Acceptance

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.

This was originally a one-shot, but with a little encouragement it has grown. I am afraid I will be updating this one as it comes – sorry if the delay annoys you.

. . .

Morgan was aware that someone was there, but who, he wasn't totally sure of yet. It wasn't unusual to share the FBI changing rooms with others; in fact it was more unusual to be there alone, even at weekends. As he exited the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, Derek Morgan made his way towards his locker. On way he clocked the shadow of the person hovering nearby.

"You know Kid there are laws about hanging around in men's locker rooms? Loitering like that is going to get you a reputation."

Spencer Reid stepped forward into the light, head down and satchel bag over his shoulder. His hands were rammed deeply into his pants pockets. His feet shuffling the short distance he moved.

Derek had to smile, no matter the bravado, when push came to shove, under it all, was the Spencer Reid he knew. Focusing on dressing, he said nothing.

Spencer flopped onto the bench, his back to Derek, his body language screaming how uncomfortable he was.

"I am assuming you are here to speak to me and not for a random gym session, though when is your next update due?"

"Ha, Ha, you know I only just did it because use refused to assess me," Reid muttered.

"Because it would not be fair for me to do yours, I don't want to be accused of being soft on you, not that I would be, but I know how people are round here."

"Then why are you doing Emily's?" Spencer spun to face Derek, the anger evident in his face.

Sothatwaswhatthiswasabout Morgan thought, pulling a t-shirt over his head before he sat down to face Spencer. Sighing deeply he looked at his hurt colleague.

"I'm doing it because I requested it," Derek dropped his head slightly at the confession.

"You requested it," Spencer repeated with disgust, "You turned me down, but requested her!"

"I ordered her," Derek said forcefully, raising his eyes to meet Spencer's. He knew how badly Spencer was hurting, they all were. Emily returning had torn the scabs off their freshly healing wounds. Nothing had prepared them for her return; nothing could, other than not being lied to in the first place.

"You ordered it?" Spencer questioned, a confused look wiping every ounce of anger from his features.

"I need to know I can work with her again," Derek shook his head, as if trying to shake the engrained images from his mind; "I lost her. I was the last person she spoke to before she left and the person found her when she was dying. I let her walk out of the bullpen. I asked her if she was good, she obviously wasn't, but I accepted her lie, just like I accepted the lie that she was dead. It was easier then fighting. I can't give up on her again. No matter what I think about what happened I need to fight for her this time. It's the only way I can deal with all of this."

"So you want her back?"

"Don't you? Would you really prefer Emily to be dead?" Derek shot at him, with more venom then he intended.

"I never said that," Spencer stumbled on his words, "Obviously I don't wish she was dead . . . I just . . . I can't . . . I don't know Morgan, that's the problem I don't know the answer."

Noting the further slump in Spencer's shoulders, Derek moved a little closer along the wooden bench.

"This is my way of working it out. I don't have the answer, but I'm finding a way through the problem, my way. It won't suit you and Emily, you need to find your own way," he paused hoping that what he was saying was sinking in, "Brute physical force, that's me. It's how I deal with all of this, not just Emily. I'm in the gym, out on a run or knocking the hell out of some house. That's me . . . my way."

Spencer was staring off into the distance, far beyond the steel grey lockers that blocked his view.

"You need to find your way, trust me when you are ready Em will take that journey with you."

"It's not just Emily," Derek took note that Spencer had finally used her name, "It's JJ and Hotch, they lied to us, all of us. Not a little white lie, but a huge life altering lie, one that nearly broke each of us."

By now Derek was a mere inch or two from Spencer. Pulling him into a brotherly hug, he hoped he could take some of the hurt from the young man.

"Don't look back; there is nothing there to see. Don't look ahead, as nothing can be predicted. Look around, this is your hear and now, make it count kid."

Spencer pulled back, looking at the older profiler.

"You are starting to sound like Rossi," he said, worry conveyed in his voice.

Derek smiled his infamous grin, "I may have borrowed that from him, but if you think about it he's right. We cannot change what happened. No matter how hard we try. It's over, draw a line under it. We have no idea what is to come, hopefully we can all come back together and move forward, not yet, but one day. But none of that will ever happen if we don't deal with the here and now."

"And you are doing that by punishing Emily in the Gym and Hogan's Alley?"

"Luckily, Pretty Boy," Derek stood, shoving his stuff in his gym bag, ready to go, " I don't think Emily views it that way."

Spencer screwed up his face, certain that any such form of physical exertion came firmly under the title punishment in his book.

"So what do I do?" the lost expression on Spencer's face, tugging at Derek's heart strings.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "What did you two do before Emily disappeared?"

"If I told you that I think Emily would kill me," Spencer said sincerely.

"Really?" Derek's eyebrows raised, "Just the sort of gossip Pen appreciates."

"What? That Emily is comfortable enough to show her inner geek to me."

"Is that what you guys call it? That's a new one on me," Derek smiled unable to resist teasing him.

Spencer looked perplexed; "What do you think I am talking about? We went to Science fairs, theatre and such like."

"Of course" Derek nodded, "What else could it be?"

Spencer knew Derek was trying to wind him up, but was unable to see how.

"There has to be something that you can invite her along to, trust me whatever you choose she'll say yes, so do your worse. Weren't you talking about a Dr Who conference the other week?"

"Yeah, but that's passed, or that would have been ideal."

"Yeah the perfect punishment, hell you could have taken JJ too. Two birds with one stone so to speak," he giggled, knowing what JJ and Emily would do to him if they ever knew he had suggested that.

"Derek, thank you."

"Anytime, now if you don't mind Emily owes me a drink, seeing she lost today's session," Derek picked up his bag and headed towards the door.

Spencer followed, the weight he was carrying having lifted slightly.