"Yagami-san?"

He was back in the room he had sat in before while contemplating what to tell his wife about his probable death, aching and restless in the middle of the night. The small windows showed darkness, the lights overhead glaringly artificial in the deep of night as he turned his tired eyes towards the door.

It was the man who typically escorted them who spoke to him, that he was sure of despite the mask as he could recognize the hair, the form, the figure, the way he preferred to dress. Only Ruvie showed his face, barring those few minutes with Halle and he despised thinking there would be a repeat of that little talk.

"Yes?"

"I was sent to update you and discuss a plan," the man said and Soichiro nodded, being at a loss at what else to do.

As though I could deny him, chase him away. Little good it would do me.

It was two days since Sayu had found out the truth and she varied from ignoring him to crying to asking him what they had done wrong. Sachiko was at times silent, her eyes finding anything that wasn't him to see.

It was nearing the fourth day since they had killed that man who was always going to die.

"I realized that I never told you a name," the gentleman said as he took a nearby chair and Soichiro forced himself to look even marginally friendly. "Restor is fine. To be honest, I'm not sure if you're relieved or upset you can't see us like everyone else."

"Relieved," Soichiro said without thinking, rubbing his knee absently. "It's just a constant barrage, all the time, often without good news attached."

"I can't imagine. And it wouldn't do any good for most to warn them, would it?"

"No. It could be a disease or something that simply cannot be prevented. I've been told all humans have a set timespan assigned to them that they are meant to live under."

"And who sets that? The Shinigami?"

"No." Soichiro sighed again, frowning. "Or, at least I don't think so. I've found that I don't want to keep asking."

"Understandable. I'm not sure I want to know either. I rather liked my world without strange creatures and murder books." Restor seemed to relax, settling more in his chair. He was older, that much was clear, older than Halle had been by at least a decade and by far older than Near who Soichiro assumed had been attempting to have some semblance of a childhood when his mentor was murdered. "Amane's mental state has been progressively deteriorating."

"Really?"

It shouldn't be a surprise, anyone's would after having been taken without warning, stripped, searched, put in a cell, shackled, accused of things, especially when it was becoming painfully obvious that she simply didn't know anymore.

I want to believe I was mistaken, that I simply chose not to see her lifespan originally when I looked at that picture, but I stared at it for over an hour.

"The Task Force has informed us that during her first confinement under L under much harsher conditions, she never broke. Did they share their reasoning about her changes during it?"

"No. I haven't had much time to spend with them."

Restor nodded, hands clasped in his lap, one leg drawn up against the side of the chair as though he was relaxed. "They think, and Near agrees, that her arrest was sudden. It wasn't long after she had originally met Light that her original run ended and she chose to give up the book during the first few days, signaling her personality change."

"Yes, I've wondered that. L told me Light had the same kind of change. It was obvious that it unnerved him."

And why he tended to think of memory loss, believing that he would never catch the originals because they had slipped away right in front of him.

"Putting together the time frames based on the memory of your men, neither of these time periods is the same as thirteen days, so we do have to make the assumption that there is an outside possibility that the rule is true and they secured a loophole. Given the extent of what has happened, I don't feel that this is something that Mello would mislead us on."

Pressing his lips together, Soichiro managed to not spit at the name thinking of Sayu's distress, of Halle's justifications in front of him in this very room in that chair, no less.

"I had to consider he was just tormenting me, lying to me in the beginning to create chaos."

"It would be a fair assumption to make. I would have made the same, given what happened."

"Did something else happen outside of my daughter?" Soichiro asked, wondering if he would be told the truth as Restor stiffened, his gaze floating up towards one of the darkened windows. "Did Mello do something to Near with it?"

"He forced most of our team to shoot themselves." Restor's voice was soft, the information somewhat expected but Soichiro couldn't help the jolt, the shock of it. "He had gotten most of the secure files on who was assigned. Near had been able to pull some of them. And of course, one was left alive, you met her, for other reasons."

"Yes," he answered, swallowing. "I'm sorry –"

"It's not your fault. No one would ask you to leave your child to die." Restor sighed again, shifting his weight. "I'd like to believe I could do that, give her a peaceful death to ensure no one else was hurt, but no parent should be judged on making that choice or the one you did, under those conditions. She was innocent in all ways."

Nodding, Soichiro's gaze found the ground, the worn tile smudged with dirt, smelling the mustiness of a little used space, his heels shifting with useless energy, silently, up and down, wanting to not discuss this anymore.

"I know you, at least a part of you, views what Near has done in the terms of informing your family of the reality of the situation as an unnecessary cruelty," Restor continued after a minute of silence had dragged itself past them. "He is of the belief that not only will it allow us to gain more information but that the only way any of you will survive what is coming is by facing it."

"And he has made that decision for us? Out of kindness?" Soichiro couldn't help the tone, wanting to just break something, anything near him as Restor watched.

"He regrets that he didn't intervene on your behalf before."

"What?"

Restor inhaled as if trying to break up the words he wanted to say to make them flow out, a cold sweat starting on Soichiro's brow, a clammy feeling collecting along his palms.

"He was in possession of a photo of Mello, along with the knowledge of his real name. He had considered threatening Mello with sending it to the sitting L."

"Because Kira had shown a propensity to get our files," Soichiro finished, swallowing, feeling half choked. "For all that Mello has done, Near still seems to defend him some."

"I know. It stems from their childhood. I don't know if he would have followed through, at least on all of it."

"But he wanted to see what would happen." Soichiro tilted his head back, staring up at the false ceiling tiles, two with small stains. "I guess he got his wish."

"It is easier when you are distant, when you are the one moving pieces, not looking directly at those affected," Restor said quietly. "I believe you feel that this is how your son has survived so well despite all he has done and the amount he has killed. He rarely has had to face the suffering he has caused."

Soichiro couldn't look at the man, letting his eyes drift, jaw clenched, trying not to lose his mind in this moment. "Was there something you came to ask me?"

"We would like Sachiko and Sayu to speak to Misa."

His head snapped over at that, Restor still in his relaxed position, as though it was meant to keep him calm, be seen as non-threatening and Soichiro let out a bitter little laugh that was ugly even to his ears.

"You are hoping that in her current mental state that she will be more willing to talk to people she views as non-threatening, even if she can't remember why."

"Yes. We will prepare them beforehand –"

"Neither of them has interrogation training."

"We aren't asking them to do that. Just ask a few questions that we need to ask during the course of the conversation. Perhaps it will help stabilize Amane to see them, too. I don't particularly feel bad for her, she has gotten herself here, but she is pitiful. If this continues, it is likely anything useful that she could tell us will be lost as her mind fully collapses."

"Why bother with me? It's been shown to me that I have little control over anything."

"Yagami-san," Restor said exasperated, "they both asked us for the truth. We did not just force it on them –"

"Because they had no idea!"

"And you left them that way. I understand you never had enough to doubt him fully but are you going to sit there and tell me you always believed him innocent these past years? That you never once had questions you couldn't answer –"

"Do what you like. As long as they are allowed to make a choice, I don't care."

Restor stood, seeming to sense this was over and Soichiro hated that he was being looked down on as he refused to acknowledge the man was even there.

"I can't imagine what this feels like for you, the level of deception used against you. But I suggest you start letting them help you because if you don't, you'll be back to willing your death. You'll never find peace any other way.

"We'll notify you if they go. You are welcome to watch with us when they speak to Amane."

Restor's footsteps were even, confident as he left, Soichiro struggling to hold himself together, to not just scream.

They'll never forgive me. Not only did I not see it, but I lied to them, letting Light turn himself into this. If only I had been home more, maybe – I don't know. Maybe he would have chosen differently. Maybe he wouldn't have felt that he couldn't fail. That I would only love him if he was perfect –

"You need to stop sitting in this room."

Looking up, he found Ryuk standing over him, not even hearing his approach and Soichiro knew he had been sitting here in despair for some time, the Shinigami bemused with him all over again.

"Bad conversation do keep finding me here. Or, difficult ones," he allowed, deciding that perhaps he should stand if Ryuk had made it a point to find him. The tightness in his leg was evidence that he had been sitting far longer than he realized. "I just wanted a window, even if it's not much."

"Ah," the Shinigami replied, looking guilty and Soichiro narrowed his eyes.

"You know where there are windows. Given that walls aren't a real obstacle to you."

Ryuk stared up at the ceiling and sighed. "Don't know if I'm supposed to tell you these things."

All he could do was open and close his mouth before the creature continued, "On account that they control the apples here."

"You have an addiction."

Ryuk glowered, shoulders slumping more as he lowered himself down to look right into Soichiro's face.

"You're point?" it growled out. "Imagine never tasting anything beyond rot and sand and dust, and then having an apple. You'd want more, too."

Soichiro managed to halt his laughter at the ridiculousness of his life in this second. "I suppose."

Ryuk let out a sigh, something that smelled different, not retched but decidedly not living as he straightened back up. "You could just ask for a better window."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what you were talking to my wife about," he shot back as they started walking, Ryuk giving another of his easy shrugs.

"Just generalities. Questions about how it all worked. That sort of thing."

Somehow, Soichiro didn't think that was everything and he decidedly didn't want to know just what Sachiko had spoken about, if she was searching to see if her son had a choice. He'd give anything to have had Light be corrupted, to let her believe that over the truth.

He wanted to blame Ryuk, his boredom, for bringing that thing here, but in the end, Light had made a choice. That made this all the worse, what had been done.

"She asks me why you're an idiot," Ryuk suddenly said, his voice a low whine as if it was an unwanted burden to talk to her. "I tell her I can't see in your head, that her guess is as good as mine."

"You told her that?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know how humans work?"

She's been asking about me, trying to understand at least the last few months. It would make sense but he's told her something beyond that I'm an idiot that gives him apples so he stops talking and moves things around. She wouldn't have been so comfortable speaking to him the other morning or willing to tolerate me if that was all he offered.

"Go sleep." Ryuk waved a hand towards the door that he knew his wife sat behind. "Or at least pretend to."

The creature was lumbering off, simply passing through the next wall it came upon instead of rounding the corner and Soichiro rubbed the bridge of his nose before opening the door.

Sayu was curled up and asleep on the loveseat, impossibly fitting in such a small space, his wife up, flipping through papers of some sort in bed, her eyes going to him. Stretching out her hand, she got him to come to her, and he knew he looked terrible as she pushed his hair back, away from his face.

"You worry me when you go off."

"I don't mean to keep you up."

He was still dressed but he found he didn't particularly care, shedding his shoes as he laid down on top of the covers beside her, tired but his eyes unwilling to close all the way, thinking of his conversation with Restor.

"They are going want the two of you to go speak to Misa," he told her, keeping his voice down so Sayu at least could find rest. "They'll help you prepare."

"Because she trusts us." Sachiko was a mixture of sorrow and disgust. "If I had known when she first came that night –"

"We didn't even know a name yet," he told her gently, taking her hand as she slide down a little in bed.

"What she's done. What they've both done…"

He got her to roll over, and she pressed against him, face into his neck as he held her in the stillness of the room, wishing he had a different answer than what reality was giving them.

~x~

He sat with Near as they watched Sachiko and Sayu's visit with Misa. It was clear that there had been a fundamental change in Misa since he had last seen her. All she seemed to be was a terrified woman, confused over the accusations, not understanding why any of this was happening.

While she had been defiant from the original reports he had heard, her mental state was failing at a more rapid pace. She was nervous, her sleepless eyes as she looked out over her visitors showing her despair and Soichiro wondered if her empty relationship fed into this. Originally, when she was questioned like this before, it had been new, her and Light, there weren't years of lies and most likely being neglected to build up in her mind, making her question what was happening around her.

As much as he was loathed to admit it, he wouldn't doubt that if Light couldn't be bothered with them, he showed the same level of concern toward her. Just enough to keep her in line and no more.

Enough to make her keep believing he cared.

It made him think of her first imprisonment. This was kinder to her though, in fairness, they knew how the powers worked now. She had been silent for days, L had refused her even water, waiting for her to break despite their protests and he felt dirty for not stopping it. L had had a point that she was dangerous, and could kill by sight – so they thought at the time – there were already multiple dead at her feet and she didn't have the ideals of Kira.

She was ragged now, hair stringy, a stark cry from how carefully she always kept herself, cheeks a blotchy spattering of red against sallow skin. Her hands were covered by something, a glove of some sort, and he wondered if she had been scratching at herself in boredom or distress. Her white clothing was still clean, most likely kept that way by Near's men, the chains shifting and confining her as much as Light's.

"Have you seen Light?" Misa asked and Soichiro couldn't help how he bristled.

"Yes," Sachiko answered. "He's alright."

Their son was far from alright and Soichiro wiped a hand down his face, trying to remind himself to breathe as Near sat on the floor, playing with something in his hands, watching the screen with his ever-present mask in place.

"How did Amane get a book, to begin with?" Near asked, turning his head and Soichiro knew it was towards where Ryuk stood behind him.

"That was Rem's choice."

"And it had nothing to do with what you did?"

"As far as I know, no. Sadly, we can't ask her."

"Did she tell you why she gave Misa such a thing?" Soichiro asked, turning to see the Shinigami better and already knew that the creature knew.

"Look, in our world, we can watch yours, see any human we like. Some get overly attached."

"So, this Rem became overly attached from watching and decided to hand over an instrument of death?" Near's disbelief was palatable. "Why do I feel like there's more to this story?"

Ryuk let out a long, petulant sound. "Believe what you want. She felt humans were disgusting, thought there was wisdom behind Kira, and when he was threatened –"

"She died," Near finished, focused intently now. "Extending a human life kills you, doesn't it? That's why Rem died – she extended their life by killing L and Watari."

"Would seem so," Ryuk allowed, looking unamused by all of this. "I wasn't personally there. It wasn't something I encouraged. If anything, she was a liability all the way around but it wasn't my place to question another Shinigami."

"Kira came first and killed the man who killed Amane's parents," Near said quietly. "She became obsessed with him. It may have always ended up this way, whether or not she had her book. Perhaps that's why she was chosen, her existing fixation would allow her to help the mission, and her lack of morals or empathy made it easier for her to fall into place. No matter if she's with Kira or Light she knows it's the same person, it's why she's been so loyal all these years. Why he knows she'll be loyal no matter what she still knows."

Soichiro let his attention drift back up to the monitor, hating all of this, seeing Misa crying again, distressed.

"Misa," Sayu was saying, her voice soft and he strained to hear her. "Did my brother ever ask you to do anything that seems strange? Maybe go somewhere, do or get something that doesn't make sense?"

Misa frowned and he couldn't hide his surprise that she would ask such a thing, unsure if it was a Near question or a Sayu one. They were banking on Misa seeing them as non-threatening, people to be trusted still. When she had her memories, she would have known them as innocents, kept in the dark, hoping it bled over to now.

"I – after I was held," Misa stopped, her voice halting.

"When the real L had you imprisoned?" Sayu asked, the same gentleness to her voice, Misa's eyes widening. "My brother told us, so we'd know what was happening. It's important, Misa, so that we can help him."

Well, that is the truth. He did tell her that, Soichiro thought, unamused by Light's previous antics towards Sayu now trapped in all of this. He did her no favors, even if she marginally understands why I did what I did to him.

"I'd believe your daughter if I didn't know better," Near quipped from the floor, and Soichiro felt sickened.

"I don't know," Misa answered, uncertain, and Soichiro knew it was due to her allegiance to Light.

"Please, Misa, you love my brother, don't you?"

"Yes!" She cried out, her voice a shrill octave, as though if she said it loud enough it would become truth. "There is no one I love more."

Why does she love him? Does she even know him?

"He's in trouble. He needs our help. Anything you can remember."

Misa wavered, and Soichiro thought back to what he had been told. She had begun drinking more during the past few months and he wondered if Light's stress played into that choice, if they fought more, if he had little time for her nonsense. Maintaining their rouse of a relationship wasn't nearly as important as Light's mission to get him to believe that his son wasn't Kira.

Perhaps he was looking for way to be free of her.

Perhaps it played into her fragile mental state now as Misa rubbed her arms with her gloved hands in a motion akin to scratching.

"Are you treating her for anything or leaving her to her misery?" Soichiro asked as they waited for her to decide whether to be truthful.

"Withdrawl," Near said, barely a glance at him. "She was miserable the first night here."

Misa swayed again, her focus intense on Sayu and he wondered what his daughter's face looked like. Did she look pleading, did she feel that way?

"He told me about a spot in the woods, to go looking for a place to dig and to take an apple. But – I don't remember ever finding anything. He'll be mad. He'll be so mad at me."

The words were a flurry, a frenzied burst as if she didn't push them out all at once they would never come at all.

"No one's mad, Misa," Sachiko told her. "No one's mad at you at all."

"I know it was important. He'd told me he'd love me if I did it but I didn't and that's why we're here. I can't stop thinking about it, if I had only done that, it was so important to him –"

Soichiro closed his eyes, knowing what his child had done.

"L had the one notebook making it impossible to use," Near said, voice even and toneless. "So, he sent her to get the other. When she came back to see him with her memories he had her orchestrate all those deaths."

"Most likely because she couldn't remember L's name to kill him. He refused to let her into the building," Soichiro added, making himself look over at Near who seemed surprised. "She had seen him in person right before we took her into custody the first time. I remember now, when he went to see Light on campus, the day we arrested her. Light had tried to call her before she was out of sight but L had stolen her phone. If Light had been successful…"

It didn't need to be said, what Light would have done with that name and Soichiro stared at his hands.

How much did L know before he died? It's taken all of us years to put this together but he would have had it all in front of him, swept up in that brain of his. Surely, he was deeply suspicious, enough so that he had Watari remove his database so Light couldn't kill allies and use the information stored in it to his advantage. When she killed all those people, he must have been thinking of all these little things, of what Light had been up to and I was too blind to see it then, comforted that a rule kept his guilt from being true. We told L to stop spying when we should have been encouraging it.

And Misa - he drug her down with him -

"Don't forget who she is."

Soichiro made himself look at Near who was studying him, Misa back to crying and being unable to speak no matter what Sayu or Sachiko said to her.

Should I be livid that you involved them, keep involving them, or upset that I never tried to tell them? How much was for their protection and not my own inability –

"Before she ever met him, she took a TV station hostage, killed people on national television, killed one of your own men." It was Restor and Soichiro saw him watching only a few feet from Near. "She needed no encouragement. She was more than willing to do whatever she wanted to whomever she wanted before she ever met him."

"I know – I just think of all these years he lead her on."

"You used it as part of his cover for his confinements, both the isolation and when L would not allow him to leave his sight, yes?"

Soichiro nodded. "They could easily believe I would overreact to Light running off with a woman. I could live with them being upset with me if it kept them ignorant of what was going on. And I let her in the house after all of that. Even with everything, I let him keep doing that."

"You did no so such thing," Restor replied, his voice even. "Your son made a choice and you wanted to be involved in his life. With everything, the rules, your own men saying it was impossible for them to be guilty, you let it go, especially given her personality. Who would think she would be involved in any of this?"

"You didn't see her original confinement. She never broke. At the end of the third day, she began to beg for death –" he stopped, looking back at Ryuk who was watching him, curious. "Was Rem with her then?"

"If Rem was who was attached to the Death Note and if she owned one, then yes."

"She was asking the Shinigami to kill her so she wouldn't betray Light," Restor muttered under his breath.

"We didn't see it, we didn't even know they were real, only that she had used that word, both of them had but in different contexts. Light –"

Turning as much as he could in his chair he took in Ryuk who was serious, such a strange look for him, words stuck in his throat, thinking of this creature with Light in that place before he turned it away. Of the change in Light that L had mulled over for so long, deeply troubling him.

You were there, participating in Light's game, the setup so that L would die and we'd be blind. And I still thought, even then, no matter what was said –

"You know now," Near said and Soichiro shook his head feeling foolish, knowing Near understood what he was thinking in these seconds. "You still turned him in, both of them, in the end. It was what you were afraid of when you had L confine you with him - that you didn't know if you would kill him or help him escape, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

His eyes drifted down, unable to look back up to the screen that showed Sayu and Sachiko in that place speaking to a serial killer, trusting that they were at least safe for a while longer. That Misa hadn't grown tired of them, of taking up time in Light's life, and killed them was a cold comfort.

Was that part of the reason he never seemed to want to stay long with us? He didn't want her to start thinking of disposing of his family so there would be no competition?

It was cruel, both of them were cruel and he felt unclean for ever having believed a word out of their mouths, for allowing himself to believe that Misa had been set up, that they had been wrong. That Light could never have been guilty because it was a physical impossibility. For missing so much that was right in front of him due to not wanting to believe he had raised a monster.

Sayu was trying to comfort Misa as best as she could and he wondered what his daughter would actually say after all of this, her brother lost because he had failed to protect them.