Another month passed and things got stressful for everyone due to end of term exams which they had to pass with at least forty percent to return after Christmas, this only happened in the first year of the courses but everyone was revising like mad so they wouldn't be kicked off the course. The exams however went well for them all, Harry and Nikki having practical exams as well as written exams, but they all seemed pleased with themselves once they were all over and they could relax. The Christmas break had started in a flurry of snow and Harry and Nikki had decided to spend the entire Christmas at the university with everyone else because much to Harry's annoyance Anne had decided to go on holiday for Christmas to some other part of Europe. He had been too angry at his mother to care about details but Nikki hadn't worried about it, too engrossed in exams to think about it too much.
It had been five weeks since Nikki's attack but she hadn't had enough time to think about it in between exams, lectures and looking after the twins and she hadn't worried about being intimate with Harry because there hadn't been much time. However once exams and lectures were over it allowed her to remember. Especially something that she had forgotten in the stress of the past weeks.
"Nikki you look like you're about to vomit" Abigail commented as she looked up at Nikki who was sitting on the floor of the living room with the children wrapped up in a large jumper and jogging bottoms, her hair loose and fluffy socks on her feet.
"Thanks"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"Now come on Nikki we know you better than to believe that" Jennifer chuckled from her place on the sofa where she was curled up with a book on her lap, her six month old son playing with one of the toys Gabriel and Donovan had got for their birthday a month beforehand.
Nikki just shrugged and continued to stare absentmindedly at the floor at her feet, a blank look on her face.
"Is it something to do with what happened last month?" Jennifer then asked and Nikki didn't see her three friends exchange a concerned look "Nikki please, you're worrying us"
"I..where's Harry?"
"Gone to the main shop with Anthony" Emily replied, and Nikki nodded "Do you want him?"
"No, I just.." Nikki looked up and ran one hand over her face, pressing the heel of her hand into one of her eyes until she saw stars.
"Have you had your period this month?" Jennifer asked and Nikki shook her head "Shit"
"You have no idea" Nikki snapped at her suddenly "You have no.." tears began to slip down her face as she cried, a sob escaping her mouth as Jennifer quickly put her book down and moved to the floor next to her friend, wrapping one arm around Nikki's shoulders. "Sorry"
"It's okay" Jennifer shook her head, moving Nikki's hair away from her face as the younger woman cried quietly, her small body shaking.
"No it's..not"
"Have you done a test or ten?" Abigail enquired and Nikki shook her head, smiling slightly at her friend's joke "Then you don't know, it might just be the stress of thinking you might be pregnant or from the exams. Just because you've missed a period doesn't mean you're pregnant"
"I'm always regular"
"It still doesn't mean anything" Abigail assured her "And remember what Jennifer said last month, you used a condom and it broke, most of the sperm was caught wasn't it?"
"Trust you to get straight to the point" Jennifer rolled her eyes and the red haired woman shrugged, she then remembered what Nikki had told her about the condom splitting before and frowned at the younger woman in her arms who was surprisingly quiet. "Do you want one of us to go to the health centre and get some tests for you?"
"No" Nikki replied monotonously, her mind running away with her as she did so.
"Then you will know either way"
"No" Nikki sobbed out the word and shook her head "I don't want to know"
"Would it be that bad?" Emily asked suddenly "Another baby? I know you've got the course to do and the twins to look after but you have us all to help you and Harry will be pleased won't he?"
"He thinks..a young baby..would be a bad..idea with our course..and the..twins to look..after" Nikki cried and Jennifer stroked her hair, kissing the top of her head as she murmured to the younger woman soothingly.
"He won't mean that once he finds out you're having his baby, if you are pregnant that is" Emily told her kindly but the words 'his baby' just made Nikki sob as she thought about the fact that the baby might not be Harry's, if she was even pregnant.
"Nikki it's not just going to go away if you ignore it"
"It might.." Nikki nodded "If..I'm not..pregnant there's not..a problem"
"Ma"
Nikki frowned and looked up in surprise as she heard a small voice and saw Gabriel standing in front of her with a frown on his face, holding his arms out to her.
"Mama"
Nikki moved away from Jennifer in shock and wiped her face as her friends exchanged grins with each other.
"My clever boy, come here" Nikki whispered tearfully, happily this time as she pulled Gabriel into her arms and kissed his cheek, stroking his hair as he laughed.
"Mama"
"You're so clever aren't you?" Nikki cooed to him as a few tears fell down her cheeks at his first word, Gabriel reached up and placed his hands on her cheeks, wiping them gently with his small hands and making his mother cry even more "What am I going to do Gabriel? Hmm? What's mummy going to do?"
"Mummy is going to let one of us going a get some tests" Jennifer told her sternly as Nikki hugged Gabriel to her, still telling him how intelligent and clever he was for saying his first word.
"Daddy's going to be so proud of you" Nikki smiled tearfully at Gabriel, completely ignoring Jennifer who sighed loudly and stood up from next to her "He won't mind that your first word was mama and not daddy or something along those lines, he'll just be as proud of you as I am" she kissed him on the cheek and grinned as Gabriel laughed.
"Mama"
"Yes I'm your mama" Nikki grinned proudly at him and missed the quiet conversation her friends were having before Jennifer turned and walked from the room. "Sign as well"
"Mummy"
"Good boy"
Nikki then looked away from her son and saw Jennifer missing from the room.
"Where's Jennifer?"
"Gone to the health clinic" Emily replied and Nikki shook her head quickly "Don't argue, it isn't healthy for you not to know either way and it isn't doing us any good either"
"I don't want to know"
"Nikki you're not naive, denying it won't make any of it go away at all and doing a test will either set your mind at rest or.."
"Or just screw my life up"
"Would another baby really do that? Yours and Harry's"
"Yes" Nikki snapped and pressed a kiss to Gabriel's head, trying to calm herself down as she nodded, pushing away the thoughts of a brown haired baby with her eyes and Harry's cheeky smile that popped up into her head "It would be so wrong right now"
"At least tell Harry" Emily suggested and Nikki shook her head, glaring at her friend.
"How many times? No, he can't know anything at all just leave it. I don't want to think about it"
Emily and Abigail just exchanged looks and the red haired woman shook her head as Emily shrugged, both of them dropping the subject as Nikki turned back to Gabriel and started to talk to him again, her son keeping repeating 'mama' over and over again now that he knew he could say it.
"Nikki you take these into your bathroom and do them now or I'm dragging you in there and making you wee on them myself" Jennifer told Nikki angrily as she slapped three pregnancy test boxes into her friend's hand, Nikki shaking her head and attempting to hand them back "Nicola stop being so bloody stupid and do the tests"
"No, just leave me alone" Nikki pushed past the raven haired woman but Abigail quickly shut the door of the living room to prevent her leaving, the blonde just smirking "How am I meant to do the tests if you don't let me out?"
"We want to know why you are acting like this, okay so it's a big deal and it might take Harry some time to come around if you are pregnant but you're not alone Nikki" Jennifer told her and Abigail nodded, Emily making a noise of confirmation from where she was leaning up against the table "And if you are pregnant the baby will be due in July won't it? We would have finished the first year by then and by the time we all come back it will be at least three months old, Adrian was four months when we started so.."
"Shut up" Nikki shouted at her as she turned away from them and walked over to the window, leaning on the window ledge and letting out a sob "Just shut up about it"
"Go and do the tests" Jennifer yelled back at her Abigail and Emily wisely staying out of it "Because I'll drag you in there myself and watch you wee if you don't do it on your own"
Nikki shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks as she refused to look at them all.
"No"
"Why are you so scared?" Jennifer asked in a softer voice this time "A baby is a baby isn't it? Another little baby like Gabriel and Donny that you and Harry created"
"That's part of the point" Nikki drew in a shuddering breath, her stomach churning as she bit her lip and shook her head "If I'm...it might not be Harry's"
There was a stunned silence.
"What?"
As Nikki predicted it was Jennifer that broke it. She just shook her head and closed her eyes, willing herself not to break down and cry, she hated it that he would now probably have to tell them, to see their faces as she told them how weak she had been and to see the looks of disgust as she told them. She reached up to wipe her face with one hand a she turned slightly towards them.
"Have you..cheated on Harry?"
"No" Nikki sobbed, shaking her head as more tears fell down her cheeks "I'd never..do that..but.."
"But you said that.."
"I know" she cried, nodding quickly as her eyes began to sting from the amount of tears "It was..the same day as Harry and I..the last time we..when I went for the walk and I met.." she took a deep breath and then continued "Bob Mumford" she whispered it, the name sending a shot of fear through her "He..he..wouldn't listen..I said no but.." she broke down into sobs and Jennifer was at her side in an instant, her arms around the younger woman as she stroked her back, burying her face in Nikki's hair as she fought her own tears, Abigail and Emily sniffling and trying not to cry as Nikki's words and sobs sunk in.
"It's okay, it'll all be okay Nikki" Jennifer told her, tears falling down her cheeks as well as she moved Nikki away from her so she could look her friend in the eye "I'm sorry I pushed you"
"I'm..so scared" Nikki sobbed, her cheeks and eyes red from all her tears and her small body shaking as she tried to stop herself from crying.
"Does Harry know?"
"No. He'll..hate me..because I was..with..someone who..wasn't..him" Nikki cried shaking her head vigorously as her friends tutted.
"Of course he won't"
"He'll..think I'm..disgusting"
"Who told you that? Did he tell you that?" Jennifer asked angrily and Nikki nodded weakly, tears dripping down her face as she looked down at the floor, to ashamed to look anywhere else "The bastard was lying, he was lying to you Nikki Harry would never think you are disgusting at all and he certainly won't hate you for being with someone else because you weren't with someone else. He forced himself on you"
"I should have..listened to Emmy" Nikki breathed as she tried to calm herself down "You didn't like him did you?" she smiled bitterly, looking up at Emily as she spoke. The older woman wiping her own face free of tears before she walked over and gently hugged Nikki, the blonde burying her face into Emily's neck and hugging her back, taking another deep shuddering breath.
"Does anyone else know?" Emily asked and Nikki shook her head.
"No"
"So you had to go through it all on your own for over a month? Oh Nikki" Abigail murmured soothingly as she walked closer and Nikki nodded.
"You have to tell Harry"
"No" Nikki sobbed, shaking her head and struggling out of Emily's arms "I can't"
"He'll understand, whatever that..animal said to you he didn't mean it. Harry will not hate you or be disgusted at you. He'll be angry and upset I imagine but not at you, definitely not at you" Abigail told the blonde who bit her lip, reaching up to wipe her cheeks "You're going to need him Nikki, now that you've told us you won't be able to keep it all in anymore will you"
"No" Nikki whispered tearfully and shook her head, wiping her cheeks again as more tears slipped from her red eyes "I can't tell him, I can't bear to see the look on his face. He won't ever want to touch me again and what if I'm..it might not be Harry's, he won't accept it"
"Do the tests Nikki" Jennifer urged her quietly "Then you can face Harry knowing either way"
Nikki bit her lip and nodded once, taking a deep breath before looking back at her friends.
"Will you..will you come and sit in the bedroom while I..you don't have to but.." she stuttered and glanced over at the three pregnancy test boxes on the arm of the sofa "It probably won't even show up this early, I can only be five weeks"
"Of course we'll come and sit with you" Abigail nodded and Jennifer picked up the tests, holding them out to Nikki who hesitantly reached over and took them from her friend's hands.
"Come on, before I change my mind" she took a deep breath and ran her free hand over her face as she summoned all the courage she could find.