12) Another Historical Figure

Henry Andrews stacked jars in the cupboard, glad his shift was over.

"Hey Henry," he heard Greg say behind him.

"Yeah?"

"You're finished with everything?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I need you to come with me. I need you to look at something."

Henry turned. Greg stood in the door, hands pushed into his pockets. "I have to go home and—"

"Already took care of everything. You don't have to rush home. Come on."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"What do you need to show me?"

"Come on, Henry."

Henry was suddenly suspicious. Everyone had been acting strange around him. Well, not everyone. Just the CSI, Hodges, and Archie. They had been helping him all night try and get his work done, claiming they were trying to be nice. Henry didn't believe it at all. Not that they hadn't helped him before, but there was something very peculiar about it tonight. And after the pranks he'd seen them pull on each other, he wasn't sure how much he should trust Greg right now.

"I want to know what you want to show me, first."

"Don't be so stubborn. Come on." Greg turned, starting down the hall. He stopped, looking back at Henry. Henry put the last two jars away and locked the cupboard, then followed him. Greg led him to the elevator and pushed the call button.

"What is it?" Henry asked.

"I'll show you."

"Yeah, but what is it?"

Greg smiled at him. "You just have to follow me and see. Did David invite you to the wedding?"

"Yeah. He gave me the invitation a week ago. You?"

The elevator opened and Greg got on. Henry watched him tap the basement button.

"I am not going to the morgue, Greg. Whatever you want to show me, if it's in the morgue, I—"

"Not in the morgue. I heard he asked you to be a best man too."

"He did. Did he ask you?"

"Yeah, but I told him to ask his best friend."

"What best friend?"

"Some guy in Minnesota. They grew up together."

"You know, it's the first time I'll meet his fiancée. I heard she was hot."

"Lingerie model."

"Really?" Henry couldn't believe that. "Who told you that?"

"Warrick."

"How did he find out?"

"He and Tina met them one night." The doors opened and Henry followed him off. He was relieved when Greg turned and went down the hall away from the morgue. But then he was confused.

"What you want to show me is in records?"

"Yeah."

"What could possibly be in records that I need to see?"

Greg just smiled. He stopped at the keycard reader and dug a keycard from his hip pocket, swiping it. Henry noticed that it wasn't like their regular keycards. It didn't have the LVPD logo on it or Greg's picture. It was just a plain plastic card.

"What is that?" Henry asked, pointing at it.

Greg held it up as he went through the door. "A golden ticket, my friend. A golden ticket."

Henry frowned. "So where's my golden ticket?"

Greg smiled again, sliding the keycard back into his jeans. "All in good time, Henry."

"What? Who are you? What did you do with Greg Sanders?"

Greg laughed.

Henry heard a spiel of laughter come from somewhere at the back of the records room.

"Who's back there?"

"A party."

"Have you been drinking?"

"No!" Greg grinned, which completely nullified the answer.

"You've been drinking!"

"Maybe I had one beer."

"You drank while you were at work?"

"Henry, you are about to be inducted into a secret society." Greg grinned at him. "And in time, you too, will be drinking in the police station."

Greg turned down the last aisle. Henry stared at the open door at the end. He could see Warrick and Catherine, and heard people laughing.

"When did they build that room?"

"Back in the 1960s." Greg stopped at the filing cabinet, motioning into the room.

"What?"

"You go first."

"No. I'm going—"

"Henry's here!" Warrick called out.

He drew back several steps when Hodges, Archie, Bobby, Gina, Brass, Robbins, David, Catherine, Nick, Warrick and Grissom gathered around Warrick.

"Come on Henry," Warrick called.

"Why do I feel like a cow about to be slaughtered?" Henry asked.

Greg laid his hand on Henry's shoulder. "It's nothing like that. Don't be so dramatic. This is a good thing. Trust us."

Henry didn't trust them.

"Have you ever known Grissom to do anything horrible to you?" Warrick asked.

Well, Warrick had a point. Grissom wasn't known for pulling pranks – ever. Henry slowly walked toward the small opening between the wall and cabinet. He squeezed through and stepped into the room. He looked back, watching Greg squeeze through with a stupid grin on his face. He had to have had more than one beer.

"So…" Henry turned back to the others. "What's going on?"

"David is getting married Saturday, and we tried and tried to get a bachelor party together, but he didn't go for that," Nick explained. "He said all he wanted was for us all to get together at The Wall, and induct you into the group since you're one of his best men, and have some laughs."

"Tried to get the strippers down here, but Catherine put a stop to that," Warrick told him.

"Have to protect Gina and my dignity somehow," she shot back.

"Induct me into what?" Henry asked.

"The Wall crew!" Hodges said. He handed Henry a beer.

"I don't drink. What's The Wall crew?"

"This is," Gina said, grabbing his shoulders and steering him through the group into the center of the room.

Henry stared at the walls around him, at the writings on them. This he hadn't expected in the least.

"Figured you'd been here as long as most of us so it was time for you to get added to the group."

"The Wall Crew," Hodges corrected.

"Would you stop with the wall crew," Greg told him.

"I think it's a good name for us."

"You would," Gina shot back.

"So… When you guys have talked about the wall, this is what you meant?" Henry asked, turning to them.

He noticed a large wooden table pushed back against the wall. The top was varnished and it looked recent, preserving the writing under it. A buffet of food and drinks had been laid out on it and most of it was half gone.

"So, not that we have Henry, we can start on some new rules!" David said.

There was a cheer to his suggestion.

"What list?"

"This one," Grissom motioned at a wall.

Henry looked up, seeing the title of the list. Under it were numbered items and he noticed there were numbered items on other spots on the walls. Suddenly months of mysterious discussions made perfect sense. He had walked in on numerous conversations that referenced 'the wall,' and 'the list,' and 'lab rats aren't allowed to do that.' It had been baffling because as soon as he heard it, and they noticed he was in the room, the conversation changed so he never had a chance to decipher it.

"I'll be the first to take a stab at it," Archie said, holding up a piece of chalk.

Henry hadn't seen where he'd gotten it, or when everyone else had produced a piece of their own. Archie walked to a wall and started to write. He stopped, turning to Henry.

"Actually, Henry, being that you're new, you should be the first to write tonight."

"I have no idea what you're doing or talking about."

"You see the list here," Catherine said. "Well, we write to the list things that we've been told not to do, what we don't want to do, what we'd like other's not to do. It's kind of an ongoing gag."

"And the only people that know about it, are in this room," Bobby told him.

"No one else knows about this room?" Henry asked.

"Nope. And we plan to keep it that way."

Archie was holding out the chalk when he turned back around.

"I'll watch for now. I still am trying to figure out what's going on."

"Okay."

Archie turned back and wrote down:

136. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my supervisors or co-workers.

"Ecklie didn't like his poster?" Nick asked.

He walked over to the table and opened another beer, then sat down on the floor. Catherine and Gina joined him.

"Not really. He said it was too childish."

"You made him into a gorilla with his finger up his nose, Archie," Hodges told him.

"Yeah. You should have chosen a snake being beheaded," Greg growled.

The others laughed a little.

"He told me I couldn't wear my hat anymore," Bobby said.

"What hat?" Grissom asked.

Bobby walked over to a wall and wrote:

137. I am not allowed to wear tinfoil caps to "Block out the space mind control lasers."

"Are you serious? You wore that to stop mind control lasers?"

Bobby grinned. "I convinced a lot of people I did, didn't I?"

"That's because you did," Archie jabbed.

"I do not!"

"Bobby's hat isn't the worst thing he can't do anymore." Grissom stepped up to a wall, adding:

138. Furby® is not allowed to help the bomb squad disarm a bomb.

"Furby is a fearless member of the bomb squad!" Bobby retorted.

They started laughing.

"He is!" Bobby said, smiling. "He goes into any situation, fearless. There isn't a bomb he can't disarm."

"Or trigger!" Warrick jabbed.

"At least I don't go around screaming foul play like someone else here does!" Bobby looked right at Nick.

"I don't go around screaming foul play."

"Oh really?" Archie turned around, pretending to be putting something together. Suddenly he grabbed up something from the table and turned to Warrick. "Warrick, did you put these screws on the bench?"

Warrick grinned, "Naw man. They came out of the engine."

"No. They couldn't have come out of the engine."

"Alright, alright." Nick said, trying to stop them.

"I'm telling you, you took them out of the engine, Nicky," Warrick continued

"FOUL PLAY!" Archie yelled.

Everyone started laughing.

"Fine! No more foul play." Nick added it to the list:

139. If I take a mechanical device apart and end up with more screws than when I started with, I am no longer permitted to yell out, "Foul play!"

"And maybe you should add to that you aren't the big cheese on the crime scene," Greg said.

"Fine! I will!" Nick added the next rule.

140. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

He turned to them, faking crying, "I see how it is! Pick on Nicky. The underdog. The runt."

"You are so full of shit!" Gina laughed.

"At least I don't think I'm the queen of the lab," Nick taunted.

She rose to her feet, leaning into him. "Oh yeah? For your information, it's Empress."

"You ain't that either."

"I am the empress of this place. Without me, none of you would get memos! You wouldn't know when to hide your blow up toys and porn magazine when the Under Sheriff is coming for a surprise visit. So, yeah, I am the Empress."

"Gina, you're not the Empress," Catherine told her.

She turned to her. "A little female support would be nice."

Catherine shook her head as she drank some of her beer. "Sorry, chica, you can't be Empress. I am."

The men all booed her.

Gina nodded, walking over to a wall. "Okay. I see how it is, Catherine. If I can't be Empress, no one can!"

141. I am not the Empress of anything.

While Catherine booed, the men cheered. Gina turned with a smug smile on her face.

"Well, at least some us get to keep our regal status," Hodges said.

"Meaning?" Grissom asked.

"I'm the god of all evidence."

"You are?" Grissom asked.

"That's Grissom's title, Hodges," Warrick said before drinking more beer.

"No. It's not mine either. Nor is it yours Hodges."

"But I find more trace—"

"Keyword there was trace," Henry said.

"Yes. King of trace," Hodges looked up smugly.

Greg reached out and whacked him on the back of the head. Hodges turned to him.

"You, Hodges, are the king of I-can't-tie-my-shoes."

"What?"

"Shoes."

Hodges looked down at his laces that he didn't have.

Everyone started laughing.

"Alright, alright. And along Gina's line, if I can't be king, nobody can." Hodges added:

142. I am not 'the god of all evidence' and may not try to convince my co-workers, supervisors, or rookies otherwise.

"Glad we got that cleared up," David laughed.

"Yeah, he might have done more damage if he thought he was king of all evidence," Nick said.

"No. No one can do more damage then jumping bean over there," Warrick motioned at Greg.

"What? What I do?"

Nick started laughing. "You broke the metal detector last week! I remember that. It wouldn't go back in the case and you started stomping the lid."

"It came out in one piece."

"And broken," Grissom reminded him.

"I didn't break it!"

"Your shoe prints were on the case, Greg," Catherine. "Which means you can't do it and if that's the case, you must put it to the wall."

"Ah man!" Greg walked over to the wall, adding his receded right:

143. I am no longer allowed to jump on anything to make it fit or close.

"Oh, and one more thing I have to remember not to do," Greg added:

144. If a beautiful victim's cat hisses at me, I will let animal control test the animal's reflexes.

Catherine started laughing hard. "You just had to impress her, didn't you?"

"There's a good story behind this?" Grissom asked.

Catherine said, "Yes," at the same time Greg said, "No."

"Now we have to hear the story," Warrick said, flashing Greg a vindictive smile.

"No. It wasn't—"

"Would this have something to do with coming back from that rape case looking like you'd just been through a war?" Nick asked.

Again Catherine said, "Yes," at the same time Greg said, "No."

"Oh come on, Greggo, I gotta tell the story," Catherine told him. "If it weren't for you and that cat, we never would have gotten a rape kit."

"You don't need his permission, just tell it," Nick urged.

"No!" Greg told her.

But she ignored him. "So we get there and this poor girl is messed up bad. She wasn't about to let anyone touch her. So Greg's standing back, letting me try to talk to her, and she suddenly says she can't leave without her cat. She was pretty insistent on finding this cat. So Greg goes looking for it, finds it under a chair across the room. He calls it, tries to coax it out with a toy, nothing's working—"

"You can stop now," Greg said.

Catherine smiled, continuing. "So he decides he's just going to reach under there and grab it. All of a sudden he comes out from under the chair screaming bloody murder with this cat attached to his face!"

Everyone started laughing. Greg turned and pretended to beat his head against the wall.

And that cat, it wasn't about to let him go! He's yelling 'let go! Let go!' and trying to pull the cat off. He gets it off and it latches onto some other body part, gets it off again, it latches onto some other body part. We are all just dying laughing! I mean, even our vic was laughing. She suddenly gets up and gets its carrier and the two of them get the cat in it. But, before they get it in, this cat has other ideas. He's getting the carrier door latched and the cat starts kicking and flopping around inside the kennel. So he grabs hold of it like a punching bag and falls down, holding the kennel down. Then he looks up at her, and says, 'Did you train this cat to attack everyone or just me?' She sits down she's laughing so hard and apologizes. She said the guy threw it under the chair and she was sure it was dead. He tells her it is anything but dead. So we finally get ourselves collected and he talks her into going to the hospital for an exam. I'm getting ready to leave and she asks Greg to watch her cat for her. The look on his face… She starts laughing again and we leave."

"Did you watch the cat?" Nick asked Greg.

Greg turns. "I still have the cat. She asked me to take it to the shelter and I just… Couldn't."

"How are you two getting along now?"

"It sleeps on my head."

The room erupted in renewed laughter.

"Hey," Greg pointed at Nick. "At least I have a real cat sleeping on my head. Not that fake one you had after the last Halloween party."

"Oh, now, that's just a low blow."

"You and Warrick apparently don't get the two drink limit."

"We do now. Here. I'll show you." Nick wrote:

145. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

"As I recall, that wasn't the only misunderstanding of the two drink rule," Grissom said.

"What do you mean?" Nick asked with exaggerated innocence.

"Oh, fine!" Warrick said. He added under Nick's rule:

146. Two drink limit does not mean two drinks of two different kinds.

"Man, LVPD functions are going to be boring," Nick complained.

"And while we're at it, maybe we should set a limit on size," Hodges added, writing under Warrick's:

147. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

In unison the two said, "We never did that!"

"Oh, yeah, because they were serving everyone at the Halloween party forty-two ounce Daiquiris."

The two couldn't deny the accusation.

"And then…" David added, walking over to the spot, "They proceeded to go out to the parking lot and pull pranks." David wrote:

148. You may not insert any fruit or vegetable into the tailpipe of any city vehicle.

"That's not fair," Nick argued. "The potato exploded when you started the meat wagon. You never knew it was there!"

"Uh-huh," Hodges said, adding under David's:

149. Nor may you insert any fruit or vegetables into the tailpipe of your co-worker's personal vehicles.

"We have now learned that if you want to effectively stall a car, use apples, haven't we?" Hodges asked.

The two laughed, inciting another round of laughter.

"Speaking of unusual behavior," Grissom said, turning to Bobby. "Do you want to explain to me why you were carrying a crucifix around the day after?"

"Uh… no."

"He was trying to ward off people he didn't like," Henry said.

"I was not!"

"You were," the room answered.

"Here, make it so number one," Archie said, holding his chalk out to Henry.

Henry grinned, taking the chalk. He found a blank spot and wrote:

150. Crucifixes do not ward off co-workers, supervisors, angry suspects, or angry civilians, and I should not test that.

"Yeah, well, at least I'm not the one trying to convince everyone I can't do my job cuz there's a ghost in my lab's refrigerator," Bobby shot back.

"Gozer," Nick, Greg, and Hodges corrected.

"What's the difference?"

"Gozer lived in Dana's refrigerator," Greg answered. "The other ghosts didn't."

"What?" Grissom asked.

"You need to watch more old movies, Grissom," Nick said.

"Fine! No more Gozer." Henry wrote down:

151. Gozer does not dwell in any lab refrigerator and is an unacceptable excuse to not perform my duties.

Henry continued, "I'll have to resort to Slimer now. But if I can't have Gozer, then you, Warrick Brown, can't have this one."

152. "No Drinking of Alcoholic Beverages" does not imply that a Jack Daniel's® IV is acceptable.

"You told me that was for dialyses," Grissom said.

"I never said I needed dialyses, just that it could be for that."

Grissom shook his head. "I should have known better than believe that."

"So really, I think we should call ourselves The Wall Crew," Hodges said.

"That's a stupid name," Nick argued, leaning against a wall.

"Yeah, but it's good for now, isn't it?" Gina asked.

"Thank you, Gina."

"Until we can think of something not so stupid," she added.

"So The Wall Crew?" Hodges asked.

Half-heartedly they agreed, which thrilled Hodges. He walked over to the door, the only spot that didn't have writing, and pulled a chair up to it. He stepped up on it and at the top wrote the name, year, and then signed his initials. He stepped off, smiling proudly at the new name.

Grissom seemed to take more interest in this than the others.

"We should all initial it," he said.

"Why?"

"To make it part of the historical record of the room. We can add a line every time we add a new member."

There was a moment of silence. Grissom stepped onto the chair and signed his initials. Without another word, they each signed their names along the top of the door. When it was done, the entire line read: The Wall Crew – 2008 – (DH, MW, GS, HA, WB, NS, CW, CE, GG, AJ, Gina).

For a moment they stared at it, then Nick started talking about something that happened at his last crime scene and they went back to laughing at each other's mishaps.