Okay, so I'm planning a few more chapters before this thing reaches conclusion. Then I want to work on a couple of other projects. I want to do a couple of one shots on the many disguises of Happy. One of my fav SOA moments is when he takes out one of the Mayans and he's dressed as a burrito? Vendor. LMAO! I feel like I could flesh out a few other members of Samcro. I wanted to add these anecdotes in as fillers to this story, but I don't want it to distract. What do you guys think? I also have a new multi chapter fic idea for 007…yeah that's right, James Bond, baby! This is only because I recently watched Casino Royale, and Daniel Craig ignited my panties. Please R&R! Thanks so much for all the support and love!
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Chapter 7: Festering Inside
Tara was going to get shit faced. She had been at Chicago Presbyterian for a little less than a year. Today was the anniversary of her father's death, and she deserved a drink. Reminiscing about him brought about other memories of her childhood and that path eventually led up to her paralyzing memories of Jax. She didn't directly think of him, as it was nearing a decade since their fucked up and tearful goodbye. She was too proud to dwell too hard on him, embarrassed that she was nearing the third decade of her life and was still broken up over a high school romance. However, Jax had impregnated her every thought, a lurking shadow that lingered in her memories. She wasn't even aware of how deeply rooted he was inside of her. Ignorance was her friend in this case, because if she acknowledged what she had lost, it would cripple her.
The years had passed by with bland indifference. She had success, in some form. She was a reputable doctor, financially well off, and she had her health. On this day of her father's death, she celebrated in her customary way-off to the local Irish pub, and into a glass of Guinness. It was an ode to her father, the well intentioned drunk, and really the only vice that she would allow herself in a life built on rules and conformity.
She's a little buzzed, and just a little more flirty than normal when he sits in the empty stool beside her. He buys her a drink, and she smiles. He's older, with salt and pepper hair, close cut and well groomed. His shirt is tucked in and buttoned up, his pants nice creases and pressed lines. She decided not to tell him to fuck off, because she realizes that it has been too long since she's been with anybody. A few months ago she'd started a fling with Dr. Joseph Berry from the oncology unit. He was great in bed, and treated their relationship with the same detached demeanor that all doctors had. It was actually going very well until he invited her for a ride on his bike. It wasn't even a real ride. Joseph preferred those Japanese crotch rocket models that went too fast and buzzed like mosquitoes. Even still, Tara had refused, and soon stopped calling him. He was ever the gentleman about it and they had digressed to the amicable friend phrase. Tara still wondered about what could have been with him, but she had lived a life punctuated with ghosts. She was terrified of them, and would run, run away as she always did.
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She learns that "salt and pepper hair" is named Joshua Kohn. She finds it ironic that the important men in her life have names that start with a "J." Right now, however, she doesn't care, as she'd all but drowned in Guinness at the pub, and Josh's lips are soft and inviting. She'd ask him to her place after he'd showed her his badge. He's ATF, and just the opposite of you know who… he tells her she is beautiful and perfect, and his hands are all over her. She likes the attention that he gives her, even though they've just met. It makes her feel wanted and important, and FUCK she's drank too much. The alcohol clouded his eager hands and possessive mouth, traits that would normally send her running. She was too fogged up to see the desperation in his eyes, the reverent way he stared at her. She needed this. He was clean cut and law abiding and everything that Jax is not, she thought. And perhaps that's what she needs, and what she's been missing.
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She tries to remember her first kiss with Josh, as she's lying in bed that morning. Her head is still waterlogged and she's a little hung-over. Josh is clunking around in her kitchen trying to make her breakfast as she thinks about "THE" first kiss.
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Jax had gotten into a fight with another boy. It was over something stupid, and it had left Jax with a little cut on his lip and a few bruised knuckles. Tara had met him over at his house. They hadn't been together long, and she is still trying to configure the true nature of SAMCRO. Jax is sitting on his bed, gloriously recounting the details of the boy's ass whooping, and Tara is on her knees bandaging up his knuckles. She looks up into his clear blue eyes and again at the angry purple bruises on his hands.
"Why are you with me," she interrupts. He swallows hard and looks down at her, wrestling with a lump in his throat. He almost waits too long to answer.
"You're different… and I can't get you out of my head," he says, and he almost whispers it, but Tara hears perfectly because Jax is her whole world right then. "I don't know where we're going with this, but when I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you, about how much I want you. And when we're together I'm thinking about how I can keep you, ya know. I just fucking need you."
Tara is silent as she listens in and she can tell that it took a lot for him to admit this out loud. Her heart is pounding and she realizes that Jax's hands are shaking. He's just as nervous as she is.
"Well…I'm here, aren't I?" she says. And with that she leans up and presses her lips to his. It's perfect, like she's spent her life building a jigsaw puzzle and for months she's been missing a piece. When he kisses her back, she's found it, and he's her perfect fit; she's complete and the picture is clear. The kiss is delicious and primal, tinged with the coppery tang of blood from his lips to hers, a prophetic symbol of a broken love story. Tara will always remember the blood.
At that moment, as two people were falling in love, two black eyes watched on, dark and menacing. Gemma was not happy.
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"Tara, I thought we should have a talk, just us girls," said Gemma. It had been a week since she had witnessed the kiss, and Gemma was now ready to set the plots in motion.
"Sure, Mrs. Morrow," said Tara. She's nervous as hell because she knows that Gemma DOES NOT like her. Sure, she never outright said anything, but Tara was worried by the false sweetness that permeated her voice.
"Now I know that you don't have a mother," said Gemma, in that condescending tone that somehow managed to sound "motherly."
"How did you know that?" asked Tara.
"Well, Jax told me honey. He tells me EVERYTHING," she answered. And it was, in fact, the truth. The fact that he couldn't shut up about Tara was why they were having this conversation now. Gemma had always been close to her firstborn, and she made it a point to know everything and everyone that had affected him. How could she protect him otherwise?
"This is gonna seem kind of crude, but it's me we're talking about, and I don't like to pussy foot around. How far have you gone with Jax?" she asked, and watched as Tara turned a shade of red that would make a beet jealous.
"That's not any of your business, Ma'am," she said politely, eyes staring straight ahead of her in embarrassment. Gemma could read her innocence like a book and she almost felt bad for doing this…almost.
"Aw, I see…so you're a cherry? No, no, no, it's okay sweetcheeks," said Gemma as Tara was about to interject. "It's not a bad thing…it's just…my son. He's got a lot of experience, and I need to make sure that you're gonna know how to handle it."
"Experience?" asked Tara. She had finally met her eyes, and Gemma was a little pleased to see that they were close to tears.
"Yeah, honey, to put it bluntly, Jax is a little slut. But what'd you expect from a boy like him? A little thing catches his eye, and he takes her, uses her. It's just his way, the way of the club. I know you're a nice girl and I don't want to see you hurt."
Gemma had to bite back a smile as her words set in. Tara had started to fidget and Gemma could see the doubt in her eyes. Phase one of the plan had worked.
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David Hale was a senior at Charming High. He was good looking, tanned, and broad shouldered. His father was a prominent judge and had instilled him with good All American values. He played sports and obeyed the town curfew. He had noticed Tara the first day he'd seen her. She was pretty and quiet, a good girl. There weren't too many of those left in town, and she'd caught his eye. She was a good student too, to be stuck in the same anatomy class as him when she was only a sophomore. He had meant to ask her out on the first day of school, but she hurried out of class. He had seen her a few hours later on the back of that Teller boy's bike. It had pissed him off. Jax Teller was a scumbag, and now he was taking one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. It made him sick. Jax was a criminal in the making, cocky and arrogant. He had delivered papers to their house every day. His father had seen fit to make him work despite their financial wealth and standing. It would instill him with a good work ethic and teach him discipline, not that he needed it.
But still, he would catch them every now and then on his rounds. Sometimes they would stop in for a bite to eat for breakfast, or they would be rushing out to get to school. They were all over each other, and David was respectful enough to leave well enough alone. He had only gathered the nerve to do this because Mrs. Morrow had approached him, and she had always been nice.
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Tara was sad and down. She had not expected to feel this way after the kiss. But Gemma's words had made sense. Hadn't he liked her because she was different? Maybe it was just because she wouldn't put out. Every girl in the school was after him, and she knew about his reputation. So it was in that moment of thought that she was interrupted by a good looking upper classman.
"Excuse, Miss Knowles," he said. His voice sounded so official and it took a moment for her to recognize him. It was the QB…star of the Charming High football team with a body to show for it. He was in her anatomy class and a senior…very good looking, actually, and popular.
"David Hale?" she asked, puzzled as to why he was talking to her.
"Yeah, that's me," he said, and his face erupted into a brilliant smile. Tara noticed that his teeth were very white and even, and that there was a little gap between his two front teeth. It was cute. He was behaving very shyly and it threw her off a little bit.
"Ummm, so I know you don't know me very well, and I'll completely understand if-well, that is, I heard that you had broken up- and I know that Jax-I would love to take you out," he said, almost muttering as he struggled to find words.
"What is it!" Tara finally snapped, though her tone was still polite. She was feeling quite irritable.
"WILL YOU GO TO HOMECOMING WITH ME?" he said, almost yelling as the words rushed out. He stood embarrassed, and Tara was flabbergasted…did he just ask her out? He started to walk away dejectedly, when she realized that maybe SHE needed a little more experience.
"HEY WAIT," she yelled, "umm….yes. Yes, I'll go to homecoming with you."
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She tries to remember her first kiss with Josh, as she's lying in bed that morning. Her head is still waterlogged and she's a little hung-over. Josh is clunking around in her kitchen trying to make her breakfast as she thinks about "THE" first kiss.
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She feels languid and tired as she hears the sizzle of bacon on her pan. Josh…that was his name. That's who she should focus on. Too many ghosts and too much pain. Sure there were good times, but the bad were crippling. She wishes Josh would skip breakfast and screw off. It's mean, but she's not sure she's ready for a new type of commitment. But then she realizes how much dwelling on the past has hurt her, hindered her. Maybe it was time to move on. She looks out her bedroom door and can see Josh moving around in her kitchen. He could be good for her, older, and certainly a gentleman. She wouldn't get her hopes up, but he seemed like a decent man. She smiles gently as he starts whisking a bowl of eggs, gently whistling a tune. She giggles slighty when she realizes it's "Can't Get Used to Losing You" by Andy Williams.
A/N: Okay, I know I know. There was a lot of ping ponging in this chapter, but I've actually built up a big meta story and I've plotted everything out. I know a lot of you will be a little upset about the other men in Tara's life, but I feel that they're important to her development. I think Kohn is good for Tara at the beginning of the relationship as he offers her stability and good credentials. But that's not what she really wants, shhhh. And I LOVE David Hale, so no bashing. He was a good guy in the series and Tara obviously has a past with him because she seems pretty familiar with him when she tells him about her stalking problem. And I've always felt that he's harbored a puppy crush on her. Anyways, thanks for reading, hit the review button and lemme know what you think!
*On a side note, thanks to everyone who did take the time to review. It really boosted me up in a time when I was really down.