26) Snow Day!

The day before, it had been eighty degrees. Catherine woke to the DJ on her radio jokingly telling his faceless audience: "You aren't going to believe this folks, but the meteorologists are predicting snow after midnight tonight."

Catherine smiled. She'd seen snow on a few occasions. The last time was in 2003 and it was gone before it started.

"Well, the temperature is holding at a bone chilling seventy-eight degrees. So bundle up for the cold snap!" He laughed and she hit snooze. Catherine left her hand on the clock for a second, and then reset the alarm for tomorrow. She climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom to start the shower…

#

"Guess what?" Grissom asked as he leaned in close to her.

Catherine smiled, not taking her eyes off the pieces of taillight she was trying to assemble. "What?"

"It's snowing."

She looked up at him, grinning. "Really?"

"It's not a blizzard, but it's still lovely. Come look."

Catherine left her evidence to follow him to a window across the hall. She leaned in it, smiling at the sight. Snow was falling in a thick, steady blanket.

"Guess I know why it's been so quiet tonight," Grissom commented.

"Why?"

"Snow is very calming."

"And cold."

"And a deterrent for people to go outside and do things they shouldn't."

She smiled at him. "Always the optimist."

"Sometimes. Better get back to your evidence."

She left him at the window. How much did he really like snow?

Around her, the night began grinding to a halt. Without new calls coming in, the techs and CSI were able to catch up on everything. Before lunch, she looked up to see most of them sitting idly talking or pretending to be working on the computer. She finished her taillight and went into the fingerprint lab. Wendy and Greg quickly pretended to be working. She smiled as she put the taillight under the hood.

"Need any help?" Greg asked.

"Any supplies for that?" Wendy asked.

Catherine chuckled. "No. Go back to gossiping."

"We weren't gossiping," Wendy retorted.

"No. We were… Talking DNA."

"Right."

The smoke hood brought no fingerprints up. She removed it, bagged it, and took it back to her box of evidence. Now she was caught up with nothing to do. Catherine carried it back to her office and sat down at her desk. She opened up her last case and in a few short sentences completed it. Catherine sat back, wishing for once she had a window in her office.

"Hi."

Catherine looked at Henry standing in her door. She smiled, "Hi."

"Do you have anything to do?"

She shook her head. "You're caught up too?"

He nodded, leaning on the door and looking out into the lab. "I bet Jason will be excited in the morning. He hasn't seen snow for so long."

"Did you get a lot in Dayton?"

Henry nodded. "Most of the winter we did. Some winters the snow was four or five feet. I remember my dad telling me that when he was a kid it had gotten up to thirteen feet one winter."

"I can't imagine that."

Henry laughed, looking at her. "Me neither. So… I'm going to the basement. Care to join me? I think that's where Mandy and Greg ran off to."

"Sure." Catherine got up and followed him out.

The two strolled through the silent halls, passing people bored and passing the time as best they could. They stopped at the elevator and Henry tapped the call button.

"I heard he's starting ninth grade next semester."

"Yeah. Probably finish tenth before the year's up. He just whizzes through their tests. He complains they're too easy."

Catherine and Henry got on and she tapped the B.

"Are you going to let him?"

"I dunno. I feel like he's not really enjoying being a kid sometimes. But I have talked him into joining a couple city sponsored teams. He refuses to play on any of the school ones. He says they pick on him a lot because he's too young for his grade."

"They're just jealous."

Henry shrugged. The doors opened and the two strolled again.

"I never played sports when I was a kid. I don't know anything about it. And I was never really picked on in my school."

"Really?"

Henry shook his head. "I got along with the upperclassmen and the ones my own age. They didn't' get along with each other, most of the time, but I did. Weird, huh?"

"That is weird."

Henry swiped a blank badge at The Records door.

"Maybe it was the crazy eye," Henry said with a smile.

"Crazy eye?"

He made a face with one eye wide and the other squinting. She laughed.

"Ah. The crazy eye. How could I have not known that?"

Henry laughed with her.

"That is not true!" they heard Mandy exclaim between laughter.

"It is too! You are!"

"I am not a klutz."

"You broke that bottle and there wasn't anything near you. How can you say you're not a klutz?"

Henry and Catherine slipped into the room, finding the two laughing and a broken bottle of water on the floor.

"Ah-ha! Catherine, isn't she a klutz if she can break a bottle – a plastic bottle – without even touching it against anything?"

Mandy turned, putting her hands on her hips, daring Catherine to comment.

"Oh no!" Catherine said, sitting on the edge of the table. "You two kids duke this out yourselves."

Henry sat down in a chair, smiling at the two.

Mandy turned, making a face at Greg.

"It's just like you to think she's going to defend you," Mandy taunted.

"I didn't see her defending you!"

"That's because you're a dork. I'm not!" Mandy flicked her hair back.

They all laughed when she got her ring tangled in her hair, and pulling it made it worse. Greg rolled his eyes but helped her untangle it.

"Klutz!" he said.

"I am not a klutz you… you… man!"

"I am a man. That's not an insult, Klutzy."

With her hand free she playfully slugged him. Greg put up his fists and the two playfully jumped around the room and pretended to be boxing. Mandy got a lucky hit to his cheek and Greg ungracefully fell back and played dead. Mandy walked over to him, crossing her arms.

"You are such a wimp. That wasn't so hard!"

He opened one eye. "It was a death punch. Shh. I'm dead."

She tapped his hip with her shoe. "You are such a dork."

"Hey look. That's why Nick released Snaps!" Greg said, pointing up at the wall.

The three looked up at the wall.

396. I will never release a prisoner on the authority of Kong. (Nick's handwriting)

Greg sat up and Mandy sat next to him. Catherine didn't see them play very often, not that their jobs permitted it often, but when Greg and Mandy did, it was easy to imagine they were siblings. The evil eye Hodges gave Greg during those times was an added bonus.

"Do you think Grissom caught Warrick?" Mandy asked.

397. You may not play poker with the periodic table flash cards. (Warrick's handwriting)

"No. I did," Catherine said. She leaned back, bracing her hands against the table behind her.

"You actually got after him for playing poker with periodic flash cards?" Greg asked, looking over his shoulder at him.

"Gambling is gambling. Not permitted on city time. The next one Ecklie caught him."

398. Ben and Jerry's is not permitted in the building unless you bring enough to share. (Ecklie's handwriting)

"He got mad about that?"

Catherine laughed. "He has a thing about doughnuts and Ben and Jerry's. Deep down Ecklie desires to be a daring and unusual man. He just doesn't know it."

The three laughed.

399. Evidence that is Halite may not be "halved" and ground to refill the saltshakers. (Grissom's handwriting)

"That's not right. What are we supposed to do when we run out of salt?" Mandy asked.

"Cha!" Greg agreed. "And it's not like we need halite to make a case. Least not all of it."

"You two are impossible. It's evidence. Doesn't matter if we need it all or not. I might have to write you up, Greggo."

"Now hold on!" Greg smiled back at her. "What's said at The Wall, stays at The Wall. Remember?"

She thought about it a moment and then grinned. Catherine leaned forward, gripping the table edge. "I'll be watching you like a hawk the next time we have halite evidence. You realize that, don't you?"

Greg's smile dropped and he blinked a couple times. "Did I just put my foot in it?"

"Uh-huh."

"Damn!" Greg looked at Mandy before smacking her shoulder. "Why didn't you stop me?"

"Why would I do that? It's a lot more fun watching you dig holes."

"That's it. You're not my friend. Go play CSI with someone else!"

"Like Henry?" She hiked her finger over her shoulder.

"Why would you want to do that?" Greg pointed at the wall. "He's the reason Nick wrote that."

400. Break dancing in the garage is hazardous to your health and reputation. (Nick's handwriting)

The three looked back at Henry. He looked at the floor with a tight smile, but his ruddy cheeks couldn't hide his guilt.

"Henry!" Catherine gasped, and then laughed. "Henry!"

"I was just… Trying to…"

"Yes?"

"Trying to…"

"Go on? We're dying to hear this." Mandy told him.

"Trying to…" Henry sighed. "There was a nice clean floor, and the right music, and it just happened. I don't have an excuse."

"Strangely, I find the image of Henry break dancing disturbing and uncomfortable," Mandy told Greg.

"I heard it's more like dangerous and one should be careful of the genitals when trying to stop him."

Mandy and Catherine burst out laughing. Henry's blush deepened.

Catherine reached over, patting Henry's shoulder. "It's okay. We still love you. At least you don't use car parts for questionable experiments that they weren't intended for. Unlike Nicholas."

401. We do not do stress tests on car parts that were purchased as control parts for a previous crime scene, even if "the data collected could be invaluable for future cases." (Grissom's handwriting)

"What exactly did he do with car parts?" Mandy asked them. "And where was I when this happened?"

"You were off," Greg told her. "And he was testing the velocity of something, I don't remember what. Turns out, he wasn't supposed to be testing the velocity of anything and he wasn't supposed to be using the car parts, and he nearly got us both fired."

"Oooohhhh. So that's why Grissom wasn't talking to him when I came back to work?"

"Nicky may be Grissom's favorite, but even he pushes his buttons sometimes."

"I thought I was his favorite!" Greg and Henry argued.

Mandy giggled. Catherine shook her head.

"Greg, you will never, truly, be his favorite, pulling stunts like that just to get a date." Catherine pointed at the wall.

402. We do not confiscate badges from sexy police officer as "evidence." (Grissom's handwriting)

"What? She was cute! I had to get her name somehow because she wasn't giving it to me."

"She was married."

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"Wedding rings are usually good tell-tales."

Greg frowned. "Wedding rings are optional."

"You are weird," Mandy told him.

"I'm not weird."

"You're weird."

"Brass is weird. What the hell is that about anyway?"

403. Vinegar does stop criminals. (Brass' handwriting)

Catherine laughed, letting her head fall back. "Oh my! That was one of Jim's shining moments!"

"Tell! Tell!" Mandy urged.

Catherine looked at the three, finding them waiting like children at story time.

"I showed up at a crime scene. Two dead, one headed to the hospital, lots of suspects. I started processing and him and this guy he was questioning start yelling at each other. The man suddenly bolts. Jim, he's not about to run after him. So he lets the uniforms chase. He goes into the kitchen, picks up a bottle of vinegar, and goes to the back door. The guy came running out and Jim tosses the bottle at him. The cap flies off and vinegar splashes the guy in the face. He goes down, gets arrested. I go up to Jim and ask how he knew that would work. He looks at me and in Jim fashion, he tells me, 'I meant to hit him over the head with the bottle. Next time I'll just splash the criminal in the face. That worked faster.' Sometimes… I think he's getting senile."

"Wow!" Henry said. "And it's scary to think he never plans any of these happy mistakes."

"Happy mistakes rule," Mandy admitted. "I love happy mistakes."

"That's cuz you're a klutz," Greg told her.

"I'm going to clobber you."

"Promise? Will you tie me up first too?"

"You are impossible, sicko!"

Greg grinned, leaning his shoulder against her. "Hey, you wanna join me next time? It was fun until Nick, Warrick, and I got caught."

404. Just because they did it on "Smash Lab" or "Mythbusters" doesn't mean I should. (Warrick's handwriting)

"So you were involved in all those so-called experiments?" Catherine said.

Greg dropped his head. "Mandy! Damnit! Why do you keep letting me do that?"

She laughed. "I already told you why. You're on your own."

"If you're this mean to everyone else, then I know why they did that to you."

405. You will not replace your female co-worker's blush with pink finger dust powder. Contributed by BobbyandLindsay4ever

"They who?" Mandy asked.

He laughed. "I dunno."

"You do to know!"

"I know naw-thing," Greg said with a bad Mexican accent.

"It was you, wasn't it? You did that."

"I know naw-thing."

"I don't believe you."

"Look what Bobby did!" Greg said, changing the subject to get out of trouble.

406. Inflatable sheep may not perform autopsies. (Robbin's handwriting)

"Okay. What is the deal with this stupid inflatable sheep?"

"You heard his story. His girlfriend in college gave it to him."

"Yes. But why? Why would any woman give a guy an inflatable sheep, unless she's telling him something?"

Greg and Mandy looked at each other, then back at her and shrugged.

"Not a clue. But I'm sure there was a very good reason. Maybe it has something to do with being from Oklahoma."

"I thought he was from Texas."

"Naw. Oklahoma."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Oklahoma."

"Are you sure, you're sure?"

"I'm sure that I'm sure that you're not sure that I'm sure."

"But are you sure that your sure that I'm not sure that your sure I'm not sure?"

"Did you know that not all crystal meth is crystal meth?" Henry asked.

The two looked at him, then the wall.

407. Just because it looks like meth, doesn't mean it is.

"And just what would it be?" Greg asked.

"Ahhhh. See, that's the joy of knowing chemistry and crystals. And if it weren't for this show I got hooked on, I never would have realized that crystallized mercury and meth look so much alike."

The three stared at him.

"Was this evidence?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah. Grissom's, as a matter of fact. We almost blew up the lab. Again."

"Why? What's the deal with crystallized mercury?" Mandy asked.

"It's highly volatile. You just have to bump it against something and boom! There's goes your face. It's really cool."

"So the evidence didn't have any meth?"

"Oh no. It had meth. But in with it were these little bags. I never would have caught it except I noticed these bags were stapled shut, not sealed with heat. That makes sense. It's also sensitive to temperature changes."

"So the dealer rigged his stash?"

"Yeah."

"With crystal mercury?"

"Yeah."

"Was this guy a chemist?"

"Dunno. I didn't ask Grissom."

"I hate it when the pushers know more about this stuff than we do," Catherin grumbled.

"I hate it when I'm expected to chase them. The job poster said nothing about, "become a CSI, pursue criminals.'"

408. We do not tell our co-workers "Jump! It doesn't look that far!"

"There was no job poster," Catherine reminded him, then asked. "Jump what?"

Greg looked back with narrow eyes. "Warrick and I chased this guy through an apartment building to the roof. The guy jumps across from one building to the next, barely makes it. I stopped right at the edge and that's what Warrick yells at me as he's running up. But then he stops at the edge to."

Catherine laughed. "At least you weren't stupid enough to listen. Unlike Nicky."

"Warrick talked him into that?"

409. State Patrol motorcycles that arrive at the scene are not considered evidence and do not need to be confiscated. (Nick's handwriting)

Catherine nodded. "He was dead tired, not functioning real well that morning, and Warrick was wired for sound. He convinced poor Nicky that we needed the motorcycle for processing. So he loads it up on a flatbed, gets it tied down, and he and the driver start back. They don't even get a mile and two patrol cars chase them down and stop them. The patrolman just tore into Nick. By the time we got there they were screaming at each other. Warrick realized Nick didn't understand it was joke about then and he bailed him out, but Nick didn't talk to him for two days over that."

"Where was I?" Greg asked.

"This only happens on your days off, Greg. You miss all the good stuff lately."

"Apparently. And that should have been my line. I don't know how many times Grissom has asked me what a text on my phone means."

410. When a supervisor grabs your phone to answer it and asks what the newly arrived text message "SorG PRON -)?" means… LIE! Archie

"And do you tell him?" Mandy asked.

"Hell no!"

"So what does it mean?" Catherine asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Greg asked.

"Yes."

"Do you really, really want to know?" Mandy asked her.

"Is it that bad?"

"Maybe not. But are you sure you want to know?" Henry asked.

Catherine sighed. "Yes. Lay it on me."

Almost in unison the three answered, "Do you have straight or gay pornography and evil laughter."

"Now, see, you guys made me believe this was going to be really bad. Why would Archie have a text like that on his work phone?"

"Unlimited text messaging on work phones. You do the math," Henry answered.

"He has a side business, doesn't he?"

"Yep," the three answered.

"And I probably shouldn't know about it, should I?"

"Nope."

"I'll pretend I don't know what's going on and we'll move on to the next one."

The three laughed at her..

"When did Mandy say that?" Henry asked.

411. When asked what technology is important to my job, the wrong answer is, "The rubber band." (Wendy's handwriting)

"When Ecklie decided to promote the lab with an open house," Mandy answered. "You and Jason had gone back to Ohio for vacation. You missed all the fun."

"She said that to some reporter, who quoted her, and the quote got to the mayor, who called the chief, who called Ecklie, how called Grissom, who was supposed to reprimand her. Instead he asked her why she thought the rubber band was the most important tool." Mandy leaned back, bracing her hands against the cement floor. "Wendy goes into an hour long essay about the rubber band, how it was created, and why it is the most important tool. She gets all done, and Grissom asks her why she didn't say that to the report? She said it would have bored the reporter. Grissom tells her, 'Exactly. And then I would not have been asked to write you up. Now go call that reporter and tell her exactly what you just told me.' She didn't think he was serious until he demanded she do it. The reporter later printed an apology, explaining why the rubber band was so important to our job."

"Wow!" Catherine said. "I didn't even know that much about the incident."

"Did you really want to, is the real question."

"I… Think I'll get back to you on that. Move onto another not so brilliant move of Warrick's."

412. If a suspect or witness says "I just couldn't sleep. I kept hearing someone…" I will not mutter, "That was just SWAT surrounding your house." (Warrick's handwriting)

"He didn't!" Mandy gasped, looking over her shoulder at Catherine.

"He did. Luckily everyone, except the suspect, thought it was funny. Oh Henry. Henry, Henry, Henry… What would we do without you adding to the chaos?"

413. When investigating a scene of a plane crash, I will not quote the Animaniac's stewardess: "Thank you for choosing Air Pacific. You have well over a forty percent chance of landing safely. Enjoy your flight."

"Now hold on there!" Henry laughed heartily. "I tried my best to warn everyone that I should never be allowed out of the asylum. I told you guys not to put me in the field; I might have adverse reactions to the fresh air and freedom. I thought I pleaded a convincing case. And then you and Grissom decide I have to go help with the plane crash cuz Greg and Nick were out sick. Do not say I did not warn you."

"We will heed the warnings as long as we can – but not when we're shorthanded."

"Then I can't be held responsible for what misbehavior my alter ego appropriates in the face of newfound freedoms."

"Speaking of appropriating…"

414. I will not misappropriate cadets to do yard work, even if it is "on government property and would help reduce overhead landscaping costs." (Ecklie's handwriting)

"Do you think Ecklie did that?" Mandy asked.

"Naw. No way." Greg shook his head. "Ecklie wouldn't do that?"

"I think he would," Henry told them. "He has a hidden side that's really scary and amusing at the same time."

"You realize that's near impossible to have, don't you?" Mandy asked him.

"You don't watch horror movies much, do you?"

"Try not to."

"I noticed Catherine hasn't commented on this." Greg dropped his head back to look at her.

She laughed at him. "Sorry, Greggo, I know nothing about this one, but I'm sure it's good, whatever it is. What exactly is an Evil Overlord? Is this some movie or book I know nothing about?"

415. I am not an Evil Overlord. Therefore, Evil Overlord rules do supersede departmental rules and regulations. Especially that whole 'questioning my enemies in a small motel outside of my kingdom' and 'shooting is not too good for my enemies.' (Archie's handwriting)

"Naw," Henry answered. "It's this funny list that lives on the Internet."

"Lives on the Internet? How does something live on the Internet."

"You'd be surprised. There's even a crazy theory by this one guy that believes actual black holes exist on the Internet – micro black holes he says – and that's where all those emails you never receive go, or where websites disappear at random."

"I don't know which is scarier," Mandy started, twisting to look him in the eye. "The fact that there's some freak out there that thinks that, or the fact that you even know that some freak that thinks that is out there."

Henry twisted his lips for a second. "I'll have to get back to you on that."

"You do that. I'll hold my breath."

"Really?"

"No!"

"Catherine…" Greg looked over his shoulder at her, dipping his chin. "Did you do a no-no?"

416. I will not threaten to hang a suspect off the top floor by his ankles if he doesn't cooperate.

She laughed, clasping her hands in her lap. "Yes. Even me, your pseudo-supervisor can get in trouble. Don't faint or anything."

"Did it work? To threaten the suspect?"

"Yeah. Actually. Worked great. Grissom told me never, ever, ever, ever to do it again."

"He wasn't impressed with your mad interrogation skills, huh?"

"I think he was mad about my interrogation skills at that point."

"The quiet hardly speaking mad, or the pulls you into a room to ream you a new one, mad?"

"Quiet hardly speaking mad."

"Oooo! I hate that one. When he's like that, I always expect a pink slip at the end of my shift."

"Ours are goldenrod."

"They are?"

"Yes."

"Oooo. I hate that one. When he's like—"

"Why would Hodges write that?"

417. Lab rats don't do mazes. (Hodge's handwriting)

"Ecklie compared him to a real lab rat in a maze one day because he was having trouble getting to a lab," Henry answered.

"You know, I'd think those two would get along better. They're a lot alike," Mandy commented.

"How do you mean?" Greg asked.

"They don't have mad people skills."

"I dunno. Ecklie got to be the lab's Big Kahuna. That takes made people skills."

"That wasn't mad people skills. That was buttering up the right people with dinners and brown nosing. There's a difference."

"You're cold."

"Actually, I am a little chilly."

The three laughed at her.

"Ecklie caught Warrick doing this," Catherine told them.

418. Coercing a confession by eating sweets in front of a suspect is wrong. (Warrick's handwriting)

"But the thing is," Catherine continued, "It worked. It worked really, really well. And the suspect told us everything we wanted to know. All for the bite of Warrick's grandma's fudge."

"Oooooohhhhhh." Greg went limp, crumpling to the floor. "Gram's fudge! No wonder the suspect caved. It's so sinful!"

"How sinful?" Mandy asked.

"So sinful," Greg rolled onto his back, smiling with pleasure. "Almost better than sex, but only marginally."

"Wow! There's an image."

"It's that good, I tell ya."

Catherine stood up and grabbed the box of chalk. She walked to the wall and added:

419. When processing a strip club crime scene, you will not ask your female co-worker to "show her moves." Contributed by BobbyandLindsay4ever

"Who asked you to do that?" Henry asked.

She looked down at Greg. "I wonder."

Greg sat up, looking at the rule. He gave her an ornery smile. "You said you used to be a stripper. I just wanted proof."

"Yeah. And what did I tell you?"

"If I ever ask you to do that again you'll hit me so hard I'll be wearing my nose on my belly button?"

Henry and Mandy laughed.

"Good rookie. You can be taught."

Greg jumped up, holding his hand out. "I got one!"

She tossed it to him and he wrote:

420. I will not bribe or coax or coerce a coke addict with powdered sugar.

"Nicky," he said, pointing at the rule. "He caught Brass doing this. Brass didn't get busted, so he tried it. He got busted by Brass. Irony, that."

"Now. That's just the way of tenure," Catherine told him.

Catherine answered her phone when it started ringing. "Hey Grissom. Yeah. They're here with me. We were discussing a case. What's up?" Catherine winked at the three. "Sure, we'll be right up." Catherine hung up. "We have a call, Greg. Grissom needs the tox results from his John Doe, Henry, and Mandy, he's looking for the fingerprints from that murder in Paradise Valley."

The three got up and filed out of the room. Catherine was last out and found Henry waiting for her. She could hear Greg and Mandy arguing about something. She and Henry began walking.

"Don't you have tomorrow off?" Catherine asked Henry.

He nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

"Come by for supper. Lindsay likes having Jason help her with her calculus."

"Okay. What we having?"

"I dunno. I haven't gotten that far."

He smiled. "Okay. I'll bring the soda."

"Works for me."

The two walked out of Records, finding Greg and Mandy in the hall pretending to be boxing again. Catherine and Henry laughed as the two continued all the way to the lab.