7) Rules 34 through 54

The men, Gina, and Sara sat staring at the list. It had been a long, hard shift for everyone, which was unusual for graveyard. Hodges was the first to suggest some quality group therapy when he passed Greg, telling him, "Pineapple."

And the secret word was passed among them. Greg was sure Grissom had heard him tell Sara, but he never acknowledged it. He had left after his shift, not once questioning why Sara was going to the basement with them.

"Anyone want a beer?" Bobby asked.

"We can't. We're on city property," Sara reminded them.

The men and Gina looked at her. She pretended not to notice at first, but it didn't take long for her to fold under the unspoken peer pressure.

"One. One beer. No more."

"Wait… Where are we getting the beer?" Greg asked.

"Grasshopper, do not question the ways of your sensei," Bobby told him.

He got up and left the room. He returned with a twelve pack and passed out the beers, then took his place between Gina and Hodges again. There was silence for a few minutes while they savored their beverage and stared at the list.

"We really need to add to the list," Sara said.

"Really, we do," Gina added.

"When was the last time anything was added?" Bobby asked.

"I think about three months ago."

"Well then," Bobby got up. "I'll be the first to add to it. I have the best completely unrelated line to add."

"What's that?" Greg asked.

Bobby just grinned at him. He moved a chair next to the wall, dug his chalk out of his pants pocket and climbed up on the chair. Underneath number thirty-three he wrote:

34. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

Bobby climbed down, and turned to them. It was hard for them to decide if they should stare at him or the line.

"You want to get breast implants?" Sara asked.

"No! I just thought it was a good line to add." Bobby turned to the list. "Something stupid."

Archie got up. "That's a stupid line. Mine's better."

Archie grabbed Bobby's chalk and climbed up on the chair to write:

35. Not allowed to claim that "Pulp Fiction" is a criminalist educational video.

"BOOOOO!" they jeered.

"That's lame!" Greg laughed. "Besides, you only got caught once like nine months ago or something." Greg swallowed a swig of beer.

Archie stepped down, holding out the chalk. "Fine. Someone else come up with something better."

Hodges got up and took the chalk. He added the line:

36. Not allowed to add "In accordance with the prophecy..." to the end of answers I give to a question the mayor asks me.

The line was met with great approval and clapping. Hodges did a slight bow.

"Thank you. Thank you. I try."

Sara got up, setting her beer on the table. She took the chalk and climbed up on the chair.

"Since we just had a case with this, this might work."

37. Not allowed to join any militia.

The room was silent. She turned to them.

"But I planned on forming a militia tonight," Bobby said. "You won't join it?"

They all started laughing. Greg jumped up, grabbing the chalk and stood on the chair with her.

"We have to cut him off at the pass, Sara." Greg told her as he wrote:

38. Not allowed to form any militia.

Sara was the only one that didn't boo him. Greg laughed, jumping off the chair. He looked up, at the door, right into Grissom's eyes, and his laughter stopped immediately. The others turned, staring at him. There was a long silence. Sara cleared her throat.

"I, uhm… I thought you left."

"I did. But then I had to come back. I have bad news though."

The bad news came through the door behind him in the form of Nick and Warrick.

"They called me back to let them in here to find files and we overheard you six in here," Grissom explained. "I'm afraid you'll have to let them join or risk being exposed."

"Wow," Nick said, looking around the room. "This room has been here this whole time and I never knew about it?"

Warrick didn't say anything, just stare.

"You weren't kidding, Grissom. This is… Cool!" Nick told him.

"You said cool?" Sara asked Grissom with a lazy grin.

He shrugged a little. "I think it was unintentional."

Warrick walked over to the group, staring at the list. "Things lab rats aren't allowed to do? Really?"

"Well, it's more like, you know, suggestions," Hodges said.

Warrick laughed.

Nick and Grissom joined them. Grissom suddenly grabbed the chalk from Greg and stepped up on the chair next to Sara.

"Excuse me," he said.

Greg noticed the smile and look they exchanged. It seemed to be a moment that the others didn't.

"Grissom, you write in here too?" Nick asked.

"Occasionally." Grissom leaned out, writing:

39. Not allowed out of my office when the mayor, the under-sheriff, or tour groups are in the building.

They all started laughing. Grissom stepped off and held out his hand to help Sara off.

"Oh. I just came up with some." Greg said, holding out his hand for the chalk.

Grissom handed it over and Greg jumped onto the chair. He wrote:

40. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to "Sic Brass!"

41. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my "Samson like powers."

42. May no longer perform the infamous "Snoopy Dance" at any crime scene.

43. Must not taunt the suspects.

"What!? No more snoopy dances?" Warrick asked.

"I told him no more snoopy dance," Grissom admitted.

"But half the fun of working with the crazy rookie is the snoopy dance!"

"What dog did you teach to sic Brass?" Nick asked.

"Sorry. It's prohibited by the Griss." Greg answered. "And I didn't train a dog. Don't you remember last week that dog that the guy yelled Sic Brass and it tried to take a chunk out of his butt?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah I remember that. I still don't think he's able to sit down without leaning a little to the left."

They laughed.

"Speaking of my prohibiting. I do need to add one for you, Nick." Grissom took the chalk and added:

44. May not antagonize suspected killers even after the scene is secured.

Everyone booed as he stepped down.

"That's half the fun!" Nick laughed.

"Okay. Okay. Now that you CSI have had some fun, it time for some lab rats to get back in here," Hodges said. He stepped up on the chair adding:

45. Must never call a superior or co-worker something vulgar in British.

They laughed and he stepped off, bowing. "Although, Ecklie seems to be pretty clueless to what exactly a wanker is."

They laughed. Greg stole the chalk from him. "You think that's bad? I found out how bad this one was. If Catherine was here, she'd tell you all the horror details." Greg started writing, then glanced back adding, "But since she's not, you'll never know what really happened." He finished and stepped down, staring at his line:

46. Never tell a German suspect, "We kicked your ass in World War 2!"

"When was this?" Grissom asked.

Greg held up the chalk for someone to take. "If it is not written on the wall, it does not get told. Right?"

Grissom shook his head.

"Oh! I have one!" Nick cried, grabbing the chalk.

He jumped up on the chair and scribbled:

47. Not allowed to wake a co-worker sleeping in the passenger or back seat by stopping the vehicle abruptly.

"Oh come on! I didn't stop that fast!" Warrick rebutted.

Nick turned to him. "I had to wear my coffee the rest of the night because you decided to see if hitting the dash would wake me up."

"You were complaining it was cold anyway."

"And you think it wasn't cold with wet jeans?"

"Not to mention you looked like you'd peed your pants," Sara added.

"Hey! Don't encourage him, Sara Sidle!" Nick joked.

"Got another one," Greg said, holding up his hand.

He traded spots with Nick, writing:

48. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

"Greg, I'm beginning to suspect you've done many things on the job that I really should know about," Grissom told him.

"Nonsense. Everything I do on the job that I shouldn't be doing is not meant for your ears."

"Like this one?" Warrick asked as he pulled the chalk from Greg's hand and stepped onto the chair. He added:

49. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of a crime scene.

Warrick turned to him, telling him. "And if you ever, ever, expect me to take orders from our Captain Sock again, I will set Captain Sock on fire!"

"But Captain Sock is a really great supervisor," Greg rebutted.

Warrick stepped off, getting in Greg's face. "If you ever bring Captain Sock to a crime scene again, I'm going to introduce him to Under Sheriff Boot."

They all started laughing.

"You told me that sock was evidence!" Nick said to Greg, giving him a playful swat on the back of the head.

"It was. Captain Sock saw everything!"

"I doubt Captain Sock would make a credible witness," Sara told him.

"We could try."

"Speaking of evidence," Hodges said. "Chalk?"

Warrick handed it over.

Hodges stepped onto the chair and in capital letters added:

50. NOT ALLOWED TO CHEW GUM RECOVERED FROM A DRUG-RELATED CRIME SCENE.

51. NOT ALLOWED TO CONSUME CANDY RECOVERED FROM A DRUG-RELATED CRIME SCENE

"Would this be personal experience talking?" Grissom asked.

Hodges stepped down, lifting his eyebrows. "Maybe."

"So that explains a lot about that day."

"What day?"

"This one." Greg took the chalk and wrote:

52. Can't have flashbacks to crime scenes I never participated in or investigated.

They all looked at Hodges.

"I didn't know that the gum had hallucinogenic trace on it," Hodges admitted.

"Didn't your mom ever teach you not to eat things you don't know where they've been?" Nick scolded

"Yes. She did. But someone—" Hodges shot Archie a dark look. "Put it into my pack and I didn't notice the wrapper was different until I found myself telling Greg about a crime scene I'd never been to."

"We won't be doing that anymore, will we?" Grissom asked the two.

Archie smiled and shook his head. Greg knew that smile. He had no intention of keeping that promise, but it appeased Grissom for the moment.

"Oh! Got another one that Grissom told me I can't do." Greg turned and wrote:

53. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

"What!?" Nick cried. "We can't take a day off for the end of the world anymore?"

"Man, I was going to ask next week, too," Bobby said.

"The world is going to end?" Sara asked.

"That's what my religious guide told me," Bobby told her

"When was that?" Warrick asked him.

"Second Tuesday of last week." Bobby answered.

They laughed.

"I got one." Nick stepped up on the chair. "Move. You're cramping my space, man."

Greg handed over the chalk and hopped off.

Nick leaned in to write, and then turned to the group. "And this is for Warrick. He gets a little loopy out there." He turned back and wrote:

54. I do not have super-powers.

Warrick booed while the others laughed. Nick jumped down, taking a bow. Warrick grabbed the chalk from his hand and climbed up, adding to the end: Nor should I attempt to use them while working with any evidence.

He turned to Nick telling him, "Because you don't have x-ray vision or super human strength!"

"Sure I do." Nick pulled his sunglasses from his pocket and put them on. "Like right now I see that if you don't leave, Tina is going to cut you off tomorrow night."

Warrick looked at his watch. "Ah man!" He tossed the chalk to Greg. "Gotta go. See everyone tonight."

Warrick left.

The others reached for their beer, but stopped, all eyes turning to Grissom. He smiled, walking toward the door. "See everyone later. Just don't let anyone catch you leaving."

He closed the door behind him. Greg handed Nick a beer and they sat down on the table next to him. The CSI and lab rats men contemplated the list in silence.

Greg sighed. "Sometimes it would be nice to worry about getting home so my woman wouldn't cut me off."

Nick nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes. Then he and Tina get into a fight. I don't feel like I'm missing much."

"I hear that!" Hodges added.

All but Greg laughed. He looked at his beer bottle. The others fell silent, affected by his somber reaction to the joke.

Archie shrugged, adding, "But some people are ready for commitment before others. Nothing wrong with wanting a wife, Greg."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They went to their silent contemplation.