Last chapter *Tear. Multi-post today, so make sure you read the last chapter before going on to this one!
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Don't You Remember
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Tara remembers sitting in her college dorm room, crying after the lights went off. She forces herself not to think of him and ends up reminiscing, crying even harder.
Jax is sitting in a jail cell, how many times he's been here, he doesn't know. Lights off, and it's her face he sees. He hopes she's in better place.
She drones on through classes. Often she's crisp and alert, and on top of her classes. Sometimes she falls into one of her moods and she's repressed and anti-social. She'll act recklessly and flirt with random men, anything to take the sting away. It's for this reason she finds herself drawn the the dark and dangerous Joshua Kohn. A man too caring to seem real and with all the right credentials, she latches on and gets herself into a bad situation. When she fucks him, there's only one face she sees, and she realizes that no one can replace him even ten years later.
He goes on runs for the club, and when Piney gets pneumonia, he steps down as VP and lets Jax take his place. He should relish the promotion, but he dreads the responsibility. Still, the one person he lives for is miles away and out of his life. His purpose for living. So he latches onto the club with renewed fervor, and everyone praises and smiles. He finds Wendy fucks her to take off the sting of loneliness. He pretends that it's enough and that if he keeps trying, some day it will be. When he finds out she's pregnant he realizes that he has to stop lying to himself.
When she goes back home and sees him the first time, it hits her like a tsunami. Through a torrent of emotions and struggles, she tries to resist and convinces herself that she just came home to be safe. When he's inside her, she realizes that she came home for him, and it terrifies her that ten years later he still owns her heart completely.
He sees her a decade after she left him heartbroken and it's like a sign to him. He rides the waves of happiness, and life is somehow much better. Things are clear and it's as if a great big piece of his heart has settled back in.
She remembers his mischievous smile, and the way his cheeks would dimple when he was trying to hold down his emotions. She would have moments of pure happiness and a feeling of home that she never thought she'd have…and it was all because of him.
He thinks that having her in his arms is the best feeling in the world. He remembers the smell of her skin and the softness of her hair. He will never do enough to deserve her, but is way too selfish to ever give her up. It's always been that way, and he can't believe he was stupid enough to let her go. Now that she's back, he never will.
She pushes him away because things are different now. They are not teenagers and he has a baby on the way. She is jealous of the other women and keeps her distance because things cannot go back to the way she remembered. Things are different now.
He gets angry when he finds the tokens of love initialed J.K. He throws them away before she can find them, and one day, while he's visiting her for lunch, her phone rings while she's away. He answers it, and it is J.K. He tells him to piss off and that Tara has a new boyfriend now. He hangs up before he can respond and deletes the call log. He smiles at her when she sits back down, not knowing that he's set in motion a slur of events that will bring this man into his hometown.
She hasn't heard from Kohn and is relieved. Things are still awkward with her and Jax. They make small talk and he visits her for lunch every now and then. They are both still cautious with their feelings, but relish in discovering the fact that they are friends again. It's better than they remembered. They still don't talk about the club. It's a rule of thumb, and things stay distant. It is more disheartening when Gemma or Clay are around.
She keeps things short with Gemma, remembering the harsh words and accusing eyes as the woman manipulated her son. She can see that Gemma respects her now, even though she'd never admit it. It's no longer girl vs woman, but woman vs woman, and Tara is braver and bolder than ever. She realizes that this time she can fight Gemma and win over Jax. It makes her feel powerful, but she can never forget how helpless the woman use to make her feel.
Gemma whispers to him when she finds out they've been seeing each other. She reminds him of how broken he was and how he cried in her arms like a child when she left. Gemma never forgets, and she hates Tara for hurting him. He can't argue with his mother, nor deny the pain that was caused. He was damn near catatonic for a month afterwards, saved only by his mother, his best friend, and the club. He'll never forget that his mother was there for him.
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They fight and argue; sometimes they are civil and polite. They orbit each other for weeks and never interact. Then his son is born, and the woman he loves helped bring him into the world. He thinks this is the best thing in the world and wishes he could do it again with her this time.
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They finally stop orbiting and collide and explode in a cosmic way, fucking each other into oblivion as the ominous form of J.K.'s corpse looms in the corner. They don't care. They are back where they belong, and it's better than they remembered.
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Their bodies are re-familiarizing themselves with each other. There is no such thing as personal space between them, and there is a strong feeling of right when they are together. Things are not perfect, and a storm is brewing. But this time he'll learn from his mistakes. He'll be there for her and protect her. He'll tell her whatever she wants to know and be there for her one hundred percent.
This time she's stronger, tougher. She knows that life without Jax could never be this good so she copes with the bullshit that comes with the club. She learns how to deal with Gemma, and when the bullets and blood start flying, she doesn't run. Even when she wants to. This time she'll stick it out because memories can never be as good as this, but she'll continue making good ones for their future.
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FIN
YAY! I wanted to keep the ending simple and basic and really connect things on an emotional level by showing flashes of what happened. I knew this is where I wanted to end this story. I wanted to really flesh out their pasts, but bring you up to speed pre S1. This show is awesome and I'm so glad that it has so many awesome fans that we can congregate and express ourselves like this. I'll never be one of those people who complains about reviews, or holds back on you because of them. However, I do want to thank everyone who takes the time, especially Eve Levine, Belle, and Northwoman who've been there from the start and review almost every chapter. Everyone has been awesome with their opinions and insight and it really helps the writing process. Thank each and every one of you for taking the time, I read EVERY single review and it makes my day. I hope you've enjoyed this story, I know I've enjoyed writing it and I hope that you'll take the time to follow some of my other works as well!