18. A Little Late
Present day
"June."
I heard my name, but I didn't respond as I was on the phone, talking to a library patron who wanted to renew a book without coming in. Still, I turned my head and saw my friend and co-worker, Ingrid. She saw I was on the phone and nodded her head, acknowledging I was busy.
For three weeks neither Ingrid nor I had heard anything from our favourite Avengers, Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes. When last we saw them, we were in mid-kiss, for me anyways, at a movie-viewing get together at my apartment. Ingrid was just about to be kissed by Sam when both of the men's phones had sounded a text message alert. It was a distinctive alert sound, apparently one that was assigned to the Avengers, advising them of a pending mission. Both of them apologized, then left within minutes. Since that time, we had heard nothing. Bucky had told me already that missions had to be responded to immediately and if they were classified then not to expect any communication, but it was still hard. We had just asked them if they would come to our staff Christmas party, a burlesque show, followed by a gathering in the party room at the burlesque club. Both men had agreed to accompany us.
I had faith that Bucky would make it, so I bought his ticket as well as mine. Ingrid, taking her lead from me, bought one for Sam when she bought hers. As the day came closer and closer, we both wondered if it was meant to be. So, when Ingrid tried to get my attention two days before the party just after she arrived at work on the afternoon to evening shift, I hoped it was because she had heard something. She jerked her head towards the staff room when I hung up the phone and I quickly followed her in. She pulled her cellphone out.
"I was notified by email of a money transfer," she said. "There was a message with it."
Opening her banking app, she clicked on the transaction and showed me the message attached to it.
On a communications blackout but we'll be there. Hope this is enough to cover four tickets. Sam.
"Did you give Sam your email?" I asked.
"Well, I kind of put everything into his contact list when he gave me his phone," she replied, blushing. "I really like him. There aren't many men not intimidated by a woman with a Master's degree in Library Science who's a burlesque dancer as well. Plus, that food he made ... it was divine."
Even though they only met the night that we watched movies together I think Sam's contribution of a shrimp boil had won the heart of Ingrid. To be fair, it was delicious, and everyone had raved over it. We both hoped this message attached to the money transfer meant both men were going to be at the party then headed back out into the library. When I finished my shift and drove home the building manager knocked on my door with a floral arrangement.
"This was delivered for you this afternoon," he said. "That guy who sent it sure likes you. I could smell these through the plastic cover."
Thanking him for bringing them up to my apartment I took them into the kitchen and opened the plastic. For a moment I stood there with an open mouth and looked at this arrangement that was made entirely of purple lilacs. Never before had I seen such an arrangement. They smelled wonderful and were different enough from any other bouquet that I wondered if they had some special significance. Looking them up on my cell phone I smiled as I read they symbolized first or new love.
"Oh Bucky," I said out loud, taking in their smell again. "They broke the mold with you. What a beautiful man you are."
Opening my closet, I looked at the two dresses I bought, unable to decide which one to wear to the party. The first one, a polka dot tea dress had key openings on the sleeves and neck, but it was very safe. The second one, all lace with sleeves that sat off the shoulder made me realize I would need a strapless bra to wear under it. Changing out of my work clothes I headed out for the mall, determined to find some pretty lingerie to go under the dress. I found the perfect bra and panty set, in black lace that made me feel good when I tried them on. It felt good to be buying something like that after so long without a boyfriend. I just hoped that Bucky was able to be part of the viewing party.
We had been dancing around our relationship becoming more physical, after three weeks of dating. That evening of the movie viewing party he finally asked if he could stay over, feeling the time was right for us to take our relationship to another level. That's why we were kissing, then we were interrupted by the mission alert. I was hoping that when he returned from his mission we would pick up from where we left off; in fact, I was counting on it.
The day before the party both Ingrid and I were at work when we each received a text. Of course, we didn't know it at the time because our cell phones were in our purses, locked in the staff room. It wasn't until we took our lunch break that we both had the chance to check our messages.
B: Thought I would be there today but there's been a complication with our mission. We have to attend a debrief session in Washington. Hoping that they don't keep us too long.
I texted back even though it had been over an hour since he sent it and he might not see it if he was back in the meeting.
J: Okay. Let me know how it goes. BTW I got the bouquet of lilacs. They were beautiful. Thank you. ❤️
Ingrid looked up from her phone with the same disappointed look that I had. "Well, there's not much we can do if some suit in Washington keeps them there to ask them questions," she said. "Must have been some mission."
By the time we were finished work there was an answer from Bucky.
B: Still here. I'm glad you liked the flowers. It was suggested to me by a person on the mission and I thought they were different from the usual flowers I was going to send. Send me a picture of you and the flowers. Miss you.
J: How about a video call later? I'm off tonight.
B: Can't. They've got us appearing at some reception, schmoozing (that's what Sam called it). We're the face of the Avengers, apparently. I hate this.
J: Poor baby. I feel for you. Okay, I'll send you a picture but if you get out of schmoozing early make the call. I'll be up until 11.
I sighed. Why did politicians have to keep my boyfriend away from me? It wasn't right. I took the picture of the lilacs then another of me with the flowers and sent it to Bucky. Just before 11 pm my video call alert rang, and I opened it up to see Bucky's face immediately smiling at me. He looked tired and a bit frazzled; he also had a beard.
"Hi," he said. "I finally got out of that torture session and hoped you were still up."
"Hey," I replied. "I'm glad you called. How did it go?"
He shrugged. I could hear Sam's voice in the background then it moved as he changed locations.
"Sam's just moving to the bathroom so he can talk to Ingrid," said Bucky. "What a couple of days this has been. Both of us are feeling a bit defensive."
"Can you talk about it?" I asked.
He took a breath and took the time to choose his words. "It's still classified but it will come out by the weekend. On our mission we found children, who had been changed by HYDRA and left in cryostasis, until someone activated the wake cycle."
"That's terrible!" I exclaimed. "Are they alright?"
"Yeah, but it's what to do with them that's the problem." He looked upset. "They're just kids, 5-7 years of age. Physically, they've been changed. I can't tell you how or what, but they have certain abilities. Emotionally and mentally, they're still little kids. None of them speak English. It was only because I understand German that I was able to figure out what was going on at first. We were able to place them with German speaking foster families, you know, learning to live like kids again."
His face betrayed his frustration. "The authorities want to study them, don't they?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, in a secure facility, like a hospital or mental facility. They're worried the kids have implanted commands, like I did. As if there have been HYDRA operatives just waiting since before World War II to find these kids and activate them to be little killers. June, their capsules were buried in a mine shaft. They were left behind by their handlers, abandoned."
"That's why you're stuck in Washington, isn't it? You want to make sure that these kids have someone advocating for them, someone who's been in a similar position."
He looked away then back at me. "Yeah, that's why I'm here. Sam, as well. I honestly don't know if we're going to make it back for your party. I know we promised but we can't abandon these kids. Someone has to be their voice to make sure they can stay where they feel safe and secure."
I felt such a swell of emotion when I heard those words come out of Bucky. Just looking at him I could see the intensity of the feelings that rippled over his face as he spoke. He was torn between his obligations to me and his obligations to some children who had been left behind by people who were supposed to care for them. At that moment I knew I was in love; real love for a man who was unselfish, giving, and understanding.
"Bucky," I said softly, waiting for him to look at me. "You stay and do what you have to for those kids. I'm so proud of you for standing up for what's right. There will be other parties, other opportunities for us but those kids need you right now, more than anything. I'm good with that."
"You are?" He looked surprised. "You're not angry?" I shook my head. A soft look came over his face. "You're pretty incredible. You know that right?" I nodded my head yes and we both laughed. It was nice to see the worry lines disappear from his forehead. "I'll make it up to you. I promise."
"Okay, I look forward to that," I replied, then I made a decision and acted upon it before I lost my nerve. "Bucky? I love you."
He was surprised to hear that, and I could see that he took a quick breath before answering. "I love you, too, June."
His beautiful smile was incredible to see, and I hopefully gave him a look that affected him in the same way. When we disconnected, I sat back on the couch and took a deep breath. We said it. We said that we loved each other. My messages beeped and there was a text message from Bucky.
B: You really meant that?
I giggled a little, thinking of him overthinking our declarations because I knew that I was ready to do the same.
J: I really meant that. I love you James Buchanan Barnes.
There were a few moments before I received his next text.
B: I love you June Gladys Roberts. You better prepare yourself for how much I'm going to show you.
J: I look forward to it, Bucky. Now let me go to bed and dream about you. Oh, and I love the beard.
B: Goodnight my sweet love. I'll dream of you also. Was thinking of shaving it but maybe I'll keep it for a while.
It took some time before I could calm myself enough to sleep. When I got up in the morning, I made my coffee and stood out on the balcony to drink it. It had rained overnight and there was a mist that blanketed the area. It calmed the normal traffic sounds so that everything seemed muted. My phone vibrated in the pocket of my robe. It was Ingrid, asking if I was up for a call. Putting my coffee mug on the railing I texted back that I was. Stepping back inside I answered the ringing device.
"So, looks like you and I will be going on our own," she said. "I can't be mad. They're doing something incredible, aren't they?"
"Yeah," I replied. "They're both pretty amazing men."
"I think I'm in love," said Ingrid, wistfully. "I barely know him, but add that sense of responsibility that he's taking on to everything else ... you don't think that's crazy, do you?"
"No. I told Bucky I loved him."
"What, you didn't? What did he say?"
"That he loved me too," I replied. "He's a unique man, with a strong sense of decency. When he told me about the responsibility he felt to make sure those kids were represented I realized that I needed to tell him."
"I'm so happy for you." Ingrid's voice was truly warm and genuine. "Sam said the story would hit the news before this weekend. I hope they get a lot of support. He said the kids were afraid of him at first because their handlers told them that black people were evil demons. By the time they left he was playing with them and teaching them English. They were all sweet kids who had something evil done to them."
I turned on the television and it looked like the story had already leaked. After telling Ingrid she turned her TV on, and we both agreed to call each other later. It was surreal watching the ticker along the bottom of the screen.
Pre-WW2 HYDRA storage facility reveals seven children in cryostasis. Avengers advocate for children to be raised normally.
A few minutes after the ticker appeared the story was reported. It showed Bucky and Sam entering the White House, both of them in suits. Bucky did not look comfortable in his, but he did look good. There were photos of them in a meeting with the President and his cabinet, then at the reception last night that seemed to have a lot of different influential people there. The reporter repeated how the "experts" wanted to study the children but both Bucky and Sam said that all the HYDRA notes they had found so far already detailed what had been done to them. It was nightmare stuff, bringing up the Nazi Lebensborn program, and how these particular children born into that were given to HYDRA as test subjects. They didn't get into the abilities the children had as that part was still classified. They didn't show the children's faces either, blurring them out to protect their identities. It ended with the reporter talking to both Sam and Bucky. Sam was advocating for the children to be allowed to grow up normally as the best way to treat them. Then the reporter turned to Bucky and asked for his thoughts. He was quiet at first before speaking.
"I've been the subject of medical experimentation," he said calmly. "When I was undergoing treatment in Wakanda it was always done with my knowledge and permission. Nothing was hidden from me, and I was able to live a normal life there, without a problem, until I joined the fight against Thanos. Yet, when I returned to the United States there were a core group of people who didn't think that was good enough. They wanted me to be in a mental facility, proving my sanity all over again. Then they wanted me in another facility so they could find out what my capabilities were. All of this was discussed without my input, without my knowledge or permission. I didn't escape from HYDRA just to report to another master. These kids had no say in what was done to them. They were test subjects who didn't respond the way that was expected, and were frozen, then abandoned and forgotten until we found them."
He was quiet for a moment and Sam put his hand on Bucky's shoulder, supporting him, as he dealt with his emotions.
"I think they should be allowed to be kids, not test subjects, not objects of research, definitely not groomed as potential weapons like HYDRA planned," continued Bucky. "All they want is to be loved, to be part of a family that was denied to them. Anything else would be as cruel as what HYDRA did to them. Leave them alone and let them grow up normally."
Both men came across as very passionate individuals who obviously cared about the wellbeing of the seven children. They had backing from the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and the American Psychological Association, among others who were quoted as believing the children needed the structure of a nurturing family more than being traumatized further in an institutional setting. The report ended with a live reporter's feed from the White House where the talks were continuing that day.
After breakfast and getting dressed I drove to the library for my shift. Work still had to be done and as much as I wanted to watch the news on TV in the hopes of seeing Bucky, I knew the chances of him and Sam making it tonight were lessened with each hour they were stuck in Washington. At least I could keep my disappointment at bay with work as I threw myself into it. At the end of the workday, I hurried home to have something to eat and get ready. Ingrid was going to be working the first part of the burlesque show as a chorus girl so I wouldn't see her until I got to the club. I had just finished putting the finishing touches on my makeup and stepped out into the apartment, glancing outside. It was raining, not an unusual thing in New Orleans but still, after the way things were going it was kind of the "perfect" way to end the week. With a sigh I ordered an Uber, put my coat on and grabbed an umbrella. There was still no message from Bucky.
The rain had lessened to a drizzle by the time I got to the club, but I still opened the umbrella up for the short walk into the venue. I told them my boyfriend would be late and was informed he would be kept in the lobby if he arrived after the show started. The best I could do was keep my phone close and hope Bucky texted me if he arrived. As more of my co-workers and their dates arrived, I stifled my disappointment and after turning down several drinks decided I might as well start enjoying myself in one way, by ordering a Moscow mule. After that I ordered an Appletini, then I decided to stick with my usual go-to drink, Cosmopolitans.
The show started, and we whooped and hollered as Ingrid performed as a chorus girl in the opening number. There were several other acts and then a big production number where Ingrid reappeared as a chorus girl again, then it was intermission. I headed out to the lobby, following the flow of people headed outside for a cigarette.
Then I saw him. Bucky was watching me as he stood near the wall with Sam. Wearing the same suit he wore in Washington, a brown houndstooth plaid suit, brown shirt, and houndstooth tie, his hair was styled just so, and his beard was trimmed down to a level that was positively seductive. His face was soft as he gazed at me, and I almost wanted to cry at how utterly handsome he was. As I walked over to him, I could see him taking in my appearance from top to bottom.
"You look amazing," he said, kissing me softly on the cheek, his beard tickling me.
"So do you," I replied. "I didn't think you would make it."
"I promised and I always try to keep my promises."
I couldn't help it and I threw my arms around his neck, while he held me close, his hands on my back. When I stepped back, he reached into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, dabbing my eyes with it.
"Your makeup is a little smudged," he said softly. "Still think you look incredible."
Sam leaned close. "Ingrid is here, isn't she?" he asked, sounding worried.
"Hi Sam. Yeah, she was in the first half of the show so she's getting changed," I said. "She'll be so happy to see you. How did it all end with the kids?"
Both men smiled. "They'll leave them with the foster families, but they do have to go for sessions with a child psychologist, one who's fluent in German," replied Bucky. "All of the families have been vetted by the authorities and will receive financial assistance from an acquaintance of ours, who is just as concerned with how they are treated." He hugged me again. "No more about the mission. For the rest of the night, we'll enjoy ourselves."
"I second that," said Ingrid's voice as she came out all dolled up in a 1940s outfit that had Sam whistling at her. They gave each other a big hug and kiss. Ingrid looked at both men. "Those suits. Did you buy them in Washington?"
"We pulled some strings," admitted Sam. "Took advantage of a friend with connections. Since we needed something to wear at the White House and at the reception that we could wear tonight we wanted something styling. Had to talk Buck into getting something different than his usual black on black on black."
"I think you look very handsome," I noted, grasping his hand.
He blushed a little but still had a happy look on his face. As several of my co-workers approached, I felt him squeeze my hand, seemingly nervous about meeting them. He shouldn't have been as all of them were aware of what he and Sam had been doing and complimented them both on being advocates for those children. It was brought up in the second half of the show as the MC, a drag queen named Dottie LaMouth, brought them up on stage. After introducing them by name Dottie detailed their efforts to make sure the kids would be raised in families and not in an institution, asking the audience to give them a hand.
"Now, both of you are veterans," she said. "So am I, a former Marine. Tell me, have either of you been to a burlesque show before, perhaps before you were deployed?"
Sam shook his head but when Dottie saw Bucky's smirk she picked up on it right away.
"Okay, spill the beans big guy," she said, although she was taller than he was in her platform boots and hair. "When were you last at a burlesque show?"
"1939 or 1940," guessed Bucky. "I'm a little surprised they're still around to be honest. They weren't exactly a place to bring a date."
He looked at me as he said that and Dottie noticed, pointing me out. "Is she your lady friend?" Bucky nodded. "She's awfully pretty." Bucky agreed. "Tell me, have you ...?"
"I don't kiss and tell," replied Bucky nervously. "I am a gentleman, or at least I try to be."
Dottie made a swooning motion, then called for everyone to applaud the two Avengers, as she read correctly that Bucky was beginning to become uncomfortable being in the spotlight. She shook both their hands and once they were seated with us called on the next act to begin. Once again, he took my hand and held it as I leaned close to him.
"You did good," I said. "Are you alright?"
"A little anxious," he admitted. "Still not sure about the rest of the show."
He needn't have worried as the next act was a comedy routine. It was full of groaners that got him grinning and he ended up enjoying the rest of the show. When we went into our private party room after and the music started, he was charming, engaged, and showed a flair for dancing, especially to the older songs that he knew. For all the worry I had that he wouldn't make it I had a memorable time as he treated me like a queen. We took an Uber back to the apartment and stood in the hallway, outside my door.
"My place or yours?" he smiled, as he nuzzled that beard into my neck.
I looked at him, as with my heels I was almost as tall as he was. His eyes were dark and his hand was gently playing with my hair.
"Why don't you get something to change into for the morning and I'll leave my door open for you," I whispered.
"Don't get started without me," he whispered back, then he kissed me, pressing me into the wall as his soft lips met mine.
While he was in his apartment, I tried to set the scene, bringing out some artificial candles (as regular ones were banned in the building), starting a hopefully sexy jazz playlist, and trying so hard not to be nervous. When he came into my suite, he closed and locked the door behind him, then turned off the lights, before entering the bedroom where I stood, anxiously waiting. He dropped his bundle of clothes off on the chair and approached me. He was so handsome that I almost started to cry.
"What's wrong, pretty girl?" he asked gently, his hand caressing my cheek. "Are you afraid of me?"
"Of you, no," I stammered. "Of me not being enough ..."
"Stop," he said. "Look at you. You're smart, caring, understanding, and you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, ever." He emphasized the last word. "I don't know what was wrong with the guys you were with before, but they were idiots. I've been waiting three weeks for this moment and I'm right where I want to be. I'm glad you told me that you loved me because I wanted to say it to you before I left. I love you, June. I love how you look, how you talk, how your nose crinkles up when you laugh, everything about you."
I thought he had given me great kisses before but the kiss he gave me then was like nothing I had ever had in my life. Its effect reached every part of my body. When we finally undressed down to our underwear, he gazed at me again and kept repeating how beautiful I was. Then he saw my tattoo, the rose on the inside of my left hip. Kneeling before me he kissed it gently then looked up at me from there. It was as if he was worshipping me, unafraid to be in that position, even though he presented very much as a man in charge. For someone who had been told multiple times that I would have more success in a relationship if I were thinner, or quieter, or more subservient, it was a revelation that he loved me just as I was.
To be honest, I felt the same way about him. He was still sharing his past with me and I honoured the trust he had to show me everything, good and bad. His arm was his arm, a part of him. There were going to be times when his PTSD would come out but Sam had already talked to me about it and how to help him through it. He was worth that much effort from me. Truthfully, he was probably the best man I had ever met and I wanted a future with him. Meeting the perfect man happened a little later in my life than I had expected but Bucky was definitely the man for me. Tonight was just the first night we would be together. We had so many more to look forward to and both of us were ready for that.