrifying and painful, but I survived it. It has taken me a while, but I have found my place here. To feel free to use my gifts without threat or shame is a relief. I have met many of Anders former companions here, and they all speak fondly of him, except a certain dwarf named Ogrhen who called him a nug nut. I am not sure what that means. Perhaps Varric would know. Please thank Anders for me. I owe him my life.

Despite Ander's radical views about Mages, despite his grand lectures, his 'Anders Manifesto', Shaye had come to care deeply about him. Since the incident in which he had almost killed a Mage - or rather blind Justice had almost killed a Mage – she had been worried for him. To take a spirit as a host had been a magnanimous gesture – typical Anders, opening his heart to the lost, the lonely, the weary, and the sick. But it had been a foolish thing to do in Shaye's opinion, and perhaps a fatal one.

Anders smiled. "I am happy for you both. Of course I hated being a Warden, but," he shrugged. "It may suit Bethany."

"Anders – is there anything that you don't hate?" Shaye said sardonically.

"Hmm, I hate Fenris, Templars, blood mages, the Chantry, Darktown, Kirkwall, The Gallows… hmm - well this oatmeal is good. I don't hate that!" He said triumphantly. He gave Shaye a hug and a little kiss on her cheek. "And despite your love of Templars, I don't hate you." He laughed.

"I don't love all Templars Anders. Just one."

"Yes Hawke, so you keep telling me." Anders said, giving her one of his stormy looks of disapproval. Shaye knew the look. It hurt her heart to see it.

Anders didn't understand Hawke. Her father and sister were Mages, but she allowed herself to be besotted by Cullen. He first realized her infatuation with him while they were in the Deep Roads together. She kept fingering some sort of charm on a chain around her neck and smiling. It was as though the token gave her strength. One night, while he was taking the watch, he managed to sneak a peek. He saw the Templar cross. His heart fell – she belonged to someone else. Not only had perhaps he lost a hoped for lover, he had lost her to a Templar. Hawke was beautiful, open and transparent, caring and compassionate, but tough and resilient. Most importantly she was a friend to Mages. She cared not about his being as one with Justice. He dreamed of her, of making love to her. He wanted to be happy for her, but Justice made him angry and hurt. Anders still hoped he would win her over in the end.

"I have a present for you Anders." Shaye passed him over an envelope.

"What's this?" Anders asked as he ripped open the envelope. "Oh how lovely Hawke. A piece of paper with some writing on it. However shall I thank-you."

"Read it silly." Shaye said laughing.

"All right. To the bearer of this note no charge for any supplies in stock." Anders' eyes widened. "Hawke. You can't be serious. Hawke! Bandages, ointments, salves. Think of what I can buy. How many lives will be helped! Thanks you Hawke. You have no idea what this means to me"

"I just thought you might need some cheering up, after what happened with that Tenplar. You need to remember your worth Anders. Without you, your generosity with your healing, how many would suffer?" Shaye said.

Anders fell silent. He had still not fully come to grips with what happened while tracking down a Templar fanatic by the name of Ser Alrik. Alrik was proposing a "tranquil solution" to the "Mage problem." So outraged was he by Sir Alrik disgusting plans and lecherous designs on one of the young Mages he had cornered, that Justice came out. If not for Hawke, Justice's blind rage would have seen him kill the innocent Mage, along with Alrik and his minions.

Anders was aware of the vulnerabilities of Mages. But he vehemently disagreed with the philosophy of those Mages and Templars who believed in the Circle. Mages like Wynne and Irving. They beleived that it was only through Circle training that apprentices could learn to control their magical gifts and use them to serve. Anders believed that training did not need to be provided in a structured institutionalized setting where Templars had free reign to brutalize their charges if they so desired. Training did not need to mean that children were taken away from their families. He believed that only weakened Mages. That it was the strength of love and family that kept Mages strong against temptation.

Shaye knew as well as Anders that much of the fear people had of magic came from misunderstanding. For all the good the magic could bring, it attracted demons and the risk of possession was always present. Only the strongest and best trained seem immune. Through- out the history of Thedas the horror generated by possessed Mages is a mark that every Mage wears. Should they all be mistrusted? Should they all be expected to atone for the sins of their brothers and sisters? Anders rebelled against that notion.

"How many people died at Loghain's hand? Hundreds? Thousands? Does every man and woman in Ferelden wear a badge of shame because one of theirs is a coward and murderer?"

Right or wrong, every Mage that somehow fails to bear that burden serves only to perpetuate the fear. But some Mages were changing perceptions. Mages like Wynne who helped Alistair and Tess defeat the Blight. Ironically, Mages like Anders himself. His tireless efforts to help those in need, were changing perceptions, bringing understanding through the gift of his healing magic. Why couldn't he see that? Perhaps it was Justice who was blinding him.

"Well, I must go." Shaye said. "Have fun shopping." Her heart hurt a little. She wished someone could love Anders the way she loved Cullen.

Cullen climbed the stairs to the loft. He was exhausted. Orsino and Meredith had been arguing again. At one point he thought it may have come to blows. Orsino refused to acknowledge the weakness of his Mages and Meredith refused to acknowledge that not all of the Mages were in league with abominations.

The low flames from the hearth illuminated the room well enough for Cullen to see his beautiful Shaye curled up, asleep on the bed. She was wearing nothing but his shirt, and Cullen smiled. She knew it drove him crazy to see her in it. He undressed and sat on the edge of the bed. She stirred at the movement.

"Cullen?" She murmured sleepily. She raised herself up to her knees, and drew next to him. She began messaging his aching neck and shoulders, kissing him lightly. He felt her soft skin next to his. She slid over to face him, sitting in his lap. His lips met her mouth, her neck, and her beautiful full breasts hungrily. Her moaning encouraging him as his tongue played gently with her nipples. They rolled over onto the bed, her hands and mouth caressing his hardness. Tongues probing, fingers reaching, hands touching. Gasps of pleasure escaped from Shaye's lips as Cullen reveled in her taste and in her touch and in her feel. Body thrusting, back arching, moans in unison now, they exploded. Blissful in the afterglow, they fell asleep in one another's arms. When they awoke, they luxuriated in a feeling of peace and contentment.

Their life together was far from routine. Whenever possible, Cullen came to the loft to spend the night. Shaye was almost always there. Shaye would regale him about what she was doing – the schemes, the jobs, the antics of her companions, whom Cullen was beginning to get to know. But there were things she did not tell him. Things about Merrill and Anders, about some of the Mages she let get away. She suspected he knew. In turn Cullen talked in great detail about his men, his training, his dealings with the Order and with the Chantry, but he said almost nothing about the Mages in the Gallows. She taught Cullen how to cook, and he taught her how to wield hammer and nails. It seemed a simple and ordinary life when they were together, and they relished every second of it.

These days, what they mostly found themselves talking about was the Qunari. She and Cullen read everything they could find about the Qunari - their beliefs and philosophies, their way of life. While there was much to admire in the Qunari, both were baffled by their culture. Cullen had disdain for the way they treated women and even he agreed that their treatment of Mages was reprehensible.

Regardless, the Qunari were increasingly becoming a problem in Kirkwall and a renegade Templar and a Chantry Sister, weren't helping matters. Varnell, a rather fanatical and misguided Templar had been discharged from the Order by Cullen. Cullen had been keeping eyes on him, but he had recently escaped from Cullen's grasp. Cullen feared he might do something rash. As always, they counseled one another, giving each other advice, listening and helping one another when they could.

That they loved each other deeply and completely was without question, however they both knew that one day, what remained unspoken could come between them. But for right now, both Shaye and Cullen were happy. Life felt just about perfect. Shaye was no longer running, and Cullen was no longer hiding. Time together was filled with laughter and love making. Shaye was becoming more thoughtful and tempered and Cullen, more spontaneous and daring. Neither would entertain that their lives together would not continue to be filled with joy.

And then Shaye's mother was murdered and soon after she found her world was turning upside down.

~XXX~