18) I Know What You Did Last Tuesday

Grissom rushed into the lab and announced, "Meet me at The Wall. There's something you have to see."

Hodges, Nick and Greg looked up, watching him rush off. They didn't question his sudden appearance and disappearance; they just dropped what they were doing and quickly obeyed.

#

Perhaps it wasn't as heinous as a murder of passion, or a drug deal gone wrong, but to the Wall Crew – minus Ecklie – now grouped together in their room, it may as well have been. Someone had found The Wall. In large letters, in perfect print (Grissom knew it was to disguise their real handwriting, which meant they were working hard to conceal their identity) that someone wrote: I know who all of you are. I know what you did last Tuesday here. CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!

"What did we do here last Tuesday?" Bobby asked.

"Had my birthday party," Hodges answered.

"Oh yeah."

"This guy's taunting us to catch him," Nick said.

"We could do an analysis on the handwriting. Maybe it's someone from an old case."

"The suspect left that sweatshirt over there on the chair. We can run it for DNA," Mandy said. "Maybe figure out what the logo is."

Catherine and Grissom exchanged a look. She rolled her lips, biting down to keep from laughing. He smiled, but contained his laughter.

"There's a pencil under the table," Archie said. "Looks like there's something is scratched into it. Anyone got any gloves?"

"That coffee cup might have DNA on it too," Henry said, pointing at the cup sitting next to the edge.

Grissom slowly started moving back towards Robbins and Catherine followed. They reached him as Ecklie came in.

"What's going on?" Ecklie asked.

Grissom started laughing as he watched Archie don a pair of gloves and climb under the table to retrieve the pencil.

"Gil, we don't have time for The Wall. We're backed up upstairs."

"A terrible crime has been committed," Catherine said between giggles. "And our CSI and lab rats are collecting evidence."

Ecklie looked at her, then the others, then back at her. "We don't have time for this."

"I'm aware of that, but give me a minute to compose myself," Grissom told him.

Ecklie looked back at the group. "What are you doing with my coffee cup?" he pointed at the 'suspect's' coffee cup Nick held.

That got everyone's attention.

"That's yours?" Warrick asked.

"Yeah. I left it in the break room a week ago and when I went back for it, it was gone. I haven't seen it for a week."

Nick put on a glove and picked it up. He frowned. "It's clean. Doesn't look like it's been used."

"It's clean! What?" Ecklie walked forward, grabbing the cup from him.

"HEY! That may have evidence on it."

"Okay, this is stopping right now," Ecklie said.

"Conrad, let me handle this," Grissom urged.

Conrad cast a dark glare at Nick when he held his hand out for the coffee cup.

"Nick, forget the cup." Grissom said.

"But—"

"People, listen," Grissom said, stepping toward them. "I guess I never truly appreciated how special this spot of Las Vegas is to you until today."

Grissom looked at each face as he spoke, because he was sincere in that comment. It was clearly disturbing to them that someone had found their place and written the message on the floor.

"But this isn't a crime scene, no crime has been committed," he finished.

"Someone wrote on The Wall!" Archie protested.

"By that right, Archie, we should all be punished because it is vandalism." Grissom saw a storm starting to brew with the remark and cut it off before it started. "However—" Grissom waited to make sure they were listening. "I think we, Conrad and I, could both agree that, after your shift is over, and on your own time, you are more than welcome to process the scene as a crime scene. I think, Conrad, it would be good practice."

"Good practice?" Ecklie asked, looking at him like he'd lost his mind.

Grissom smiled. "I believe that whoever did this is a co-worker, which means it is either another CSI or lab tech or perhaps a police officer. They are going to work very hard at preventing my team from finding them, they will have internal knowledge of what the CSI and lab techs are doing, so this could prove to be a difficult case. But, like I said, it will have to be worked on in their personal time."

"And what about the evidence we need to process with the equipment?" Mandy asked. "The DNA or the fibers? It's not like any of us have a crime lab set up in our basements at home." She paused a moment and then added. "Unless you do, Grissom."

"I do not. Conrad, would it be okay if they used the lab equipment to process evidence on their own time? It shouldn't use much of our supplies or chemicals, and it will be with the understanding that their evidence is not to take precedence."

"But some of this is time sensitive," Greg objected.

"You do what he says or the deals off the table," Ecklie said. He handed Nick his cup back. "Starting with my coffee cup after this shift. I want my cup back."

The CSI and lab techs didn't answer right away.

"It's this deal or nothing, guys," Catherine said. "We have real cases upstairs and as much as I love this place, we can't commit work time to figuring out who wrote this. So what's it going to be?"

Like a schoolyard of third graders, they muttered agreement. All that was missing is the stomping of feet on the floor and a few tears.

"Go back upstairs and get to work," Grissom gently ordered. "And I expect all of you to focus on your real work. Tomorrow morning, at ten sharp, we'll come back and start to work on this for a few hours."

"Who's going to protect it while we're gone?" Gina asked.

"It will be fine."

"The perp could come back and do something else," Warrick said.

"If the perp does, we'll follow the evidence. Now go back to work."

They left but Grissom could tell they weren't happy. Ecklie left with them, perhaps to make sure they followed Grissom's order. Catherine stepped into Grissom's line of sight, gave him a look, then walked away laughing. Robbins walked up next to him.

"What was that about?"

"She's been accusing me of acting too fatherly toward my team. I don't think I improved that image just now."

Robbins smiled. "I don't think you did either."

#

Grissom entered the crime scene without precaution, and almost incited an uprising.

"Don't touch that wall!" Greg snapped.

"Grissom, where's your gloves?" Nick asked.

"Don't just barge in here like that!" Gina bellowed. "You'll smear the writing and contaminate the stuff."

Grissom stopped, surprised for a second. They had behaved all night, much to his surprise, and vanished the minute the clocks all read ten. He had to finish up paperwork and didn't get away until noon.

"So…" Grissom considered his question as he watched Catherine dusting the table.

She looked up and mouthed, 'I'm humoring them.'

He smiled.

"Any luck?" Grissom continued.

"No," was the resounding answer.

Archie broke off, adding, "And the person was here tonight, while we were all in the building." He pointed at a spot on the wall. "I'm going over the surveillance tapes to see who it might have been."

"You can't do that, Archie," Grissom said as he walked around the edge of the room to read the new rules.

"But you said—"

"This isn't a real case and I can't authorize the warrant. You'll just have to interview the guards tonight."

"Fine."

Grissom smiled at the rules left behind by their mystery person. They were written in the same neat print that had been left on the floor:

254. A smiley face should never be used to mark points of evidence, evidence bags, evidence jars, or urine specimens.

255. Freedom of speech only applies off duty.

256. You will not have Plan 9 from Outer Space ready for viewing when a co-worker logs into their workstation.

257. We do not use our badges to get special privileges (i.e. moving to the front of the Starbucks line for 'official police business' and then ordering a latte).

Grissom chuckled at them.

"Don't you even tell us that you're going to enjoy those rules," Warrick told him.

"But I agree with them. Well, except maybe the freedom of speech one, but the rest give me clues about the suspect."

"What do you mean?" Nick asked.

"Like they probably like horror movies?" Gina asked.

Grissom looked at her, surprised by the question. "What makes you say that?"

She pointed at the message on the floor. "They stole that from a horror movie title."

Grissom smiled. "Yes. That would be a clue, Gina. Good job."

She smiled.

"Others is that this person handles evidence that you guys like to mark with smiley faces, after I've told you not to." Grissom gave them a level stare for a moment, and then continued. "The drawing of the flower is a signature, we just have to figure out who we know has been seen drawing it. They apparently work in the lab, because those are the only computers Archie has rigged to start that poor excuse of a movie. And as I recall, Nicolas Stokes, we had an issue about using badges for special privileges not too long ago. Last week, was it?"

"He did it," Nick and Warrick said, pointing at the other.

Grissom laughed. He could feel the tension in the room starting to ease.

"So, we can safely assume this is someone that works in the lab, and probably works nights, can't we?"

"That only narrows it down to eight people. Not including the guards and janitorial staff."

"Then that would actually narrow it down to twenty," Hodges said.

"No. Eighteen. The other three can't read or speak English," Nick pointed out.

"So we should probably start there." Grissom dug a piece of chalk from his pants pocket and walked up to a wall.

"What are you doing?" Nick asked him.

"Writing a rule."

"But we haven't finished processing the scene."

Grissom laughed, but it didn't stop him from writing:

258. Other things not to include in reports: Mike and Ike's and Hot Tamales are not referred to as "uppers," blue M and M's are not referred to as "downers," sugar is not to be referred to as "angel dust," and oregano is not "happy weed."

He turned to the silent room. The only one that wasn't glaring at him was Catherine. She was turned away, staring at the ceiling, her mouth covered with one gloved hand.

"Anyone else?" he asked holding up the chalk.

Archie marched forward and snatched it away. He shook the chalk at Grissom as he told him, "You are evil, Doctor Gil Grissom. Evil. You are like Jekyll and Hyde, and you don't even drink crazy juice to become them."

"Oh?"

"You come in here and tell us we can process it like a crime scene, and then you contaminate it."

"How much more evidence can you glean from this room?" he asked, motioning to the bags sitting near the door.

"We will never know. Now." Archie walked to the wall and wrote:

259. Unlock the tape before you try recording over it.

"I checked the tape!" Warrick protested.

Archie turned, smirking. "Right. If you'd checked the tape, we'd have had a good blackmail video on Greggo."

"What blackmail?" Greg asked.

"Oh yeah." Warrick grinned. "I forgot about that."

"Forgot about what?"

"When we had that IA review, and they were questioning you about the policies. You kept asking—"

"I dunno what you're talking about," he quickly interrupted.

"What was he asking?" Mandy asked.

"He wanted to know if—"

"I was asking them to clarify the policies."

"You were asking—"

This time when Greg tried to interrupt Archie and Warrick both said louder, "If he was going to be stripped searched!"

Greg blushing bright red made everyone laugh. He pried the chalk from Archie's hand and wrote:

260. When held for questioning, I do not have a right to a strip search.

"I never, ever want to hear about that again. And for the record, I hate IA."

"Everyone hates IA," Ecklie said.

"You hate IA?" Hodges asked him.

"I have no love for them."

"I find that revealing and shocking."

"I find everything Greg does revealing and shocking."

"What did I do now?"

"How about every time you have any paperwork that you are required to put your race, you actually, just for the fun of it, put your real race?"

"Whaaaaat?"

Catherine laughed. "Oh yes, Greg, the non-human human Caucasian but only on the second Thursday of every thirteenth month, Sanders."

He smiled, wagging his finger at her. "You know you like it. You know it."

"All the same," Ecklie said. "Put it on the wall. No more of that. And include every race you've ever been."

Greg wrote the rule number, and then looked over his shoulder. "You know, those sections always say optional."

"They're important for our funding."

"But they say optional."

"Write it."

"I'm just saying." Greg wrote the rule.

261. When filling out paperwork of any kind, my race is not any of the following: hobbit, elf, Ranger, Denobulan, Jem'Hadar, Lilties, Gelfling, Skeksis, Cardassian, Bajoran, Angosian, Breen, Trill, Asgard, Jaffa, Wookie, Ewok, Muggle, or Wraith.

Greg stepped back, staring at the rule. "I will search far and wide for more species."

"You like making my job harder, don't you?" Ecklie asked him.

Greg's grin was evil and sadistic. "Do you really want an answer to that?"

"No."

"You should also add your excuse for showing up at yesterday's crime scene looking like you did," Catherine told him.

"What? What I do?"

"You showed up looking like you'd rolled out of bed, Greg."

"Well… I told you why."

"And I told you, you couldn't use that as an excuse."

Greg wrote his rule, protesting "Good grief! What is this? Pick on Greg Sanders afternoon."

262. Arriving at a scene in less than acceptable appearance cannot be blamed on a transporter malfunction.

"I'm liking it," Nick jabbed.

"You would, Tattoo."

"Do not go calling me Tattoo."

"You started it!"

"How did I start it?"

"Oh, you started it," Warrick told him.

"I did not start it."

"Start what? What are you three old ladies bickering about?" Mandy demanded.

The men stared at her.

"Old ladies?" Nick asked.

"You three sound just like three old ladies. All that's missing is the knitting, the rocking chairs and cats."

It took a minute, but her comparison brought a wave of laughter.

Through his laughter, Nick said, "Fine. Fine! I'll write it."

263. I may not shriek "Da plane! Da plane!" while investigating a scenes at an airfield.

"Happy?"

A resounding, "Yes" came from his fellow CSI.

"You know, thinking of things we've talked about not doing, yet you guys seem dead set on doing," Ecklie said, holding his hand out for the chalk. "There is something that really needs to stop."

264. You are not allowed to use the supervisor's red phone to "check up on the mayor."

Ecklie turned to the three worse of the CSI jesters. "And if I ever, ever, ever, get woke up at three in the morning by him because one of you has done this, I will personally make your lives hell until you quit."

"Why not fire them?" Bobby asked.

"Unemployment would kick in," Robbins answered.

"Ohhhhh."

"And you, Warrick," Catherine said, pointing at him. She held her hand out for the chalk. "You are in big trouble after tonight."

"Me?"

"Oh yeah." She wrote on the wall:

265. You are not allowed to cast spells at crime scenes even if the victim was Wiccan. Contributed by Mae

Catherine spun and faced him. "You weren't helping the situation."

"I was so helping the situation."

"You were making the witness uncomfortable with all that mumbo jumbo."

"She wasn't uncomfortable; she had two pots of coffee. She was flipping out long before I got there."

"So you admit you were casting a spell?"

"I was pretending to cast a spell."

"Same difference."

"Hardly! I don't believe in that stuff, but it sure spooked the witness. Who, as we discovered, was actually the killer, and also the guy's sister – which she failed to mention."

"You are impossible!"

"Thank you."

Catherine threw up her hands, turning to Ecklie and Grissom. "He needs to be given a few trash dumps."

Grissom only laughed. Ecklie took the chalk.

"There is one more thing I've thought of that you guys need to stop when there's media around."

"Just one thing?" Mandy asked.

Ecklie wrote it down:

266. Nevada is not to be referred to as 'the tumbleweed state,' 'the we love our criminals infused with a little garlic oil state,' 'where even a beaver can strike it rich state,' or 'the state that loves you broke'

"We don't do that," Greg protested.

"Naw. We'd never say anything bad about our beloved state," Nick added.

Warrick nodded. "We love our state. Love it."

"After all, the state pays our salary, we'd never dream of offending anyone with anything off color," Catherine said.

The room went silent. Ecklie pointed at her with the chalk. "Your comment went a little too far into the disbelieving realm, Catherine."

She shrugged, taking the chalk. "But our state does have lots of tumbleweeds."

Ecklie smiled and looked right at Nick. "We reserve that title for Texas."

Most of the room resounded in an "Oooo." Nick smiled.

"You know, Archie pegged the wrong Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde. You come into this room and turn into this very disturbing person!"

Ecklie just chuckled, letting Catherine take the chalk. She wrote on the wall:

267. Crime scenes do not need soundtracks, either at them or afterwards.

And then turned and crossed her arms, staring at them. All of suddenly they all pointed at each other.

She shook her head. "This is like being in kindergarten."

"So then I can be a CSI now?" Henry asked.

"Oh for everything good and holy stop him now!" Bobby cried out.

"But I wanna be a CSI."

"You do?"Grissom asked.

"He's being facetious," Catherine loudly whispered to Grissom.

"He thinks he's a P.I.," Warrick told him.

"You do, do you?"

"Yes." Nick wrote:

268. Cereal box P.I. cards are not sufficient police, lab tech, or CSI identification.

"My brother gave it to me one morning when I couldn't find my badge," Henry told them.

"But you apparently found it?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, Nicky likes to give his away."

"I did not give it away."

"You handed it to the kid, you gave it away."

"No. I did not give it away. The little creep stole it!"

"What happened?" Hodges asked.

Nick wrote on the wall:

269. If a little kid asks to see your badge, don't give it to him!

"You handed your badge to a kid?" Grissom asked.

"At least it wasn't my gun."

"Oh God!" Catherine laughed.

"Are you sure that you and Greg aren't Jekyll and Hyde?" Mandy asked.

"Why?"

"You two seem to get scatter brained at the same time."

Nick and Greg didn't even argue the point.

"So I have one," Henry said, writing it down:

270. Not allowed to make s'mores while monitoring the burn pit.

"You?" Grissom asked.

Henry and Hodges both looked at Mandy.

"I didn't make them."

"You were making them when I came out," Hodges said.

"I wasn't using the fire."

"The chocolate was melted."

"I used the lighter."

"You used the fire," Henry told her.

She hesitated, and then shook her head. "No. Nope. I didn't."

"She did," Hodges told Grissom. He took the chalk. "I discovered a 'don't do' yesterday." He wrote.

271. Don't tease the ballistics expert when he's armed with a loaded rubber-bullet riot gun.

Bobby started laughing. "That's what you get for teasing me about my accent."

"He teased you about your accent?" Nick said.

Hodges laughed nervously, telling Nick, "Not really teasing. It was more of a comment."

"You kept telling me I sounded redneck when I was sick or angry," Bobby told him.

"I was referring to your vocabulary, not your accent."

"So 'you sound like you should be in the next Dukes of Hazard movie' was a compliment?"

"Sure."

Nick grinned. "Well, Hodges, next time I have a loaded non-lethal weapon, I'll have to remember to test it out on you."

"I said it to him."

"You misunderstand the camaraderie of Southerners," Bobby told him.

Hodges looked at Grissom, who wasn't about to offer him help out of his own hole. He suddenly turned the focus onto Archie. "Did you know he sells stuff on eBay at work?"

"What?" Archie asked.

"You do."

"I monitor my sales at work, there's a difference."

"I saw listing something." Hodges quickly added to the list:

272. Not allowed to operate a business out of the lab.

Archie walked up to him, getting in his face. He snatched the chalk away and without looking away from Hodges, wrote (very sloppy):

273. Especially not allowed to operate a pornographic movie studio out of the lab.

"I never did that!"

Archie smirked. "Sure you did. I saw you."

"Oh, and one more rule to that." Greg wrote:

274. Not even if they are "especially patriotic" pornographic movies.

"I did not! I have not… I never did that!"

Greg and Archie cracked at the same time, exchanging a high five. Archie tossed the chalk back to him.

"You were squirming! That was great!" Archie laughed.

"I was not squirming."

"You were squirming," Catherine told him.

"I was not."

"Just like you didn't put in a request for medical leave because of a paper cut?" Ecklie asked as he wrote:

275. Paper cuts will not be considered for hazard pay.

"It was a very serious paper cut," Hodges argued.

"It was a paper cut."

"I bled all over the place."

"You bled in the sink for five seconds."

"But I did bleed."

"Hodges, don't make me reconsider firing you."

"You mean hiring him, don't you?" Catherine asked.

"No. He fired me twice this morning."

"You did?" Grissom asked.

"Yeah, but apparently he's like a stray dog. He won't leave." Ecklie said, heading for the door. "I guess he'll be back tonight too."

Hodges mimicked him as he followed him out. The Crew slowly filed out of the room, heading home. Grissom was last out, shutting off the lights. He turned to close the door, and over the top of the filing cabinets saw someone move out of sight three aisles up. He stared at the spot for a moment, and then smiled and walked away.