A/N: Yipee! I am bursting with inspiration!
Chapter 3.
The night sky was a dull, dark blue, lit up only by a faint wisp of light floating in the sky. Hinata lay on her soft bed, staring up at the ceiling littered with stars shining green. She sighed and ran her hand through her soft indigo hair. She curled into a tight ball and squeezed her eyes tight shut.
"Stop acting the child. Are you having fun throwing a pity-party for yourself?"
I rolled over and groaned to myself.
"You know nothing."
I hissed as I bit my tongue, triggering a little bead of blood to swell.
His voice kept echoing in my head, over and over.
"I don't need your pity, okay?"
"I don't need your pity, okay?"
"Shut up." I growled, holding my pillow over my ears.
"I don't need your pity, okay?"
"SHUT UP." I said louder, my voice sounding out through the silent room.
"I don't need your pity, okay?"
"I said shut up!" I clenched my fist, digging my nails into my palm to leave crescent shapes.
"I don't need your-"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed, hurling my pillow against the wall.
It thudded and slid, falling with a quiet oomph to the ground. So quiet a sound, so sweet it made me even more guilty.
Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my chest, as if a dozen needles jabbed the place continuously. I hissed, clutching my heart in vain; the pain throbbed, twisted and churned inside me.
I felt tears well up at the corner of m eyes as I squeezed them tight shut, willing the pain to vanish. I counted to myself, slowly…
1…
Ah… So painful…
2…
Gah….
3…
"Godammit…" I mumbled to myself, gritting my teeth.
4…
"N… Nearly…" I panted, beads of sweat growing steadily on my forehead.
5….
And as suddenly as it had appeared, it disappeared.
I gasped, my heart wriggling about. I sniffed, as blackness curled it's fingers around me and carried my off into the dark, stony depths.
o-o-o
"Is Hyuga-san here?"
The secretary looked up. There was a bored, rather annoyed looking man standing in front, with dusty red hair and the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen. She smiled at him, her eyes crinkling into soft little wrinkles at the ends.
"Hyuga-san? Ano…"
She glanced down, and flipped through her papers, wondering if she wrote down a notice or reminder anywhere.
"Ah, no…. She should be here. Is she not in her office?"
Gaara shook his head, and willed himself not to worry. She had been so… obnoxious, after all, he reminded himself. She didn't deserve his sympathy.
"Whatever, then." He turned, fingers pressing against one another inside his pant pockets. "See you."
The secretary simply nodded and waved him a farewell.
He walked to the door, and once outside, stopped suddenly, right outside the entrance.
He cleared his throat.
"Actually, I might go see her." He said aloud.
He coughed, rubbed his chest, then tried again.
"I'm her friend, so do you mind giving me her address?"
"No, that will never do." He growled to himself in an accidental English accent.
Finally, he gave up and stumbled back inside, brisk walking to the desk once more. He stopped unsurely before the amused secretary, looking nervous.
"Excuse moi, may I know ze address of ze therapist, Hyuga-san? Sil' vous plait, madame, sil' vous plait."
She raised an eyebrow at his French.
"Uh…"
He leaned forward in anticipation.
"I'd like to say yes, but no. You ARE a guy, are you not?"
"But madam, this matter is of utmost importance, and my soul will not rest until I have obtained such crucial information."
"Yes, well, I'm sorry, as nice as your accents are!"
"But, mi'lady, you ca'n't refuse a lad like me, ma'am, no siree! Please, ma'am, I'm beggin' ya, please! C'mon, now, lady, you really must, 'cause wha' if, like, she's like passed ou' somewhere mighty dangerous, eh? Won' you be sorry then!"
"Well, Hyuga-san is perfectly capable, so I should think not." The secretary spoke sharply, beginning to get aggravated.
"But madaama! You-a SEEMPLY must give me that-a address-a!"
"No!"
"Yeth, you musth! You thimply, thimply, musth give it to me!"
The secretary glared at the red-head.
"No means no, Sabaku-san." She spoke sharply, drawing out a bit of the real character of Gaara. He flushed pink.
"Ah…" He turned, striding towards the door. "Gomen…"
The secretary watched him go, feeling the slightest pang.
"Hey… Sabaku-san. If you take a girl with you…" She flipped a card over on her desk, scribbled on it then flicked it at him like a professional.
He caught it in surprise, looking up in awe. The secretary winked.
"You're not the only one with a hidden background." She stuck out her tongue.
"Now go. I think Hyuga-san may be waiting."
"Ah… A… Arigato…." Gaara clenched the card in his fist and held his head high, and walked…
Smack into the door.
½ and hour later
Gaara floated through the sky, full of fluffy clouds and sweet-smelling dewdrops hanging here and there. He pranced around, his voice gone. Suddenly, the sky turned black. A vast picture flashed up on the board. It looked familiar. Too familiar.
He gaped.
"Okaa-san! Okaa-san! Look! It's pretty, ne?"
"It sure is, little man." The pretty lady with short brown hair smiled softly. "But when you grow up big and strong, you'll have a big castle to live in, right?"
The little boy gazed up in wonder, his ever-changing eyes glimmering.
"Bigger than this, okaa-san? Really?"
His hands were clasped within big, soft ones, with perfectly pink nails and crescent moons. Kindness shone through her eyes."
"Really, my little boy, really."
"Sugoi, okaa-san!"
Then the scene changed. Gaara's breath drew short.
They were in the kitchen now, cutting onions.
"Okaa-san, onions are really hard to cut…"
A mini Gaara wiped his brow.
"But for you, okaa-san, I think I can!"
His mother looked down worriedly.
"Are you sure, Gaara? A knife is dangerous, after all…"
"Sabaku-san? Sabaku-san?"
"Of course! See?"
The little boy swung the knife down happily, blissfully unaware of what was to happen.
"Stop! Stop! Put the knife down!" Gaara screamed at the screen, but his voice didn't come out.
No…
He lunged forward, running unsteadily. The boy in the picture widened his eyes in fear as he realised his mistake. His mother jumped forward, sending them crashing to the floor, all the while screaming his name.
Not again…
He groped at the screen, inches away. A shining glint of silver protruded from her back, an eerie light lighting up the boy's face, stricken with horror, fear… Sadness. He knew already, the inevitable.
Okaa-san!
Blood splashed across the carpet, the tiles, spreading like a river.
"No… No…"
"Okaa-san?"
"Sabaku-san? Daijobu?"
"Okaa-san!"
Once again, the screen flickered, then flashed forward once more to a different time. The boy this time was completely different. Void of emotion, pale, green eyes which would remain frozen in time, everlasting in beauty and sadness. His red hair, instead of glowing a beautiful murky maroon, had faded and dulled to an almost brown colour.
"It's amazing…"
The boy looked up. He was not crying. In fact, he was nowhere near crying.
"…How death can change someone."
Little drops of rain pattered the crowd docked in black, and people put up umbrellas, and crying, walked away, soundless.
The boy stood alone in the rain, growing harsher and harsher. Alone. But the words swarmed around him.
Through the pounding rain, his words cannot be heard, but his pale lips move to form words.
People whisper in clustered groups, not near him, but their words still reach him.
"That boy. He's not even crying."
"What a demon…"
"Shh! Maybe you'll die next!"
"Don't say that, Kiriko!"
"Heh… His name means 'I only love myself. I am a demon.'"
"True…"
However, the boy appears to be impassive.
His lips move once more, and his eyes squeeze shut for just a moment, and all the sadness in the world is there when those orbs open, but in a second, it vanishes. He bows his head, a bitter smile forming on his lips.
And with that, he walks away, drenched, and as if sensing his misfortune, people run, duck into buildings, and the street is empty until he passes.
Once more, his lips move.
Gaara looks on, taking on the expression of the boy.
He looks to the sky, seeing all the pain and sadness once more.
"Gomen, okaa-san, gomen…"
"But look. Even the sky in mourning."
"Gomen… really. I am your son. But I am not fit to cry for you."
"Don't worry, really! I will smile. People already think bad of me anyway."
A bitter laugh.
"Who would like a demon?"
The screen flickers and switches off. Gaara grips his fists.
So that was what it was.
"Haven't you mocked me enough?"
He grits his teeth.
"Putting me in a place like this… Pink. Happy. Sweet. Then playing my worst memories."
"But…" He looks up to the sky, his eyes shining.
"Thank you." He puts up a hand over his eyes. "I can cry now, right?"
And then they come. Tears come sliding down over porcelain cheeks, a perfect pristine blue.
Sobs wrack his body, overcoming him, forcing his to inhale big breathes, gulping in the air.
His eyes are brighter. But not the same. They wouldn't be. Not after that. Never again.
Kodoku na kagakusha ni tsukurareta robotto
dekibae o iu nara "kiseki"
He glances up, confusion on his face.
dakedo mada tarinai hitotsu dake dekinai
sore wa "kokoro" to iu puroguramu
But the voice is so familiar, so nostalgic.
ikuhyaku toshi ga sugi
hitori de nokosareta
kiseki no robotto wa negau
The sun shines through a tiny gap in the clouds, a brilliant ray of yellow. It lands right at his feet.
shiritai ano hito ga
inochi no owari made
watashi ni tsukutteta
"kokoro"
It follows a path, lighting up even the darkish pink corners. Tears burn at Gaara's eyes once more.
ima ugoki hajimeta kasoku suru kiseki
nazeka namida ga tomaranai…
naze watashi furueru? kasoku suru kodou
kore ga watashi no nozonda "kokoro"?
fushigi kokoro kokoro fushigi
watashi wa shitta yorokobu koto o
fushigi kokoro kokoro fushigi
watashi wa shitta kanashii koto o
fushigi kokoro kokoro fushigi
nande fukaku setsunai…?
ima kidzuki hajimeta umareta riyuu o
kitto hitori wa sabishii
sou, ano hi, ano toki
subete no kioku ni yadoru "kokoro" ga afuredasu
He sucks in a deep breath, then lays his head to one side, closes his eyes, and listens.
ima ieru hontou no kotoba
sasageru anata ni
arigatou… kono yo ni watashi o unde kurete
arigatou… isshoni sugoseta hibi o
arigatou… anata ga watashi ni kureta subete
arigatou… eien ni utau
"That was a lovely song… Hyuga-san."
He could almost see her face gleaming through the sun.
"Ne, Sabaku-san… Do you know the lyrics?"
He smiles and nods his head.
"Good."
And she's gone.
He looks down, feeling something tickle his feet. Gasps burst from his mouth, as once more, his tears fall. So many build up over years. Years of sorrow. Years of not being able to cry. But he is now. And now, they're gone. Finally.
The ground is a carpet of lush flowers, trimmed with dark green and blinding.
He picks one up and sniffs it.
"Ne, okaa-san…"
"Nani, Gaara?"
"What's your favourite flower?"
"Eh?" The woman taps her chin. "I think… A hollyhock."
"What's that? What does it look like?"
"A flower, dear!" She laughs. "Burnt red, a beautiful colour." She fingers his hair. "Found in Mission San Juan Capistrano. Hollyhock. Alcea Rosea!"
The boy gapes.
"Okaa-san, you're so smart! I love you!"
"Oh, Gaara, I love you too." She strokes his face. "So never cry. Always, always smile."
Gaara rubs the flower's petals between his fingers and chants to himself.
"But that's hard to remember, isn't it?"
"Hmm… I'll teach you a rhyme I made up, okay? So you always remember!"
"Once, I touched your hair."
"Twice, I looked into your eyes."
"Once, I remembered the colour."
"Burnt red, Alcea."
"Twice, I saw the green. Rosea."
"A hollyhock, Mission San Juan Capistrano!"
"Three times, I love you."
"Always, always, always."
"The flower of our love."
His voice trails off, as he repeats the last two lines over and over to himself.
"Always. I love you."
"Sabaku-san!"
Gaara jolts to a stop and opens his eyes, surprise swimming in his eyes.
"Ah, you're awake!" The secretary sits back.
"You see, you smashed into the glass, and then you…"
But Gaara wasn't listening. He didn't care. He sniffed his hand. The scent was still there. He clenched it and smiled, pressing his fist against his mouth. He seemed to be doing a lot of smiling. Seemed rather unhealthy.
Plastering a frown to his face, he looked at the secretary.
"Arigato," He said, frowning.
"… What's your problem? Anyway, Hyuga-san is here to see you."
The frown slid off his face. Ah, whatever. His frown could burn in hell.
"Hello, Sabaku-san."
The secretary sidled out.
"Hi."
Hinata raised an eyebrow.
"You seem happy."
"Yes." Gaara nodded his head vigorously.
Her eyes softened.
"That's good." She said softly.
"Oh yes," He suddenly said, "What happened to you?"
She stopped. "Uh… Maybe another time."
He frowned. At will, this time.
"Well… Alright."
"…"
"Promise?"
"Yes." She hooked her finger onto his. "Promise."
"… Swear in your heart and hope to die?"
"You completely RUINED the moment, you brat."
"I don't want a moment with you."
"Whatever. I don't care."
But while the bickering continued, they were both, unknowingly, grinning like maniacs.
On the way back to Hinata's house, however, they both hummed the exact same song.
"Eh?" Hinata glanced at him. "Where did you hear that?"
He fidgeted.
"Er… Someone… Sang it to me. In a dream."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes."
She smiled.
"It must have been fate."
"Yeah… Maybe." He reddened.
"Oh. Who was it?"
"N-No one!"
"Eh? Tell me!"
"It was no one!"
"Tell!"
"Go away! My head still hurts!"
"Grr. I'm a psychiatrist! TELL."
"DREAM ON. GO TO HELL."
"My head hurts too!"
"Suck it up!"
"YOU suck it up!"
"Argh, I take back what I said earlier! I'm already at Hell! Whatever Satan does to me with seem like nothing at all!"
"Hey!"
A robot was built by a lonely scientist,
When his work was done, it was known as a "miracle"
But something was missing, there was one thing he couldn't do,
and that was the program called a "heart"
Many years passed,
and the miracle robot that had been left all alone,
made a single wish:
Give me the "heart", that that person,
The person I've always wanted to know,
made for me, until the very end of his life.
Now that that miracle has started to occur,
Why, why won't my tears stop flowing….?
Why am I shaking? What are these beats inside me?
Is this the "heart" that I wished for?
Mysterious heart, mysterious feelings,
All the joys I had come to know,
Mysterious heart, mysterious feelings,
All the depressing things I had come to know,
Mysterious heart, mysterious feelings,
They all seem so deeply painful…
Now I'm beginning to understand the reason I was born,
Being alone must truly be depressing,
Yes, on that day, at that time,
All the feelings that had dwelled in my memories flowed out of my heart.
But now, I can say these words for real,
to you, my creator, who dedicated his life to me,
Thank you… for bringing me into this world.
Thank you… for the days you spent with me.
Thank you… for everything you've given me
Thank you… I will sing for eternity.