Chapter One

Mario's Got Issues

After the smashers had calmed down and Link had finished going to the bathroom, a conference was being held in the living room. Toadsworth was still infuriated with Jodi, the intruder, Jodi was still smiling, Joe was drinking a beer, Peach was feeling violated, Mario wanted to murder Toadsworth, and the rest…well were all confused by the sudden events.

Jodi was quite pleased, here were all the smashers she could possibly want. Ranging from the lands of the Mushroom Kingdom, to Hyrule, to Dreamland, and heck even a few from pokeballs, and of course other lands as well. But you get the picture…it was a wide array.

"Joe…put the camera on me!" Jodi hissed as she smoothed out her skirt. Ganondorf raised his eyebrows quizzically. Who did this bitch think she was? He and Snake shared a laugh as they watched the nervous camera man slam down his beer and pick up the camera in a instant.

"Someone's whipped…" Snake hissed into Ganondorf's ear. They chuckled and nudged one another. Joe's face turned red but he still held up the camera, making sure to capture the perfect angle and lighting…because otherwise it would be his ass. Zelda, Daisy, and Peach stood with their arms folded across their chests pouting. Did this whore think she could come in and steal their men?

"Now, I've already explained who I am and why I'm here." Jodi said, her smiling drooping a bit…the botox was fading. "So…who wants to be interviewed first?" Jodi said peering around at the disgruntled smashers. They all looked as if they wanted nothing more but to chop off her neck and then mount her head on the wall.

Jodi frowned, or at least tried, as she looked around. No one was offering to go first, and Toadsworth still looked as if he was going to pop a blood vessel. "Fine…if one of you doesn't volunteer I'll pick." the smashers just continued to glare at Jodi menacingly.

"You! Come with me!" Jodi said grabbing Mario by his blue overalls.

"Mama mia!" Mario shrieked as he was pulled down the hallway. After Jodi had disappeared with his body, she heard the smashers from the other room laughing at Mario's expense.

At the end of the hallway there was a door, Jodi opened up the door and threw Mario inside. Joe following her all the while. She flicked on the an overhead light and shined it on Mario's face, Mario of course resided in a single wooden chair underneath the light. He felt as if he was going to vomit up his spaghetti. Jodi's face was hidden in the darkness of the room. She tapped her well manicured fingers as she waited for Joe to fix the lighting and get his camera fixed.

"Alright, listen up. The faster you talk, the faster you can get out of here. I'll be writing down your answers and Joe will be filming it. If we find out if anything you said is untrue…well we'll kill Peach and your pet Yoshi." Jodi said, her facial expressions hidden, but her voice was dead serious. Mario gulped.

Jodi pulled out her notebook.

Q: When did your drug addiction start?

A: Umm…what-a do you mean. I have no drug addiction!

Q: Spill it shroom boy. We know about your mushroom problem.

A: Ahh…fine. It all started when I was-a teenage boy. I was hanging out with a rough-a crowd, trying to fit in and be cool. I remember my cousin-a Wario introduced me to the first shrooms I ever tried. I was about-a sixteen in my sophmore year. I was a-what a you call…unique.

Q: You mean weird? A freak? Loser?

A: Yeah-a whatever. Well you see-a I thought I could get a girlfriend if I was a-cool like my cousin Wario. Wario was-a the man a-back a-then. He was the most-a popular kid in High School and he had all the hook-ups. I had been after Peach. Boy-a was she a party girl. Just thinking about it-a makes me hot…

Q: Think your dirty thought later talk your story now.

A: Well…ah you see she was dating Bowser. This other cool-a guy at the time. He was a-big party guy at the time also…makes me hot thinking about that also…

Q: Erm…okay…

A: Sorry, but-a anyway, like I was saying. I wanted Peach but she was with Bowser. Now every Saturday night I would watch them make-out at the top of Wiggler's Mountain. It was-a hot make-out place for young teens. Then I would-a listen to their conversations and Peach would always talk about how much she loved Bowser because he made her feel so high. So I thought to a-myself…hey my cousin Wario can help me make Peach high. So a week later I asked Wario for shrooms. He gave me the best kind…the purple and green ones. Highly-a toxic. Best quality…

Q: And you gave them to Peach?

A: Hell-a no! I ate them all myself.

Q: In one night!

A: Yes-a in one-a night! I went to the Wiggler's Mountain on Saturday night and they weren't-a there. So I went home and ate them all-a myself.

Q: Am I missing something here?

A: What-a do you mean?

Q: I mean….how did you end up getting Peach then if you never gave her the shrooms?

A: Oh I had a-crystal meth put into Bowser's locker at school. Then I-a put a anonymous letter in the principals office. Bowser was-a sent to military school. That's-a where he met up with Kammy Koopa.

Q: So wait a minute? You're the reason why Bowser is evil? Because you were jealous of his girlfriend.

A: Well duh. Peach was a freakin hot!

Q: That's sick…

A: You're-a telling me. Oh Peach would cry and cry in here room at night about losing the love-a of her-a life. And I of-a course would have my camera-a out and film-a the whole thing. Then about-a month later I dove in-a for the kill and I got Peach-a for myself.

Q: You are a sick and twisted little Italian man.

A: Thank you…

Q: Shakes head But wait…why does Peach hate Bowser so much now?

A: That's easy too. I also filmed Peach getting out of the shower and then put it on the internet. You-a see. Since I was so…unique. I had a lot of free time-a one my hands and I found out how to hack on-a the computer. I got into Bowser's-a myspace and added the video.

Q: Wow I didn't even know they had myspace in the mushroom kingdom. But this didn't really answer my question about your drug addiction.

A: Ugh, fine I'll tell you---

But just then Mario was cut off. Suddenly the door burst open and Fox McCloud appeared panting with his gun held out. "Jodi come quick we've got a problem!" Fox yelled at the shocked interviewer.

"Goddamnit!" Jodi cussed under her breath…the worst possible timing ever…"What is it!" she snapped at the odd fox/human type thing.

"Some creature from Microsoft is demanding your presence. From the looks of things he's tracked you for some time. Come quick before he kills someone!" Fox yelled as he dashed back down the hallway. Jodi stared back at Mario and glared at him. Mario wiped a few stray sweat beads from his forehead…saved by the stalker…now he wouldn't have to reveal his real reason for drug addiction.

Jodi huffed down the hallway with Joe following here…and there was none other but the Master Chief.

Damnit..Mario got away...for now...anyway thanks for those of you who reviewed. Also if you have any questions you would like Jodi to ask the smashers feel free to ask. Sorry this chapter was a little short but I'm SUPER behind on all of my other stories. So I apologize. Thanks for reading!

Angel With The Scabbed Wings