"Now what's wrong?" Harry asked when he had got dressed a sat down on the edge of the bed, Nikki sitting against the headboard with her legs pulled up to her chest, her arms around them and her head resting on her knees.

"It's difficult Harry and.." she took a breath as Harry nodded, reaching over and taking her hand in his, squeezing it encouragingly "I don't want you to interrupt"

"Okay"

"Promise"

"I promise" Harry nodded, just wanting Nikki to tell him what was wrong so he could go around making it better for her.

"You remember Emily mentioning a Mumford a few weeks ago, Bob Mumford?" it caused her pain to mention his name but she pushed it away as Harry nodded "Well on the evening we had that argument five weeks ago and..and I stormed out and went for a walk" she took a calming breath and looked away from the understanding look on Harry's face, knowing that it would be replaced by disgust very soon "I met..him as he..was getting off his..bus" Nikki closed her eyes to stop the tears as the memories that brought to the front of her mind and Harry squeezed her hand, moving on the bed so he was sitting next to her but she shook her head and moved away from him slightly "Don't touch me"

"But..Nikki.." Harry frowned as his lover began to cry "Please"

"No" Nikki sobbed "Let me..finish" she took a breath and looked away from the concerned and scared look on his face "We talked for a..while but then..he..it was dark and the..I said no Harry" she cried loudly and nodded as fresh tears fell down her cheeks, she heard Harry's sharp intake of breath from next to her "But he..didn't..listen and he..he.."

Nikki was prevented from saying anything else as Harry wrapped his arms around her and pulled her trembling body into his, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead as he too cried.

"Why..why didn't you..tell me?" he asked as he tried to get his breathing under control but hearing Nikki sob and cry like she was broke his heart and made him want to hurt something, anything. "Why?"

"Because..he said you'd..leave me because I..I'd been with..someone else and you'd..find me...disgusting" she cried out the last word as a sob tore from her throat and Harry felt a sob rise up in his own throat as he heard that, tears on his cheeks as he rocked Nikki gently in his arms.

"Nikki I would..never have..thought that" Harry shook his head and kissed her forehead, moving her damp hair away from her face with his shaky hand "And I would never..ever leave you. Who did you tell? Did you..tell someone?" he then asked as he got his breathing under control, tears still threatening to fall as he looked down at the state Nikki was in and thought about what she had gone through.

"I didn't tell..anyone. I didn't want to..worry anyone what with..the children and..exams and I thought if I told..someone then they would find me..disgusting and weak"

Everything then made sense to Harry, why she had been avoiding letting him see her naked in the past month or so, why she had refused love making on the grounds that studying for exams were more important, why she had been so quiet all of a sudden and lost in thought, why she refused to look at him when he was naked.

He gathered her closer into his arms and shook his head, stroking her hair away from her face again and kissing her on the forehead.

"They wouldn't have, you are not disgusting and you are not weak" he told her calmly but underneath he threatened to break again, he knew he had to be strong for Nikki so he took a breath to calm himself once more. "You went through that on your own?"

"Hmm" Nikki nodded against his chest, her sobbing having stopped when she felt the security of his arms and the fact he didn't find her disgusting but silent tears still fell down her cheeks as she stared absentmindedly at the wall opposite her which had pictures on it from the past years she had been with Harry. "I told Jennifer, Abigail and Emily today which is probably why there was tension, they were the ones who made me tell you" she told him quietly and monotonously.

"You weren't going to tell me?"

"No, not so soon anyway and not this near to Christmas"

"Christmas be damned, I'm more worried about you Nikki" Harry told her quickly and loudly and she looked up at him, her deep brown eyes filled with tears, her eyes and cheeks red and stained from the tears already fallen. He knew that he must not look any better from the way his eyes ached. "Where is this..animal?" he then growled and Nikki shook her head.

"I don't know, he was thrown out remember. But I remember him telling me he was from Kent somewhere so he might have gone back there, hours from here"

"That..bastard" Harry groaned and ran one hand through his hair "How could he.." he gently stroked Nikki's cheek and his heart lifted slightly when a small smile crossed her face and she leant into his touch "He has to pay for what he did"

"No, just..it's over just leave it. I want to get on with my life" Nikki told him quickly, suddenly remembering the baby she was carrying and taking a sharp breath. What if the baby was his?

"Nikki please"

"No Harry, please just listen to me. I want to get on with my life and I want you to help me do that okay, I can't do that without you. Will you help me?"

"Of course I will but he can't just think he's got away with this"

"Yes he can" Nikki sobbed "Please Harry"

Harry looked at her and instantly caved, the urge to go and find the animal who violated the woman he loved being dominated by the urge to comfort her and help her to recover and get better from the ordeal.

"Okay"

"Thank you" Nikki smiled tearfully at him and Harry smiled, glad that she was able to lean up and kiss him gently on the mouth "I don't know when we'll be able to make love again Harry, I can't bring myself to.."

Harry's rage flared again, the animal had even taken away their ability to enjoy each other's bodies. The sex didn't make up their relationship and there were stronger things keeping them together but they both enjoyed it, now Nikki was unsure of that.

"Okay" he nodded and let out a sigh of relief "But whatever that..bastard told you was wrong. I still want you as much as I always have done Nikki, if not more so I can get rid of his touch and hold on you and because you were strong and got through it"

"You..mean that?" Nikki asked in confusion "You think I'm..you want me more because of what happened?"

"Only so I can get rid of him on you and show you how strong you are" Harry repeated with a nod, giving her an encouraging smile as he wiped her face with his thumbs, Nikki looking very confused "I love you Nikki more than anything"

"And our boys?"

"Well I love them in a different way but yes in the way I love you I love you more than anything" Harry couldn't help but chuckle and Nikki giggled tearfully, nodding slightly as he wiped a few of the fallen tears again "Now if ever you just need to.. I don't know, break down, scream, cry, throw things just come to me Nikki please. I want to help you"

"I will" Nikki nodded once, deciding not to tell him about the baby. She wasn't sure that she was really pregnant anyway, she could only be five weeks along at the most and her period could have been late for a number of reasons, all the stress she was under for one. She had heard many times of pregnancy tests being wrong in the first few weeks so she had decided not to feel too worried about the earlier results. "I promise. As much as..I like to think I'm over it and I'm fine I don't think I am" she told him truthfully as he removed his hands from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead, resting his hands on the top of her arms "I have times when I could just sit and cry for hours and others I forget anything ever happened but I think most of it was just because I was so scared about someone finding out or telling someone, especially you"

"But now I know and I can help you recover" Harry assured her with a nod and kissed her forehead again before pressing a soft kiss to her mouth "And however long you need I will give it to you"

Nikki smiled tearfully and nodded at him, placing one hand on his cheek and stroking it gently with her thumb.

"You're perfect Harry, what have I done to deserve you and our family"

"You were born" Harry replied quietly and Nikki blushed, making her lover chuckle and kiss her nose gently "It's me that doesn't deserve you. Now are you hungry? I think Emily is cooking today"

"I am a bit yes" Nikki nodded but just snuggled closer to Harry "The boys should be waking up soon" she grinned and then moved away from her lover again, her smile growing "They have something to show you, you're going to be so proud of them" she laughed and Harry smiled at her.

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you" Nikki shook her head "They have to show you, both of them. I'm so proud of them Harry" she grinned and Harry smirked at her.

"Tell me"

"No" Nikki giggled as she climbed off the bed and ran her hands over her face to get rid of the dried tears "I need a wash before dinner"

"Go and wash and I'll check on the boys"

Nikki nodded, feeling a lot less held down by her emotions now that she had told Harry about what had happened. She stole a quick kiss from him before walking off to the bathroom, Harry watching her carefully before turning to walk into their son's bedroom, he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, wondering how Nikki had been so strong in the past few weeks. He had failed to protect her and he hated himself for that.

"Hello" he grinned as he walked into the nursery to see Donovan surprisingly awake and standing at the edge of his cot, it was normally Gabriel who woke up first and a quick check saw that he was still sleeping soundly.

"Ma"

Harry whirled away from looking at Gabriel when he heard the sound and he saw Donovan looking around the room.

"Ma"

It was the most beautiful thing Harry had thought he'd ever heard, despite it not being as clear as a baby who could hear a tear slipped down his face when he heard his deaf son speak his first word.

"You are so clever" he signed as he walked over and picked Donovan up from the cot, kissing his son on the cheek as the child giggled loudly "You are very very clever" he repeated when he was sure his son could see his lips, Donovan's eyes flicking from his lips to his own eyes as he spoke "Was this what mummy wanted me to see? Hmm?"

He kissed Donovan on the cheek and stroked his hair, before reaching into the cot and picking up his toy caterpillar pretending to make it kiss his deaf child and making Donovan laugh loudly.

"Ssh, we don't want to wake your brother do we?" Harry whispered despite the fact that Donovan couldn't hear him "You know he gets grumpy when he's woke up, let's go and find mummy shall we?"

He walked out of the nursery with Donovan in his arms and into his and Nikki's bedroom, the bathroom door was open and Nikki was standing at the sink with the flannel in her hands.

"Ma"

She turned when she heard her son's voice, the 'a' pronounced louder than the 'm' and a grin crossed her face as she saw him sitting on Harry's lap, a proud smile on his father's face.

"See" she grinned at Harry as she put the flannel down and took a few steps towards the door and into the bedroom.

"I can't believe..when did he start saying it? Today?"

"Yes, this afternoon"

"He's such a clever boy, aren't you?" Harry spoke and signed to their son who just giggled and began to chew on the antennae of his caterpillar "Gabriel's still asleep"

Nikki nodded once and leant on the doorframe.

"I don't think he's going to learn to speak as quickly as Gabriel will" Nikki commented and shrugged "Jennifer, Emily and Abigail told me that he's intelligent and will pick it up quickly but I don't think he will, not until he gets older and can start understanding lip reading more so he can sound the words out"

"Oh I don't know" Harry smiled at their son as he turned Donovan around on his lap so the baby was facing him "There's no reason for you not to speak as well as your brother is there?"

"Harry's he's deaf" Nikki sighed and ran one hand through her hair "I know we like to think that doesn't make him different but it does and everyone knows it, as much as I love the thought of him being able to speak properly he's not going to be able to, not for a long time and even then.." she sighed again when she saw the upset look on Harry's face, her lover not looking away from their son as he tickled him, Donovan laughing loudly and squirming on his father's lap. "He may learn to speak one or two words soon but he's not going to advance like Gabriel is, I've accepted that. Have you?"

"Of course I have" Harry nodded, not being able to help the smile that crossed his face as their son laughed loudly "It's just so difficult sometimes, you know that"

"I do" Nikki replied quietly "But I do truly believe that once he's older and can understand lip reading a bit more he will attempt to say them as well and then he'll soon catch up with Gabriel and then he can chose what he wants, lip reading, signing, speaking, whatever. The man at the signing club in London has been deaf since birth and he spoke okay didn't he? Well as okay as he could for being deaf"

"I know, but it's difficult"

"We'll get through it Harry" Nikki vowed as she walked over and leant down to kiss him, resting her cheek on the top of his head "We'll get through everything"