Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I was planning on making this a longer oneshot, but it didn't flow properly, so I ended up making it a two-parter. Hopefully you guys will enjoy this one. I have to go back to school next week and after that I probably won't have as much time to write. Feel free to leave a review.

Sexiest Shinagami Pt.1

Ichigo was lying in bed reading Shakespeare's Hamlet. He was right at the part when Hamlet finds out who murdered his father, when the person lying in bed beside him let out an excited squeal.

Ichigo turned and looked at his bedmate who had a giant grin on her face. "Oi Rukia, what's got you so excited?"

"It's the Shinagami Women's Association Annual Survey. Nii-sama came in second in the Sexiest Male Shinagami poll."

Ichigo looked at Rukia in disbelief "I know Byakuya isn't your real brother Rukia, but it's a bit creepy that you're-"

Whack!

Rukia's rolled up newspaper had just made contact with Ichigo's head.

"Idiot! Nii-sama has come in first in that poll for the last twelve years. I'm not excited because he came in second, I'm excited because he didn't come in first! Do you have any idea what it's like to have to sit at the Shinagami Women's Association Meetings and listen to people talk about my brother's 'cute' butt!"

They talked about Byakuya's butt at their meetings? His butt? Just thinking about--Ichigo needed to change the topic of conversation. Fast. Byakuya's butt was not something he should be thinking about. Ever.

"So who unseated Byakuya from the top spot then?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia mumbled something in response that Ichigo didn't catch.

"Who?" Ichigo repeated.

"Just some unseated Shinagami. You wouldn't know him." Rukia answered.

Rukia obviously didn't want to tell Ichigo who came in first. The mumbling and vague answers made that perfectly clear. Ichigo hadn't really been interested in who was number one in the poll before, but now his curiosity was piqued.

"Why do you think I wouldn't know him?" Ichigo asked.

"Why are you so interested?" Rukia responded defensively.

"I just want to know whose butt my girlfriend is going to be discussing at the next Shinagami Women's Association Meeting."

"As I said before you wouldn't know him. He's unseated so you wouldn't have had contact with him."

"Oh." Ichigo said, as if he was satisfied with her answer. Rukia obviously wasn't going to answer his question which meant Ichigo would have to resort to more underhanded methods to find out what he wanted to know; his underhanded method being reaching over and grabbing the newspaper out of Rukia's hands.

"Give that back!" Rukia yelled in outrage.

Ichigo smirked and held the newspaper out of her reach. Aah, the advantages of being tall.

Ichigo scanned the newspaper for "Sexiest Shinagami" and found the poll for "The Top Ten Sexiest Male Shinagami: Dead or Alive." The name he found in first place was: Kurosaki Ichigo.

"So I'm the Sexiest Shinagami. Did they add the 'Dead or Alive' part just for me?" Ichigo asked Rukia with a grin.

"Yes," Rukia grumbled "Your fangirls have been lobbying for you to be included in the poll for the last three years."

"So let me get this straight Rukia. You were excited that your brother came in second, but you weren't excited that your boyfriend came in first and was deemed the Sexiest Male Shinagami Dead or Alive? I would think that you would be more excited, considering that now you can brag to all of your girlfriends that you're dating the Sexiest Male Shinagami Dead or Alive." Ichigo said with a smirk.

Rukia scowled "See, this is why I didn't want you to know. I didn't want your already large ego to become even more inflated. And I hardly think the fact that I'm dating you is something to brag about."

"67% of female Shinagami would disagree with you." Ichigo said playfully.

Ichigo laughed when Rukia had no response to this.

"I wonder who else made the top ten." Ichigo wondered aloud. Ichigo looked back down at the list and…

"Holy crap! Renji is number five?"

"What's wrong with Renji?" Rukia asked.

"Well he's okay if you like tall tattooed freaks with funny coloured hair."

"You know Ichigo, minus the tattoo part it sounded kind of like you were describing yourself."

Ichigo scowled. His hair colour was a natural orange. Renji's was a fire engine red, the type that you only saw on circus freaks. And those tattoos! They looked absolutely ridiculous. Who in their sane mind put a tattoo on their face and who –

"Umm Ichigo, can I have my newspaper back?" Rukia asked, interrupting Ichigo's mental rant. Ichigo looked down at his bedmate, whose strap of her spaghetti strap shirt he noted, had started to slide down her shoulder.

"No." Ichigo answered with a mischievous smile, and he threw the newspaper off the bed.

"Ichigo! Why—"

Ichigo cut off Rukia by capturing her lips with his as he pulled her towards himself for a passionate kiss.

Afterwards he asked her with that mischievous smile again, "Rukia don't you want to spend some time with Soul Society's Sexiest Shinagami?"