Riza sat idly on her lab chair in chemistry on Monday morning, waiting to face Roy after cancelling on him last Thursday. They hadn't spoken to each other since and the reminder of it caused her stomach to tie itself in knots.
Was he mad at her? Was he annoyed? Disappointed? He'd said he wasn't, but Riza wasn't convinced.
Had she ruined her chance because she still hadn't worked through her grief?
It frustrated Riza, even though thinking that way made her feel terrible. But the wave of it came and went randomly, taking her by surprise each time, and she felt there was no way through it. No way to ease these feelings which overwhelmed her. She didn't want to forget her mother. She didn't want to not care enough that this was all now easy, but it was still exhausting and now, becoming detrimental to her school work.
But she didn't know what to do.
She went to Jean's on Friday evening for dinner. He convinced her to come with him and she stayed overnight in the Havoc household.
Marie had greeted them at the door and that's when Riza broke.
"Hello, Riza dear." Her kind, welcoming smile always tugged at her heart strings and in that moment, fresh from her miserable day, Riza felt everything rush back to the surface.
Marie really was like the mother she was missing.
When the first tear escaped, Marie drew Riza into her arms without hesitation and quietly murmured to her to let it out, that she'd be okay. That she had her.
It was embarrassing, crying in front of her best friend's mother, but Riza didn't care in that moment. Because right there and then, it felt like she finally had something she was so desperately missing.
It wasn't the first time it had happened either. Riza felt bad making her deal with it, but Marie always reassured her it was no problem at all. She told her not to be silly as she stroked her hair and wiped away her tears for her – which of course, brought on fresh ones. Marie had always sat with her and helped her ride it out, eventually coaxing her from her sadness with encouragement and nostalgic stories of watching her and Jean grow up together.
Jean had hovered nervously in the background. It was clear he didn't know what to do for Riza, but definitely wanted to do something. He fidgeted then left, returning with a box of tissues. He brought her fresh water. Her favourite chocolate for her to have once she'd calmed down. As Marie guided Riza to take a seat on the couch he eagerly perched next to her, right by her side, ready, should she need him. His steady supply of tissues, accompanied by an earnest, worried look, thanks to Riza's tears, made her smile. The comfort they both brought her dried her tears.
After finally drawing out of her what was wrong, Marie hugged Riza tight to her and just held her.
A deep, raw ache filled her chest with that gesture, but she was still grateful for it. Grateful for Marie Havoc. And for Jean. They banished her darkest moments and gave her a gift she was sorely missing.
She loved them both.
The sudden sound of the school bell made Riza jump, jolting her back to the present. Students were pouring through the door and at the end of the stream, Roy was there.
He craned his neck around the people in front of him to eagerly look around the room and immediately his eyes found Riza's.
She inhaled and mentally fortified herself for this conversation but paused when Roy's eyes lit up and he grinned at her. Relief crossed over his face and his shoulders lowered. He quickly made his way passed their classmates, straight to Riza. He threw his school bag onto the floor and took is seat, never taking his eyes off her.
"Hi," he greeted, a little breathlessly.
Suddenly feeling rather shy, Riza's voice turned quiet. "Hi."
"How are you feeling?"
She cringed internally at the reminder of cancelling on him, but it still brought a warmth to her chest. Just like Jean and Marie had done. He cared enough to check in with her first thing. To ask how she was.
"Better," Riza replied truthfully. "Thank you."
Roy exhaled and nodded, looking pleased. "I'm glad."
The teacher started the class before they could speak further and when chemistry ended, there wasn't enough time to speak before they had to move onto their next class.
Roy looked torn. He glanced towards the door but still hesitated and lingered while Riza packed up her things.
"You don't need to wait on me, Roy." Riza was worried he was going to be late to his next class. It was all the way across the school, whereas her English class was only a few rooms down.
He paused his fidgeting and reached for her pencil case, which was close by him, and handed it to Riza to help her pack up. "I know. But I want to."
She was touched.
"Listen, I wanted to talk to you. But I need to go."
He must have caught wind of how Riza's stomach dropped – it must have shown on her face – and his face softened.
"Nothing bad, I promise. Just about… us." He cleared his throat as heat creeped up his neck. "And going out next time. There's no rush for it either, by the way – I promise."
The second bell went as they exited the class, hurrying students along, indicating they really should be by their next class by now.
Roy was going to be late.
"I just… want to talk."
"Okay, Roy. Of course." Anticipation lifted the hair from her skin and anxiety threatened to make an appearance, but his happy smile paused it in its tracks.
"Okay. Good."
"You should go. You're going to be late."
He shrugged. "It will have been worth it."
Riza tried to fight the smile which curled at her lips, but she failed. Roy brightened too upon seeing it.
"I'll see you at lunch, Riza."
"Hey."
Riza was first to claim a table for their group, so was sitting alone when Roy joined her.
"Roy, hi."
He slid into the chair next to her, sitting close. Closer than was necessary, but Riza still found herself drawn to him. She even found herself leaning over towards him.
"I don't need to know, and I won't ask why you were off. I'm just glad you're okay. But is there anything I can do? Anything you need?" He peered at her earnestly.
Riza shook her head. "No, sorry."
"Don't apologise," he replied lightly. "Here." Roy lifted a chocolate bar off his tray. He'd gotten two – both the same and both their favourite chocolate. The same they'd shared at the cinema. "I got this for you."
Riza blinked down at the chocolate, now on her tray next to her baked potato. Then, she turned to blink at him in confusion. "What? Why?"
Roy shrugged. "Why not?" He grinned at her and Riza felt herself melting inside. She was weak to that smile.
"But…" She fell silent and Roy chewed his sandwich patiently, waiting for her to formulate the words, but nothing ever came to mind.
He'd bought her a gift. He'd bought Riza her favourite chocolate.
He was so sweet and thoughtful that it actually almost made Riza tear up. She was a mess now, after last week, but managed to keep a hold on her emotions. Barely.
"I wanted to do something nice for you."
She smiled up at him, noticing how he was watching her closely and how his eyes softened as soon as he saw her smile. He looked as though he'd accomplished something, but Riza didn't know what. She couldn't fathom a guess.
"Are you free this weekend? We could go bowling. Or go to the cinema? I'm easy, so you pick."
"Oh." Riza was still reeling from the kind gesture. It was taking her brain a minute to catch up. "Yeah, I'm free. We can do."
"Great! What would you like to do together?"
"Um…"
They went back and forth. First, they checked if there were any films on they wanted to see, but there were none. There was an event on at the bowling alley on Saturday and Sunday so it would be busy, and they put a warning on their website availability may be limited for public use. So they were out.
"What about a drive? We can go out in my car and drive around. See what we can see. Maybe got and get some ice cream?" His eyes sparkled with excitement at the sound of that, endearing him even more to her.
Riza liked the sound of that. "I'd like that, Roy."
He beamed at her. "Great! And not to brag," he smirked, "but I have a killer road trip playlist. But I am open to suggestions if you have any?"
"Oh, I don't know." Off the top of her head, she was unable to think of any of her favourite songs. Riza was surprised he'd even asked for her input. She couldn't help feel secretly thrilled.
"That's okay. Do you have Spotify?" Roy pulled out his phone when she nodded. "Here, look yourself up and add us as friends. If you want you can send me some or I can have a look through your playlists."
"I don't really have any playlists. Just saved albums."
It drove Rebecca crazy. "But where are the vibes?!" she'd always ask Riza. "I refuse to believe all these albums have good songs too. You need to create some vibe playlists, Riza. Your life is severely lacking without them."
But Riza liked her albums. Everything by the same artists were all packaged together and easy to find instead of scrolling endlessly through screeds of songs to find one specific one.
Roy turned thoughtful. "That's okay. I can work with that. And yeah, feel free to send me some songs. We can exchange them back and forth."
The thought of randomly sending him songs brought forth a burst of excitement. She liked the idea of them sending each other a small piece of themselves, told through media. She couldn't wait to share with him her favourite songs.
"Sounds good. Let's do it."
Roy handed her his phone and she looked up her own profile. For a brief second she worried she may have something embarrassing saved as her favourite albums, but after a quick scroll she didn't find anything.
"Can't wait." Roy flashed her that smile again, which increased her heart rate and caught her attention so completely.
And he didn't look away as Riza continued to stare. Once she caught what she was doing though Riza felt her face flush and she turned away from him. She heard Roy sigh quietly – and contently – as she turned her attention to her food. Her eye caught onto her gifted chocolate as she felt Roy shift towards her ever so slightly.
Riza smiled to herself and did the same. Their knees brushed together under the table.
Both froze.
But their knees remained pressed together. A solid weight and warmth against each other.
Riza found it comforting.
Just like she did whenever she was in his presence. She hadn't even thought about her mother since sitting down for lunch, while over the weekend and during class when she was alone, her mind always wandered there. When she was with Marie and Jean, she felt the same. Even the sound of Roy's voice soothed her and she eagerly listened to every word he said.
And that smile he flashed her could banish away any dark thought from her mind. Like pure sunshine, brightening up and warming her world.
And don't worry about you and Roy. I think you're both going to be more than fine. He's smitten with you too.
Riza was starting to think she was smitten with him too.
"Hey, can I talk to you?"
Jean noticed how Rebecca looked slightly skittish – so different from her usual self. He felt disappointment and sadness creep into his mind at the thought she now felt this way around him.
Before all of this mess, Rebecca had always been so easy and fun to talk to. They could do it for hours if they were never stopped. Even thought they teased each other and went toe to toe on a lot of things, there was always an underlying affection there. It was easy. It was enjoyable. Now, since announcing he'd had a date with Solaris, Rebecca looked at him as though he was going to hurt her.
And that sucker punched Jean right in the stomach.
He needed to fix what he'd wrought, and fast.
"Yeah, sure."
Jean glanced at the rest of their lunch table. They were too busy focussed on their own conversations to notice them, but he didn't want to do it in front of them. He didn't want an audience.
"Can we do it privately?"
Riza stilled in her conversation. She turned and glanced at Rebecca.
Noticing her attention had wandered, Roy immediately turned as well to check in with her but didn't say a word. Once satisfied, he turned back around, but maintained his awareness on Riza.
Both girls shared a look which felt like it lasted a lifetime to Jean, but Rebecca nodded. She stood from her chair and while she did so, Riza nodded to Jean in encouragement.
Jean inhaled and exhaled slowly.
He needed all the encouragement and confidence he could get.
Normally, these things came easily to him. It had never been something he'd worried about. But when it came to Rebecca, everything was different. He needed to do this right and he needed to make things right between them.
They walked out of the dining hall to outside. The sun beat down on them, still hot despite the late time of the year. Jean felt himself break out into a light sweat but it had nothing to do with the weather.
The sun caught Rebecca's hair, making it shine. Again, Jean found himself thinking about how beautiful she was, and his words died in his throat as his heart started to pound heavily inside his chest.
This was it.
All this time pining and longing for her may come to and end. It may end catastrophically or like Riza said, it may make him incredibly happy. Jean was nervous to find out which. He wasn't sure where they'd stand after everything, but he hoped and prayed it would be the latter.
Just one chance. That's all he wanted.
And he'd never get it unless he tried.
"Rebecca."
She looked at him, guarded, and Jean supposed he deserved that.
"I wanted to apologise."
Which surprised her. "For what?"
"For being so insensitive earlier."
Her eyebrows pulled together as she searched his face. "When?"
Take a deep, fortifying breath, Jean prepared to dive headfirst into the deep end. "When I announced I had a date in front of you and Riza."
A flash of hurt crossed her face, but it was gone quickly. So quick Jean may think he imagined it, but now he knew better.
"Oh. Okay. Well, thanks."
She was ready to dismiss it and leave, but Jean wasn't. And he didn't want to.
"I'm not going out with Solaris again."
Rebecca stilled but she didn't meet his eyes.
"All right, Jean," she replied, carefully and controlled.
"I don't want to."
The silence was awkward between them and the uncomfortable feeling skated up his spine.
One chance.
"I'm not going to because…"
His fear and his pounding heart drowned out his thoughts. He was close. So close! Yet he still balked and froze in the moment.
He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to blow his chance with Rebecca because she was so important to him – and she didn't even know it.
She didn't even know it…
"Because I want to go out with you."
The silence drew out between them, but there was nothing silent within Jean's mind. It chattered incessantly that he'd blown it. He'd spooked her. That he shouldn't have blurted it out like that, but he panicked. He saw Rebecca preparing and wanting to leave this topic of conversation far, far behind her, and he said his truth in a rush to try and stop her.
Rebecca slowly turned her head up to look at him. "What?"
"I'd… I'd like to go out. With you. Sometime. If you'd like."
He was stuttering now and Jean hated it. His nerves were shaking his hands so much he clenched them into fists inside the pockets of his trousers.
The world around them turned completely silent as he waited for Rebecca's answer.
"You want to go out with me? You're asking me out?"
Jean's tightly wound and exhausted body relaxed. He let go of everything, sensing defeat and disappointment was coming his way.
He'd blown it.
"Yes. I would like it very much. But I completely understand if you don't after –"
The next thing he knew she was wrapped around him. Rebecca's arms clung to him tightly, squeezing his torso tight in a hug which threatened to choke the air from his lungs, but his surprise had already done that.
She… She was hugging him!
"Becca?" He called her name softly, hoping not to spook her but also concerned something was wrong. Jean lifted both hands to lightly embrace her, hoping she wouldn't pull away at the contact.
She didn't.
"I'd like that, Jean. A lot."
His entire body deflated. Relief lightened his limbs so much he felt his entire body shake, weak from how tightly he'd wound himself. He almost swayed on the spot as his knees shook.
She'd said yes…
She'd said yes!
"Yes?" He had to be sure.
Rebecca pulled backwards and he loosened his hold to allow her to move as far as she needed. Her stunning eyes sparkled with happiness and her lips curved into a smile which increased his heart rate, but in a positive way this time.
She took his breath away.
"Yes!"
Jean was half tempted to pick her up and swing her around in a circle in his joy, but restrained himself. Instead, he hugged her tight to him and lifted her off the ground. Her laughter lightened his heart and was music to his ears. Perhaps it was too much, but Jean didn't care. After all this time… He finally had his chance with her.
He'd been terrified for nothing.
They were doing this.
"How come you never said anything before?"
Jean placed her back on her feet and stared down into those eyes he already adored so much.
"I was too scared," he admitted. "Too scared to say it out loud and ask you."
Rebecca lifted a hand to brush her hand over his cheek and Jean turned his head towards it, seeking out her touch. "You were scared of me?"
He shook his head. "Not of you. Too scared you'd say no. I've –" He cleared his throat and felt himself going hot. "I've been interested in asking you for a long time, Rebecca."
Her eyes flashed with surprise, but she didn't comment on it.
"I had no idea…"
"And I had no idea you were into me as well. It was Riza who finally told me last week."
"Yeah, she told me about you too…" Rebecca trailed off.
They shared a look.
"Did our best friend set us up?"
Jean grinned. "I think she did." Jean let his arms fall from Rebecca's shoulders. He let them hang loose by his sides, not wanting to overstep, but he needn't have worried. As soon as they started to walk back to the dining hall Rebecca latched onto his hand eagerly, which he was thrilled by.
Their joined hands swung between them easily and an overwhelming sense of rightness settled upon him. It was like this was where they were supposed to be. They fit together so perfectly.
When they reached the door they saw Riza and Roy peeking around the doorway.
They'd been spying on them.
As soon as Riza noticed they'd spotted her she covered her face with her hands and spun to hide against in Roy's chest. It obviously threw him, but immediately his hands landed on her shoulders and he tried to gently draw her back so he could see her face.
"Riza?" Roy now looked slightly alarmed.
"Shh!" She hushed him. "Quick! Go!" She pushed him back into the dining hall and they disappeared from sight.
"We saw you, Riza!" Rebecca called to her with a grin on her face. "We know what you did!" she laughed.
After a beat, her head poked back around the door. Her joy was evident at their current situation and how they were holding hands. She beamed at them both after her eyes switched back and forth between them.
"And I don't regret a thing," she quipped before disappearing, tugging Roy after her.
Jean didn't regret a thing either.
He was glad they both had such a good friend who would push them both in the right direction, encourage them when they needed it and support them in any way she knew how.
Jean's heart swelled with love for his best friend and he found it fluttering as he looked down at Rebecca, noting her own joy as she gazed back up at him.
Everything worked out in the end.