Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis
Lady Monozuki: Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews. This chapter is a little less dramatic (or so I think) so hopefully I won't make you cry. Anyway, today is my birthday and here's my present to you all, updates! Please enjoy!
Chapter Three: Choices
He stood there in shock not knowing what to do. Fuji had left them without even considering the consequences of his actions. Of course he understood why, after all their youngest lover had just cut himself and was on the verge of dying. Yet in spite of knowing that he had gone without them. Even knowing that Ryoma was inches from death door, he remained frozen and thinking about what Keigo would do to them if they even bothered to go to the hospital.
He knew that once he had been referred to as an immovable mountain, he figured that he must look pretty pathetic in comparison to his former junior high days. He blamed years of being together and being comfortable with their relationship. It had softened him to the point where he was no longer untouchable. Sanada figured that their relationship would eventually come to this point, but he never imagined that it would be upon him sooner than he was ready. He had figured that he had all the time the world to figure out his feelings and to figure out what the others are thinking.
Now that the situation was upon him how much he had no idea to as to where he would place his loyalty. Part of him knew that they had treated Ryoma wrongly and that he needed to make amends with their youngest lover before he could move on with any other relationship that he might have. He sank into the couch next to Kunimitsu and waited for the other to speak. He did not know how to start out the conversation they both knew that this needed to discussed before Keigo got home for the evening.
He had a feeling that Kunimitsu also sensed that this needed to be taken care sooner rather than later. Both of them had been on edge for months not knowing which side to take in the matters because they had both suffered at the hand of Keigo. He knew that Kunimitsu would not admit to the abuse that he was subjected to and he had kept it to himself as well.
He eyed the other person sitting next him.
"What are you going to do?" Tezuka asked at great length.
"I don't know. I think we both know that we have to apologize to Ryoma."
"The problem is whether or not he will accept our apology."
"I do not think that Ryoma is one to do such things over our head. I think that he would be forgiving of us if we explain why."
"True, but do we even know the reason as to why?" Tezuka asked.
He did not know what to say to that. He was not even sure that he knew all of the story behind their problems. The information he had managed to put together did not make a clear picture and he suspected that the people who knew the most regarding the subject were the ones that he did not want to confront and could not confront. Keigo would no doubt throw up his barriers and refuse to speak of the problem. Moreover, Ryoma was unconscious. He let a sigh escape his lips.
"Do you even know the entirety of the story, Mistu?" he asked.
"I wish I did. Everything would make a lot more sense if both of them would tell us what went on between them."
"I think that part of what triggered the change inside of Keigo was what happened to Ryoma."
"I disagree," Tezuka countered. He raised an eyebrow. "I think that was the breaking point."
"What do you mean?" Sanada asked.
"Are you saying that you were unaware of the abuse going on before all of this happened?"
"I never knew that Keigo was abusive before this point," he admitted. He wanted to curse aloud for not noticing such a thing. They had been so close before, but that had changed. He wondered when they had grown so far apart that they could not read each other anymore. He rubbed his temples in frustration. He had never been on the receiving end of Keigo's wrath until after Ryoma had come home last year. He never would have suspected such a thing either since he believed that they were all mostly happy with their relationship and everyone had hid their pain so well. He could not help but wonder how much his other lovers had suffered at Keigo's hand. He stared at Tezuka.
"How much did he use you?" he asked in a quiet voice. He used to speak with confidence. Now he wondered where did all of his strength go and would he ever get it back?
"I don't think he started until a year after you joined. I don't know how much Ryoma and Syuusuke have suffered because of Keigo's abuse. I know that it got worse after what happened a year ago."
"Do we even know all of what happened back then?"
"I don't know all of the details, I think that we were told the basic information and that something else happened that made Keigo really angry. Do you remember that night when Ryoma asked us to make love to him?"
"Yes, it was the most painful thing to watch. He was obviously hurt more than we could ever imagine because of what happened. Do you think that's what made Keigo angry? The fact that Ryoma couldn't have sex with us?"
Kunimitsu shook his head. "Even Keigo is not that shallow. I think that there was something that happened to Ryoma that he never told us about and that's why he reacted in such a way."
"We could speculate on what that is, but I don't think that would do us any good," Sanada said in a low voice. How long had it been since he had seen Ryoma before this incident? He remembered that he had seen him once playing tennis. He had watched the once strong and arrogant player struggle to return balls that had bounced against the wall. He had wanted to tell Ryoma to stop torturing himself, but he couldn't. To think that Ryoma had been holding in all of that pain made him feel even worse.
Sure he knew that their youngest lover went on tournaments, but they were never major. After that one incident, he never returned to the public eye and struggled with his own demons. He wondered what the world would think if they could see the Prince of Tennis now, in a coma, all because his lovers were the biggest bastards the world would ever know.
"What are you doing to do, Mistu?" he asked again. That question had been swirling around in his mind. He wanted to know where his other lovers stood. They would have to take sides like they did when Ryoma came back a year ago. He had known that Syuusuke would go with Ryoma, he had always known. The tensai liked a challenge and the others couldn't always provide that for him. Ryoma always made things difficult for the sadist and refused to be controlled, just as much as Fuji refused to be controlled. Both separately and combined, the they made for trouble in their own way and loved creating excitement between them.
While he and Tezuka weren't as boring as others thought them to be, he knew that they were different in their own way. He did not know what methods Tezuka used to court the others, but he had preferred to do things in a more subtle fashion and made their favorite things to do a part of their dates. For instance, he went with Fuji to all of the horror flicks that he could stand for one century. With Tezuka, they had gone to see more sophisticated entertainment, such as classical music and theatre performances. With Keigo, he went wherever the diva did. It seemed that the diva had done more of the courting than he, but he didn't mind. With Ryoma, he had played tennis against him. He loved playing a match, no matter the outcome. They were always special in their own ways because Ryoma was perhaps the least likely out of them all to ever mutter the words "I love you".
To hear those words was like winning the Japan Academy Prize (1), it didn't happen often and when it did, you treasured the memory. Ryoma preferred to speak through his actions in comparison to words and that's why he didn't say that. He let his lovers screw him until they were satisfied—and being one who hated to be controlled, that was saying far more than any of them could come up with. Yes, he enjoyed the time he spent will all of his lovers, but in the most, Ryoma. Their youngest was different from all of the others, not just because of his attitude and ability to challenge all those he came across, but he was special in a way he could not described.
"You've decided, haven't you?" Tezuka asked. He looked up at his other lover, he had wanted to say yes, but he didn't know if he could ever forgive himself for hurting Ryoma.
"No, I don't know if I will be able to make my choice based off of this. There are far too many gaps and I can't accept any of this until I know the truth."
"You may be waiting a long time then," Tezuka said.
"You chose Keigo, didn't you?" he asked.
"You don't know him as well as I do," Tezuka said. "In spite of him being a diva at times, he is a sensitive person and cares for all of us more than you would think. He always brags that he is the best, but that is because he never got confirmation from his parents. Everything that he did was never accepted in their eyes and therefore putting more stress on him to do better. You know that he's an heir to their cooperation and that has put a lot of pressure on him all ready."
He nodded in understanding. He had never really fit in with this relationship. Though they had tried to include him as best as he could, he had strained their relationship and he felt guilty for doing so. He could tell that they were not as happy with him as they were before. Sanada could not help but wonder why they had even accepted him into their relationship in the first place. Sure he had like all of them, but he would have understood if they did not allow him into their lives. At first, he didn't question their motives. It felt great to be loved like that and so he let thing happen. However, he started to notice that Syuusuke was pushing himself to adapt to all of them and so was Ryoma. Though they both hid whatever frustrations well, he could tell that they were unhappy.
A sigh escaped his lips. Perhaps he should not have even joined their relationship. They probably would have been better off without him and they probably wouldn't be in this situation.
Who are you kidding? They would have been in the same spot all the same because of what happened. I just wouldn't be involved.
He stood and headed for the front. He wanted to see Ryoma at least so that he could learn how he was doing. He doubted that Syuusuke would let him stay very long. The tensai had always been possessive over what he claimed as his and Ryoma was no exception. He supposed that had to do with them being together since before they even got together as a group. He had never heard the full story and it reminded him all too well that he did not know as much as the others.
"Are you going to see him?" Tezuka asked.
"Yes," Sanada answered. "I want to see at least how he is doing."
"What are you going to do afterward?"
"I'll figure that out later," he said.
He headed to the front door, pausing only to slip on some shoes and slip on his jacket. He would decide everything later, he wanted to see Ryoma first. Sanada went to one of the limos that were always waiting to take them where they wished. He gave brief instructions to the driver before turning to stare out the window. He would never forgive himself for allowing this to happen. Even if he had not been there the longest, he had let this all happen while he was in a relationship with them. What good was he in a relationship if he couldn't read his own lovers?
To be continued…
1) I don't know how rare this award actually is, but from what I understand, it is pretty rare. So don't kill me if it's more common than I think.