I am not sure how long I have been lost in my own thoughts but I am aware of Raffe still speaking. Whatever he is saying cannot be true.
"I must have been hit or I fell of the stairs because of the chaos. Yes, that's it." I continue denying every word coming from his mouth.
"Penryn, please…". He sights once again. Raffe has a habit of doing so while talking to me. Not that I blame him having to deal with a child like me.
I stop him mid-sentence.
"It is not possible," I can barely hear myself whispering "I couldn't have been infected by it, it was meant for angels, and those bastards only.".
I start thinking about how Doc might have once again played with all our lives, working on the wrong side. I wonder how many people I'd gathered died on that day.
"You did," now sounded more like he was happy that it happened until his tone turned bitter with the following question, "but what in heavens made you allow this?".
Raffe is blaming me for this. Why wouldn't he. My primary fears of him or any of the watchers getting killed surfaced on the pile of concerns and guilt that has been dragging me to hell since as far as I can remember.
"Did any of…of your friends die?" I start raising my watering eyes to meet his since he started talking. "How many of people were killed by this?".
By the time he answers I am already sobbing, wanting to pull all of the hair on my head just like my mother does. I am going to hell mad as her. That thought made past few weeks memories come back crashing on me. She was glad she was not my mother.
"Watchers are fine, they have other issues that need solving," Raffe leans back on the chair and this time he is the one not looking at me, the weight of everything going on is more visible on his shoulders now "and no human died of this at least. You and Uriel's angels were the only one to get affected by the plague.".
I relax a little by the relief. I am not a murdered. I am not. Despite what I keep telling myself, I can only see the blood on my hands when I look at them.
"Good." Is all I say. The awkward silence falls in between us. That's something that never occurred before and by that I know there is more to this story than he is telling me at the moment but I am too tired to ask.
He looks and arches his perfect brow at me.
"Aren't you going to ask?" here we go, no rest even if I had plenty of time for that.
I shake my head despite tons of question spiraling inside there. Somewhere I know I do not want any answers due to what might come next. Deep down we all know the truth and that it is going to come out sooner or later but I refuse to hear it out loud.
However, Raffe decided not to wait any longer, he whispers so softly and yet it hits me so hard I might stop breathing.
"You were right, the plague, it is meant for angels only.".
I smile and starts laughing even until the words of my mother echoes so I cannot hear anything around anymore.
I am surrounded by hundreds of people in this tiny hallway making my way out of the building that appears to be functioning as a hospital. Too many sensations, too many people I feel like I am about to pass out permanently.
I ran out immediately without listening what else he had to say. I need to see her.
I can feel Raffe tailing me, asking to stop for my own well-being and something else I clearly do not comprehend. I know I should listen as every step is an effort I can barely move on my own. I am not certain if it is due to laying in bed not moving for so long or the sickness. Maybe both. Either way, I am beginning to feel overly dramatic as people turn to look at me with every step I make in a gown like this and streams below my eyes. It is not like I do not have a right.
Just before we reached the door, Raffe grabbed and turned me to look at him.
"Penryn, there is no need for a fuss. Lets go back and once you…". He was abruptly cut off by one of the twins entering the room.
"What is this noise people, miss Penryn I warn you. We have strict rules now and we will not put up with any of your fights anymore," Dee-Dum gives me a cat like smile and points to one of the girls next him "unless, you pull her shirt off of the lady" and winks at her as she smiles by the sudden attention.
"Where is my mom?" I obviously do not feel like entertaining him now with my sarcastic replies.
The twin coughs before answering and leads us out.
I press my eyes shut once we step out. Sun is too bright and high in the surrounding blue, must be something past the afternoon. No clouds today, I can only feel the burning on the skin despite the storm raging inside.
We reach the dorm and I manage to shut the doors behind me just in time to not let them in with me. I remember this place, we stayed here. I got the information from the twins that they are staying in the same room.
I press my head against the doors before opening it. I can hear humming of the song that still haunts me to this day.
"Paige, can you leave us, please," I want to get this over with. She doesn't hear me just stands up with all her strength to raise the tiny body tortured by these monsters and hugs my legs. Made me think of what Layla meant to say this very morning that seems so long ago. I gently stroke her dark braided hair and ask to give us a moment again. She slipped so quietly you wouldn't even know she was here.
"What did you mean?" I have to pull myself together not to fall apart. She looks at me as if I am boring her. "Mom?".
"I have no idea what you are talking about?" she snorts not even looking at me.
"What did you mean about not being my mother?" she tilted her head. That caught her attention. Good.
My mom sights and when she stands up it seems like she aged so rapidly in a few months of the war and now her daughter is asking all these question that will drive her even more insane.
"There is no hidden meaning, Penryn. It's exactly what I meant and I assume you know by now," she rolls her eyes. Oh, I hate that "so, why you are asking. If you want confirmation, I am giving it to you now. Leave me be.".
I continue standing in awe while she goes back to what she was doing. What does it mean to me? I do not know. What does that make me? I am not going there now, the darkest place in me knows. I want to crawl into a ball so tiny no one can ever find me but there are still some things that need to be cleared out.
"Then who? And why? Please, I can't...I cannot just live like this. Mom?". I tear up, she still is my mom and all I ever wanted was to be loved by her. At least now there is a reason she never did.
"He is coming to talk to you and will explain everything in a day or so. Now please let me be, I have had enough of you devils." She says as she covers her ears and turns away completely.
There is no reason to stay but I still ask who is coming for me.
"Your father.".
I decided to not go back to the 'hospital' for now and stayed with Paige sitting in a field of daisies outside the dorm and enjoy the sun if that is possible looking at the flocks of angels flying so dangerously close to the camp even if it is no longer a secret and war is 'over'.
Once it got colder, we moved to the building and the noise of crowded hallways came back to life. So many grieving faces, people who have lost parts of themselves not only emotionally but physically as well.
As we made a turn I noticed Raffe and Doc talking to tall, brown-haired Angel I cannot recall seeing before despite his striking familiarity.
"Luce, she needs rest, all…of this is already too much for her." Raffe kept telling the stranger who did not seem to agree.
As I approached the room I was supposed to be staying in, they noticed my movement, and he met my eyes with a smile so warm that I began to remember whilst Raffe looked more than worried and completely in shock.
"Ciao, Penny." was all he said.
Hello, I know it has been a while but I really miss the story and the fandom so I am back to writing as I have more time (finally, university is killing me). I hope you will enjoy this chapter and read despite it being so long coming. please leave reviews so I know if I am doing okey or you think there need to be some changes. thank you.
Ciao 33