Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis

Lady Monozuki: I honestly thought that I was not going to get a chance to update any of my stories this week. However, the idea for this chapter hit me strongly and it was amplified when I had a conversation with one of my friends. So you here you have the results. Again, tissues are issued to all who need them. Thank you everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. This chapter is dedicated to EchizenRyomaLover. Thanks for all your support!

Chapter Thirteen: Alone

Fuji stared at Ryoma with his eyes wide open. The words that the other had spoken still echoed in his mind in a never-ending cycle. Out of all the responses that he could imagine, that had not even been an option.

Did you really expect him to try to kill himself for another reason?

He should have been expecting something else, but he had wanted to believe that the other had not been so far gone that they wanted to give up their life. He blamed this on himself. If only he had done more, they would have been able to have a better life. If only he hadn't been such a coward. He had taken cover when Ryoma needed him most. He should have been there for him.

"W-Why did y-you want to die so bad?" he asked. His voice was shaking. It was pathetic. However, he had very little control over his tone or emotions.

Ryoma let out a bitter chuckle. "Everyone abandoned me." Those simple words cut his heart.

N-No, I didn't abandon you, I was waiting for the right moment where you and I could leave together.

He didn't buy the words that his mind just fed him. He had abandoned Ryoma. He thought that he could save himself so that they could be together once they officially broke up. In the process, he left the one person he had deemed important in his life. What was worse was that he didn't give Ryoma any second thought. All of this time, he had thought that he was doing Ryoma a favor by visiting him every once in a while and making promises that they would leave together.

"It took you cutting my wrist and almost dying for you to wake up, Syuusuke. Tell me, would you have left Keigo if I hadn't?"

Fuji flinched. He didn't like the tone that Ryoma was using now. It hurt too much to hear those words coming from Ryoma's mouth. The air was suffocating. He wanted to go back to the light conversation they were having before this. There was no bitterness, there was no anger, and the words didn't hurt. He hung his head. They both knew the answer.

"Why did he matter more to you than me? You knew—" He again flinched at the cold, accusing tone. "—what he had done to me and what I went through in America. You knew what I strived to recover after that incident. In spite of that, you still left me on my own. You chose the man who didn't believe me over me. I believed I could trust you; that you would never let me down and yet…yet, you still left alone."

He realized that Ryoma was crying. He looked up into the golden eyes that usually held so much fire and strength. They were dead, broken, nothing more than empty shells. He had caused Ryoma so much pain. He moved from his chair and sat on Ryoma's bed. He lifted a shaky hand and tried to wipe away the tears.

You really screwed up. You had plenty of opportunities and you let them slip through your fingers. No matter what you want to believe, you still chose to hurt the one that you cared about most for the man the hurt you the most. What did you gain from it?

"Ryoma," he whispered. He pulled the other into a hug and tried to calm Ryoma down. "It's all right if you hate me forever. However, I want to take care of you. Please let me do that at least. I owe it to you."

Tezuka checked the messages on his phone and sighed. There were three missed calls from Sanada that he had no intention of returning. He knew that he couldn't ignore the other forever. He just wasn't interested in hearing what Sanada had to say right now. He was far more concerned with Syuusuke. Fuji seemed to be in a downward spiral ever since they officially broke up.

It was hard not to notice the drastic changes that Syuusuke had undergone in such a short amount of time. He wondered if the other ate regular meals anymore or even slept properly. There wasn't much that he could do though, he had tried confronting the other at work, but it had not ended like he wanted. It was not surprising.

He should not have expected Fuji to tell him every worry in his life. It was not his place anymore. They had gone their separate ways and all that he could even hope from the tensai was that they would still keep in contact, which had not happened. He couldn't call Fuji and demand that the other tell him what was going on. He had lost the privilege. However, that did not mean that he couldn't hope that Syuusuke would call. Tezuka entered the room that he and Keigo now shared. Vaguely, he noted that the diva was in front of a laptop, working on their bed. He put down his briefcase and went over to greet his lover.

"When did you get home, Mitsu?" Atobe asked.

"Just a few moments ago," he replied. He kissed Keigo lightly. "You didn't go into work?"

"I got home early," the other replied in a distant voice. He didn't say anything. Keigo was probably thinking about the business right now and didn't need him as a distraction. He started removing his work clothes. He disliked dressing in a suit with a tie, but he had an example to set at the office.

He stared at Atobe for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. Ever since their official break-up a couple of months ago, the other had immersed himself into work and barely paid attention to him. It was just another reminder that he could never compare to Ryoma. He had imagined life to be different now that the others were no longer in the picture. Not that he didn't care for the others, he just wanted to monopolize Keigo's time. However, the opposite had happened. He was slowly losing his lover and he couldn't do anything about it. He thought that they would be happier, but they were still just as miserable. The only difference now was that the other didn't speak to him about their problems. It hurt to know that he could never measure up to Ryoma.

No matter what the diva said to placate him, he knew the truth. They had been together too long for him not to know. He sighed. He had resigned to the fact that Ryoma meant more to Keigo a long time ago. However, now that they were separate, it was a barrier between them. Despite all that had happened, Atobe loved Echizen. The words that Keigo said at the argument months ago were nothing but a lie. They were only said to drive the others away. He didn't know why the diva would hurt the others, and himself, in that way. He recalled the brief conversation that he and Keigo had afterward.

"Gen says I'm still lying to them," Keigo said after several moments of silence.

"What? Why would he say that?"

"I don't know. I thought that I would be fine with them leaving, but…but maybe I'm wrong."

"What are you saying?"

The diva didn't say anything. He was content to wait for an answer. It had been a confusing night. There had been so many emotions running right now and it would be best if they thought it through.

"They'll always be a part of my heart, Mitsu."

"Aa," he agreed.

"I'm afraid that I made the wrong choice."

Strong arms wrapped around him, bringing him out of his thoughts. He breathed in the familiar scent that only belonged to Atobe. It brought him comfort to be in the arms of the one he chose.

"We need to talk," Atobe murmured. He stiffened, not liking where this was going. He didn't say anything though, hoping that he was wrong.

"About what?" he asked.

"About us," Atobe replied. He felt his heart sinking. It made him sick. "We both know that we're not committed to this relationship."

"W-What are you talking about?" It was rare for him to fumble over words.

"You know that I can't get over the brat and you can't get over Syuusuke," the diva said. He felt something stab his heart. He opened his mouth to protest, but Keigo continued. "You can deny it all you want, but you still love him. I-I appreciate you sticking by me, but we're better off on our own. There's no point on pretending that we're in love with each other."

"You're wrong," he muttered. "I am in love with you."

"But you love Syuusuke more," Atobe countered. "You love him more than you do me. If we both continue to deny that, we're only going to end up hurting each other more. You know that our relationship isn't going anywhere. You can tell me as much as you want that you are okay without sex until we've healed, but you know that if we ever have sex that we won't be calling out each other's names."

He pulled away from Keigo. His chest hurt so much that it was getting difficult to breathe. The room was spinning. He didn't want to hear these words, he didn't want to acknowledge the truth of what was said.

"You don't mean this," he whispered. "You're just lying to yourself again."

"I am not," Atobe said quietly. "I have thought this through and…and I can't continue to lead you on. I am not interested in you anymore."

"What am I supposed to do then?" he whispered.

"What?"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" he shouted. It was rare for him to raise his voice. "I chose you in spite of everything that we've been through, despite that you hurt me too and this is all that I get? I gave everything up to be with you. Why is that not enough? Why do you still love Ryoma? Why is he still important to you?"

"Don't lie to me, Tezuka!" Atobe shouted back at him.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Gomen, Keigo."

"You chose me because you knew that you wouldn't be able to convince Syuusuke to stay with you. You weren't doing me any favors!"

He didn't have anything to say. He wanted to tell Keigo that he was wrong. However, a part of him knew that it was true. Even if he didn't want to admit it, it was still a part of the reason why he stayed.

"As for what you are going to do, I don't know. However, I think we both know that we're better off separated for now. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted, but you couldn't give me that either."

Tezuka walked out of the room without saying another room. He needed to get out of there and just sort through his thoughts. There were so much that he needed to think through. He knew that he was being unfair to Keigo, but that did not mean that he was using the diva. While he may not have been to the relationship, but he just wanted a fresh start. They had all been hurt in some way and they did not know how to get over it. He had tried.

No, you just wanted to pretend that you did so you can say that tried. You wanted to show Syuusuke that you had done better than him and make him jealous.

He wandered through the streets, trying to figure out what he was going to do. It was obvious that he and Keigo were over. He could do nothing about that. However, he did not know what to do about the future. He had nowhere to go and he had no one in his life that he could rely on. He had never thought of a future that didn't involve one of his former lovers. Now…now he was alone. There was no one by his side to help him through this.

He didn't know how long he had walked or even where he was going. Everything was blank in his mind. All of his previous thoughts were gone once he realized that he was alone. There was no one to take him back. They were all alone. He climbed the stairs to an apartment complex. He couldn't register which one, but his body seemed to know. It was almost acting on familiarity than anything. By the time he realized where he was, he had already pounded on the door. The door opened.

"Tezuka," came a surprised voice.

"Please," he whispered. "Let me stay the night."

To be continued…