A/N: Still working on this tiny keyboard. Customer Service said it can take up to two weeks before I get my laptop…I'm so sad, but I'll try to keep you motivated with Chapter 10!Warning, this chapter does contain some graphic content (somewhat noncom sex) and is a lil fluffy.

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Chapter 10: The Significance of a Mark

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Kohn was running his hands over her skin, in a desperate and harsh fashion. Hard friction was heating her body from his sweaty, calloused hands, but she felt no warmth, only the stagnant chill of disgust in her stomach. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he kept muttering over and over, his breath hot and irritating on the edge of her ear.

She was frightened and repulsed by the genuine nature of his tone and the underlying madness that lurked beneath. He really believed he loved her, and that terrified her more than anything. "Do you love me Tar-Tar? Say you love me, say it," he commanded, leaving hot, sticky trails of his saliva as he licked her neck and face.

Tara gritted her teeth together and turned towards the wall, her eyes vacant. Josh froze when he realized that she wasn't responding and suddenly his grip turned vice-like on her skin. "SAY IT!" he screamed, blistering her eardrums and clawing at her breasts. Pain shot through her tender chest as she gasped for breath trying to push him off of her body. Biting back tears, she realized that it was fruitless and forced herself to calm down. She wasn't quite ready to combat his craziness, and she didn't want to force him to toe the line. There was only one way she was getting out of this.

"I love you Josh-y," she said, defeated and monotone. He must not have heard the lack of enthusiasm, or perhaps he didn't care that she was being insincere. He had reached a point of delusion and obsession that clouded his logical, law abiding judgment. She looked into his eyes, eyes that had once been so warm and inviting, and now only saw madness. Those black orbs were transfixed by her and his snarling mouth softened into a gentle smile.

"That's all I wanted to hear, Tara," he said, softening his grip into a tender caress. He then began to softly kiss her face, and Tara did her best not to cringe. He parted her legs and entered her, and she turned her face away. He entered her again and again, muttering sweet words that somehow seemed obscene. She did her best not to vomit, and came to the conclusion that this was somehow worse than the violence. The fact that his twisted mind would turn love into something this vile was enough to make her numb, so she let herself float away as he sweated and grunted on top of her.

Her mind kept drifting back to the real love she had, almost ten years ago. It was brief, and although it was filled with its share of violence and pain, she never doubted the sincerity of Jackson's love. The comparison between him and Kohn was night and day. Charming. It was a place that she left behind because she wanted to see the world and not be burdened by the violence and barbaric actions of the club; it was a poison that festered and killed what she had with Jax, and for that, she could never forgive her hometown.

But as she was floating, with Josh sliding in and out of her, she found herself going back to home. It was safe there. She remembered the small house that she grew up in, the meadow and the tree that she used to picnic with her mother in, the warm nights and the sunny days. It was home.

He started moving faster, scrunching his face, and moaning louder, and in one, two, three bursts he came…inside of her. Tara shoved him off and ran to the toilet, leaving him huffing and puffing in a tangle of sheets. She sat, squatted on the seat, and prayed as she tried to let his seed drip out of her body. She was outraged and terrified, a sense of dread washing over her as she'd realized what he'd done, and she'd finally had enough.

…

Tara awoke with a start in the break room of St. Thomas hospital. She was safely tucked away in her hometown of Charming…well, maybe things weren't as perfect as she thought they were. She shuddered at the thought of Joshua and that dark part of her life that she left in Chicago. Things were better here, despite her torrent relationship with her high school sweetheart. Even if her personal life was a complete heap, she still had the comfort and protection of her home. Charming was small and isolated enough to the point that if a shiny new ATF agent decided to come to town, tongues would be wagging. And the Sons of Anarchy knew how to deal with the Feds.

Not that she would be relying on them, of course. The last thing she desired was an all-out free for all between her two exes and a morally unstable motorcycle gang. Somehow she had talked herself into thinking that she would never cross paths with Jackson and that she could avoid SAMCRO altogether. Secretly, she had hoped for an intimate encounter with her ex, and she was slowly starting to understand that even after ten years, things were very much the same.

The other night was, physically, amazing. It was somewhat of a relief that the sex with Jax was raw and exhilarating, but it was the after effect that left her emotionally drained. She had cried in front of him, and he had cried too. It was a mistake to open up old wounds and let him stay the night. He was marked territory now, and she'd never allow herself to really relive the events of their parting. Too many open wounds, and too many complications.

Tara gnawed on her bottom lip and got up from the table. She needed to get out of the hospital for few minutes, out of the fluorescent lights and harsh chemical smells. She went to her car, the old reliable cutlass. It was stifling hot inside, the air thick and humid. It wrapped around her like a hot, warm blanket.

I'm a fucking coward, she thought. She was always running, running away from everything, but it seemed that life always caught up somehow. She felt pathetic for not sticking around that morning. She woke up before Jax did, not quite remembering how they made it to the bed. He was sleeping soundly, but rolled over as she walked away, subconsciously seeking her out. He ended up hugging a pillow, pulling it close to his body. She went to the bathroom and mentally prepared the "we shouldn't have done this" speech in her head.

She stared for a long time at her reflection in the mirror, noting her glossy eyes, and swollen, red lips. Running her hands down her neck, she fingered the guilty looking hickeys that spotted her skin. Jax always liked to leave his mark. She then realized that she could steal him if she wanted to: leave his pregnant wife alone, and have him all to herself. She could be reckless and wild, like she used to be…but would it make her happy?

She then decided that ten years of growing up and maturing would be wasted, and that she was a responsible person. She wouldn't do something so hurtful to another human being. And so the only solution, the same solution she always had, was to run.

She left quickly and quietly, neatly folding his clothes and putting them in the corner. She grabbed her keys and drove to work, mind frantic and paranoid. Her rounds came and went, the days lost to an endless drone of signing charts and conferring with the other doctors.

And so she found herself on her lunch break, with an hour of free time and nothing to distract her wandering mind. Now she was sitting in the hot air of the cutlass, trying to fight back the torrent of tears. She looked at her face in the rearview mirror, rubbing her eyes and checking for red blotches. That's when she spotted his shirt in the back seat. That blue flannel shirt, so seemingly innocent and meaningless, yet it was another hard hitting reminder of the sins of her past. She reached back and gathered the material close to her face, inhaling the imaginary scent of her lover, and started bawling.

Not the pretty, picturesque tears that dolled up the movie posters, no, she was open mouthed and scrunch faced pouring out her soul. Her heart was clenching, and her body ached all over. She didn't think she would ever stop. She must have sat there for fifteen minutes, trying to compose herself and hold it in, only to start gasping and crying all over again. Only the sharp rap of knuckles on her window snapped her out of it.

She used the flannel to sop up her tears, and when her vision cleared, she was left with the last person she wanted to see her like this: Jackson Teller.

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Jackson had decided to give Tara some space, but somehow his body was ignoring his mind and he found himself waiting outside of her house. He wasn't sure what he was doing there. Stalking, he thought sarcastically. Technically, he was, and there was no roundabout way of explaining it. But this was Tara, and as far as he was concerned, no crime was taboo if it meant helping her, or in this case knowing her. He waited for the mailman, or in this case woman, and after she had dropped a small stack of letters in the box, he made his move.

He thumbed through the different envelopes, feeling slightly voyeuristic as he examined each address. Bills, ads, greetings, and then finally a letter with no return address written in a neat and elegant script. Throwing caution to the wind and driven by a gut instinct, he carefully opened the letter.

My dearest Tara,

I'm worried about your fragile state of mind. I know you're just running away because you're scared. Scared of being alone and hurt by your past. I want to give you some time to think about things, and when you feel ready to apologize, I'll be waiting. I'm always waiting for you. Love is a scary thing, and I understand what you are going through. Be seeing you soon.

Jax read the letter over and over again. No signature, no return address, but he assumed that this was the mysterious romantic J.K. He was pissed, and almost a little sympathetic towards the guy. Almost. Who was this schmuck that let Tara break his heart? It seemed she had done the same to him, and that she still was marked by her habitual need to run away from confrontation.

He wasn't about to let some dude win his girl back with sweet words, and in a spontaneous, but deliberate move, he crushed the letter and ripped it into quarters. Shoving the remains into his pocket, he decided to take a trip to the hospital. Tara had some explaining to do.

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He pulled into the parking lot, mentally preparing himself to try and stay calm. He figured that if he confronted her at work she would at least stay and talk to him out of fear that he would embarrass her in front of her co-workers. He would ask her why she had left him, even though he knew the answer. He'd find out what had happened in the last ten years, and most importantly who this fucking J.K. was. Did she love him and break his heart? Did Jax even still have a chance? And what the FUCK happened the other night? If she said it was a mistake he would throw her on the ground and fuck her right there, doctors be damned.

He had found out where she worked with relative ease, this was a small town after all. The fact that she had left him and became a doctor made him proud, but a tad bit bitter because she had moved on and was successful without him. He couldn't imagine her struggling or in pain, the very thought causing him physical pain, but it hurt his ego to think that she was coping so well. Still, he had a nagging feeling that her life was far from perfect. It was that desperate way they fucked the other night, and he surmised that it was from the rude way he shoved himself back into her life. Deep down, he knew there was more to it.

As these thoughts were racing through his mind, he walked past the gleaming black shine of her cutlass. He almost kept walking, but out of the corner of his eye he saw her there and she was most definitely crying. He could tell by the staccato shaking of her shoulders, and her face was buried in something blue…his shirt? In his mind he had pictured this scenario being carried out by him being very firm and dominant as he forced her to acquiesce to his inquiries. All of that was shot to hell because Tara usually never cried, and the implications that she was doing so into his raggedy old shirt were surprising.

So instead of yelling and cutting her down, he gently rapped on the window, wondering how in the hell she hadn't burnt to a crisp yet in the California sun. It took her a few moment to register who it was, and his heart broke a little bit more at the lost look in her eyes. He could tell that she was crying hard; her eyes were red, puffy, and swollen, and her lips even more so. In an almost comic way, she tried to wipe away her tears and straighten her hair. She looked terrible, but he had seen her in worse shape, and frankly didn't care. He just wanted to make her feel better.

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Tara was frozen from shock and quickly tried to fix her face. It was hopeless. What the hell is he doing here? she asked herself. Her face quickly reddened as she realized she was holding his shirt. She flicked her eyes to his face and saw that he recognized it. She was caught red handed and he just stood there looking smug. He actually smirked at her.

She thought about locking the door and waiting until he went away; her eyes shifted towards the lock. He noticed.

"Don't you even think about it," he said, and before she could react, he opened the door and crouched down in front of her so that they were eye to eye. "What's wrong Tara?"

"E-v-er-y-thing," she huffed out, and a fresh tirade of tears began to fall. In an almost instinctual gesture Jax gathered her into his arms and pulled her into his lap. She had parked close to the walkway and there they sat, Tara's face buried into his neck with Jax cradling her, giving the occasional passerby an intimidating glare.

He wanted to say something, and she felt the same, felt like she needed to explain. She wanted to tell him about how hurt she was, how messed up things were. The words would come tumbling out and she would tell him about med school, how she blazed through the last ten years feeling numb and empty, how much she missed him…and she would tell him about Kohn. Only, the words never came, and they both sat there in silence, waiting for the other one to speak.

There was a tension in the air, interrupted only by the soft sniffling of Tara and the whisper of Jax shhh shhh-ing to keep her calm. Her mouth was parched and her throat was scorching. Somehow she managed to let out a phrase in a small and meek voice, "Y-ou, you know…I…I'm really sor- I'm really sorry."

Jax let out a huff of air that may have been a chuckle or a sigh of exasperation. She couldn't tell. There was a long pause afterwards and the sun suddenly felt hotter.

"You're not the only one," was all he said.

Tara suddenly realized that she was late back from break, and in a quick flurry of words she left. Just like that. It was all quite anticlimactic in his book, and they still hadn't resolved anything, hadn't said what they'd meant to say. Yet Jax still felt somewhat satisfied. He'd finally come to the revelation that maybe Tara had suffered as much as he had, a thought that really hadn't crossed his mind. It didn't make him feel any better, just somewhat satisfied.

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A/N: Putting a break in here to explain some things, not that you guys aren't already up to speed, but this chap is running a little long. When Tara is nearly violated by Kohn, in ep 7 I think, she seduces him to distract him in order to escape. I feel like maybe she's used this tactic before, perhaps when he got a little too creepy. I wouldn't necessarily call it "rape" per say, at least not in the typical sense. In my story she didn't really say no, because I think in the back of her mind she knows that he'll keep going and that she can't stop him, so she takes the path of least resistance. Which, as we know, she does quite a bit. And it really amuses me to picture Jax receiving all of Kohn's messages and messing them up so Tara doesn't find them. This also gives more of a backstory for Kohn to come to Charming, as I feel like he wouldn't just let her sit in peace for months while he waited to go out there. No, he's a psycho stalker and would have been scoping her for a while. And when she doesn't respond to his messages, he takes it in to his own hands. I don't know if I'm going to have some big dramatic scene where J & T forgive each other and talk it out, because I don't think that happens in the show until after the Kohn situation. I might write an insert to give some dialogue to the subject, but it would be more of an epilogue. During ep 1, they still aren't on friendly terms. She's civil and professional, but they still aren't quite comfortable around each other. They fall into certain places of familiarity, but it's still awkward and unresolved. I'm going to start bringing them into more civil terms to get them to that point. Also, I've gone back and edited the other chapters found a ton of errors-eek! I'm putting this into a master PDF file so you guys can read this a little easier and with a little coherency. PM me if you want a copy. Okay, end of rant and on to the next chapter!