I have been non-existent yes. Here is a new chapter in apology.
Over the next week Bex and Grant refused to be in the same room together. They also refused to acknowledge each others' presence any time they came in contact. In fact, they spent most of their days going above and beyond to avoid each other. To say they were beginning to get on everyone's nerves would be a bit of an understatement.
Macey being her usual charming self didn't care one bit about Grant and Bex's feelings and rather wished they would both deal with their problems without involving our little group. Actually, any chance she got to tell her opinion on the situation, she attacked it. She attacked it like a shark in blood infested waters. No mercy what so ever.
For example, "I can't even eat my lunch in peace now. Like what the actual fuck? I'm hiding in the laboratory bathroom so I can eat a sandwich in peace guys, this is unacceptable."
And of course, "Why would you have sex if you're not ready to have a baby, huh? A little advice, there's this thing called protection, Use it."
And then you can't forget, "Is this fucking grade school? Why can't they just say they like each other? Holy shit, do I need to hold up flash cards for them or something?"
And since Macey refused to take sides - 'I don't side with idiots' - she got the best of both worlds, except that she really didn't.
Macey's was beyond annoyed. She wanted to kill something. We should know, she'd said so herself a few more than a million times in the last week. See her problem was that she was stuck in an all out war between two rival teams, or in other words, she worked in the same section as the two of them. The rest of us were caught between feeling sorry for her and finding perverse entertainment in her suffering.
And since our offices are on opposite sides of the building, they tend to stay on their side rather than trudging all the way over to our humble, peaceful little sanctuary. Being the two stubborn mules that they both were, neither wanted to admit defeat, so they stayed on their side, glaring at each other from a distance while they fought over Macey's attention.
It looks scarily familiar to a couple divorcing and fighting for custody over their single child, only in this case the single child was Macey. Not that she really wants to go with either of them mind you. She'd most probably rather try to rip out her own eyeballs with her nails before she would subject herself to that kind of torture.
"Zach, stop it," I mumbled pushing away his face from where he was trying – and unfortunately, succeeding – at distracting me from the important business I was dealing with.
"No Bex, that dress does not make you look fat."
Fashion is important business no matter what anyone says.
"Well then it makes me look like a slag surely," she snapped followed by a series of slamming and banging of what was most likely innocent wooden drawers. Always such a gentle lady that Rebecca.
"You know if you had a boyfriend you could be complaining to him instead of me," I started, "especially if his name rhymed with Brant."
Subtlety is not my forte.
There was a series of spluttering noises on the other line before she let out an indignant scoff and slammed some more drawers. "I don't need a boyfriend okay Cameron? I am perfectly happy being a single independent woman in a society driven by barbaric males who are not worth my time or effort. Especially if that mindless male's name rhymes with Brant."
She was bluffing. I could practically hear the forcefulness in her voice, almost as if she was trying to convince herself that what she was saying was right. And yet again, I roll my eyes at the lunacy that is Rebecca Baxter. The Denial Ship rooms only for one, and that spot is reserved for her.
"Can you please just accept that you love him and want to bear all nine of his beautiful half Greek half German children while still kicking ass and taking names."
"Never" was the reply I received in a flat, 'conversation over' tone.
"Of course, she says 'never'." A shallow laugh escaped from me, the sound dry and sarcastic. "When you decide to stop living in denial I would love it if you could call me back," I said politely before stabbing the end button. What can I say; sometimes you need to be a bitch to get the point across.
I snapped the phone closed and threw it on the other side of the couch before letting out a growl and falling face forward onto Zach's lap. "Why can't they just love each other?" I asked miserably but it came out more like "Mmmfgrghuphgrf."
"I have no idea what that means but can I just say I really like this position," Zach said from above me patting my head. The urge to hit him was overwhelming, mainly because I was beyond frustrated and needed a medium to release all that pent up energy, and partly because he was making inappropriate jokes at a time when inappropriate jokes were definitely not needed.
Boys, always thinking with their heads and I'm not talking about the one above their shoulders. The yelp from above me conceded that my pinches were still very effective.
"How about trying to be serious for once," I snapped forcing myself upwards and setting a glare on him. A little impish smile crossed his face and he repeated what I'd just said in his 'oh look I have nothing better to do with my life so let's mock Cammie' voice. My left eye twitched. The couch suddenly didn't seem as inviting as it did a few minutes ago and I mostly certainly didn't feel for company at that moment.
"Look, I am not putting up with your shit tonight," I said and with a huff I heaved myself off the couch, dodging to the left as he tried to make a grab for my arm, and strode into my room ignoring Zach's protests. I slipped into some proper clothing and a pair of sneakers before heading back outside.
"I'm going for a run," I called out as I opened the front door, not bothering to listen for a response.
After spending two hours pushing myself to the point of exhaustion I made it back home. Every part of my body was drenched with sweat and my clothes were sticking to places that they really shouldn't have been sticking too. The run had cleared my head but it had also drained every last bit of energy I had remaining which meant when I came face to face with Zach, I was in no mood to discuss my what might have possibly been a slight over reaction.
"Can we do this tomorrow?" I sighed cutting him off before anything could come out his mouth. For a brief moment his face changed, an emotion I couldn't quite place flashing across it before it went blank again. An unsettling weight pressed down on my shoulders and a knot began forming at the base of my stomach as he gave me a quick nod, looking past me and walking back into his room.
It was practically by instinct that I went to chase after and when I realized what I was doing I stopped myself immediately. Running after him would only serve to make me look like a hypocrite since I was the one who'd asked him not to talk about it. Ignoring the niggling feeling I forced myself to walk past his door and towards the bathroom.
The shower helped ease out my nerves which and I could feel the sleepiness settling itself into my bones. My eyes started to droop closed as I finished rinsing out my hair. The hazy, dream-like state between sleep and consciousness began to take over my brain, and in a blur I had changed and was in bed. Except that there was one small problem.
Despite being tired as hell, I couldn't fall asleep.
Drank warm milk, nope. Counted backwards from one hundred, nada. Listen to the Relaxation CD with waves and rain and other natural shit, nothing. Even counting sheep didn't help.
And unfortunately, I knew exactly why I couldn't sleep. Staring up at the ceiling in resolve, the tiredness started drifting away, leaving that same nagging feeling to eat away at me until I was practically consumed by it and couldn't take it anymore.
"Shit I hate this. I hate my life. I hate everything," I grumbled throwing my feet onto the ground and stomping across the hall, opening Zach's door with more force than was actually necessary.
I was never good at dealing with guilt, especially when it came to Zach, so really it shouldn't been no surprise knowing that I wouldn't have been able to sleep if he was upset because of something I had done.
So when I stomped into his room, I had been planning on apologizing. Some shouting might have been involved with a slight amount of grumbling maybe, but I was going to do it nonetheless, however, it's a tad bit impossible to say sorry when the person's sleeping.
And now here's the thing about Zach – he has his guard up all the time. Even when he's acting like it's not there, it still is. But when he's sleeping, he can't keep it up which means that he's vulnerable. It's almost like seeing a completely different person – his whole face smooths out and he's stripped down and laid bare. Something akin to innocence practically radiates off him, and it kind of draws you in without you actually realizing it.
Being able to see Zach like that always made me feel as if I was intruding on something personal. To see him so exposed and open, knowing that he'd never let anyone see him like that – it felt kind of surreal sometimes and I enjoyed it more than I most probably should have.
I don't know how long I stood there just looking at him sleep. Moments like these were hard to find and when they happened to appear, it wasn't something I took for granted. Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice told me I was being overly creepy and borderline stalkerish watching him while he was unconscious, but my attention was somewhere else – focused on the person sprawled across his bed in front of me.
Tip-toeing across the floor, I sat down on the side of the bed, careful not to jostle the mattress too much in case I'd wake him up. A strand of hair had fallen out of place and was hanging precariously close to his eyes. The sudden urge to push it back hit me and before I knew what I was doing, my hand was resting on his forehead placing the hair back into place.
I should've pulled my hand back, it was common courtesy after all, but I couldn't resist letting my fingers drift through his hair, the soft strands slipping through my fingers as I passed over them.
"You know for a spy you're not very quiet."
I jumped back, my free hand flying to the base of my throat as Zach opened his eyes. They were a shockingly bright green in the darkness, glazed over with the remnants of sleep and drooped slightly downwards, but I could see the amusement in them as the corners of his eyes crinkled.
"That wasn't very nice," I said, holding back the waver in my voice and then snatching my hand away from his hair when I realized it was still resting there. The trademark blush found its way onto my face.
"Sorry," he said not sounding sorry at all. He gave me a little smile, just a small quirk of his lips which I returned with one of my own.
After a few silent seconds, I looked down at my hands resting on my lap and began toying with my fingers. Now or never Cammie, a little voice whispered.
Exhaling a little breath that I hadn't known I'd been holding, my gaze slid back to Zach who was still watching me with that grin on his face.
"I'm sorry about earlier," I whispered past the lump that had found its way into my throat without my consent. He let out a silent chuckle and rolled over to the other side of the bed. I stared at him confused as he looked back at me expectedly. When he realized that I wasn't going to catch on any time soon, one of his hands reached across the bed to grab my hand.
The fidgeting stopping immediately.
"Would you get in here already?" he asked holding up the covers.
Oh.
And well, I didn't need to be asked twice. I bounced over to him, biting my lower slip so that my grin wouldn't explode all over my entire face. A warm arm wound itself around my waist, pressing me closer to him as I snuggled into his side. Resting my head under the little nook of his chin, he placed a soft kiss to my temple.
"They're really starting to get to you huh?"
"You have no idea," I mumbled closing my eyes as the sleepiness began to sink in.
"Stop worrying about it. They'll sort it out eventually," he said. I snorted out a noise that was reminiscent of a 'yeah right' and told him to keep dreaming. He let out a little laugh and told me to go to sleep.
I went without one complaint.
The next morning all the shit went down.
I went to work with a smile, feeling more refreshed than ever and walked right into a battle zone.
"Bloody hell I don't want to fucking talk to you!" was the first thing I heard when I stepped into the hallway of my office floor. The voice belonged to the one and only Bex, her voice carrying much more loudly than anyone her size should. Upon further inspection I realized what exactly I'd just walked head first into.
A fight, but not just any fight couple's fight. Shit.
"Don't say anything," a voice whispered into my ear as a warm hand wrapped around my upper arm in a vice grip. By pure instinct I slammed by elbow back and spun around to see... Macey?
I started to ask what the hell was going on when she began shaking her head rapidly, her eyes widening in warning. I took that as my cue to shut up.
When the voices rose again, my attention snapped back to them. Despite not knowing what the hell was going, I did know that whatever it was, it was bad. It was really bad.
Taking a closer look, I realized Bex's eyes were blood-shot and slightly puffy around the corners, the giveaway that she'd been crying and they kept darting from one spot to another, almost as if she didn't know where to look at exactly. Grant who had been trailing behind her, hurried to get in front of her before skidding to a stop and blocking her from passing.
"Well guess what? I do and –"
"And what makes you think I'm going to listen to anything you have to say?" Bex snapped cutting him off giving him a glare so cold my heart hurt a little just for him.
The both of them went silent after that, Bex standing with her fists clenched so tight in her hands that the skin over her knuckles had turned a stark white. I could tell just from looking, there was more to what met the eye. There was a war raging on insider her, a war she was fighting with herself.
It was a habit of hers that I'd only recently took notice of, suffocating her emotions inside of her till one day they just exploded. It either showed how horribly I was failing in the best friend department or how good Bex was at hiding what she was really feeling. It was likely a mixture of the two but I tended not to divulge any deeper than that, fearing what I'd find if I did.
Sometimes it's better to turn a blind eye if you know you can't handle the consequences. It's messed up - honest if the best policy of course - but it's also true.
Bex was good at ignoring her emotions, but eventually they did catch up to her, and when they did she never knew how to process them. How would she if she was only running away from them?
It had happened with Grant, and those feelings she had bottled up, denied and ignored had exploded right out of her as far as I could tell.
So with one final withering look she turned away from him. The bang of the door made us all cringe and the the sound still rang in my ears even after she'd slammed it, taking the stairs as her way of escape.
"What the fuck just happened?" I asked a little stupefied and a shitload of shocked, the slam of the door still lingering in the silence that had surrounded us. Grant stood where he was, his back turned to us with one of his hands still held slightly outwards, frozen in his spot. And Macey looked just as lost as me.
My question didn't get answer for a long while.