Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.

Lady Monozuki: I'm so sorry I haven't gotten any posts up for a long time. My life has been so dysfunctional and I've gone through a lot. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and thank you for reading.

Chapter Eight: Lost

He mentally groaned. Without thinking, he had let those last words slip out of his mouth. Yes, he wanted to hurt both Gen and Syuusuke, but he still could have done so with more class. After all, he was the great Ore-sama. He wanted to chuckle at his thoughts. He was the worst person at this moment. He was surprised that Syuusuke hadn't killed him yet. He deserved every bit of their retribution should they choose that option. Atobe did not want to continue with this conversation because it seemed that no matter what he said, it would be used against him. Yes, he was not proud of the way he had acted. Most of his actions were based off desire. He was foolish to think for a moment that Ryoma would even leave him.

He knew that Ryoma was the most faithful person in this room. Even though none of the others would admit it, but they had all shared their secrets about other romances, or flings. His many relationships were probably no secret, but the others were a lot harder to discover. For instance, he knew that Gen turned to his former captain, Yukimura Seiichi, whenever their relationship was far too much for him to handle. Kunimitsu had gotten drunk one day and ended up in bed with one of his former teammates, though he never did figure out who. In addition, when Syuusuke dated Kunimitsu, no one was able to tame the sadist. The one person who changed that was the very person who was now fighting for their life in the hospital, the one who was also unaware of this entire conversation.

While he and Ryoma spent a few times together while they were dating other people, they never cheated on their lovers. They only hung out and usually participated in several drinking contests, which amounted to both of them suffering massive hangovers. Still though, he had never heard, seen, or found out about any of Ryoma's infidelities. Atobe should have known better than to believe the rapists. However, he wanted to find something to drive away Ryoma forever. Even his plan had not worked. Their youngest lover had remained in the mansion, locked away and rarely seen. He had tried everything to get rid of everyone but Kunimitsu. Everyone had stuck to him despite of all of him causing problems in their relationship intentionally. They continuously loved him and provided what he needed despite how wrongly he had treated them.

They had given him unconditional love and he continued to treat them without regard. They were willing to be hurt just to be around him. He could not understand why.

Why would they want to get hurt daily in order to stick with me? They know that I'm nothing but a narcissist and am always used to getting my way. I don't understand why they endured all of what I did to them if they knew that I was going to break up with them. I don't understand anything at this moment.

He could not grasp why someone would want to continue on with an abusive relationship. Of course, he had thought that he could get rid of them in that fashion. However, that did not explain why they would want to constantly be harmed physically and mentally. He knew that he didn't deserve any of them because they continued to stick by him. Even when they knew that he would eventually leave them all, they defended him and still trusted him. They repeatedly put their lives into his hands and he attacked them in any way that he could. Atobe still just could not comprehend why.

Atobe looked into Syuusuke's eyes and noticed that the sadist looked close to walking out. He would not blame them if they all left. Really, he could not understand why Kunimitsu was willing to stand by him. He did not deserve it by any means.

"I don't see any reason to continue," Syuusuke said. He winced at the cold tone that the sadist had used. He could understand why though. He had made it very clear to them that they were not wanted in his life. He was content to leaving this conversation as it was. However, he knew that nothing had been resolved, they were still far too angry with each other. They had not figured out anything, even where Gen and Syuusuke would spend the night.

"Syuusuke," Kunimitsu said. He was surprised at first, but decided that it was probably best to stay silent. "We haven't worked out anything. All we have done is shed light on our true relationship."

"There isn't anything to work out!" the sadist spat. Syuusuke pointed at him before speaking. "He doesn't want us around anymore. I think that it's obvious we're the ones who are going to leave. We don't need to waste anymore of our time staying in this place. We already gave up so much in this relationship and we don't need any more abuse!"

"Where are you going to go?" he asked. They were out of contact with their families and he did not know how much money they had. He would not mind them staying another night in the mansion. However, he had the feeling that Syuusuke would rather jump off a bridge than stay another night. He might be able to convince Gen though.

"I don't know, but any place is better than here!" Syuusuke spat.

"Calm down, Syuusuke," Gen said. He could tell that the former vice-captain was not at all warm to the idea either. He really had caused all of that no doubt. "You will still need to come back here and get your belongings and I'm sure you're going to take Ryoma's as well. Spending the night will give you a chance to collect the items so you won't have to come back later."

There was silence. Atobe could very well just order servants to pack up the items and have them shipped to wherever Syuusuke lived, but he wanted the sadist to spend on last night. It was selfish of him to wish for that. However, he wanted them to not leave in such an angry manner. If they did, there would be little chance of them ever talking to him or Kunimitsu again. He knew that asking them to stay in touch would be a lot on their part. They probably did not ever wish to speak to him after this. He had hurt them.

"Fine, but I'm staying in Ryoma's old room."

Before he could point out that the room had yet to be cleaned from the incident from earlier, Syuusuke walked down the hall. Atobe watched as the sadist faded from his line of sight. He turned his attention back to Gen.

"You are welcome to use any of the rooms, Gen," he said.

"Thank you for letting us spend the night, Atobe."

He flinched slightly. He had been used to hearing Keigo come from Gen's mouth for so long that it hurt. However, he could not demand that Gen call him by his first name but that would be asking far too much. Atobe nodded.

"You're welcome to stay for as long as you wish."

"Don't you think you've hurt us enough, Atobe?" Gen asked.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know that my apology isn't enough to erase what I have done to you."

"There's one reason why I can't accept your apology, Atobe. You're still lying to us. Find out the true reason why you hurt us and then try apologizing again."

He blinked. He did not believe that he was lying. He had given them the real reason, why did no one believe him? Atobe stared at Gen for a moment before watching him disappear. He turned to look at Kunimitsu instead, looking for an answer that he did not have. After all of that talking, he thought that they would understand after all his honesty. It seemed that he was going to have to think about everything again. Why didn't they believe him? There was nothing left to tell them. He meant every word he had said and he was sorry that their relationship had come to this, but this seemed a bit excessive. All that he wanted was for them to believe him so that they could move on with their lives. He could understand why Syuusuke would hold a grudge. After all, the tensai was known for holding onto thinks and extracting revenge.

Keigo shifted his gaze toward the only one who would stay by him in all of this. He wanted to know if he had handled this all wrong or if they were just trying to take revenge against him. He did not understand and he doubted that he would until someone would explain it to him. While he understood most things without the need for having them explained, he did not understand this situation. All he had wanted was for their misery to end so they could move on. It seemed that it was far too much to ask from them.

"Do you think I went about this all wrong?" he asked. He noticed that his boyfriend shifted slightly. He doubted it was from discomfort, which meant that Kunimitsu had noticed something that he had not. Even though he had noticed this gesture, he waited for his boyfriend to offer up information freely.

"I think that you still owe them more," Kunimitsu said.

"Does that mean you believe them when they say that there is more to my story?" he asked.

"Perhaps," came the reply. "You know that I will never leave you. However, it's not enough for them."

Atobe sighed. "Leave me for a while. I need some time to think through what just happened. I'll be up in a little while."

His boyfriend squeezed his hand one last time and stood up. Atobe watched Kunimitsu leave the room. When he was certain that he was alone, he went to the wine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of port. He wanted to get drunk and fast. He could not deal with what just happened without numbing the pain. He thought that going through this talk would be simple and that he could be as brutal as he wanted. He had. However, he had lost in the battle of his emotions. As an Atobe, it was never acceptable to show any sign of people getting under his skin, it meant that the other side was winning. It was always in their blood to be blunt and he had done just that. Even though he had done that, it hurt him so much. He had been involved with them for a long time now. He had tried to convince himself that he was no in love with them and he wasn't. But the thought of losing their friendship scared him and he did not want to lose their contact. He wanted them to remain as friends so that they could still rely on each other in their own way.

It was asking far too much of them, he knew that. However, he still wanted it to be that way. He could not bring himself to understand why they would rather cut him off than to work everything out. Atobe did not bother pouring a glass from the port, he just drank straight from the bottle .He had every intention of finishing it off that night so that he would not have to come face to face with what they said. He wanted to leave it all alone for the moment and then try to deal with them tomorrow, before they left. By the time he had gotten through half of the bottle, he felt slightly tipsy, but that was not going to stop him from finishing it off. The more drunk he was, the better.

He took another drink and looked at the bottle. There was less than a quarter left now. He had known that Kunimitsu would not approve of his actions and that is why he had sent the other person off to bed so that he could get some privacy while he drank until the pain eased. He sighed. Their relationship and lives were really screwed up. He doubted that there was anything he could do in order to repair the damage, no matter how much he hoped. He had to accept that he ruined it by shutting them out of his life. It would always be his fault and he was willing to accept that.

To be continued…