"I feel sick" Nikki murmured as the four of them sat in her and Harry's bedroom, Jennifer and Abigail sitting on the edge of the bed, their children sitting behind them on the bed and Emily on one of the chairs with Elsie in her arms. Nikki hovered by the bathroom door, shifting from foot to foot as they waited for three minutes to pass, the three pregnancy tests on Harry's bedside table.
"That's nerves" Abigail told her kindly "You remember the first time you took a test don't you?"
Nikki did and it had been the same situation as she was now, possibly pregnant due to their protection failing. She just nodded and leant her head against the wall behind her, looking blankly out of the window next to her as she did so.
"I can't do this" Nikki then shook her head, looking down at the floor and biting her lip to stop herself from letting out the sob that bubbled up in her throat.
"You can't ignore it Nikki" Emily told her soothingly as the younger woman reached up and wiped her eyes furiously "Once you know you can relax and work out what's going to happen"
"I feel like such a bad friend" Jennifer sighed and Nikki looked up at her to see tears in the older woman's eyes "How could I not see there was something wrong with you?"
"You did, you all asked a few times if I was alright and I just lied to you and said yes and then there were exams and they made me forget everything for a while" Nikki choked out and wiped her face from tears, knowing that if Harry came back from Oxford with Anthony anytime soon he would know there was something wrong from their red eyes.
"Ma"
Nikki turned to the doorway of her bedroom and smiled when she saw Donovan standing there with a smile on his face, his toy caterpillar in his hand. She crouched down and he ran forward, laughing as Nikki grinned and scooped him into her arms, kissing him on the cheek and laughing along with him as he kissed her back.
"What did you just say my darling?" she asked him, making sure he could see her lips because she couldn't sign when he was in her arms. Donovan looked at her lips and then placed his hands on her cheeks, grinning and cheering Nikki up a lot as she nuzzled his nose with her own.
"Ma"
Nikki laughed tearfully when he said it again, it wasn't as well sounded out as Gabriel's was because he couldn't hear what he sounded like but to her it was the most beautiful sound she had heard. She knew he would pick up speaking with a lot more difficulty than his older brother would but the fact that he had just spoken to her and called her the one thing she had dreamt about him saying since they found out he was deaf made everything else that was happening seem insignificant.
"You're so precious" Nikki murmured to her son, kissing him on the forehead as he cuddled up to her "Mummy needs lots of hugs from you and Gabriel" she sniffed and buried her face in his hair "Daddy's going to have two nice surprises when he gets home isn't he?" she asked him with a tearful smile on her face as he looked up at her mouth to see what she was saying even though they were sure he couldn't understand lip reading as well as singing "You and Gabriel saying your first word"
"Ma"
Nikki kissed him again and glanced over at the tests, realising that it was time to look at them. She sniffed and shook her head, kissing Donovan on the head once more before placing her little boy on the floor, her son running over to Gabriel who had wandered in from their room and hugging his older brother. Nikki chuckled tearfully at the sight as they gave each other a quick kiss and her friends laughed kindly as well.
"Congratulations" Abigail smiled at the proud mother standing in front of them "I didn't think Donny would pick up speaking this quickly"
"I don't think he will" Nikki shook her head and wiped her sore eyes again "Not as quickly as Gabriel anyway, he might start speaking more when he's older and can read lips with more understanding but.." she shook her head again "I think we can only expect one or two words he can lip read and copy"
"I wouldn't sell short his talent and intelligence"
"I'm not, I just don't want to get my hopes up. He's perfect as he is, he doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to"
"Well he's a clever boy, he's not going to let anything stand in his way of world domination" Jennifer joked and the other three women laughed, his mother nodding and shrugging.
"I suppose not"
"I hate to break the moment Nikki but.." Jennifer then nodded towards the tests and Nikki sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head "Nikki"
"You look, one of you. I can't"
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Emily reach over with the hand that wasn't supporting her five month old daughter on her lap and pick up the three tests, her heart pumped dangerously fast in her chest and she had to look away even more, avoiding seeing her three friends and their reactions. She looked down at her twins and couldn't help the smile that crossed her face as she watched them.
"Nikki"
"Hmm"
"They're..they're positive"
Nikki took a deep breath to steady herself when she heard that and had to quickly sit down on the end of the double bed, feeling Jennifer place her hand on her back as a sob tore from her throat, tears that she didn't think she had anymore from all the crying she had been doing falling down her cheeks.
"Oh God" she sobbed, turning and leaning on Jennifer as her friend moved to support her "What am I..going to..do?"
"Mama"
"Come on you two, what's this?" Abigail asked the twins quickly as they saw Nikki crying and began to get upset, she stood up and crouched down in front of the boys, Emily moving to the bed so she could keep any eye on Fergus and Adrian so they didn't fall off the bed and hurt themselves.
"Mama" Gabriel attempted to run over to Nikki but Abigail wrapped one arm around him and pulled her back into her, tears falling down his cheeks as he began to cry loudly. This just made Nikki sob even louder into Jennifer, her small body shaking so much that the raven haired woman had to support her entire weight.
"Come on you two, let's go and play in your room shall we?" Abigail asked the twins mock cheerfully, picking up Gabriel into her arm as he sobbed loudly and taking Donovan's hand in hers, gently leading the crying twins into the nursery and closing the door.
Nikki's sobbing died down quietly and slowly and her cries became more heaving as it became difficult for her to breathe properly.
"Calm down you're going to make yourself sick" Jennifer told her friend despite the tears in her eyes at the state Nikki was in "Stress isn't good"
"Don't..care" Nikki sobbed loudly, gripping at Jennifer as though her life depended on it "Don't.." a cry tore from her throat and she buried her face in Jennifer's shoulder.
"I can't begin to imagine what she's going through right now" Emily whispered as the three of them stood in the doorway of Harry and Nikki's room, the blonde woman having cried herself into exhaustion and fallen asleep against Jennifer. The raven haired woman had then cleaned her face the best she could and they had put Nikki to bed without waking her up, Gabriel and Donovan also having sobbed themselves into exhaustion when Abigail had removed them from the room. "What should we tell Harry?"
"Nothing" Jennifer replied just as quietly as she shook her head "It's not our call, if she's asleep when he comes back we'll tell him she was tired and went for a nap"
"Where are the tests?"
"My pocket" Jennifer smiled stiffly and shook her head, closing the door quietly before they began to make their way down the corridor "Why Nikki? Why would anyone do that to her?"
"I'm not looking forward to Harry finding out" Abigail told them both and Emily shook her head "He's not a violent person but..I have a feeling he'd make an exception in this case. He'd do anything for Nikki"
"If that animal was still here I'd.." Jennifer hit the wall as she passed and shook her head, a small sob escaping her "She went through it all on her own"
"Do you think Nikki will keep the baby?" Emily enquired and her friends shrugged "It could be Harry's after all"
"I think it would depend on what Harry felt"
Jennifer and Emily couldn't help but agree with Abigail.
Harry wasn't stupid, he knew something was wrong as soon as he and Anthony had walked into the living room, the air was thick with tension and the three women present had stopped talking as soon as they had entered. They had avoided answering his questions properly and he had seen they had been lying when he asked where Nikki was and they said she was tired and had gone for a nap. He hadn't let on he knew there was something wrong but as soon as he had walked into the bedroom and seen Nikki he knew that she had been crying. He had known her long enough to know what she looked like after she had cried and when he had seen her laying in bed fast asleep he could see that she had been crying and she had been crying a lot.
He debated on going back and asking Jennifer, Emily and Abigail what had been wrong but thought against it, knowing it would get him nowhere so he decided against it and vowed to wait until Nikki woke up, instead he went to check on the twins who were also still asleep in their cots. He sighed and shook his head, wondering what was going on with his family as he walked out of the nursery and into his and Nikki's bedroom.
"Hello sleepy"
Nikki sat up quickly and looked over her shoulder as she heard Harry's voice, frantically looking around the room for any sign of the pregnancy tests before looking back at her fiancé and smiling.
"Hi" she murmured, running one hand through her hair as she lay back down onto her back, Harry walking over in just a towel and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "When did you get back?"
"An hour ago" Harry replied, reaching over and taking her hand in his, stroking it gently with his thumb "Are you feeling okay?"
"''m fine" Nikki nodded but she avoided looking him in the eye as she looked around the room again, knowing from his reaction and the look on his face that he hadn't found the tests. Her stomach churned slightly and glanced at the clock on the bedside table "I was just tired"
"You've been crying"
"And it's weird you know that" Nikki muttered, sitting up and pushing Harry's hand away from hers.
"Nikki I've known you for how long now? Of course I know when you've been crying, is it just women things or something I should be concerned about because the atmosphere when I walked into the living room earlier was..well it was pretty weird"
"I..get dressed Harry" Nikki sighed, running one hand through her hair as she spoke "Please I need to talk to you seriously"
The tone of voice left no room for argument and Harry nodded, concerned for her but willing to do what she asked. He stood up and dropped the towel to the floor, not missing the way Nikki looked away from him and stared at the wall opposite her avoiding looking at his body. She had never done that before, she always stared at him and appreciated him as though it was going out of fashion but the way she avoided looking at him worried Harry even more.