Sachiko could barely look at him.

This in and of itself was not surprising. It was an outcome he had been dreading if not expecting for some time now. The true hardship was that she still stayed and most likely would see the end of this. A part of him feared that she would continue to stay even after, seeing him as her responsibility and the taste was bitter, acrid, like smoke in his mouth from everything Light had burned to ash.

His hand trembled and he leaned against the wall of the hallway for a moment. His tie was already off, shirt collar open and he felt a fine sweat from pain coating his skin. Senseless walking – he had begun this an hour ago perhaps longer when he hadn't been able to sit there with her anymore knowing he had torn out her heart and trapped her with him.

"There you are."

Starting, Soichiro glanced over, having expected Ryuk but got Aizawa instead.

"I'm alright," he answered, listless and giving very little reassurance that he actually was. "What is it?"

Aizawa frowned, looking as though he was cross but minding his words, shuffling one foot against the other as he came to lean up against the wall in front of him.

Soichiro despised that Aizawa looked so put together despite the fatigue that was wearing fine lines into his face.

"The Shinigami came by, complaining that you were wandering –"

Soichiro's sigh cut him off and he just managed to stop from making any derisive comments about that.

"Of course it would," Soichiro muttered, shaking his head, feeling sweat slip down his back as his pain intensified more. This was the rest of his life, feeling this, and it felt deserved. "He's worried about sitting in a hospital again."

"He's not wrong."

"Is there something you wanted?"

Aizawa crossed his arms as he leaned more fully against the wall and Soichiro knew it was to block his progress from just walking away. Stepping away from the wall right now felt like a risk, and while he could turn, it would be a slow, laborious process, his mind conjuring up an image of an arthritic elephant from a documentary he and Sayu had watched recently because animals were not included in the realm of his gift.

He felt disgusted with himself.

"She doesn't know what to do."

Soichiro shook his head, knowing now that Aizawa had stopped by his room to check if he was there and had met Sachiko.

"You know what I did to her – she lost all ignorance because of me."

Aizawa stiffened. "If I had known that Near planned to tell either of them, I would have done this differently, not risked them being brought here –"

"It's not your fault. You didn't want them alone." Soichiro tried not to think about how he had taken their car, trapping them out there, afraid for hours that he was dead or had lost his mind.

His hand tightened on his cane, the varnish smooth under his palm and he wished it wasn't.

"What she knew – the only way to protect her from his lies was to let her see –"

Soichiro raised his free hand, cutting the man off.

If I just stop talking would he leave? I doubt I would be that lucky.

"She never should have known about any of this. I would rather her think he was dead over this."

The idea of going home, mourning Light with her was a nightmare all its own, the idea of her not knowing, speaking of their son as if he was a hero instead of what he was while he sat with the knowledge that Light had been executed for his crimes.

When they take him, when he's gone, she'll never overcome this. She barely got past the loss all those years ago and there is nothing to soften the one that is coming. It is ugly, there are no pretty words to ease her suffering.

"She worries over you."

Sochiro shook his head again, wishing the man would leave. She worried because he was her husband, she was responsible, a distraction from the truth all around them, Sayu still in the dark with endless questions and her belief in Light dragging them both down.

He couldn't stand here anymore and he tried to move forward, his leg seizing, unable to get it to move for a moment, pain like a wildfire up that side of his body. It was real, it was grounding in a way that the rest of this hell wasn't and despite his grimace, he welcomed it. The price of his failures. That he could not kill Mello, left them to this, Light plotting and then –

"Chief, let me –"

"Don't call me that." The words were out before he could stop them but he didn't regret them. "I'm not that, haven't been for months now."

It was inappropriate to have that title, it never should have been his, to begin with.

"Stop doing this to yourself."

"I'm fine, Aizawa. Leave me."

"No."

The word was harsh, Aizawa looking as though he had become an immovable wall, and given Soichiro's state, there was little difference between the two. He forced himself to raise his head all the way but he saw worry instead of disgust on his officer's face.

"I'm going to get a chair. Don't try to go anywhere."

With those short words, Aizawa spun on his heel and marched off down the hall, going into the first empty room he came upon and Soichiro couldn't help but lean against the wall more. If he moved, he would just have that pain again and a part of him wanted to force each step to feel it.

It was only a few moments before Aizawa was returning, carrying a chair and putting it behind him. Hands on his shoulders and Soichiro managed to convince his body to bend, for muscles to work and he sat, the strain lifting even as another flash of pain went through him.

How long have I been out here to feel this bad?

"Do you have pain medicine?"

"At home…" his words trailed off. She might have taken it with her, she might not have. It was something he rarely took and it didn't matter.

"Stay," Aizawa barked and Soichiro couldn't help but bristle at the order.

Glancing back, he caught sight of Aizawa disappearing with long strides around a corner, his shoes clipping along the tiled floor. Soichiro couldn't relax, letting his shoulders slump, wondering if Ryuk would make an appearance next.

I wish that creature was lying. I wish all of this was a machination of its mind and that Light was truly innocent. It would be easier, despite what he's been through. But I can't believe that. Ryuk's reluctant to answer but it doesn't appear that he lies. I –

His thoughts were cut off when he heard multiple sets of footsteps, a low murmur of voices that were not far away. He became aware that he was chilled, a combination of a loss of movement and the sweat he had caused still standing on his skin.

A small hand on his neck and he knew who it was without turning.

"You're soaked," he heard her murmur and he made himself not close his eyes.

"I'm alright –"

"Don't lie," Sachiko told him, walking around to the front of him and he forced his head up, seeing the worry there. She was holding a glass of water and a bottle. "You've been gone for a while, I didn't realize –"

Her thoughts trailed off and he hated her distress.

"I'll go see if I can find something to help you get back."

Aizawa was leaving and it was just him and his wife in this empty corridor that seemed to stretch endlessly behind her in its shades of white. She stood in stark contrast, her dark hair not kept as neatly as she normally had it, and her small frame dressed in deep browns seemed frailer than it should. Her face showed her exhaustion, her eyes still red as though she had never stopped crying despite Soichiro coming to realize that he had been gone for some time.

She gave him the water and he steadied his hand with his other, leaning the cane against the wall. The flash of concern wasn't something that he missed as she worked the bottle open.

She simply put the pills in his mouth and helped him to drink, Soichiro disliking how his body trembled, how far it was from what it had once been.

Taking the glass from him, she put it down against the wall on the floor and stepped forward more, brushing the hair from his face. She didn't attempt a smile, there really was nothing to be done about anything except to wait.

"I don't know what to do." Sachiko's voice was a whisper and he wasn't sure if he should touch her. "I've spent all these years fearing the worst, that you wouldn't come home and now – now you could –"

Her thoughts were cut off but it was obvious all the same where they were going.

"None of this is your fault. None of it."

She pressed her face against his hair and he didn't miss how she shook.

"I hate what the answer is. I hate that even if I forbid you from doing what is planned, you may still die from this thing."

Reaching up, he pulled her closer, his body a fine line of tension and pain but she came, fingers in his hair curling and she clutched at him.

"I love you. No matter how angry I am with you, I still love you."

They waited like this for Aizawa to return, the hall as quiet as death.

~x~

Waking, he was confused and slightly alarmed by the murmuring of voices by him, his reactions slower due to the pain medicine he had agreed to take last night due to the cajoling of multiple parties. Now, he felt sluggish, unused to such deep sleep, his eyes sticky as he worked them open, finding Sachiko sitting in bed beside him, a low-watt lamp on in the room. Another moment and he recognized Ryuk's low rumble of a voice, telling her something as his mind began to become more functional.

"Ssh, we didn't mean to wake you," she told him, concerned, and he shook his head, pushing himself up a bit more. "I asked him to come."

That was slightly better than the other alternatives he was imagining and he was surprised how much calmer she looked compared to when he had laid beside her hours ago.

Not that he didn't blame Ryuk, only that he had an understanding now that Ryuk was simply not human and could not be expected to behave in accordance with their morals. He had no real want to know of the Shinigami society or concern for his kind and it was a bitter truth to acknowledge that monsters that relied on human death to survive would see them vastly different, no matter how obvious it was.

Eventually, he was able to make out the clock and see how late it was getting.

"I'm sure they'll wish to start soon," he told her and she nodded, mouth drawn tight.

While not as stiff as he had been, the first time he stood every day was typically the most painful and he doubted this would be the exception after last night, leaning on his cane for a moment before taking himself to the bathroom. The face that greeted him in the mirror between his blinks from the overly bright light was less worn but still pale, cheeks with a look that they were sunken.

Relieving himself, he cleaned up his face, cleared away the stubble, and smoothed back his hair, not wanting to struggle through a shower and doubting he had the time to anyways. She joined him part of the way through, and when he left the bathroom, Ryuk was gone.

He always feared for Sayu when he couldn't see the creature despite that she was one room over. They had been discussing having her moved to Eriko and her children, Aizawa siding with this choice. Sayu, however, despite everything she had been through stubbornly resisted, wanting to be here with them.

Soichiro did understand as he got dressed, Sachiko helping him with his shoes. She had already lost so much, he did not doubt that she had a fear that if she left her parents, they would cease to exist on her.

When Sachiko was dressed, they left, finding Sayu's door open. She was seated at her little table, Roger Ruvie sitting with her, his voice carrying as he made her laugh over something. It was a pleasing sight, to see her like this as she stood and hugged him, a habit she had developed of late.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Better."

"He finally slept," Sachiko told her as Ruvie stood.

"I'll get out of your hair."

"He was telling me about the children he's watched over at the orphanage he helped to run," Sayu told them in Japanese before turning to Ruvie and saying in English, "Thank you."

"Of course."

Ruvie took his leave and he smiled at his daughter as he took a seat at her table, noticing the amount of food and knowing that it would be assumed they would come to eat with her.

"Anything interesting?" he asked, pouring coffee for him and Sachiko as Sayu rolled her eyes.

"Dad. It was innocent stuff. The ways they would get in trouble. I can't imagine watching over that many even if he didn't do it alone. I mean, most seemed pretty innocent," she paused, something sad and he didn't doubt she hadn't reflected on the loss of these children. "Those that acted out, I can't imagine what they've been through."

"I worked with a man that grew up there," he told her, uncertain how much he could tell but L had been gone a good five years. Surely something was allowed.

"Really?" Sayu leaned forward and he was amazed by how lively she was right now. It was a testament to Ruvie's kindness that she could be in a place such as this. "What was he like?"

"Strange," he said and both women laughed, Sachiko giving him a small frown at that descriptor. "He liked to sit with his knees all the way up to his chest and despised shoes. I almost never saw him eat anything that wasn't sugar, and in those rare times it was either tea with a lot of sugar or those little creamers." He smiled despite himself, thinking of L's face at his storytelling. "He was also absolutely brilliant."

"Matsuda-san's friend?" She asked and he nodded, seeing her smile a little. "Did he have dark, wild hair?"

"Yes," Soichiro answered, not hiding his surprise.

"Ruvie-san said he was a handful because he would plot pranks. Nothing mean, but if he was left without anything to hold his attention, he often got himself into trouble when he was a kid."

It seemed like the type of mischief L would get himself into in order to stay occupied and Soichiro smiled.

He and Sachiko ate while Sayu chattered on about the children Ruvie had helped rear and when she mentioned one liked to do blank all-white puzzles, Sayu's face crinkling at the mere thought of it, his mind drifted to Near for unexplained reasons. He wondered what it had been like, to be raised in L's shadow and he doubted Ruvie was the one who devised the system from what he had seen.

Despite what was to come today, he held onto this little moment, managing to push Light to the corners of his mind for even a few minutes.

~x~

Near had selected a man from the earlier photos and Soichiro had been summoned so they could finally put a good portion of this case to rest.

Ryuk drifted along behind him and Soichiro didn't miss how quiet he was today or that he stayed a good ways away from his family outside of speaking to his wife at her request earlier. It was behavior he didn't understand because Ryuk was not shy and he doubted he cared about Sachiko being able to see him now. A good portion of him wanted to ask just what they had been talking about but held it in as they rejoined Near in the room he had been brought to before. Near was sitting in a chair playing with what appeared to be finger puppets, one of his legs drawn up the same as it had been on their first visit which made him think of L. All of the people outside of his own men that were trickling in, had their faces covered.

"We have a feed of the cell now," Near told him and waved at the monitors.

What he saw sickened him. A man, young, with rags for clothes that were as dirty as he was, festering wounds on his arms that promised possible amputation in the future if his death wasn't already guaranteed. The room he was held in was filthy. Soichiro doubted there was a way for a human to relieve himself, at least in a sanitary fashion or a place to rest that wasn't crusted over and soiled by something bacteria-laden.

"He was moved here both due to his status and because he was viewed as a threat to the morality of his fellow prisoners," Near continued as they watched.

"What did he do?" Mogi asked

"He made the mistake of liking men," Near answered, voice tighter even as it remained near toneless. "A former solider who was stripped of his rank. He is one of the most egregious cases as there was a good deal of admiration for him. I believe they hate him for that."

"For being brave," Soichiro said quietly and got a nod before Near motioned to a man who appeared perhaps middle age with graying hair around the edges of his mask. He was tall, dressed in a simple brown suit without a tie, quiet, hands clasped in front of him.

"This is Mr. K. He will be the one writing in the book to both relieve the burden from Yagami-san and to create a safety net in case the worst happens. We have it written up for you to read."

Mr. K walked to them, handing them the paper and they all crowded around. Everything seemed to be in order, a painless death, though Soichiro hated what they would ask this suffering human to do. The troubling phrase that would need to be uttered in order to cue whoever Light had found.

"Why do we have to make him say this?" Matsuda asked.

"It's the only way we can make sure whoever is out there pretending to be Kira knows when this is leaked," Ide explained to him, Soichiro feeling as Matsuda looked over that news.

"In case Light told someone to kill the Chief." Matsuda's voice was quiet, and Soichiro nodded, trying to feel at peace with his possible death. "I dislike this."

"So do I. Especially making some poor miserable soul say this before he dies," Aizawa said, handing the paper back to Mr. K.

"Four hours," Soichiro said. "It's all he has left."

"Let us begin, then."

Aizawa was being taken to retrieve the book and Soichiro found that he couldn't take his eyes off of the young man in the grainy fed. He was obviously exhausted and starved, severely weakened with shackles on his legs. The wounds on his arms could have been caused by anything from untreated insect bites exposed to the filth surrounding him to torture, flies landing on his skin periodically. He was emaciated enough that he only swatted at them feebly sometimes. It was without dignity or mercy this confinement and Soichiro didn't want to know what death his jailors had planned for him as Aizawa returned, if it would be merciful, or if mercy would only come when his heart finally ceased.

"Ryuk has informed us we can write the name when we are satisfied with the rest," Near intoned as Mr. K sat.

Watching, Soichiro felt anger in him rising, thinking of Light's empty words about crime rates and supposed wars. This still existed in his son's world – the kind of hate that drove men to do this to each other. He did not doubt that abuse was still rampant the world over, that the vulnerable were still sold for their bodies, and that people were kept underneath the layers of polite society as less than human.

He wondered how Light planned to deal with this, with corrupt governments, if his child thought that if he threatened and murdered enough that people would simply bow to his whims and let go of the human condition.

Nothing his son had done would rid the world of what had made up his entire career as he read the entry.

They all agreed it looked correct and while staring up at the screen, Mr. K wrote the name and they waited.

At the time set, the man looked sleepy, laying down, uttering words in a language Soichiro didn't recognize as his eyes drifted shut, his body lax, a soft smile. There was noise, the guards running in, obviously frightened, trying to rouse him, yelling, and Soichiro didn't doubt they would try to save him just to kill him later.

"He said what he needed to," Near told them as Mr. K handed the book back to Aizawa. "Now, we will wait for a while before leaking this footage to the media."

"And you think they'll pick it up?" Ide asked, hesitant.

"Yes, due to the message about Kira that he so kindly said for us. Disgusting as it is." Near gazed up, his fingers playing with the ends of his hair as he considered something, Soichiro wished he could see Near's face. "Perhaps, if nothing else, we will be drawing attention to the plight of these people."

He tried to hold onto that as Aizawa left them to re-secure the book and he left with his team, Ryuk shadowing them back down the hallway. One of Near's men had given the Shinigami an apple which was being devoured en route.

We just killed a man. We didn't even discuss trying to save him. We simply watched him die.

"Do you need to eat?" Matsuda asked, an innocence to his question that Ryuk seemed to pick up on and not a reprimand.

"No," the creature allowed, chewing his prize. "I live an entirely different way. It's just enjoyable, at least here."

"Is there food where you come from?"

Ryuk grimaced, something souring in him for a moment. "I suppose you could say that. We have apples, for instance, but they're sand. Like, if you went to one of your beaches and took a bite out the shore."

Matsuda made a face and Ryuk actually laughed.

"So, not really the same. We don't need to survive by eating, so we just don't."

Soichiro mulled over this as it was more pleasant than other alternatives right now – the questioning of why Shinigami's had apples, to begin with, or what seemed to be genders if they just were. Sachiko was watching TV with Sayu, knowing where he had gone, and what he had been set to do.

"I wish I could tell you to find another way," she had told him.

He wasn't sure anymore as he sat in a large room, his men looking as restless as he felt, Aizawa coming to join them a few minutes later. Soon, Near would have leads for them to chase down and Soichiro would be with his family. There hadn't been much time together with his officers since they had come here and he worried for their safety even if nothing Near had done would make him think they were being put in more danger than before.

Is this justified, what we did? Have I just condoned murder or did we truly need to know if these rules are false because anyone that could tell us is a habitual liar or heavily biased?

"I don't like it either," Aizawa said, voice quiet, and Soichiro knew it was directed towards him.

"It was better than what he had. There is that," Matsuda said.

"We can't just go around euthanizing people, especially without their permission," Aizawa snapped back before rubbing his head. "This whole thing, how distant it is, I can't imagine it ever ending well. We would have been even less connected if we weren't staring right at that man while he died. It would just be some distant idea –" Aizawa cut himself off, dropping his gaze.

And it's so real now. The idea of it, while believed, we hadn't witnessed it, clinging like Sachiko that perhaps it was wrong, that nothing like this could exist.

Sitting, he stretched out his leg, hand heavy on his cane. It only made it slightly easier to bear, what his son was, that if it had involved the traditional means of murder Light would never have done this.

And it made it all the worse that Light, in his curiosity and pride, had found and tested this thing, twisting his mind until he vindicated himself and cursed them all.

"I know," Soichiro offered. "I think it made it easy for Light. He wrote down names and in his head, the bad people were gone. I don't know if he ever watched any of them really die except –"

"L," Matsuda finished quietly when he couldn't and the atmosphere was somber. "I – I really hate him if he did that to L, even if he used that Shinigami."

We all told L no matter the conditions he came up with, we wouldn't let him do this and now, here we are. I wonder what he would say: if he would be angry or laugh at our hypocrisy that got him killed.

Ide put a hand on Matsuda's shoulder, silent, Ruvie bringing them coffee. It would be a long thirteen days, especially if they kept failing to find who his son had set into motion to take his place. Then, their hope would rest on Light finally breaking in the aftermath and he feared not only would he not be here to see it, but that it would take Light's remaining sanity with it.