Real life - I'm so tired...

"Good one, you remember it!" I slurred slightly while slapping Emmett's bicep.

The dilapidated boards of the tree house vibrated from the strength of the laugh he let out, tears streaming down his face once he was finished. I looked at him sure that the confusion I felt shone though on my face, which only served to make him laugh more.

He looked at me again, his massive chest heaving with ragged breaths. What he found on my face must have not been as funny because he almost immediately calmed himself. Emmett Cullen was my best friend, no doubt one of the most amazing persons I have ever met with a heart of gold, but I swear the man had no tact, he laughed at any and everything that seemed funny to him. It was okay except the things he found most hilarious happened to be my downfalls. I hated it to no end and made sure he knew it. The face I made when he would laugh at me, my 'I-am-allowing-you-this-one-chuckle-because-I-love-you' face was fine but he knew as soon as my face calmed, it was my I-am-now-thinking-of-ways-to-kill-you-and-not-get-blamed-for-it and he would immediately shut up, much like now.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I know you hate being laughed at," he gasped, still trying to hide his amusement. "It's just you're so drunk right now."

"No I'm not. I'm just a little buzzed," I retorted, jutting out my bottom lip in a pout.

Then in true Swan glory I hiccupped. Is the word hiccup or hiccough? Are they interchangeable, or is there a different movement of the diaphragm that allows a hiccough to be a hiccough and a hiccup, a hiccup? What does Merriam-Webster's have to say about all this English language fuckery, and does Oxford agree?

I was startled from my thoughts by a flick to my head.

"Fuck, Em. What did I tell you about that? You are bound to put my eye out one day," I said, rubbing the spot on my forehead where he had hit me.

Well he didn't hit me, he flicked me. Fluck me?

"What were we talking about?"

He shrugged, causing the drink he was balancing on his chest to spill onto his white button-down.

"Mae is going to kill you. You got champagne all over your shirt," I giggled. Not really sure why I thought it was funny. Oh, yes I do. Esme is a tiny thing, and Emmett is this big oaf of a thing, and he is scared shitless of her.

Emmett just stayed in place, hands bent at the elbows with his head resting in his hands, not caring about the mess he had made, staring at the ceiling of our childhood hiding spot.

Well not really a hiding spot, seeing as everyone knew it was in the biggest tree at the back of my yard. But everyone understood that if we were in there we didn't want to be disturbed. Of course, this caused a little problem when Emmett and I started our junior year in high school and Alice, Emmett's twin sister, asked if we were "making babies." It took forever for Esme and Renee, our mothers, to leave us alone, but after one tantrum thrown by yours truly, they lightened up.

Yeah, Emmett was good-looking if you went for that jock-captain-of-the-varsity-football-team look. I saw him as a big brother although I was technically older, which showed in our conversations. I sat him down the second week into his first football season as captain and let him know that if he thought my bear was going to turn into some womanizing prick like the other members of the team, he was sadly mistaken. In enters Rosalie Hale, head cheerleader and that problem was taken care of.

Life hadn't been so kind to me, I sometimes wondered if I was meant to be with someone similar to the way Rose was meant for Emmett. I guess I didn't realise that time waits on no man because here I was twenty-seven years old and drunk in an old tree house with my best friend on the night of his bachelor party.

Emmett pushed the hand I was leaning on, which caught me off guard, and I fell on top of his chest.

"What the hell was that for?" I said not bothering to move.

"You were staring and you know I have scopophobia," he responded in a voice that screamed 'Bitch you sure as hell know why!'

I laughed a little at the huge elephant afraid of the mouse, my face resting on the wet spot. "I can't believe you're getting married," I almost whispered after I had quieted down.

"I can't believe you refused to be my best man."

I snorted in response to his comment and shifted myself, moving so that my head could rest comfortably on his bicep with me staring at the ceiling too.

"Rose would have killed me," was my simple response.

"You've known me longer, plus she could have asked her brother. I would have been fine with it."

"Something tells me Jasper would not have taken kindly to wearing the dress Rose picked out for me."

"Why not? He wore a skirt to his wedding?"

"He's half Scottish, as is his dad. What did you expect?"

"I'm just happy Rosie was adopted, or I would be in a skirt too."

I laughed at the thought of Em's huge rhino legs peaking out of the hem of a pleated kilt.

"The question is 'Would ye be a real Scot?'" I tried to talk in my best Mr. Hale accent. It wasn't too bad if I do say so myself.

Emmett and I had gone to pick up Alice from the airport after her month-long honeymoon in Europe. Jasper had to fly to directly Texas to visit a sick relative for a few days a few things. On the drive home, Alice had answered a question I asked the night before her wedding.

"Oh and yes, Jaz was definitely a true Scot at the wedding, Lela."

I started laughing, but Emmett was left puzzled. After a few hours of torturing us with his singing and the sign for Forks nowhere in sight, Alice told him. He turned a light green and refused to talk to either of us for the rest of the ride home.

"I would, if I thought you would be able to fight your instincts and not jump me right at the altar."

"You wish, Embear." He hated the nickname Rose had given him but still answered to it when she called him. It absolutely annoyed him when I used it.

The tree house fell into silence for a few minutes both of us lost in our own thoughts.

"I'm thinking about getting another one." I broke the stillness between us.

"Of what?" he asked with a confused look on his face.

"I'm not sure, maybe a tribute tattoo to an awesome brother."

"Really?" He sounded a little breathless, and when I looked at him, his eyes were filled with unshed tears. Emmett could be such a girl sometimes.

I got my first tattoo when I was eighteen. It was simple enough, Charliewritten in an elegant script down the centre of my back along my spine. I was a daddy's girl, and Charlie was nothing less than my backbone.

Renee of course had to come next. When I was twenty-one I got the name Renee tattooed just below my left shoulder blade on my back but still over my heart. As I grew up and had rough patches with maybe a boyfriend or homework or something, Renee was always there, the best mom a girl could ask for really. She may have been a little too touchy-feely for my liking, but I loved her. At the end of a long session with her, she would always kiss my forehead and say she had my back.

I was never a loner, and was always surrounded by friends. Emmett was more than a friend though he was family, and I had given great thought to this. Emmett was my right hand, I couldn't function without him. It was because of this that I wanted to get Jhames/James tattooed on the inside of my right bicep.

He was Emmett James Cullen and I was Isabella Jhames Swan, very big coincidence that sort of felt like more of a sign that we should be close. I am just happy we decided on best friends and nothing more. Sometimes I really respected Rose because I would have easily smothered him in his sleep for some of the crap that came out of his mouth.

Another reason I chose our middle names was because Rosalie would have murdered me if I got a tattoo matching hers.

I explained my reasoning for the tattoo and where I would get it, and I could almost feel his body vibrate with the willpower it took for him hold back the tears.

"You're such a girl, Cullen."

"Leave me alone, Swan." He turned his head to break the eye contact we had held during the conversation.

"Are you sure though?" His voice slightly muffled, "You're going to meet a man one day. How are you going to explain that?"

"If he doesn't get that, he isn't the one."

Although I scoffed at Emmett when he mentioned the one, inwardly, I couldn't help but think, if he doesn't hurry up and get here, I am going to be the only, forever.

"And this isn't some drunken suggestion?" Just like the over-protective brother he is.

"I'm sure this isn't a drunken choice, Em. Rose even thinks it's a good idea."

Before I knew what was happening, I was in an awkward bear hug, Emmett almost crushing the life out of me. I managed to squeeze out, "Em, stop being a girl," before he shoved me away.

"Are you going to make Edward do it too?"

I nodded in response.

"I would understand if you got it tattooed on your boob, anything to make my little brother handle the girls."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively, and I immediately realised why I hated telling him my secrets.

Edward Cullen was the third of the perfect Cullen spawn. Where Emmett was like a brother and Alice a sister, Edward was the star of all my adult-rated fantasies and even some fuzzy getting-married-and-having-his-offspring ones, since the summer before his junior year. Two years younger than Emmett, Alice and I, I would have easily gone to jail if it meant being able to touch him inappropriately. But it wasn't always like that. I wasn't always some deranged paedophile.

Where I played flag football with Emmett in the mud all through high school, Edward stayed inside and drowned out our rough housing with Debussy. I treated him the same way any person would treat their best friend's younger siblings, like my own.

That came complete with teasing and hiding his stuff and whatever else would get under his skin.

I still remember the day that all changed. I was supposed to help Emmett clean up his house before Carlisle, Esme, Charlie and Renee came back from their cruise the next day. It was the Saturday before my high school senior prom, and my douche of a boyfriend had just broken up with me, and I needed the distraction. So as soon as I threw the phone against the wall, because, yes he broke up with me over the phone, I ran over to the Cullen household.

Edward was supposed to take Alice shopping for the prom, so it should have been just me and Emmett. That was the plan.

I had let myself into the house because well I had my own key, but when I entered the home, it was spotless.

I searched his usual rooms in the house, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen along with the rest of the second floor and called out for him, but there was no response, so I figured he was using Edward's shower or bed or CD player. He knew how much that pissed him off, so he continuously did it. Edward almost had a heart-attack when Emmett told him they shared his toothbrush.

I jogged up the flight of stairs from the second floor to the third floor, and then I continued to jog over to Edward's door which was at the other end of the floor.

As I got closer to the door, classical music got louder and louder.

"Dude, I know you want to pick on your baby bro, but listening to his music? Really?" I shouted before I had the chance to register the brownish hair.

Edward was really a scrawny thing at the time, all skin and bones, hiding his modesty behind a towel.

"Oh, heya kid!" I transformed into big sister Bella. "Where's Em?"

"I switched with him," he responded clutching tighter to his towel. "He's taking Alice shopping, and I cleaned."

"Oh, well mind if I hang out a bit?"

I didn't bother to wait for an answer, I walked into the room and planted my ass on his couch, turning on the television and flipping to a sitcom of some sort.

After some time, I had gotten bored of whatever flavour of rubbish on TV. Edward had been sitting at the opposite end of the couch for the entire time that I was there, reading a book; his thickly rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Those things were massive, covering majority of his face.

I moved really quickly, but quietly, until I was right behind the aforementioned book, and then I drew it out of his hand, flopping back on the couch all in one motion when I had it.

"Death of a Salesman," I said, reading familiar lines. "I had to read this too."

"You mind giving it back?"

"Oh, come on Edward! I'm bored. Play with me."

I put on my best pout coupled with the biggest doe eyes you could find. I expected him to crumble just like he always did when I did this, but no, he reached for the book, which was still in my hand. Instinctively, I pulled back from him. Before I knew it Edward Cullen was sprawled out on top of me on his couch.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned into his ear, "mmmm, right there."

He jumped back and looked at me with a wide stare, like he was frightened. I guess I understood why. If my sister started moaning on me I would be freaked out too.

"Calm down, I was just playing around. Need any help?" I said handing back the book.

Edward Cullen was also very smart, almost a genius, so I am not sure why he took me up on my offer, but I helped him with the Arthur Miller play.

That was my first 'real' interaction with Edward. He was my little brother; I loved him.

Sixteen-year-old Edward shot up sometime after Emmett and I had left for a short tour of Europe the summer before our freshman year of college. With the height, Edward developed muscles, found contacts and styled his hair from the geeky comb over to a just-rolled-out-of-bed mop.

Of course, he blamed us for leaving Alice alone and bored and hence making him her guinea pig when Em teased him.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen had given their children their good genes, and the Cullen children only grew more beautifully-Edward being no exception. I had a crush on him since I was eighteen years old. I don't want to sound shallow, I'd always respected his mind and liked talking to him about books and whatnot, but that summer, I found more reasons to be around him than Charles Dickens.

I visited a whole new Edward that winter. This Edward was confident, well as confident as a sixteen-year-old could be. His room was covered in drawings, of pretty much anything really, birds, stickmen, flowers, but mostly he drew eyes, it seemed like he was trying to perfect them. When I had asked him about the new hobby he just said drawing always interested him. I guess I should not have been surprised when I heard that he was working at a tattoo parlour the summer before his senior year.

I got my first tattoo at the shop he was working at from his boss, Jake. Edward now owned that shop, well franchise. Jake had moved to South America with his Amazon of a wife Leah and left the shop to Edward, who with his business expertise turned it into a business. The shop already had the reputation of being the best tattoo parlour on the western side of the country. I don't really know how Jake walked away from it, but Edward made it grow even more, hiring only the best of the best for each of the shops in New York, California, Miami and of course, Seattle.

I was jolted from my reverie again by Emmett, this time snapping his fingers in front of my face.

"That's the last time I bring him up. You were starting to drool."

I hit him in the forehead while quickly swiping my free hand around my lip for any moisture.

"I hate you, Em."

"You love me, Iz."

"Don't call me that!" I screamed before I could catch myself. I swore my face must have lit up like a Christmas tree because I could actually feel the heat from my blush. My wondering was answered in the affirmative with one look at Emmett's cocky smile.

Each Cullen had a different nickname for me. First was Bells which was Emmett's term of affection which wavered to Lela for a small time but snapped back when Alice nearly lost her mind. Both the Swan and Cullen parental units called me Bella. Mr. Edward Cullen, however, called me Iz. He said it was more badass for a chick with tats.

"Touchy, touchy." Em held out his hands with the palms facing me almost in a defensive pose, but his face showed his amusement at my sudden outburst.

I sneered at him and opened the trap door, so I could climb out of the tree house, signalling to Emmett that I was serious.

"Look I'm sorry, Bells. I just wish you would tell him already."

"Tell him what? That I love him, and I want to be his wife and future baby -open parenthesis S close parenthesis- mother? Are you crazy? He has a girlfriend, one with whom he seems very happy with at the moment."

He turned his head to break the eye contact once again and simultaneously my line of rambling.

"Well you could be like Julia Roberts in that movie that Rosie made us watch, so we knew how to behave at the wedding."

"That was for you. I watched it because I love Julia Roberts. Plus My Best Friend's Wedding didn't end with Roberts with the guy."

"Yes, but you can learn from her mistakes! You can do this. I will provide the background music for when you're spying and scheming and junk."

He started humming the Pink Panther theme song, and I took that as my cue to leave. "I'm going back to the party, Double-O-7."

"Are you going to do it?" He turned onto his stomach as I started to lower myself out of the tree house.

"Yes, I am going to scheme, be conniving and manipulate everyone just so the one man I've loved since the beginning of time will love me back. Are you happy now, Emmett?"

"That's all I want, Bells," he responded and then gave me a toothy grin.

I shook my head and continued to lower myself using the ladder rungs when he rolled over onto his back to stare at the board ceiling.

"Hey Iz."

I let out a squeal and closed my eyes as I missed the last rung and expected my knee to bang against the coarse exterior of the tree or my face to collide with the damp ground, neither happened. Of course, Edward Cullen, world's stealthiest man, caught me.

I couldn't even let it soak in that I was wrapped in his arms and safely on the ground before I started to wonder how much of mine and Emmett's conversation he had heard, and more importantly, did he see up my skirt as I was coming down. Did he like what he saw?

I felt the heat that spread over my cheeks and down my neck. I let that thought subside before I answered with a squeak.

"Hey." Like I said I was never alone in high school I had awesome friends and was never shy. Edward Cullen, however, had subjected me to the awkward teenage years I never went through.

"My brother up there?" This could mean that he never heard the conversation or that he was ignoring it which would have hurt a whole lot more than I was willing to admit.

"Uh, yeah," I answered.

"Emmett," he screamed in my ear, not that I minded at all, "you need to get down to your party before your fiancé kills you!"

Rose and Emmett agreed on a joint bachelor/lorette party, saying they would rather the other be their stripper anyways. So the maid-of-honour and the best man were scheduled to endure the usual bride/groom lap dances from the strippers.

I looked up and saw Emmett's head pop over the hole in the floor of the tree house.

"Don't you two look cosy?" That's when I realised Edward was still holding me.

"Didn't mean to be a klutz, bye men." I ran away from the tree house slowly at first when I was still in seeing range of them but sped up when the trees that littered the back of my family's property thinned out and I could see the dark sky above me.

I opened the sliding glass door to the back veranda where the party was being kept and walked over to the bar area.

"Hey barkeep," I screamed jokingly, "gin and tonic on the rocks!"

"You sure?" she asked, concerned. "You seem like you should slow down there, Isabella."

"I'm just joking around, Tanya. Not even slightly drunk, and Emmett killed my buzz," I spoke in a steady voice now, with a huge grin.

The pretty blonde nodded, then spun around and made the drink that I had ordered. She smiled with perfect white teeth when she placed it on the wooden counter in front of me.

"Here ya go, Isabella."

"Tanya, really, you need to stop calling me that. No one calls me by my full first name. It makes me feel like I am getting in trouble for something."

"I'm sorry!" she said perturbed. "The Cullen clan called dibs on their nicknames, and I think they took all the good ones."

Her well manicured eyebrows drew down in the middle of her perfect forehead to illustrate her frustration, "Oh, I know! Since they call you the Italian for beautiful, I can call you the French! It's brilliant! Belle, like in Beauty and the Beast! Maybe I can even shorten it to call you Elle!"

Wide blue eyes stared at me for approval, small lips painted in ruby red stretched in a genuine smile.

"That is perfect, Tanya. Belle or Elle it is."

She nodded obviously proud of her quick thinking reflexes.

Tanya Denali was Emmett and Rosalie's wedding planner, who at the moment, was helping out a bartender who bailed at the last minute. She was gorgeous with strawberry blonde tendrils falling loosely down narrow shoulders. Her baby blue eyes never held any anger or cruelty; she is as close to perfect I have ever been.

"Excuse me, bartender?" Edward's deep masculine voice sounded behind me. I picked up my drink and turned around resting my elbows on the counter. "Pepsi and rum with lime, please."

"Sure thing, Eddie"

Edward hates that nickname. I mean come on of course he does.

Eddie? Seriously?

But he seemed to love it coming from her mouth.

Like Rose and Embear.

My body shivered, physically trying to shake off those thoughts.

I heard when the glass was placed on the counter next to my left elbow and then the distinct sound of a kiss. Because I am a masochist, I sat there while they talked like two babbling idiots, all the while pretending to not care.

When another person came up to the counter and Tanya's attention was shifted somewhere else, Edward mimicked my position and sipped his drink while I played with glass, in my hand.

He leaned over to me and whispered in my ear which, of course, drove me insane."Enjoying the scenery?"

"I hope the stripper is hot. I'm horny." Was my wise-ass response.

There was no flinching, no furrowing of the brow, nothing to indicate that he cared about the crude admission I had just made, and why should there be? He has a perfect life, perfect business, a perfect smile, imperfectly perfect hair, and a perfect girlfriend who soon may be his perfect wife, and then he'll have perfect kids.

And now I've pissed myself off.

This was the beginning of a very big chapter in my life because I was in love with my best friend's little brother, who was like my pseudo little brother, which was sick, I know. But he loved a perfect woman, and I was tired of it.

I leaned off the bar and downed my drink, avoiding eye contact with him. I placed the glass on the bar and walked away without another word.

I don't know what finally clicked in me, but I am tired of watching him from afar.

I will have Edward Cullen.

End of the chapter or real life for the next two weeks... see u in a bit as Bella thinks up ways to get her man! :)

What do we think of Tanya?

What do we think of Edward? Bella?

Love to hear your thoughts :)

-JC