A/N: Sorry that it's been awhile since my last update. The personal life was down the crapper for a few days there, but things are finally looking up and I'm feeling better. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review. *On a side note, Jax's inner monologue about killing Tara/himself was supposed to be humorous, so don't feel bad those of you who picked up on it. Violence is very scary and he was in a very dark place, but his inner conflict was meant to amuse you. He is a very complicated creature, our Jax. To my regular reviewers: Your kind words have encouraged me to continue and see this story through to the end. And there is quite a lot of ground to cover. I'm going to start bringing in more characters and putting our lovely couple in some tight situations. Sorry, but it must be done; and I will be going into the big blow out and the day the Tara left. There's a lot more going on in the background. I have everything vaguely mapped out in my mind, but my muse will leave me if I over think things. Also, I need to re-watch SOA; my mind has been forgetting names and I really want to stick to canon. Regular updates to continue, but I don't know if I'll be able to do them everyday like I was. You can check me out on my LJ account (vengeance n luv, google it, and add me!)for updates and insight. Love ya, and thanks for reading! Enjoy!
-Vengeance
Chapter 6: Time Heals Nothing
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He was climbing a balcony, the bottom of the ornate deck looming above him. Ivy vines crept up the side of the impenetrable wall, and thorns were cutting into his palms. Shallow sketched cuts that stung and bled crimson on his hands, and still, he wouldn't stop climbing. He knew that his prize (Fair Juliet) was on the top. How fucking far did he have to climb? It could have been hours, days, minutes. He didn't know, didn't care. Palms sweaty, bloody, back aching, muscles screaming-any other man would have given up a long time ago, but this was Jax, and he would never give her up.
Finally, after an excruciating effort to hoist himself over the railing, he had reached the top. Wasn't there something I was supposed to say, he thought. It is the east and Tara is the SON. Echoes…and pain. He stepped cautiously through the entrance into her room, white sheers billowing around him. Pushing the curtains aside, he poked his head in, taken back by the staleness and lack of sound in the room. There she was. His heart, his everything.
Tara was lying on an altar, all pale skin and ruby lips. Jax was too transfixed by her beauty to notice the reapers etched into the side of the stone slab. She looked like she was sleeping, so peaceful. Her brow was smooth and free from the worry wrinkle that usually crept up from between her eyebrows. Jax did what the prince was supposed to do in the story and pressed his lips onto hers. She was freezing cold. Glacial water ran through his veins and his whole body froze up-Tara was dead…
Just then a crow had perched himself on Tara's shoulder (corpse). It stared up at him with glassy black eyes that reminded him of his mother's. And in a quick, percussive movement, it started pecking at the corner of her eyes and her pretty pink (rose petal) lips. Enraged, Jax shooed at the bird, yelling and screaming in hopes to startle it away. But the crow was persistent. It squawked at him, as if admonishing or placating him. Jax struck his arm out with lightning fast reflexes, snatching the disgusting bird's neck, and he squeezed, and squeezed the life out of the bird. As the creature's blood ran down his hands, intermingling with his own, Jax began to cry. He looked down, eyes following the trail of blood and he noticed that it had pooled onto the floor into a specific pattern. An "A" with a circle around it. "A" for Anarchy.
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He had told her the truth, or part of it anyways. She had asked about the SONS, and Jax had averted his eyes. Tara was naïve in some respect, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that he had told her what she thought she could handle, but he was hiding a great burden behind those blue eyes. Rumors of crime and gun running had echoed in her thoughts, but were quickly squashed down. It was simply too heinous for her fifteen year old mind to comprehend. The fact was that she liked Jax. Really liked him. It hit her hard after the tattoo shop, when she caught him staring at her like she was the most amazing thing in the world. The little brushes of his fingertips, or the way he would sometimes hold her hands to his mouth and place a feather soft kiss on her knuckles. These things told her that there was someone gently inside, the real Jax.
She was confused. At first it seemed like his intentions were purely sexual, but he gradually stopped eyeing her like a piece of meat and suddenly his predatory gaze turned into something like awe. It made her feel powerful-to know that she had that kind of effect on him. She couldn't let on how much she liked him back, of course. Tara was always cautious, gathering information in order to make the most logical assessment. But Jackson Teller was an enigma. He could be dangerous and hard, but then there were moments when he would talk about his dad, or Opie, and she was able to see that there was more to him than what she originally thought.
She wants to tell him that she loves him, that she can't stop thinking about him, even though they've only known each other for a month. They haven't even really kissed yet. With each moment of contact, she wants to scream and squeak, and smile so hard that her face would split. But she doesn't, because she can't let him know. So instead she looks away, trapping those feelings inside. Sometimes it slips and the corners of her mouth start turning into something like a smile. She wonders if he feels the same, and sometimes when she catches him staring, she knows he does.
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A for anarchy. Jax woke with a start to find himself tangled in a mess of sheets. He was stark naked and it took a moment for him to stop the room from swirling. Shit. This was a pretty bad hangover, and his skin was drenched in sweat from his nightmare. He vaguely recalled what happened, but there was a certain foreboding surrounding his Tara. Tara…the bed was empty and he wrapped her linen sheets around his waist as he called her name.
"Tara," he said gently, poking from room to room in the old and familiar house. There were boxes everywhere. It was like her whole life in Charming had been trapped away and hidden. Maybe if he could open everything up, Tara could come back, be free. No. He was foolish to think that they could just resume things. Slowly, he ambled his way back into the bedroom where he found his clothes and his cut, neatly folded on the adjoining bathroom counter. No note, no nothing. Tara had done what she did best and ran.
To say that Jax was pissed would be the understatement of the century. No words had been exchanged between them. After their painfully intense romp in the hallway, Jax could vaguely recall lifting them up and taking her to the bedroom. He fell into a drunken slumber shortly after she did, but he made sure she fell asleep first. Maybe she was married or seeing somebody…maybe things were bad and her session with him was a guilt ridden pity fuck. He couldn't deny that there was still something between them, but it was darker and different from the way things were when they were kids. Even after a fight, they had never been that desperate with each other. He'd had plenty of nights with Tara that were wild and left his dick aching worse than it was this morning. This was foreign, and he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. He didn't know, but he would get to the bottom of things.
He was startled by a sharp rapping on the door, and went to answer, draping the sheets around his body in an impromptu toga. Jax was anything but shy. He whipped the door open to a shocked woman dressed in a dull green uniform. He remembered her name, Jane something or rather, and she blushed a bright crimson when she saw him. All girls in Charming knew Jax
"Ummm, delivery for Tara Knowles," she said nervously. That was when Jax took in the expensive looking flower arrangement she was holding. There were exotic flowers surrounding pink roses in an elegant vase. He signed for the flowers and slammed the door in the poor girls face, practically hissing he was so pissed.
Jax set the flowers down on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch, just staring. So there was someone in her life, he thought. Jax quickly got dressed, not sure of what his next move would be. Could they just pick up where they left off? And who the fuck was sending her flowers? He knows that there isn't another man living in the house, that's one thing for sure. Maybe she left him behind like she did Jax. Jax felt a small smidge of pity for the broken hearted fellow left in Chicago; that is before he realized he was competition, and just got more pissed off. Before he walked out the door, he stopped and looked back at the vase, picking it up as he stomped out into the driveway. The sunlight was blinding and sent an ache through his already pounding head. He hopped onto his bike and revved the engine, the vase tucked under his arm. He waited for his girl to warm up, and that was when he finally worked up enough nerve to open up the card.
The little white card was written in a neat and elegant script, For my love, I forgive you. J.K. Who the fuck was J.K? Jax sped down the street after dunking the card into the vase's water. It was childish and petty, but Jax didn't give a fuck. He wasn't going to play fair with Tara. After he reached a satisfactory breakneck speed, Jax hurled the vase, craning his neck, and slowing to a stop to watch the glass shatter on the pavement. He turned off his bike. The flowers splattered on the pavement, lifeless splashes of color on the grey concrete. He stood there numb and silent, staring so long that the sun started to dry out the roses. They were pink like Tara's lips. Suddenly a crow cawed and swooped down from a nearby tree, picking at the dark pink petals. Jax felt a sense of panic rising in his throat. As the bird pecked and swallowed the decapitated flower, Jax fell to his knees and heaved out all the contents of his stomach.
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Tara had left him. She had woken up earlier than him, and was so stung by the image of him lying in her bed looking so peaceful. The golden sunlight lit up his skin, his eyelashes and blonde hair burning, and Jax just… glowed. She had meant to stay until he woke up. They had to talk it out. That dull ache between her legs had left her satisfied in one way, but there was still a giant black hole filled with all the things that they hadn't said. She wanted to tell him about Kohn, how she still thought of him. After almost 11 years apart, things were still the way she left them. Broken.
He was a married man, with a baby on the way and he didn't belong to her anymore. She walked around the living room, picking up articles of his clothing, gently folding them up. Then she found his cut. The black leather with the ominous reaper, a symbol of everything that tore them apart and still stood between them. She fingered the thin ribbon that read "Men of Mayhem." It told her why this would never work-why they couldn't work things out. Jax had blood on his hands, and she couldn't help him wash them clean. Not anymore.
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More AN: Love it/Hate it? Don't worry. I'll patch things up with them pretty soon. But things will still be awkward and not buddy buddy. Don't forget how estranged they are in the pilot episode. But we can rely on Jax's brash sense of humor and Tara's sarcasm to smooth things over! I really feel like Kohn is an amazing character, and I'm a little sad that they killed him off so early. It was an awesome moment on television, but he created so much conflict and brought out protective Jax, rawr! So I thought that I would somehow incorporate him into my story. I feel like he would have been trying to reach Tara for awhile and he thinks she is ignoring him, forcing him to come to Charming. Unbeknownst to all, Jax has been intercepting all of his creepy stalker gifts and trashing them. So when Kohn does come to Charming, it's a shocker to Tara. And Jax has no idea that he perpetuated this situation. He thinks he's an old flame trying to steal his Tara away, so he's all jealous and shit. It made me laugh anyways! Hit the review button, love ya! Teaser for next Chappy-Tara goes to Homecoming with David Hale! For reals!